Wild At Heart

Red Wings, my Red Wings! I have NOT lost hope or faith! Go Tigers! ;-)

If I don't start working on the "Things I need to Blog about" I'll never get caught up!

* Depression. It is what it is. Its something I've struggled with forever. I hate it though. HATE IT! I hate being SO negative. I hate hating everything/one so often. I know I have my good times & bad. I just hate the bad time, when I'm doing good, I fear the bad times. YUCK! Welcome to my bipolar head. I'm actually in a decent mood at the moment...but lately, it doesn't last more then a couple of hours. YUCK!

* CJ Vs The idea of CJ. While I'm still hung up on CJ more than I'd like to be, I've processed the situation. I feel a little bad, cause I have such a b*tch wall up towards him right now, but he did it to himself. I have 2 "big" issues. 1, was something I know he didn't say to be hurtful, but it was very hurtful to me. Its not something I feel calling him out on will make either of us feel any better about, so I'm trying to let it go. The other issue...its just the idea of CJ. While ST & Red come VERY close to being everything I want in a partner...CJ was/is EVERYTHING I want/need/look for in a partner. EVERYTHING. Now that I'm realizing it was more the idea of CJ Vs CJ himself...its all working out in my head much better. Our friendship (I use that term VERY loosely) is taking shape...but 1) he's got issues. 2) I've built some walls. 3) I refuse to put any effort forward. Speaking of Red, he'll be home (meaning less than 5 miles from me!) in less than 1 week!

* My Weight. I'm becoming obsessed. I think I'm fatter than ever. I compare myself to every female I see. I see people that I know are heavier than me and I ask everyone "Am I that fat?" I think about EVERY SINGLE ITEM OF FOOD or BEVERAGE I put into my mouth. I don't NOT eat or anything...but it consumes WAY TO MUCH of my thought. On a VERY happy note about my weight...I MUST say, looking for swim wear & summer clothes at 145lbs Vs 172lbs (that I started last summer at) is a huge difference! I actually ENJOYED looking for swimsuits the past few days. Of course, I didn't find one that I really liked...but it wasn't a crying experience!

* Night out. To know me, is to know I tend to be antisocial. I don't make friends easily...especially female friends. The few real female friends I have, all date back to (at least) high school...when I was outgoing & a social butterfly of sorts. I made a new friend. She's actually CJ's cousin, that I work with. Last night was the first time, just the 2 of us hung out. I mean, we hung out before with CJ & others, we talk on the phone all the time, and talk & hang out at work more then we should. We had a blast!!!! We did nothing that special. We went shopping, wandered around the mall, bought nothing. Then we went to Cheeseburger In Paradise for desert. Of course, we decided we needed to eat dinner first. Service was great, food was good, and desert was FABULOUS!!!! Chocolate Nachos. Nummmmy. The nachos come with Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I had NEVER had Ben & Jerry's ice cream before. The joke turned into, I'm a Ben & Jerry's virgin & She popped my cherry garcia. We are wacky, we know. We just laugh, ate, talked, and hung out up there for a couple hours. We had a ball. She's SO funny, yet super duper caring. Yay! I have a new chick friend! ;-)

So, that leaves me with needing to blog about...
* Shoes
* Earrings
* JJ's shower (& gifts)
* Paycheck
* Concert last Sunday

Its nearing 03:00 & I have to rise & shine at 08:30. JOY. Time to get ready for bed.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!