The real reason I can't sleep

Here is an email I sent a couple of minutes ago, to those that I'm close to. (Shell, SML, and ST...I know you didn't get email. You know why!)

Hi ya'll--

I value your opinions. I trust you to be brutally and totally honest with me.Okay...this is going to be long and probably disorganized.

Its 01:32 and I can't sleep over this. I feel my heart breaking in 20 pieces other this. I need you input, ideas, opinions, etc.We all know my mom's health is failing and fast. We all know that she's a lot of work to take care of, plus now someone else has to do the things she used to do. (Cook, clean, take care of the "farm", etc.) So far, my Grandma (she's in good health to be 75!) is doing most of the work. Some things have happened in the past 2 days to put me in a real position to look at the big picture of my life seriously. Grandma is currently in the hospital (iodine poisoning). It has been brought to my attention that Grandma is telling everyone about how much care/work my Mom (and this house is!). When Grandma talks to me, dad, or Jo she goes on and on about how she likes helping, it makes her feel important, etc., (* Note * When Grandma isn't here she is busy taking care of my RICH RICH RICH Uncle's two sons, age 7-5.) Today was the first time that Mom was alone at all in a LONG time. (It wasn't supposed to be that way, Jo dropped the ball...BIG TIME!) She should have been alone about 5 hours. Well, turns out I busted out of work to get home ASAP. Mom just wasn't doing well. Dad didn't go to his 2nd job, came home to see what was going on. Dad and I leaving work early, not going in, etc. is a pattern lately to deal with Mom.Now, I could change my work schedule to work in the afternoon/evenings on Tuesday & Thursday to take care of Mom during the day. It would be much less work for Grandma. Friday during the day would basically be the only time Grandma would be needed. Mom would be happier, because she HATES having her Mom take care of her.

I have a few issues though. One of the MAJOR problems at this lovely house of mine, is that my little (immature) 18 year old sister doesn't drive. My parents don't make her drive (hell, they don't make her do a damn thing!) so she continues to expect everyone to do everything for her. If I switch my schedule around I KNOW one of the things that I will have to do is cart her around. (Its all about keeping the peace in this house!) Secondly, I LOVE my job, my hours, the people I work with, etc. I would hate to have to change that. I'm used to my new day shift gig. (I still HATE mornings, but that's another story.) I like the way my life is right now. My work, my friends, my family, my social life, etc. I don't want to change it. I have busted my ass in the past year to get where I am today (still not where I want to be...but I've came SO far!) I don't want to set MYSELF back. Next, at what point do I get to live MY life? I mean, JJ (older major dumbass, slutty, jobless, good for not much sister) gets to do as she pleases, calls here like once a week and just goes about her business. If I switch my life to help here more, where and when will it stop?

I would HATE for "us" (the 4 of us in my house) to get the "blame" if something where to happen to my Grandma. My Mom's family is like that...it would be ALL our fault. I HATE the idea of taking my little sister anywhere. I HATE that my mom's health sucks. I HATE that I don't have a million dollars.I just don't know WHAT to do. Input please.