One Way Ticket

Normally, when major stuff goes on in my life, I wait 24 hours to blog about it, to make sure I'm being calm and rational...well, screw that right now. I've waited about 3 hours...good enough. I thought about waiting too, because Jo reads here and I'm not ready for this to be public knowledge to my family...but oh well.

I'm at a total loss right now...

ST & I broke up in October. After being back together, 1.5 years, he woke up one Saturday morning and said "I don't trust you" and that was that. It was a pretty peaceful break up, overall. I was completely blind-sided. We continued to be friends, a VERY strained friends. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement.

Early January, we spent about 2 weeks seeing if we could work things out. After not seeing me for a week and avoiding my calls, being short with me on the phone, he dumped me (again) via email. There was NO contact for about 2 months. About 6 weeks ago now, he started calling, chit chatting. Nothing more then that, nothing less. One day, he decided to tell me he was dating someone. I wished him well and we kind of left it at that.

I could drag this out much more...but I won't. He called today. He's ENGAGED! In all seriousness, I wish him well. I want him to be happy. He's a good guy and deserves the world. Doesn't mean I'm not heartbroken all over again. So, in less then 3 months, he's gone from trying to figure out if he loves me, is in love with me, to be engaged to someone else! I know love knows no boundaries or time frames...but love stinks!

I have TONS of hurt, sadness, and anger going through my head, but I'll let myself work through that before I snap and say hurtful and mean things. Poor Shell already got an ear full of that!

I started to finally de-ST my room and life. Its hard. He has something to do with everything in my room, everything in my life just about! I took down all the pictures I had of him on 1 wall, all the pictures I had of him on my bed, the teddy bear that came with flowers he sent me not that long before we broke up. I still have 2 pictures (in my picture stand thing) that need to go, plus COUNTLESS pictures that are part of picture collages. Yes, I'm a picture freak. I have SO much more that reminds me of him, stuff from him, etc that needs to go. Heck, I need to go buy new sheets/comforter. The ones I currently use were a gift from my parents when ST & I first moved in together.

Many moons ago (think high school) I distroyed EVERYTHING but 1 picture of a jerk boyfriend. I regretted that. So, it makes picking and choosing what ST things to keep/toss more difficult...especially since there is SO much more stuff, times together were better, etc.

Signed,
The Girl That Will Be Single Forever!