The Time Of My Life

As Easter is drawing to a close, I'm bored. My family is so boring. We finally ate at about 15:30, by 17:20 everyone was gone. With my little cousins and nephews being here I didn't get to visit with my cool Grandparents at all! Once the car situation resolves itself, I'm going to plan a trip up to visit them.

Somehow, I blew out my knee today. I don't recall my knee hurting this bad in a LONG LONG time! Aircast, you are my best friend.

My cool Grandma got me a cool fuzzy/funky green scarp & a new (well, used but new to me) cookbook! I am going to have to clear a new shelf for cookbooks! When I finally have my own kitchen (again), I'm going to have so much fun!

Dealing with roughly 25 memebers of my family, only 2 of them had to ask me about ST. I didn't cry, but I kept the conversations extremely short. It all just breaks my heart still. This just isn't how it was supposed to work out!

At Sunrise Service this morning, lots of people spent time testifying. My Mom's best friend was talking about how back many years ago (she's been married 27 years) she was praying for a husband, car, and job...my Dad couldn't help but poke me and say..."Hey, sounds like a pray you need." I know he said it in jest, but since I'm not heartbroken over this ST situation, it really just hit a soft spot.

No one understands the pain I'm in. I find myself questioning everything that ever happened within my & ST's relationship. I know I shouldn't...but as a human I do. Things ended over 5 months ago now (that little get together in early Jan doesn't count really) and I sometimes feel more heartbroken currently then I did in the beginning. Maybe because he's moved on. I know for fact, I've cried way more in the past 2 weeks then I did in the previous 2 months (over him). I honestly and truly believed he was the one I was going to marry, spend forever with. I honestly and truly believed he was my gift from God. Especially after I ended things, for us to get back together and work through so much, I thought that was God's way of kicking me in the butt, telling us, this was what God wanted for us. I wrote ST 2 little notes very early in our relationship, one said "I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, but we are perfect for each other." That one I know is a direct quote, because its something we said to each other often. I can't remember the other one, but it was something about God intending for us to be together. As I've said, I know ST & I aren't going to work out, as a couple, any time soon...but its just so hard for me, as my walk with God gets stronger, to stop believing the things I thought I knew, just confusing me more then ever. It doesn't confuse my walk with God, it just confused my heart.

With time & God's love, I learn to love again, trust again.

Not having a car SUCKS! It would be *so* awesome if this mess works itself all out tomorrow...otherwise this carpooling with Dad thing is gonna SUCK! Yeah yeah yeah, be grateful.

Emotional T out.