Shake It Up

Huge bitching rant....

Thank God, deep down, I'm a rational person.

I have the most inconciderate family in the world.

I have so much crap going on within my head & heart lately, that I have very little choice but to keep the majority of it in. Keeping so much in when you are already fighting depression is just lovely. I hate that I'm so depressed. HATE HATE HATE it. I would do anything in the world to just be able to snap my fingers and make it go away. Its NOT that simple. I hate feeling like more often than not, I'd rather be dead. I hate that people (my family, which I don't think really gives a fly rats ass especially) ask what they can do to make me happier and I'd like to say "Just let me die" I hate that on Sunday nights, I long for Monday mornings to go to work, to get away from this house. I hate that I pray when I go to sleep lately, to just not wake up. The pain, hurt, and anger I have eating away at me, killing me slowly and painfully from the inside out is so deep, so unbareable. I just want to punch something and scream. What I wouldn't give to move 500 miles away, where I didn't have to deal with most of my issues, where I could start new, where I would feel safe & protected. Actually, dying still sounds better.

Like I said, I'm a rational person. I know this depression rut won't last forever...but right now it fucking sucks. Pray for me.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!