Wedding-Countdowns


At least, we think that's when.

I have so much frustration and anger built up right now and it all stems with my Mom and a little with my sisters and a tad with my Dad.  Since my one sister reads here from time to time, I won't say much more then that for right now.

I am 99% sure I just want to elope, basically, for a wedding.  I have ZERO support from anyone so I just don't care anymore.

God is love.

My mental health is BAD.  Bad enough that I am trying to get help.  Wish me luck.

I know in my last post I mentioned I was having a rough bipolar roller coaster ride lately. Well, lets see...I slept maybe 2am-7am yesterday. And its now almost 3:30am and I'm still awake. I have tried EVERYTHING. It sucks. PWF doesn't get it at all, he says he does, but he doesn't and it just pisses me off more. I do have to say though, he is loving unconditionally.

Year in review...coming soon. I want to be in a little bit of a better place to write it.

God is love.

WOW...nearly two months since I blogged. I'll try to not let that happen again, but no promises. I know all our lives will go on whether I blog or not.

So, today is Jan 3, 2010. Amazing. Today marks the 11th anniversary of my first date with ST...and the 7th anniversary of the wedding that didn't happen. ST and I haven't been in the best contact as of late and that's okay. Life happens. From the bottom of my heart, he is one of the best people I know. He saved me time and time again. He taught me what LOVE was, what it was like to be IN LOVE with someone that was IN LOVE with you. Don't get me wrong, our relationship had plenty of issues (hello...see the part about the wedding that didn't happen) but I do have to say, it was some of the best time of my life and I wouldn't change any of it for anything!

I'm hoping to do a 2009 year in review post soon...this week.

Dreading Church this morning. I am in a bipolar mood swing horribly. I'm not sleeping or eating well. All of my triggers are happening at once. I am doing the best I can to just hang on right now.

God is love.