Toy Solider

I found a notebook in my backpack. It had some things written in it from 2/14, 2/16, 2/19 of 2004. Very often most of what I write is sad stuff, trying to sort thru my head. I usually love reading stuff I wrote later, to see where I am at now & how I dug myself out of that hole. The stuff I just read (which I tossed out because I don't want to go back to that point again) was some of the deepest, most depressing time in my life. 02/19/04 I hit my low of lows. I wrote a letter and started to attempt suicide. My mom found me about 10-20 pills into my crazy stupid attempt. ST was so angry with me. My mom was just scared. I was just a mess. I was taking anything and everything I could find. I was sick for most of the next 2 days.

The other 2 notes in that book were letters to ST. I often write letters to people but don't give them out. Apparently we were fighting, he wasn't listening to me, I was being unappericative, etc. I so often made the mistake of taking ST for granted.

I'm so glad that mentally I am at the place I am today. The other day, I was getting off the Interstate, and was getting angry about something. I said (outloud, to myself) "Calm down T, God won't give you anything you can't handle. It will work out how God wants." Then last night, while playing online (shopping really), I found myself scribblng I heart God, he's so cool. I had prayed SO much about my current financial situation. Let me just say...

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I don't have to pay my $500 deductable!! Yipppppppeeeee! You have NO idea how much easier this makes things. Heck, I can eat next week.

Got stuff to do...

T out.