My Town

My head is going to explode with (sad) emotions. Today was Day 1 of Justin's viewing. My parents, Jo, and I picked JJ up on the way there. JM & TOY weren't going today. I got to see JM & TOY when we went in to get JJ. JM just leaped into my arms. I didn't want to let go of him. TOY even gave me a big ole' hug with no fighting. (TOY has the toothless grin right now...so cute!) I had not cried yet. I was hoping to make it 10 steps in the door before I started to cry. Upon entering I saw friends Watson & Candy. Now, Watson isn't a little guy...not at all. He was BAWLING! Yep...so much for that 10 steps, it wasn't even 3. Upon entering the actual veiwing room, I saw Justin's dad and oldest brother right away. The hugs they gave were so tight and sincere. My heart was just in a million pieces. I chilled in the back part of the room looking at pictures and hugging some of the family. I spotted John (JM & TOY's dad) across the crowded room. It felt like I ran over to him. He wasn't even standing up yet, as we started hugging...and crying together. Its okay to let the guard I was trying to have towards the whole event down. John provides such a comfort to me. He then introduces me to Watson & Candy. Hello...John. I've known them for the past, at least 10 years now. He introduces me to his gf (I've met her once before). John & JJ are so weird. I find it funny that his gf looks like JJ. I find is very funny that JJ is SO jealous of gf. Then, he tells me he tried to call me but got ST's voicemail. Apparently he never got my new cell number. He then asks about ST & I, good thing I was already crying. So, I give him my current number. He's so out of it...he puts the last name in as his neighbors last name (they are similar). Screw it...he'll fix it later. We chat for awhile. Then my family makes their way to John. I go to the casket. Justin looks so tiny. His hands aren't folded like most peoples are. His skin, especially on his hands just continues to remind me how young he was. This entire time Justin's mom is no where to be found. I visit with one of John's sisters for awhile (she was always my favorite, I used to babysit her kids back in the day). It was (sadly) nice to catch up with her. Her husband is now a full time pastor and her oldest son is attending his 1st year of college in TN. Holy moly! I babysat him. He can't be 18 & in college. A while later, I'm walking around. Who do I see at the door? The 18 year old I baby sat! He has turned into such a handsome well-mannered young guy. We were there about 2 hours. On the way out, I fought my way back to the casket to say another goodbye. But its not goodbye...its a ttfn.

Now I have an internal battle. I would like to go to the funeral. It would be good for me, and for my sister. I already missed 2 days work this week. I just don't know. I'm going to pray about it and then talk to Jess tomorrow. I feel like I'm pushing my luck. I'm only working 3 days next week.

My brain has been SO scattered. I missed counseling yesterday. I probably wouldn't have went because of my crappy mouth...but I would have called and cancelled. I don't skip appointments! I don't even know how to call and reschedule and stuff.

I'm taking my over tired, sad, but faithkeeping self to bed.