I got a tattoo yesterday. Basically out of no where. I've wanted one for a long time and put tons of thought and research into tattoos but yesterday while driving to go to dinner with my BFF Jessa, I was like "I am getting a tattoo NOW." And that was that. I love it!

There were many things that after I decided I wanted it, just fell into place to make it happen and almost justify it to myself.

I know the next few days are going to be rough on me emotionally so I'm doing my best to prepare. I wish people understood or respected my issues more. Whatever. I can't tell people how to feel.

Tomorrow is my friend's birthday. Tuesday is the 2nd anniversary of our break up. Ugh. Did I mention he's very anti-tattoo? Hehehe. (Trust me, that has nothing to do with why I got it!)

I haven't talked about Red here in ages. He's dreamy. Very dreamy. The more time I spend with him the more I just adore him. I just wish we'd get on the same page. Well, actually, I am pretty darn sure we are the closest to the same page as ever before but he just can't admit it to me. LOL.

I'm talking to this other guy, but I'm not that interested. I like the attention and I've always said (since I dated ST 10+ years ago) "one date won't kill me." I just don't want to mess up the nothingness with Red by talking to this other guy. Ugh.

I just want to get married and have a happy family. Is that to much to ask for?

Church today was about marriage (and relationships with anyone really, be it friends, family, spouse, co-worker). It was a great message. Red and I weren't near each other, and are trying to keep the nothingness out of Church (because amazingly our Church talks like crazy. I'd call it gossip, but its not meant to be mean, just its annoying) but we kept looking at each other the entire time. It just hit home a lot. I so much want things to work, but I'm wearing thin in this nothingness.

Going to bed soon, praying Pat's prayer.

God is love.