Girls Lie Too

Well, I heard from ST via email. He's alive, that's nice to know, I guess. Previously I never had a bad thing to say about him...well, now, at this exact moment, I'll just say I'm biting my tongue in 1/2. I'm going to give myself a little while to process information, maybe/hopefully really talk to ST, before I totally go off.

There is a newer song out there that goes something like "love him tonight, hate myself in the morning", well that basically sums up how I'm feeling.

I'm SO angry, hurt, hateful, etc right now, I can barely type this. I managed to choke down my iron pill, but eating is out of the question. I'm literally gagging when I try to drink something.

Thankfully even when I'm unlogical, there is usually a wee bit of logic within me still. I just want to go to sleep right now and 1) wake up and this have been another nightmare or 2) just not wake up. I feel like I have nothing to live for, I can't handle starting over again (and I'm feeling so much more hurt and loss right now). Don't go freaking out, I'm not going to do anything stupid, no one is worth that.

That's enough for now, I'm sure there will be many more posts similar in the coming days/weeks/months.