I feel a little bad that my blog gets neglected lately, but that's just how every aspect of my life is...neglected.

I really wish people understood and/or respected my mental health issues.

There is an event (mainly for the teens) at Church Friday/Saturday. Every ounce of me wants to go, but every ounce of me can't mentally pull it together to go. There are just to many unknowns (while most others will know whats going on). I do know that when I set outside my social phobic box, I usually do okay and enjoy myself, but the thought of it right now, with all of lifes other issues...I just don't think I can handle it. But, Friday and/or Saturday is a few days away and maybe things will change.

Mom and I went out to dinner today. I dislike the place we went but my parents love it. After today, seriously...do NOT like it. Will never go there again...even for free food. It was SOOOOOO smokey (even in non-smoking!), the food was barely okay, service was okay, Mom's plate and cup were cracked. Just yeah...nasty.

My parents are semi-aware that I am mentally not the best (but not the worst). I think I said 5 words at dinner. I did make myself shower today, go to Meijer alone...thinking it might help my mental health...nope. Dinner with Mom didn't help. Church and seeing some of my Church friends didn't help.

This depression and social phobic BS drive me nuts, yet its SO paralyzing. Its not as easy as "snap out of it" like most people think. I know some things I can do to improve it usually, but lately...I just don't care. I'd rather lay in bed and hate my life.

As I said, I went to Church tonight. I miss my David's Friends group SO much. I sat there for an hour and don't think I've ever been so lost in Church. My notebook has the bible passage we were reading, Obadiah 1:8-21 , the prayer list, 2 or 3 random thoughts, and about a dozen doodles!

I don't feel like writing anymore cause nothing is positive in my head right now.

God is love.