Didn't Have To Be

Okay, this post was STARTED on 01/10/04...

For starters...Happy 19th Birthday Jo! It seems like just yesterday (okay, maybe not yesterday...but not 19 years ago) that Jo was born. I was only in 1st grade, but I remember the day she was born so vividly, and the weeks after too. JJ & I were walking home from school, it was a 1/2 day, end of the 2nd quarter. It was about noon. Mom & Dad drove past us, telling us that Grandma would meet us at the house. We got home and within minutes my Grandma was there. She had us pack our stuff and we headed to her house. I was full of questions. Grandma was crying and crying. Grandma told us that Mom was at the hospital, and we would have to stay with her at least the night. At the time my Grandma and Nana lived across the street from each other. It was about 2:30pm, Grandma and Nana sat us down and told us that my Dad just called and that the baby was coming today. But WAIT! I knew the baby was coming near Dad's birthday (March 16th). It wasn't Dad's birthday yet. About an hour later someone (I think my Grandpaw) called to tell us that the baby was here, at 3:12pm, at 2lbs 10oz. Baby was on her way to a different hospital where they could give her a fighting chance at life. Neither Mom nor Baby were doing well. 10 weeks early in 1986 was VERY early. I remember being 6 years old, and them keeping no secrets from us about what was going on. (Heck, at 25, they keep more secrets from me then they did back then) Seems like it was about 3 or 4 days later that we finally got to see Mom. About another 3 or 4 days and we got to see Jo thru windows and stuff. She didn't look like a baby. She was in a little clear box with round holes, so you could put your arms in, with tubes and wires all over. That wasn't what I thought my baby sister was going to be like. 2 months of the NICU and she could finally come home. I hated her SO much when she got home! She was much easier to deal with at the hospital. No one was allowed over because we had to be so careful with her. I hated that all my friends cared more about my precious baby sister then they did me. I hated that she cried, I hated that she was oh so precious, I hated that she was the center of attention and just required so much care. I think it was probably June before I was okay with her being around, knew she wasn't going anywhere, etc. The first 4 years of her life were filled with surgery on top of surgery, test on top of test, school when most babies were napping but things got easier and better as we went along. My parents really pulled their heads out of their asses to provide the best for Jo, to get her the best of the best, to make sure she would thrive as much as possible. I really think if my parents were more passive when Jo was younger, she wouldn't be where she is today. Now, of course, she was babied TERRIBLY, which is a big part of why she 1) doesn't have a drivers license 2) has a huge anger issue 3) expects my dad to brush her hair daily 4) expects my parents to do so much for her.

Jo, in all seriousness, has came a long way from that baby that we didn't know if she was going to make it thru the night. She has truly became one of my best friends and the coolest sister I could ask for. Now, if she'd just get that license.

Crack crack crack, that was my neck.

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. So much in my snot filled head. Yes, I still have a nasty cold. Yes, I'm still whining about it. When I blow my nose its lime green and red. Mmmmm. Tasty.

Bowling on Saturday was alright. I won $28 or something like that. I had to split it with this bitch though. Actually, I had to spilt it with Shell. We both bowled 115 the 2nd game. Damn her. Her average is 4 pins higher then mine, why couldn't she bowl closer to her aveage?! I'm glad I had to spilt the $ with Shell. I couldn't think of anyone better in the league to have to share with. Other then that, I basically sat at bowling like a bump on a log, feeling snotty.

After bowling I went to Canada with ST, and a few others. It was an interesting experience. No border issues to report thankfully. We started at a small clubby type bar, that has great drinks in large quantity for pretty cheap. Then we went to the strip club. It was so different then I was expecting. Much less trashy then I was expecting. Of course, it got my "I need a boob job" mojo kicking again.

Sunday was wrestling and hockey. I did call JJ to offer to take her to wrestling. She had to "work". Do I believe her? No. Do her kids believe her? No. JM was 2-2 for the day. 1st match he pinned the boy in less then 2 minutes. 2nd match, he lost. 3rd march, he won, tech fall shortly into the 2nd period. 4th match, he lost by points to his biggest rival. The best part of JM's day. He didn't stomp his foot or cry at all! I was so proud of him, that I was crying. My baby is growing up. TOY has such a different attitude then JM, when it comes to wrestling. JM is VERY comptetive, TOY is just there for fun and doesn't take it all that serious. (TOY is the one that wants the "Hold my medals why I kiss your girlfriend" Tshirt, at the age of 6). TOY went 1-2 for the day. I don't remember his losses really, but I know his win, he pinned the boy in less then 1 minute. They surely make their Aunt T proud.

At wrestling, I got to talk to John (JJ's ex) alot and his girlfriend. It was nice to really get to talk to girlfriend on a good note. She seems nice, at least, personable. I wish my sister wasn't so jealous and could see that John is happy and that girlfriend isn't bad at all to the boys, and isn't out to take over for her. Girlfriend and Jo share a birthday. Girlfriend is now 21. Way to rob the craddle John! John always has had a good head on his shoulders. I trust him way more then I would most people. I just really hope he has his feet on the ground still. I just can't fathom what a 21 year old, would want with a 33 year old with 2 kids, besides $$$$. I know that sounds mean, and I hope and pray there is more to it.

Hawks hockey is back. Since I'm 100% going thru NHL withdrawals and seriously sad about the lock out, Hawks it is. The Hawks is ST's roller hockey team. They have been around in some form for about 5 years now. They won 8-5, which is amazing since they were losing 4-5 with about 1.5 minutes to go. Never know what might happen at those games. I adore all the guys on that team. I wish all the girls of the guys on the team could get along. Its seriously so stupid and petty, if you ask me. I do my best to get along with everyone there. It would be so much better, funner, if everyone could get along. There are these 2 that haven't gotten along, at all, in the past 1.5 years now, so I guess its not going to change, but I can hope.

I was annoyed with myself some Sunday. I was really feeling like crap, and just didn't feel like sticking up for myself or voicing my opinion (I know, shocking as hell!), so I didn't get my way at all. In the end, it really didn't matter but its so not like me to not voice my opinion. I guess, I'm learning that my opinion isn't always needed and things will be okay. On top of not voicing my opinion, I really did well with picking and choosing what to bicker with ST over. I actually chose to not bicker, in the grand scheme of life, it wasn't worth it...but he still owes me and he knows it.

I realized the other night that I am IN LOVE with ST. I don't know if I was ever out of love with him, but its such a good feeling to know that I am IN LOVE with him, that its okay to love him and know that he DOES care about me. Doesn't mean, I'm not scared, because, trust me, I am. I'm not one to live in fear. I let my social phobias do that to me enough, I won't let my love life live in fear. I told ST breifly how I was feeling the other night. I know he's not on the same page as me, at the moment, and I don't know what its going to take to get us there. I guess that's why I contine to just turn everything over to God, and let him handle it. I definitly don't want to be putting unneeded pressure on ST. It took a lot out of me, serious consious thought, when he kissed me goodbye this morning (yippeee! he let me sleep an extra 1.5 hours! Brownie points!) to not tell him I loved him. He's out of state for work, for most of the week. I'm used to him traveling, it doesn't bother me really. I don't like where he is at right now though. IA/WI border, his lovely cell phone doesn't work there. Score more brownie points for ST though. He did call and leave me a VM with the hotel #, if I needed to call him. Good boy. Made my snot filled day a little brighter.

This weekend, I MIGHT be taking Jo to Canada with some of my friends. I think my family is going out to eat, for Jo's birthday. Sunday is probably wrestling and hockey again. Guess I won't be working late on Wednesday, so I can get to Church.

I hope I am snotless soon so I can get back to the gym, back to regular (ha!) sleep schedule, back to more hours at work, etc.

Peace, love, and snotty stuffy runny nosey to all.