Toxic

I'm a worry wart by nature. I have been my entire life. I don't see that changing. I am terrible at "What if-ing". I think up all kinds of things within my lovely brain. By far, it is the quality within myself, that I get annoyed with the most.

I haven't talked to ST at all since Saturday night. I've left him about 6 voice mails now, I called his home phone, I've emailed him. I don't know whats going on. I don't know if he's mad at me or what. If so, I don't know why. I'm 100% confused. I just need to know he's okay. I feel like I'm back to square negative ten with the pain my heart has been through. I can deal with the hurt and pain if things aren't going to work out, I just need to know he's okay. I how and pray everything is okay and something strange is going on, but I don't know. I'm trying to not be a pesimist, but yeah...I suck.

I've been saying that I just want to be cuddled, etc. I want that so badly, but more so right now I just want to hear his voice and know everything is okay. Oh where oh where is my brownie point winner at?

I have been awake by Mom 2 nights in a row. Joy. Last night, on my run to see what was going on with her, I fell down the stairs. Not 1 or 2, all of them. Yes, I'm sore.

I guess I'm going to force dinner down.