If I Could Turn Back Time

I emailed something to this lovely blog of mine again, and again its still not here. I sent it at 18:44. I wish it would show up already, I need to edit some stuff out! I'm a moron sometimes, but we all know that.

I am so blessed! I have the greatest friends a girl could ever wish for! K, Shell, and SML...you are my strength when I am weak. They have dealt with *so* much whining from me the entire time they have known me, but lately, they've been pulling some OT.

To keep things short, and to keep myself as emotionless as I can...here is the SHORT version of why I'm so pissy.

Clown is 1/2 truthing me. I'm not dumb, deaf, or blind. He's playing games with a lady (that we work with) 13 years older then him (who is married with a child!) and while, he is 100% free to do what he pleases, don't LIE to me! Now, this mess could very well smooth itself out...I'm not hopeful right now. I've let my emotions get to tied up into something that I said I wouldn't let them get involved in. Works been great the past 2 days...yeah, and my older sister isn't a slut.

Crying over ST...someday, I won't do that anymore. Seriously, since mid-January, I could count on 1 hand how many days I've cried...until today. I've spent so much of my day drying my eyes, hiding my tears, holding them in, sobbing. ST did a very respectable thing today, he called me and told me personally, so I didn't have to hear it thru the grapevine (or an email) that he is dating someone new and very happy. As I told him & everyone that had to hear me sob today, that I am VERY happy for him, I truly want nothing but the best for him. He's a great catch, she's a lucky girl. She better not hurt him or I'll hurt her! As much as I knew ST & I weren't going to work out as a couple, doesn't mean it wasn't like putting salt on an open wound. I have so many thoughts and questions running thru my head regarding this, its really dangerous. I really hope he's happy, I really hope his Mom likes her!

I think I've used my backspace key more in this one post then in the past 10 posts combined. I will not say mean things out of hurt, anger, or sadness.

Things I have to work on:
~my jealousy issues
~my great ability to procrastinate
~my getting fatter by the day

I should be able to go to sleep, I'm tired and drained mentally...but at the same time, my little hampster won't get off the damn wheel.

Peace, love, and tears to all.