Every Light In The House

So, I went to softball. I was crying as I was in the field half the time...but I survived. I was in the outfield talking to myself/praying. "God doesn't give me more than I can handle. I can't control the actions of others. God will make a way. God help me realize I can't change other people!" I played well. The best I batted all season, by far!!!!!!!!!! I had a double, which for me is GREAT cause I run so SLOOOOOOW! We won. It was a good time. It seems like by the time the team starts to bond, the season is over. :-( I think I'll be playing with this team next year though. They were fun, nice, and a decent team.

During my 45 minute nap before softball I had 2 dreams about CJ. I wish I could recall details but I can't. I'm guessing he's on my mind because I know tomorrow is his birthday & I'm debating when/how to handle it (tomorrow, his sister is getting married). Then, at softball the scorekeeper from the other team looked JUST like him! I kept thinking it (I was staring/drooling) looked like him, but whatever...I'm crazy lately and then Dad was like "Doesn't that scorekeeper look like that firefigher friend of yours...aaaa...CJ?" Loneliness sucks. I swear, this CJ situation has to be one of the worst cases of bad timing EVER.

The next few days will be busy, but I will manage...I always do. Tons of stuff to take care of at my house tomorrow night, then lots of Church related sutff for the next week or so. Camp Meeting ROCKS! (Its like a huge revival thing at our district campgrounds) I wish I had the time/money to camp there all week, but I don't...so I'll be going back and forth a lot. Saturday better turn out to be awesome...like last year. Tourney starting at 08:00. WAHOOOOOO!!! Sunday I get to teach (LEAD!) Childrens Church (at my normal Church). I'm excited. Its cool to know that Red's Oldest Sister (the one in charge) has such faith in me, to pull it off! Then Sunday night more Church stuff (back at the campgrounds). Back to the campgrounds Wednesday night, then next Saturday & Sunday night too. Its going to be F-U-N! Spending so much time at Churchy stuff will help my mental health, I'm sure.

Next Tuesday, I've got some lovely appointments to deal with. I know I need help, yet the thought of getting help has me feeling like a burden, like a failure, and just panics me to know I have to deal with things/people.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!