If I Could Turn Back Time

I still feel like I'm going to vomit, I still don't know why.

Anyways...I heard my title song on my drive home from work today. That's one of those songs that I feel the need to just scream along with, when driving by myself. That song is one of those songs that fills me with happy memories.

My silly sappy story, that yes, I can look back on with nothing but smiles:
I had ended my engagement with ST. I did the dating gig, I did my own thing, we were apart for about 10 months...and one day, I was in the shower and that song popped in my head and wouldn't go away. Now, ST & I always remained cordial during our time apart. We were at the point where we were friends again, hanging out often and stuff. All day long that song was stuck in my head. Before work that night, I stopped by ST's apartment. I had to tell him what was weighing on my heart, I had to see if things could be worked thru, I had to clear the air. Going into it, I knew there was a chance he could tell me to take a flying leap and I'd have to be happy with our friendship (I was 100% confident that I'd still have the friendship)...but I knew it was a chance I had to take. I got to his apartment, and his roommate was home. They were playing video games or something. I had to suck it up and tell ST that I came to talk, not to chill. I remember, we went and laid on his bed and were just chit chatting. I was holding back, he knew I was holding back. I picked up the pillow out of frusteration, out of not wanting to talk, out of wanting him to just know what I wanted to say, and covered my face. The next thing I rememeber, is his head under the pillow with mine and us kissing. I thank the next few words went like this..."Thank you" "No, thank you." "Where do we go from here?" We talked, with the pillow over our heads for awhile, but I had to leave to go to work much sooner then I wanted. It was such a sweet time. The year and a half that followed that night was great.

The headache & heartache that I've been thru in the past (nearly) year now have sucked big time, but thru it all...its been worth it. I always thought and always prayed we would end up having our friendship and lately, that's what I've got and to have that, with him, someone that I share a mutual care, trust, & respect with means more to me then anyone (but ST) will ever understand.

Note: I really wouldn't change anything, because I wouldn't be where I'm at today...but if I had things to do over again, I might choose to do things differently. I hope that makes sense, it does in my head.

Gosh that was really mushy sounding.

My Dad was going to get Taco Bell for dinner tonight. Taco Bell was out of beef. How the heck does Taco Bell run out of beef? I don't eat Taco Bell beef but did my Dad think about that enough to get my dinner from there still? Of course not.

T out.