If You Ask

David's Friends tonight was interesting, and emotionally overwhelming.  I'm just sick of discussing Mom's health with others.  I KNOW people are trying to be support & helpful.  Teacher R shared a lot of issues regarding her own family (she personally has issues similar to Mom's and her mother has one of Mom's major health issues).  If/when we need help or advice, we will seek it.  Its so emotionally draining.  There are so many other issues going on within the group too.  Its a time of great pain & prayers for our group, to say the least.  Tonight's lesson was on jealousy.  A lesson I need (often!)

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace
raise a harvest of righteousness.  James 3:13-18 (NIV)  (Emphasis mine, of course)

My depression is still (trying to) kick my butt.  I wish I could *snap* out of it, but its NOT that easy.  Just BLAH!  I'm still sick.  I'm OVERLY whiny.  I hate that I feel like I have 1 real person to turn to.  I hate that I get mad at him when he's busy.  Just blah.  I know I need to open up to others, to trust others, but its just not happening.  One of the other people that I can probably go to, has their own issues & the thought of burdening them with my own mental health issues, isn't worth it.  I've tried to open up to the David's Friends group about my mental health issues, but its just not working.  I tried to open up to one of the people in the group specifically & its not working.  I tried to open up to a friend, but they don't seem interested.  Just BLAH!  I need to take myself to bed with a Mortin, my heating pad, and my tears.

I want to go to Cincinnati this weekend, but for a bunch of reasons, its NOT possible (physically, mentally, & mainly FINANCIALLY!).   The more I think about it, the more sad/annoyed I get.  I think the reasons it bugs me so much, I don't see me being able to go down until mid October and ST just has said/done a few things lately that make me want to go visit.  Oh well.  Everything happens for a reason.

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.  Just BLAH!  The easy road isn't always the best road.  The fun road isn't always the best road!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!