The Angry American

I slept from about 10pm til 5:21am. Good enough for me. Good as its going to get right now.

I'm in such a depression. I hope it ends soon with positive results. I'm not going off the deep end (yet). I'm fearing my job security (or lack there of) like I never have before. If I make it to Friday, I'm in the clear (I think). I'm just emotionally doing terrible with this ST situation again. My mind just can't stop replaying him referring to me as his exgirlfriend and crazy. I have realized what is killing me the most is that for the past nearly 6 years, come hell or high water, he was my BEST FRIEND. I don't have a friend in him right now and its killing me, slowly, painfully, and deeper then I thought possible. It took everything I had to NOT call him last night to ask him about hockey, see how he was, etc. He has so much space rented in my head and heart and its just killing me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about the situation anymore, like I should be over it. I'm going to try to go over to his place today and exchange stuff. I've dreaded doing that, that's so final. I've also dreaded it because its not the most convient place. He leaves for a long business trip come Wednesday morning and I'd like to just get it done. Maybe it will bring me some closure. I doubt it. As much as I want to be with him, with us uncondionally loving each other, being in love with each other, us trusting each other, having fun doing nothing with each other, cuddling with each other, spending most of our free time together, I really need my friend. I pray that with time, it happens, in the mean time, I'm dying inside.

I'm supposed to help my Aunt today. As much as I love her to death, and her boys are some awesome little guys (that adore me!), I don't know if I can handle it emotionally. Yes, I'm a wreck.

Off to finish getting ready for work. Great day ahead.