Chicks Dig It

The current happenings in my life are such a test of my faith, my personal strength, and my sanity.

Things aren't going well at all. I'm doing my best to just keep myself alive. I am proud of me, in the aspect of, things aren't good right now and I don't have a way to fix them (yet) and I am still basically sane. Now, hopefully I stay that way over the next few days.

By nature, I'm a control freak. I hate, with a passion, when things in MY life are in the hands of others. I know what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. I will come out of this mess stronger.

I hate that my Mom is 1/2 in this world. Not having her to turn to, in this current battle of my life, sucks so badly! I miss my Mom dammit. I mean, I'm very grateful that I still have her. I'm very grateful for the days she knows what's going on...but seeing my Mom, at the age of 50, slip away so quick, is just heartbreaking and not fair. I know life's not fair...but I'm also allowed to be sad & angry.

Its hard not to miss ST during these times, too. He always had the kindest way of making me be stronger & supporting me.

Okay, I'm getting away to emotional typing this post. I think I'll take my stressed out, worried, panic ridden, crabby, depressed, sad, and angry butt back to bed.