I have been doing better lately, not well, but better. Anxiety has been a bigger problem than the depression. I had a bad panic attack on Sunday. First one I can remember in a LONG time. The way I described it to my friend was it felt like someone was wringing the blood out of my heart, yet crushing it at the same time. It started out of no where, while in the shower and continued for a long time...like an hour or two.

Lots of my stress & anxiety has been tied to money (or lack of!) lately. See, I haven't gotten any unemployment money since, I believe, 01/09/09. Add on that there was a problem with my credit union debit card and it was a mess. After trying for numerous days, I finally got through (via telephone) to Michigan's Unemployment agency and the problem has been corrected. I should have 4 weeks worth of money tomorrow and 2 weeks worth of money Friday. JACKPOT! It will be nice to be caught up again. I have roughly $9 cash and negative money in my checking account. (Auto insurance is automatically scheduled to come out, well the unemployment money didn't go in..and then you get a negative balance plus at $25 fee or something like that)

The unemployed gig is a real PITA. I want a job, any job. Not working is killing me mentally. I sit in this bedroom probably 12-20 hours a day. UGH. I KNOW when I am busier I do better mentally.

I grew up with the idea of "Stick & Stones" being drilled in my head. Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you. Being an OVERLY emotional person this was (and still is!) very hard for me. My Dad thinks that anything anyone says shouldn't cut. Well, I'm being cut a lot lately. To the point of tears as I type this. Bite my tongue, I will.

Parents & Jo are at the gym currently then on their way to Church for a bible study. I wish I could go to the gym. Financially, its NOT possible. Hopefully soon, but doubtful. Working out at home has NEVER worked for me. I might do good for a week or two...but nothing long term. I miss the gym. I really miss my gym in the city, but if I could get back to the gym out here even it would be nice. The bible study my family is going to tonight, I don't want to go to. Its led by the Pastor of the Church (kinda my Church)...and I don't like/trust him any longer so I wouldn't be comfortable in a bible study led by him for sure. I miss David's Friends. I made great life long friends through that group. I want that back. I know it won't happen but a girl can dream. I hate that there isn't anything mid-week Church wise that I can/will go to.

God is love!