God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

My mood isn't where I want it. I just want it to stablize...but oh well. Its better then it was, gotta find the positive. I wish I could explain what was going on within my head, but since I don't totally understand it, I can't begin to explain it to outsiders.

I'm sitting here, staring at the keyboard & monitor trying to figure out what's on my mind, what I need to blog about...and nothing special is coming to my fingers. I'll think of something, don't fret my pet.

Oh yeah...the cutest 7 year old boy, TOY, got such a cool gift today! My brother in law has always been a huge die hard Detroit Lions fan. He's had seasons tickets for longer then I've known him. When the Lions moved to Ford Field, John somehow snagged 1st row endzone season tickets. Now that JM & TOY are old enough to like & behave for an entire football game, they get to go to a few Lions games every year with their Dad. Well, today when Dre' Bly got his interception during the 3rd quarter, Bly went and handed TOY the football! I don't know who was/is more exicted...TOY or John. Of course, the Lions still lost.

Chips & Salsa aren't a good quality dinner. Shame on me. I want real food, NOW...but its to late for that.

So, I was going to publish this awhile ago...but I got a phone call, from ST. I hate that I let him hear me cry, I hate that he knows me so well, I hate that I feel a need to protect myself from him, I hate that I just don't ask/say what is on my mind to him (see that part about protecting myself), I hate that sometimes we talk great and other times our converstations seem so strained. While I hate all those things, I'm so thankful & grateful to him for so much...like knowing, understanding, and respecting me and above all else...being my friend. I know very few can understand the friendship that ST & I have, but its a beautiful thing. The past (very near!) year has been a time of hurt, crying, happinesss, crying, trust, crying, anger, crying, sadness, crying, growth, crying, and above all friendship. Thru all my tears I always knew in my heart of hearts, we would be FRIENDS. It took longer to get to that friendship point then I would have liked, and us being friends is work...but its all worth it. My friends, especially Shell & SML, that were there (and still are!) to listen to me cry, to make me smile, to show me that life DOES go on are worth their weight in GOLD! I love them dearly, more then they'll ever know. I love ST, my friend. It puts such a smile on my face to say that AND mean that.

With all that said...it doesn't mean I still don't hurt. On days that I think I'll be alone forever (on days when I think being single forever is a bad thing), the sting is just as fresh as ever. My ability to trust someone of the opposite sex, as anything more then a friend is non-existant. While, I don't believe time heals all wounds...these wounds do get easier as time goes by. Enough mushy messy mush from me for one night.

Off to talk to the one that loves me thru & thru, the one I can TRUST for all eternaty!

T out.