I have had my days/nights confused for a long time now.  Ugh.  Its getting OLD.  Annoying.  Frusterating.  You get the idea.  Right now, I don't feel well, so whatever.  I am sick of not feeling well.  Oh well.

After watching The Bachelorette finale the other night, it got me thinking about love and being in love.  Its not a hidden thing that without a doubt, I've been in love twice.  There are a few other times, now, that I thought I was in love, or maybe I was.  I'm very comfortable talking about the two there is NO doubt about.  ST and my friend.  Without a doubt, I was in love with them and I will forever believe they were in love with me also.  Yet, I can say I loved and was in love with them differently.  I can't explain it, but it was just different.  Maybe because ST and my friend are different, maybe because I was at a different point in my life.  I wish I could put my thoughts into words better regarding this subject.  I think part of it was maturity.  I think part of it was I finally really had a concept of being with ONE person for the rest of my life by the time my friend and I were together.  I think part of it was ST was the first person that treated me with the love, understanding, and respect that I deserved (and now demand!).  Its just interesting to me, how the same feeling is the same, yet different when its between different people.  Yes, I know that last sentance sounded goofy.  ST & my friend just rock! 

As someone that lives life with as little regret as possible, I wouldn't change anything regarding those two relationships.  It made us who we are today.  Of course, now and then, part of me prays that things change in the future.  Who knows, I'm crazy.  My friend and I are just friends but there seems to be so much underlying tension and stuff.  I was talking to Shell's mom regarding my friend the other night.  I finally was able to put into words things regarding him.  He's one of the nicest, caring, and most GENUINE people, I've ever met.  He's always up front and honest and doesn't sugar coat things.  Just ugh.  Why can't we get married and live happily ever after?!  Its much more of a complicated (yet, not to us) situation then anyone knows.

On that note, the guy I've been talking to on EHarmony for awhile and I are probably getting together this weekend.  I've procrastinated meeting him for as long as I can, because dating freaks me out...but my life must go on.

God is love!

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