LOTS on my mind...
For starters, since Wednesday afternoon...I've felt terrible. Today has been BAD. Definitly the worse 55 hours combined yet. Just YUCK. If I could explain the pain. If I could explain how I go from fine to bad in 3 minutes.
So, I was laid off on Tuesday. Don't know if I wrote about that or not yet...but really I'm okay with it. Money will BE rough, to say the least for the next month...but I'll figure it out.
I was just watching this week's episode of Real World Hollywood and it was so emotional for me. Feb of 1993, my Mom entered rehab. I remember that time period like it was tomorrow. During her 30 day in-patient program, as a family we had to go to countless family sessions. Mike (the teacher guy) said something to 2 things that to this day, I have never forgotten. The first is "I want what I want when I want it and I want it right now!" That's how an addicts brain functions. The next thing is "Death, jail, or institution"...meaning that addicts either end up dead, in jail, or rehab. My Mom has basically been cool since her stint in rehab, don't get me wrong, I think some of her health problems are rooted in the YEARS of wild drug use. My frisin Trin that died in Sept of 06 died of an overdose. She had done countless trips to rehab and a trip or 2 (probably more) to jail. Sadly, her life ended in death. I just wish the world would know how BAD drugs are. None of this only one time junk, or if God grows it stuff. It just breaks my heart.
Next emotional point in my life right now...its very know that I'm extremely close to my family. My dad's parents are my FAVORITE adults in the world, hands down. Well, today, while very ill (like hadn't left the bathroom in hours, literally)...I got a phone call telling me that my Gpa has cancer. Skin cancer. He had surgery today and should be fine. Still, that CANCER word is scary. I was just at the Detroit Tigers game with him on Monday. Part of me now feels bad for not giving him the foul ball I caught...but not really, cause he knows that's not me...its ME to rub it in his face.
My roomie has been going on and on about engagement rings lately and I've loved helping her look at them. I adore her boyfriend and know he's great for her. I'm just getting yuckier about being single. Today it hit me HARD, I just want to be loved again. Don't get me wrong...I know my friends and family love me. I just want to be in a loving relationship again. Just BLAH.
Its after 02:00 and I think I might go get food. Yes, I'm crazy.
God is love!
posted by T @ 01:14
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