Heartbreak Hotel

I'm a whiner by nature. I know that, I think I have been a whiner the majority of my life. Maybe because my mom is a queen whiner, maybe because whining got me my way more often. I really don't know why I'm a whiner really. Sometimes my whining annoys me. The last 2 days it was at a prime. Well world. At least, I feel better about how much I was whining now, because I have a reason. I'm sick. Not only do I have cramps that make my ovaries feel like they are popping thru my skin, I have a cold. Running noise, stuffy nose, headache, sore throat, achy ears, random scratchy cough. Joy.

I went to the gym earlier with my family. I really enjoyed myself. I didn't swim (see all the above reasons about me feeling like crud) but I did work out. I am going to try to go 4 times a week. 2 cardio, 2 weight training. Sounds like a start to me. The place (its really the town's rec center, but its a huge cool place) was packed. Lots of young giggly teens there. Better there then hanging out at the grocery store, I guess.

After the gym, I didn't do a whole lot. I did call KC, but she was just watching TV. Exciting Friday night. So, I played online and went to sleep before 12am. Wait, its 2am and I'm blogging. Ahhhh. The joys of sleeping when you can't breathe properly.

I exchanged a few emails with Shell today. She wants to do something tomorrow after bowling. I don't know. She seemed less then thrilled with me that ST and I are trying to work things out. She has been 1/2 of my rock in dealing with the entire ST situation. I know she doesn't want to see me hurt, she wants me happy. I know once Shell & I get to really talk about the current happenings she'll understand whats going on and will be cool with everything, as long as I'm doing what is best for me.

At Christmas (okay 12/23) my cousin Trin(she's the closest in age to me, at 22), Jo, and I were talking. This cousin was the youngest of 3 children. She had 2 older brothers. ET pasted away in November of 1995. Her other brother has "ran away" countless times in his life. Usually ending up in jail, having my Grandparents go and get him, states away. Well, at the moment no one has seen or heard from this cousin in over 3 years. Trin really got to me when she was saying Jo & I should be grateful and embrace JJ. I took what Trin said to heart, and have been praying about the situation. I hate that I feel the relationship I have with JJ is hopeless. Which all leads too...

I'm having a slight internal battle with myself at the moment. I really don't like JJ as a person. We agree on very little in the grand scheme of life. She's my sister and I love her to death and in the event that she truly needed me, I'd be there with out a doubt (even without my mom telling me too!). I have continued to put most of our differences aside, for my Mom and nephews' sake. JJ claims she her car isn't reliable. (Note: She had a decent amount of cash to buy a car a few years ago, and chose to buy a used car based on how she looked in it. Without having my extremely car smart Dad, or mechanic Uncle look at it for car-stupid JJ.) Wrestling starts this Sunday. The tournament is probably 45 minutes from JJ's house. JM & TOY will be riding with their Dad. (JM doesn't trust JJ to get them there on time and get them registired properly) JJ won't ask her ex for a ride because she is jealous of his new girlfriend. JM & TOY are so used to their Mom only going to events when she feels like it. If I go to the tournament from my house, there is NO way I'm picking her up. It would be AT LEAST an hour out of my way, each way. For a 9:30am start time, that's way to much. If I stay at ST's place, JJ is maybe 30 minutes total out of the way. I just don't know if I can handle dealing with her for 1.5 hours in the car (and deal with her bitching about not smoking for THAT long), then deal with her at the tournament, bitching about how I drive, about when/why I want to leave, deal with her poor parenting ability, deal with her bitching about ex's girlfriend, etc. I just don't know what to do.

I also, just don't understand how she expected her ex to deal with all her boyfriends from day 1 of their break up, yet the 1st girl (3 years later) he has brought around and JJ is hell bent out of shape about it. Hello, JJ, you were the one that had to have the divorce. He argued with you, tried to work things out, etc. You were the one slutting around before you even moved out, hell, probably while you were still "together". Get over yourself.

Rant over. More whining to come soon, don't worry.

Peace, love, and stuffy noses to all.