Everything's Fine

Church today was FANTASTIC! Let's talk about the important things first...the message!

Pastor D titled the message "In the No Stress Zone". My Bible titles the passage "Do Not Worry".

26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:26-34

Obviously, I've used that first a bunch of times before...but its one of the most important verses for ME to remember.

Time for me to get long winded! Now...onto the other parts of Church & my life. #4 was at Church. At MY Church. What in the world was #4 doing at MY Church?!?! He has his own Church, thankyouverymuch.

Lots of #4's family attends my Church. His Grandparents (who live just down the street from him), TONS of his cousins (including his next door neighbors), and his parents (who he lives with) all attend my Church...but #4 does not. #4 chooses to attend a Church about 5 minutes further from his house where his Uncle is the Pastor. (Note...that Pastor's son (Mell) is one of my friends and attends my Church) I should have been excited that #4 was there, yet I was so nervous I felt like I was going to vomit. Its strange. His Grandpa, his cousin, and his MOM were all smiling and waving at me and stuff. GREAAAAAT! They are never like that. His Mom has never acknowledge me before at all! It was really good to see #4 and a nice surprise. Now, I still want to know why he came to my Church though! I could take the easy way...and ask...but no...I'll just wonder. I don't want to make him feel like I didn't want him there!

I have realized something in the past few days. I'm reading a book called "Feeling Good". Its a book to help me win this stupid fight with depression. I'm a person that has always, depression and all, prided myself on having decent (usually high) self esteem. I don't know how or why...but my self esteem isn't what it used to be. I realized it a little bit on Friday when I paniced about having a run in with CJ. Today, I REALLY realized it!

There is a part of me that doesn't think I'm good enough for #4 and that I'm just going to get hurt.

Of course, #4 has the same fears about getting hurt. #4's cousin & I and My Dad & I have talked about it. My Dad genuninly likes #4 and thinks he's a GREAT person. I think I need to figure out why I don't think I'm good enough for #4! Back to today's message..."Plan for the future but don't anticipate it." I think I'm SO worried about getting hurt that I might end up doing more damage to myself.

I will get my self-esteem back in full force! With or without #4...hopefully with. ;-) Did I mention lately that #4 is dreamy?!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!