Where to start...where to start. My life that I was HAPPY with is over as I know it. Some how, I have no clue right now, I'll pull it together, because I'm stronger then I know...but for the time being, I'm misreable. This is the trainwreck of my brain that is all over the map!

My friend broke up with me yesterday. I'm glad I can say that it unfolded in a peaceful manner (as peaceful as breaking someone heart can happen.) From what my train wreck of a brain has managed to put together...his reason is we aren't growing apart but we aren't growing together. Obviously, there is A LOT more to it...but that's the short version. I was blindsided. I'm heartbroken. I LOVE HIM. I saw myself with him indefinitly. I don't believe this is going to be one of those short lived breakups. I pray that we can manage to be friends. I believe being friends is a real possiblity...but only time will tell.

I am glad I can look myself in the mirror and be 100% pleased with myself & how I handle things in this relationship. I never took my friend for granted. All the things I learned from my past, helped me be the good girlfriend I feel like I was.

I feel like a failure...AGAIN. Why can't I make a relationship work dammit? Two very important people did remind me yesterday that God has a different plan for me. I'm trying to NOT be angry at God. Its hard. I definitly don't understand God right now.

When I say I was blindsided...I mean BLINDSIDED. I was 100% HAPPY. 100% IN LOVE. 100% wanted to be with him. We had no problems, no fights, no issues of any merit (yes, he can't be on time for stuff...but I can't NOT be early). As I told a friend today, I think being able to look back and ONLY see good times hurts more then it helps right now. I can count on 1 finger how many times I can think of anything remotely negative. And that issue was short lived and something we worked out well & quickly. We just fit. We just worked. YUCK.

For now, I'm just going to take a bath & nap. I do those things so well. I am just trying to take things hour by hour. Any more then that and I am VERY overwhelmed.

To my friends that have dealt with me in the past 24 hours...THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being the best friends that a girl could wish for.

God is love!