Scab

Our dishwasher is BROKEN!  Dad repaired it this afternoon, but we can't use it for AT LEAST 24 hours, because we have to wait for cement to dry.  Don't ask.  My family eats/drinks to much to just let dishes build up!

As I was handing washing my dinner dishes, I started thinking about the last time I didn't have a dishwasher.  That would have been mid-1999.  My life was so different then.  I lived in a neighborhood that I liked.  I had a great boyfriend (ST).  I was healing from all the damage that was done from June 97-Nov 98.  I was learning how awesome it was to be in a loving relationship...to love & to be loved in return!  I was in school, semi-focused on school...on keeping Dad happy.  Until late April 1999, I had a job that I LOVED!  My friends were all still close.  One of them wasn't in prison for killing the other.  One of them wasn't a slut.  My Mom's health was decent (decent, at least, compared to now).  Mom worked.  Dad worked.  Both of them worked OT like no tomorrow.  Jo was so young, naive, and cute.  JJ was happily married & a great SAHM.  Its amazing how 7 years changes so much.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Disillusion

Happy Dance!!!!!!!!!!

Gma is going up north for a few days!!! 

Happy Dance!!!!!!!!!  I'll most likely be chilling like a villain at her house, as much as possible!

5 days until Tim & Faith!!!!!!!  (7 days until I see Red!)

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Take Him In My Heart

I had to fight with myself yesterday & again today to MAKE myself GO to Church today! I'm SO glad I did! At one point, during my 4 hours of sleep, I thought I rolled over and shut my alarm clock off...but I guess not...cause it still went off, waking me with enough time to get ready. The message was TERRIFIC!! God is awesome. He loves ME & I love Him! ;-)

The message was taken from the following passage. Emphasis MINE, of course.

8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[a] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[b] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:8-20 (NIV)

Off to watch some TV, then take a much needed Sunday nap. Then I'll wake up do some chores maybe, then I'm, hopefully, finding a Church to go to tonight. Its something I need to do, for me.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Wild At Heart

Red Wings, my Red Wings! I have NOT lost hope or faith! Go Tigers! ;-)

If I don't start working on the "Things I need to Blog about" I'll never get caught up!

* Depression. It is what it is. Its something I've struggled with forever. I hate it though. HATE IT! I hate being SO negative. I hate hating everything/one so often. I know I have my good times & bad. I just hate the bad time, when I'm doing good, I fear the bad times. YUCK! Welcome to my bipolar head. I'm actually in a decent mood at the moment...but lately, it doesn't last more then a couple of hours. YUCK!

* CJ Vs The idea of CJ. While I'm still hung up on CJ more than I'd like to be, I've processed the situation. I feel a little bad, cause I have such a b*tch wall up towards him right now, but he did it to himself. I have 2 "big" issues. 1, was something I know he didn't say to be hurtful, but it was very hurtful to me. Its not something I feel calling him out on will make either of us feel any better about, so I'm trying to let it go. The other issue...its just the idea of CJ. While ST & Red come VERY close to being everything I want in a partner...CJ was/is EVERYTHING I want/need/look for in a partner. EVERYTHING. Now that I'm realizing it was more the idea of CJ Vs CJ himself...its all working out in my head much better. Our friendship (I use that term VERY loosely) is taking shape...but 1) he's got issues. 2) I've built some walls. 3) I refuse to put any effort forward. Speaking of Red, he'll be home (meaning less than 5 miles from me!) in less than 1 week!

* My Weight. I'm becoming obsessed. I think I'm fatter than ever. I compare myself to every female I see. I see people that I know are heavier than me and I ask everyone "Am I that fat?" I think about EVERY SINGLE ITEM OF FOOD or BEVERAGE I put into my mouth. I don't NOT eat or anything...but it consumes WAY TO MUCH of my thought. On a VERY happy note about my weight...I MUST say, looking for swim wear & summer clothes at 145lbs Vs 172lbs (that I started last summer at) is a huge difference! I actually ENJOYED looking for swimsuits the past few days. Of course, I didn't find one that I really liked...but it wasn't a crying experience!

* Night out. To know me, is to know I tend to be antisocial. I don't make friends easily...especially female friends. The few real female friends I have, all date back to (at least) high school...when I was outgoing & a social butterfly of sorts. I made a new friend. She's actually CJ's cousin, that I work with. Last night was the first time, just the 2 of us hung out. I mean, we hung out before with CJ & others, we talk on the phone all the time, and talk & hang out at work more then we should. We had a blast!!!! We did nothing that special. We went shopping, wandered around the mall, bought nothing. Then we went to Cheeseburger In Paradise for desert. Of course, we decided we needed to eat dinner first. Service was great, food was good, and desert was FABULOUS!!!! Chocolate Nachos. Nummmmy. The nachos come with Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I had NEVER had Ben & Jerry's ice cream before. The joke turned into, I'm a Ben & Jerry's virgin & She popped my cherry garcia. We are wacky, we know. We just laugh, ate, talked, and hung out up there for a couple hours. We had a ball. She's SO funny, yet super duper caring. Yay! I have a new chick friend! ;-)

So, that leaves me with needing to blog about...
* Shoes
* Earrings
* JJ's shower (& gifts)
* Paycheck
* Concert last Sunday

Its nearing 03:00 & I have to rise & shine at 08:30. JOY. Time to get ready for bed.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Forever Your Girl

So much to blog about so little time...

*  Night out last night
*  Shoes
*  JJ's shower (and gifts)
*  Paycheck
*  The concert last Sunday
*  Plus the list I made like a week ago!

6 days until Tim & Faith!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Red Wings start any second, then the Pistons (yes, I'm on of those, I'm from Detroit & its play-off time type Piston fans!).

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Next To You

To say I have a headache right now, is a HUGE understatement.  I'm going to give this work gig a try...but we shall see. 

To know me, is to know I have a mental love affair with about 1/2 the Detroit Red Wings.  Now, don't dare think Darren McCarty (now of the Calgary Flames), isn't my true love!  I'm so smitten with Jason Williams & Daniel Cleary.  Sitting high on the list is also Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby and Kris Draper.  Jo will probably say there are others too.  Seriously, Williams & Cleary.  Dreamy.  Anyways, last night I had a DREAM about Jason Williams.  It was about hanging out with him & his family, how he had 1 brother & 1 sister and they fought like normal siblings.  It was weird.  I'm weird.

Oh yeah, hockey fans are the superstitious type, in case you wanted to know why the God is good like has been in RED for the past few days.  ;-)

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Yesterday

YAY!!!!!!!! The Red Wings won!

As much as some try, my depression is kicking my ass. I hate hating everything all the time. I do have plans with one of my girl friends tomorrow (actually today now) evening, which should be nice.

Obviously, its late. Obviously, I have been mentally into blogging lately.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Heartbroken

My love/hate relationship with sleep lives on! That nap I was taking yesterday, well yeah...that turned into about 10 hours of sleep...without even getting up to pee!!!!!!!! I didn't even budget when my friends called me. I didn't even eat dinner. All my plans...yeah right. Of course, to much sleep makes me sluggish and junk. I'm moving SO slow this morning. SLOW!

Red Wings game tonight, so I'll get about 3 hours of sleep tonight. ;-)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Tired Of Me

Red Wings...get it together! :-) I've got plenty of faith though...being down 2-1 in a best of 7 series, isn't a big deal.

I had to take a dose of benedryl on the way home from work, so I'll be taking a nap shortly.

I'm actually in a decent mood today. YAY! Work wasn't that miserable today.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Paradise

Sleep.  Ha.  What a joke!

I'm ANNOYED!  Chances are VERY likely I have to stop at Gma's before work OR take my 1st break VERY early and go over there to give Mom her meds.  ERRRRRRRRR.  I love my family.

I will DEFINITELY be in need of a QUALITY nap before the Red Wings game!!!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good.

The King

I just got called "mentally unstable" by one of my best friends. I'd like to yell at him, but I know he's right. My parents are acting all concerned about my mental state. I know I'm not in a good place, I'm not stable...BUT...I'm not doing that bad.

Today, was going to be the beginning of a good week at work, since power tripping, tact-lacking boss b*tch is on vacation. Well, the one that she left "in charge" is on an ever bigger power trip! For the past few months, they had been going crazy on attendance, breaks, lunches, restroom usage, etc. Now, they are on this terrible dress code frenzy. The biggest problem is we now have 3 different versions of the dress code, yet getting sent home is up to the bigger power tripping "in charge" lady. She's so shady & plays favorites...so it shall be interesting. Someone let me hit the lottery already.

No David's Friends this week. :-( In theory, I'm not coming home for the next 2 days...but we shall see, cause I don't know if I want to stay at Gma's right now. I should be watching the hockey game via the big screen at cool bar tomorrow! Go Red Wings! I hate laundry!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Don't Give Up

My head has been throbbing since about 15:00 and its just getting WORSE!

I skipped the gym, to come home, eat & lay down. Well, I walk in the door and Dad starts bit*hing about chores. Then, I take my food upstairs, and Gma calls. I dump her to voicemail and listen to it right away. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! She claims the car loan company called me & left a message on the answering machine saying my payment was late again. (Note: I legally live at my Gma's. Note 2: The month before last I mailed my car payment to the wrong address, so they said it was late and I had to fight with them about it. I won & they took away my late fee.) She couldn't give me a number to call or anything. To know my Gma, is to know dealing with her is worse then dealing with a late payment! I found a number on my paperwork that I have here. I called and did the automated thing. It said my last payment was received on 04/06/06 for correct amount. Next payment for correct amount is due on 05/08/06. Hmmmm. How the hell is my payment LATE? So, after waiting about 10 minutes, I get to talk to a human. Good ole' Roberto. Tells me my account is current and he doesn't know why they called, if they called, it must have been a mistake. After 4 attempts, I finally get ahold of Gma again and tell her all this, so she'll get off my back & out of my buisness. Mind you, I'm freaking out & screamin & crying at my Dad this entire time. I did enough damage to my credit from 18-21, that I'll be paying for, forever! I don't need to make it WORSE. I struggle often, but I find a way ;-) to get things taken care of.

Now, I can't eat cause I'm pissed and my head really hurts. I need to hit the lottery! My blood is boiling. BOILING. BOILING! B-O-I-L-I-N-G!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Days Of Elijah

Blogger is being REALLY stupid & won't publish the post I made via the website...wonder if it will publish this one I'm sending via email!

The title of this post is my newest favorite Christian song! Go find it & listen to it. Its cool! :-)

Important news...10 days!!!!!!!! 10 days until Tim & Faith!! I can't wait!!!!! I love Tim & Faith. In case you didn't know, I touch Tim McGraw! ;-)

Forever Your Girl

Its Monday. I don't like my job. Therefore, I'm really going to complain about NOT wanting to go to work today...but at least, crazy power tripping, tact-lacking boss witch isn't there this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) I am hoping to get my reports caught up today! We shall see!

I slept about 4.5 hours of quality lacking sleep AND I didn't get my Sunday nap. World watch out! I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I have going on right now (which is strange, cause its not that much by any means!). I've got to do some laundry today and the thought of doing laundry on a Monday, which is NEVER a laundry day, sucks! I've got to work out, and weigh-in today...which consumes more thought then it should.

I woke up at about 4:45 in a slight panic attack mode, but I just kept repeating to myself "God provides", which I truly believe! My lack of sleep, my lack of money...if those are my biggest issues in life, I'm doing great. There are SO many people in this world, in this country, in this state, worse off then me. I'm going to work on being more grateful for the things I HAVE and stop focusing on the things I don't have. God provides!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Back And Forth

Its been a long, busy day.  It's been a good day, overall.  The Red Wings lost.  :-(  The concert started LATE.  :-( 

More later...maybe tomorrow, maybe Wednesday.  I'm proud of me, the girl that does NOT make plans ahead of time, the girl that never is the one to MAKE the plans...has plans 2 nights this week!!!!!!!  Plans that I made! 

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

What's Left Of Me

Why do I have such a love/hate relationship with sleep? I got about 7 hours of sleep, but the quality SUCKED!

I have to get ready for Church soon, and sadly, I don't want to go. That's the pattern of my life lately. I don't want to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. Heck, I don't even want to talk on the phone at all lately. Last night, Jo & I went to town, and out to dinner, because I needed out of this house but I didn't need to deal with anyone or drive far. Just blah.

Today should be a pretty busy day. Church starts at 10:00, from there I'm going to the gym. The Red Wings game starts at 13:00, Jo & I have to leave NO LATER then 16:00 for a concert, (thank God for TiVo!!!) come home watch the end of the hockey game, then watch the Pistons game. So, I probably won't watch the Pistons game entirely. Oh yeah, chores too. Joy.

In case anyone cares, 12 days until Tim & Faith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Don't Forget To Remember Me

My day has been fairly unproductive, just like I wanted!

After a small tiff with my Dad, I went to the bank, grabbed lunch, and filled my gas tank up. My Dad has brainwashed me with the idea of "DO NOT WASTE MY TIME!!!!!" Well, for the 2nd time in the past 3 days, the man has wasted my time. ANNOYED is an understatement! My lunch was beyond great. I learned that I do not need to order a large smoothie and full sandwich from this place. I spilt the sandwich w/ Jo and neither of us completely finished our halves. Gas, yeah. :-( I drive a tiny car (that I love!), which gets some of the best gas mileage around. The fact that is cost me $27 (and my low fuel light wasn't on yet!) to fill up, is sad. VERY VERY sad! Since I got the car last April, its went up about $5-7 to fill the tank. YUCK!

Later, I attempted to nap, but Dad was cutting the lawn and I couldn't handle the noise coming and going, so I got off my fat lazy butt and went to the gym. Now, I'm just chilling like a villian and enjoying every minute of it.

Earlier today, Mom was in the kitchen and Jo & I were watching TV in the living room. Mom started to ask Jo to feed the dog, and then could NOT remember the dog's name. :-( Talk about wanting to cry. I mean, I know the days are coming, but it just sucks. She was like "Bud, Buddie, wait...is that the dog's name? What is the dog's name? WHAT IS THE DOG'S NAME?" I felt so bad for her. For the majority, short term has been the issue (like what day is it, where did I put item, where is someone at, etc) but Buddie has been our dog since Summer of 98. Buddie has been her name since before Jo & Dad picked her up.

Can ya'll tell I'm avoiding blogging about the things I said I need to blog about?

Off to take my meds before I get sick or before Jo/SML yell at me terribly!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Bad Day

I slept like a baby last night, once I finally LET myself go to sleep. I was fighting with myself like something fierce last night. I ate for crap all day yesterday, plus was VERY tired. Hmmm. The 2 biggest factors in me staying sane. AHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm heading to the gym shortly. I'd rather not, but yeah.

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep I thought about something else I need to add to my "need to blog about" list...and I was tempted to get up and write it down, and I didn't. Now, I have no clue what it was.

This morning Mom & I were talking about ST, and how the poor thing is missing out on play-off hockey (seriously, I feel bad for him!!!!!!!). Then she was just asking about him in general. THEN, she goes, "How's your friend? Ummm...the cute blonde, with the nice eyes. Umm...CJ?" Dude, thought/hoped Mom forgot about him. The answer, "He needs to get HIS life together before putting ME or anyone else into the mix. We are friendly, and we will see what happens."

More later, its Saturday with no set plans.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Shame

A firefighter buddy of mine needs help! Select Detroit as your city & vote for Patrick's firehouse! Engine 52. Vote for Detroit Engine 52!

In other news, work wasn't that bad today. I did get out Wednesday AND Thursday's reports! Power-tripping, tact-lacking boss is on VACATION next week (but chances are, she'll show up here and there)...so at least, the office should be more relaxed most of the time.

The Red Wings won game #1 in double OT. Bring it! :-)

I have lots of other things I need to post about...but I just don't feel like it right now.
* Earrings
* Depression
* CJ vs the idea of CJ
* My weight

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Number One

Thanks F7 (aka Jo), I fixed my typing/spelling error in my last post.

The more you sleep, the more you want to sleep. The past 2 nights I've got good amounts/quality sleep...yet I can't function. I'm not talking a TON of sleep, just almost normal amounts. I don't know what Nextel/Verizon's issue is right now, but SML's text messages from much earlier came over about every other hour during the night. For example, at 03:23 I got a message about his golf score. Stupid technology.

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!! Plans for this week...Friday, watch Red Wings playoff game #1, Saturday, maybe hit the bar, Sunday, Church & watch Red Wings playoff game #2. Again...TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Spellbound

Work was TERRIBLE. Work has been just hell lately. Everyone hates it, morale is so non-existant there right now. My report that should have been sent on Tuesday (in theory, by 10:00 on Tuesday)...got sent today at about 12:20. God only knows when (if!) I'll ever get caught up.

I'm toying around Myspace right now. I just don't get all the hype. I'm trying...but yeah. I don't feel like doing much of nothing right now. ;-) R-e-l-a-x-i-n-g. YAY!

I feel like some of my friends are up to shadiness right now. Its reasons like this, that most of my friends, the ones I call in times of need, the ones I hang out with the most often are males. Males don't act like this. I just want to shake some people and be like "Dude, we are all 20+ years old. Grow up. I don't care what (or who, for this matter!) you do." Whatever.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Man In The Middle

My head is hurting. Bad.

I slept like a baby from about 22:15 until 05:15, only looking at the clock once.

Crap. There is construction on the drive to work now. Gotta run!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I'm A Rebel

David's Friends was barely decent tonight. The message was lacking. The people were annoying. Mell was the only one that didn't get on my nerves at all! I'm impatiently waiting for the college kids to get home/done (Jo, Erob, Red). The first week that Jo & Red are back to the group is our first week with our new leader. I'm trying to not freak out about it. I HATE change. I don't like this lady. Great combination for me to have to deal with. Good thing, its about God and not about me.

In other Church news, it appears like I will be helping/leading Childrens Church often (more often than I'd like, but God or the kids or something, needs me!) in the near future. I'm not thrilled about it (because to know me is to know I want the teen group!...but its about God not about me) and I'm sure I'll grow and learn from the process.

I'm in a better (not good by any means) place mentally. Its a daily battle, I know. Just ERRR. The nice weather is helping. Of course, its going to rain this weekend, when I have no real plans. Speaking of this weekend, Saturday night, my friends are getting together at the bar, to celebrate someone's birthday. I don't know if I'm going or not yet. I just don't feel like it. I'm bored or over the bar scene or something...for now. Before someone comments...going to the bar to watching a hockey game on the big screen is DIFFERENT! I'm not being anti-social, cause I'd like to hang out or do something...just don't feel like going to the bar.

Weigh-in. :-( 148. That's the same as last week. I guess, with a holiday in there, that's good to just maintain...but ERRRRRRRRR.

Red Wings playoffs start on Friday! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Who Am I

Blogging from the library. ;-) I stayed at Gma's last night, and that's the plan again tonight. I'm staying at Gma's because I'm trying to clear my head and because the cost of gas is killing me, even in my fuel effiecent tiny car.

I'm stressed/depressed, but its nothing I won't make it thru. This depression rut (so far) is mild, I can still clearly see light at the end of the tunnel. ;-)

I wish I could pin point the reasons I'm stressed/depressed, but if I could do that, chances are I wouldn't be (as) stressed or depressed. I know a lot of the things bugging me...but just blah. I'm financially stressed (like always!), but REALLY stressed right now. This CJ situation is eating me alive also.

I've got a few family memebers/friends telling me how I should act, behave, say, do, feel, think, etc. and it really is getting on my last nerve. If I could figure out WHY these people think I should be different, it would be easier. I mean, am I hurting myself, am I breaking a law, etc. The past few days, I've let others influence me a tad to much, and I've got to do what I feel is right for myself! At least, that's the plan in my head for now.

While I'm annoyed at some, others continue to go out of their way to make me smile, laugh, and watch out for me.

Just blah.

My brain really wants to blog, but yet, I'm so scattered, words aren't coming to my hands. I guess it just boils down to I've got to do somethings for MYSELF, that might make others not happy with me, but I've got to do what I've got to do.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Opposites Attract

Yuck! I don't want to go to work today, AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I slept for crap! I was wide awake with a terrible aniexty attack at about 03:00, it still hasn't totally went away. Just AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm 99% sure I'm staying at Gma's house for the next 2 days. I've gotta do what I've gotta do. :-(

33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-35 (NIV)

I'm trying the best I know how. I hate when my best doesn't seem good enough.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

One In A Million

Its been a long, eventful, yet uneventful day. I've been awake since before 07:00, yet mentally my brain isn't shutting down. I'll pay for it tomorrow, especially since I didn't get my nap today.

The big shin-dig with the family was pretty calm, and I didn't panic once! We only had 21 people. Small gig for our family. Gpaw & Gma left early which helped with the overall calmness. ;-) Plus, once Favorite Cousin got here, I had a 5 year old attached to me like glue so all was good. There was this random guy that was here, about my age. Turns out, he's my step-cousin. I met him once before when his dad married my Aunt. He's 25, his name is Chris. He's very cool! We had a lot of great talks on Christianity.

My house is still very loud. Gpa & Gma are here for the night, along with JM & TOY. I need to shut down mentally and can't. Brain overload. JM & TOY are playing on the stairs next to my bedroom now, they've got about 20 minutes until I get to be Big Bad Aunt T and tell them to tone it down!

I can feel my good mood slipping really fast right now. I was just crying just because. I know I'm stressed over a few things, but this is different. It shall pass, just not soon enough.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Mr. Innocent

Happy Easter! Remember there is MUCH more to this holiday than bunnies, baskets, and chocolate!

The passage I was looking for yesterday:

25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25-26 (NIV)

Mom is starting to get excited (in a not good, seizure causing type way) about having people here today. Dad isn't home, he had to run to the grocery to fix a $33 pricing error (before they try to screw him out of the money!) plus pick up a propane tank for his parents, that he was supposed to do before Christmas! My Mom's parents (Gma that helps here & Gpaw, that I don't like or trust at all!) got here about 10 minutes ago to help. So, here I sit with my ipod blaring in my ears, trying to avoid them like the plague. I love my family, I truly do. I hate the drama they create. I know I'm not perfect, but this family is SO great at making mountians out of molehills!

I've been having strange dreams lately. I wish I could recall more details, but I can't. Fridays dream was about CJ. (Not like that, get your head out of the gutter!) CJ & I were sitting outside somewhere that I've never been before talking about how logical it was for us to try and work things out. Last nights dream was about me being sick with something serious and my friends Shell & Butt didn't believe me and Butt kept sending me text messages asking specific questions about my illness.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Got To Be The One

I'm all about taking ideas from my buddies today. The newest one comes from Krisstudly.

Go to Wikipedia and look up your birth day (excluding the year). List three neat facts, three births and three deaths in your journal, including the year.

So, Krisstudly's only said 2 deaths and 2 births...but I wanted the number to be the same for all of them. I also decided to only list things that have happened in my life time.

Neat Facts of November 12

1) 1979 - Iran hostage crisis: In response to the hostage situation in Tehran, US President Jimmy Carter orders a halt to all petroleum imports into the United States from Iran.

2) 1990 - Tim Berners-Lee publishes a formal proposal for the World Wide Web.

3) 2004 - Scott Peterson is found guilty of first degree murder of his wife Laci Peterson and their unborn son Conner after a five-and-a-half month long trial.

Births of November 12

1) 1979 - Matt Cappotelli, American professional wrestler

2) 1981 - DJ Campbell, English football player

3) 1984 - Omarion, American R&B musician

Deaths of November 12

1) 2001 - Tony Miles, English chess player (b. 1955)

2) 2003 - Tony Thompson, American drummer (The Power Station) (b. 1954)

3) 2005 - William G. Adams, former mayor of St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada. (b. 1923)


In other news, I did a great job of doing NONE of my housework today. I'll be up at the crack of dawn, don't worry. I've been dreading dealing with Mom's family. Then it hit me today, that tomorrow is a Sunday. No nap! EEKKKK! Not cool! We should only have about 20-27 people tomorrow. YAY!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Good Night My Love

I'm bored and avoiding housework. I decided to copy off of Pink Lady and Rhi and make my own quiz. Have fun & good luck.

My Quiz

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Thunder And Lightning

I'm annoyed! The Red Wings schedule that is posted on our fridge has todays game with a 14:00 start time. The program guide on the lovely DirecTV has it with a start time of 20:00, yet The Red Wings' Website has a start time of 19:00. ERRRRRRRR. I planned my day around an afternoon game. I'm betting that DirecTV is right, a start of 20:00 makes sense if its a night game in St Louis.

So, SML asked if I love chaos or something like that. I don't love it, per se...but sadly/strangely, I do tend to thrive on it. I (usually) do better when I have a 101 things going on at once. I'd rather be overly busy then bored any day of the week. That's just me.

Shopping with Mom went well. I even got to show her the new(er) Coffee Shop (the one that David's Friends meets at) and she bought us smooties! I'm addicted.

I was trying to find a Bible passage I wanted to add, but I can't find it right now! ERRRRR.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Watch Out

My Mom is such a little kid sometimes. Its cute, but yet annoying. I know its something she can't control, so I've got to get over it. My Dad got home from getting his hair cut & Mom & I are getting ready to go to town. Dad says "I need to talk to you before you go" to my Mom. Mom looks at me, looks at Dad and says "I didn't do it. I didn't do anything wrong." LMAO!

So, I'm venturing out with Mom alone, to the store and stuff. Wish me luck. Last time I took her anywhere alone we ended up at the hospital.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

The Look Of Love

Today is Good Friday. I wish I could find words to really explain my feelings about this day. Out of the 3 biggest (to me, at least) Christian holidays (Christmas, Good Friday, Easter) this one makes me the most emotional! To think about all the pain and suffering and just garbage that Jesus Christ went thru for me, the world, our sins, makes me sad or guilty, or just emotional. Like I said, I can't put it into words. I'm just foreverly amazed & grateful to service such an awesome, forgiving, & loving God!

I had a few different options about what I wanted to do today, but I am proud of me, I decided to stick to my convections, and do nothing really. I went to Church, did some errunds, went to the gym, did some household stuff, and went to Church again. It was just a day that I needed to spend with myself and my God.

I've got some issues that I'm sorting thru in my head. Its amazing to me, thru the mess, the stress, the emotions, etc., how decent my mood has stayed! YAY! Its taking a lot of work, don't get me wrong...but so far, so good! I also know that my good mood won't last forever...BUT I also know that my depression ruts will NOT last forever! (So, next time I'm depressed, feel free to try to remind me!)

Tomorrow should be filled with housework and a trip to the gym. I will NOT get discouraged about this weight gig. I can do it!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Love Isn't Easy

Annoyed! When I did my taxes back in Feb, I mailed my Federal ones right away to get my refund. My State taxes, I owe like $32 or something, so I won't mail that until the deadline. Well, now I have to re-load Turbo Tax and re-do my taxes! I didn't print out a copy of my taxes, knowing I had them saved to the hard drive and on disk. Well, this new computer doesn't have a disk drive! ERRRRRRRRRRR. Thankfully, I've got until Monday, the 17th, this year!

Brain is in overdrive. Trying to not stress myself sick about money.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Tropical Loveland

Feb of 2005 I made a list of my fantasy male interest. I've refered to that list many times for different reasons. While that list is still very true and in depth...I found a way to shorten that list A LOT. I've told a few people about the shorter list, its much easier to raddle off then the long one. I made this new list last summer...but for the 1st time in blog land, the new list of my perfect partner...

1) Christian
2) Red-Headed
3) Non-smoker
4) Republican

While, jokingly, that list was made to describe Red, its a pretty good accurate list of what I want. Actually 50% of that list are MUSTS! I'll leave it up to ya'll to figure out for yourself the 2 that are deal breakers.

I'm goofy. ;-) That's nothing new.

I'm avoiding sleeping. I love to sleep, but I hate the act of falling asleep for the night. I like to fall asleep for naps, but not overnight time. I'm strange, I know.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

One Or The Other

I (barely!) managed to stay awake for the entire Red Wings vs Blackhawks game. I was about to fall asleep a few times in the 3rd period, but between Dad calling and Mom waking up, I had little choice but to stay awake.

I just want to say, how cool it is to be a Red Wings fan. ;-) My hockey team rules! I thought it was very fitting tonight that not one, but 2 octupus (what is the plural of octupus? octupi?) were tossed onto the ice tonight...against an original 6 team. The stupid ref picked them up with a towel. Where's Al when you need him, to swing them over his head?!

In theory, I'm sleeping until 11:00 tomorrow, waking in time to get ready for Church. Now, chances are, I'll be awake well before that, and I'll be at the gym at 08:00. Other than Church, laundry, and some chores, I have no set plans for tomorrow. Church tomorrow, is our very last service of any type at the old building.

My stress level keeps going up, but I'm still in a good mood! My friends rule! I'm dreading dealing with most of my family this weekend. I'm glad to be seeing a few of my family members (Gma & Gpa W., Favorite Aunt/Uncle/Cousin) but some I'd rather not deal with, ever. Harsh, yes. Truthful, yes.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

To You

Decisions decisions!

For starters, what exactly is a date? I mean, what qualifies as a date vs hanging out? When someone says "Do you want to go on a date?" , does that make it a date? Does what happens define it? Does who pays define it? Does where you go define it?

I might have a date this weekend. I don't really have time for it, I don't know if its the best idea for me emotionally. I've always said "1 date will never kill me" but just ?! I'll figure it out sometime between now and tomorrow afternoon.

JJ is in the hospital right now. :-( She's 28.5 weeks along with Baby. As terrible as this sounds, this is my logic behind the situation. If they decide that its in everyones best interest to take the Baby now, that would be 11.5 weeks early. That's not that early. Jo was born 10 weeks early, over 20 years ago and she is alive and well. Technology has came a great way in those years. Its in God's hands!

I'm going to relax (which probably means fall asleep) before the Red Wings game! Go Wings! Its almost playoffs! YAY!!!

I've got a 3 day weekend! YAY!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Be Near Me

::looking around:: Yep, this is my blog still. Obviously, its impossible to post every detail of my life all the time. I post what I want, when I want, because I want to. Nothing more, nothing less.

Verses to help me get thru the day.

7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 (NIV)

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (NIV)

27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27 (NIV)

I'm tired, stress, blah blah blah...but still in a decent mood. I forgot to add last night, in the David's Friend junk, there is a chance we are getting a new leader (with Pastor D taking over the children on Wednesday night, so Red's Oldest Sister can go to an adult activity once a week). While, I'm very attached to Pastor D & don't do well with change, I'm trying to understand God's plan and vision for our Church. The biggest issue, out of EVERYONE (all 100 people) in our Church, this woman that most likely will be taking over, is the person in our Church that I dislike the most, I just don't click with her at ALL! :-/

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

State of Attraction

Wow! Jo missed a lot by missing David's Friends tonight. A guy that grew up in our Church (long before I was there) just got divorced and is coming back to our Church (and to David's Friends). Yay! I know him thru softball. I've only seen him at softball functions, which means a hat. Dad & Jo keep telling me he has red hair. ;-) Yay! Speaking of red-heads...there was also a short, but in depth talk regarding Red, specifically Red & I. Red has talked with the Pastor a couple of times in the past 2 weeks regarding yours truly. ;-) Pastor D rules! Red's older sister (David's Mom) was annoying me tonight, she couldn't wrap her head around the idea she doesn't know all, all the time. (That entire family has that issue often!) Red still doesn't know if he's coming home this weekend or not. Silly boy! Let me just say, for the record...1) I am NOT obsessed. 2) My life is NOT on hold.

Jo told me I needed to blog about our strange family!

Background...Jo hates feet! HATES! Yesterday, Dad had a cut on the bottom of his foot. I was cleaning it out for him and stuff. I was telling him, he should be able to do it himself. "Dad, is your gut to big these days that you can't pull your leg up and see the bottom of your foot?" Dad, "What do you mean?" "Like this", as I stand up and put my foot to my mouth...switch and do it with the other leg. Dad and Jo find this SO amazing. They need to try it. They both just about fall during their attempts and weren't even close! We are laughing at our silliness so much, we had to go show Mom my new "trick". Dad & Jo had to attempt again. I think its weird that not everyone can, while standing, raise their foot to their head. My Dad & Jo think I'm crazy flexible.

Background...my Dad only likes his music, whatever that is (Alice Cooper, Beach Boys, The Beatles, and that's about it)...and NOTHING else. He is always making fun of my hillbilly music. Later in the night, we were talking about Proof (of D-12) getting shot to death. My Dad decides to bust into a rap song for us, arm motions and all. The words went like this "my momma's momma...my momma's momma." We think he ment to use the phrase "Baby's momma" which makes his poor rapping attempt all the worse! I was laughing so hard, I was crying.

In other news, they are making a large deal out of this story. Now, its not a hidden thing, I have a love affair with Darren McCarty. So, the guy is filing for bankrupcy. The guy is a hockey player, not a rocket scientist. I don't think anyone (me INCLUDED!) ever said the guy was overly bright. Yes, it sucks. Yes, he made (obviously...but we all have!) poor choices. Get over it. I still love him! I'm actually silly happy to read he's divorced now. Makes my lusting after him less guilty for me or something goofy. He's still hot. He's still a good hockey player. He's still hot. He's still got a cool rock band. He's still hot!

My weigh-in of the week: :-( 148. Not good obviously, since I'm up 2lbs. I do have my excuses though (and I realizes they are just that, excuses!), its that time of the month, plus I did a little emotional eating over the CJ thing. Blah blah blah. Back on track.

I've been in a VERY good mood lately, say the past 36 hours or so. Stress and all, I'm in a good mood. Doing things outside of my box, and I'm still in a good mood. I hate that I fear the good mood leaving. Right now, I so don't want my good mood to end, I'm avoiding sleeping. I know, I know...I'm a nut job.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

When Smokey Sings

The following is something I got in an email forward from my friend Butt. Its got some good points! The real good points (the ones I think are real good!) are noted!


ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

***THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (I'm guilty of doing this...but I know I shouldn't!)

***FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

***FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

******SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.****** (Of course, this has more meaning than normal lately! Also, this is just my opinion...I know it works for some people...but not most! Oh wait...I thought this thing said KNOW the person at least 6 months before getting married. I don't care how long people are engaged for.)

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

***NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

***FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

***SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

***NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Free Me Now

The S that starts my middle name should be for STRESS! I had myself so worked up about something tonight, that I was shaking (I still am!) and sick to my stomach. That issue has resolved itself basically. Of course, I still have other stresses to deal with...but I always manage. If I win the mega millions tonight my current biggest stress will go away! If money stresses are as bad as my stress gets, life is good!

Work has been decent for far this week. Friday I have a vacation day, but there is a good chance that I'm going to get that vacation day back & just get the day off! YAY! See, I took a vacation day months ago, but now we aren't running a full staff, so seniority wise, I could just get the day off. We will see. The next 2 days are jeans days! YAY!!!!

Talked with CJ today (see that part about me shaking and feeling sick to my stomach), but it was a reallly good converstation, short, but good. I've got a guard up, but I can tell, so does he. Friends, I think so. More than that, I doubt it, but I'm a big fan of "never say never".

Oh yeah, my home computer is fixed. YAY!!!!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time. God is good!

Blue Suede Shoes

I didn't want ya'll to think I fell off the face of the Earth. My home computer (ya know, the new one!) is in the repair shop cause Dad jacked it up BAD! So, this quick post is coming at you via the lovely library.

I've calmed down LOTS regarding the CJ situation. Obviously, Wednesday night I was in a little bit of a shock. I still have issues but nothing I can't handle. He hasn't called and I'm not holding my breath for him to. My issues are 1) I feel like a rebound! and 2) I'm angry with myself that I allowed myself to be so vulnerable. Other than that, I wish him well. I hope he gets his life figured out soon, rather than later.

I have no clue when the home computer will be working again. Not that I have anything super blog worthy that I need to type about, but I miss my computer. I miss not being able to blog about every little thing whenever I feel like it!

I've Been Waiting For You

The 3.5 hours of broken sleep I got aren't enough, especially when I feel like junk!

I'm dreading work with a passion, but I'm going to keep myself SO busy there today.  Its the ONLY way to make it thru.

Something I wrote in that long post that got fried by my computer was, at least I know for 100% certainty, I did NOTHING wrong in the relationship.  All of the issues are on CJ & his need to get his life together.  I might be angry at myself for a ton of things, but I rest assured, but things going south aren't MY fault.  Since someone has to be at fault, obviously CJ is but more than that, its a piss poor timing issue really.

If anyone wants to send me flowers to work or my house, feel free.  It will brighten my mood!

Yes, I'm going to ramble about the issue a few more times, so deal.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Save Us

I had a HUGE long rambling post typed out but my computer froze and I lost it!  Its to late for me to attempt it again.

The short version...I talked with CJ's cousin.  I feel bad that she's in the middle, but she can handle it. She's PISSED.  "T, I'm so sorry my cousin is a douche bag."  I talked with CJ.  I asked, he answered, I spoke my peace.  I'm not holding my breathe for us to be friends.  CJ needs to figure out his life before he tosses anyone else into the mix.  I wish him all the best.

CJ viewed Red as competition.  Well, I'm happy to report Red will be home in 4.5 weeks.  ;-)

After a brief hiatus, I'm BACK as President of the Staying Single Forever Club!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Street Fighter

So, I calmed down enough to call CJ back. He is on the other line (my educated guess is he was talking to his cousin/my friend) and says he'll call back in 5 minutes. Yeah, that was 20 minutes ago. I have a few things I need to say, be them nice or not, I don't care...depends on how he takes things. Part of me feels like I was lied to. I really need to speak my peace. I was just talking with SML regarding the situation, and one of my issues is on Sunday night, I wrote a letter saying ALL the same things CJ said tonight. If I would have just acted instead of letting things spew and giving him time, I could at least been the one with the power or whatever in the situation.
David's Friends tonight was just so-so. The coffee shop is cool cause I got a smoothie.

This new great computer is being lovely and keeps giving me a pop up every 15 seconds or so saying the anti virus isn't working right. ERRRRRRRR.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Surfer Girl

In theory, I try to let things spew within my head for a day or so before I post about them (emotional issue type stuff), but right now, I don't care. My life, my blog.

So, I pretty certain that CJ and I are done. Yep, done before it really got a chance to go somewhere. I'm annoyed at how he handle things the past few days. I'm angry at myself for putting myself in such a vulnreable position. I'm angry at myself for caring about someone so much so quickly. I'm angry at myself that I didn't understand God AGAIN. I'm angry at myself for a million and one reasons. I won't say there is NO future down the road, but my life will NOT be on hold and I'm NOT holding my breathe. There is a chance of us being friends, but yeah, I'm not holding my breathe.

More later, maybe.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

China Lady

My allergies are officially kicking my ass right now! MAJORLY! I thought things were better but late last night they flared up again, and today, they have been HORRIBLE! I can't remember the last time my seasonal type allergies were THIS bad!

CJ called last night AFTER I went to sleep (so, sue me, I went to sleep at 21:00), but I woke up and talked to him for about half an hour. We cleared a lot of things up. I'm learning how he operates still (I knew he had flaws, I just had to find them) and vice versa. His way of making sure he doesn't take his stress out on me is to distance his self from me. Interesting. He was back to his butt kissing ways that I adore. ;-)

I'm going to attempt to take my runny/stuffy nose, sneezing, watering eyes, self to David's Friends tonight, at the Coffee Shop. We shall see. Outside of my box!

Mom had a small seizure yesterday. That's not good, but the GOOD news is, it was 4.5 weeks since the last one. I think it was that long anyway...I'm not 100% sure.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

That's Rock And Roll

I've decided I'm over the America Idol craze. I just have a million things I'd rather do (like sleep) then watch it. Maybe towards the top 5 or 3, I'll get back into it, but for now, I'm done.

SML & I went to dinner last night. While I feel like we got NO WHERE near a compomise, because he's at one end and I'm at the other, we must have made some progress. He did text me today, something he hasn't done in a couple of weeks. Last night, he also did give me my Tim & Faith tickets! YAY! So now I know he won't burn them or whatever. Who I'm going with at this point is up in the air, I think.

I'm a little stressed for 2 totally different reasons. I know they will both work themselves out. Money will always be a stress. The opposite sex will always be a stress. I should just get used to it. CJ isn't really a stress (and surprisingly for me, his stress isn't becoming my stress!), but I'm just very confused on the direction things are heading. We shall see.

The weekly weight check! WAHOOOOO!!! I am down to 146! I'm SO excited! That's 6 weeks to drop 6lbs for my short term goal.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

No Time To Lose

Another day, another dollar. I really dislike Mondays, but who am I kidding, I dislike all work days lately. I'm going to try to start with a positive attitude today. I might stay at Gma's tonight, just because I don't want to be here. I don't know. I don't even know my own name lately.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Sounds Of War

Dad has jacked up the new computer already. Don't even get me started on his stupidity! He's the STUPIDEST smart person I know, BY FAR!!!!!!!!!

I've got to type this fast, cause God only knows when the computer is going to randomly re-start on me!

Since I've talked with my 2 best (male) friends about my issues regarding CJ, gotten their thoughts/opinions, I feel safer posting about it now. If I could only begin to clearly get my points across to CJ, its just difficult over the phone.

CJ is under a ton of stress. His divorce keeps getting messier every day! His grandfather that he's very close to is going to pass away (from cancer) any minute. Add on he's working 60+ hours a week (not counting any fire runs), plus just normal life issues. He's very stressed, understandably.

I know I tend to be a selfish & self-centered person. I'm not proud of it, but its me. Over the past year or so, since I realized I really was that way, I've been trying to change, but its a slow bloody process. I've made progress, but not enough by any means.

CJ & I have discussed in depth, the fact that for now, I must be a back burner in his life. I know it won't be like that forever. I'm just NOT used to not having the world revolve around me, so to speak, and its different. I'm TRYING to be patient and less selfish/self-centered...but its hard. I take everything he says or does personal, like he doesn't care, when I know the opposite. Finding a delicate balance right now of where we fit into each others life is a challenge. I know relationships aren't easy.

A small part of me is ready to chalk this relationship up to bad timing and call it quits. A small part of me thinks maybe we are better off as friends for now, and we will see what the future might hold. Yet, a much larger part of me knew what I was getting myself into (needing to be patient with his divorce mess especially) and wants this to work more than anything! He's worth the work. I'm worth the work. I believe deep down, that all the issues are within my insecurities and my selfishness/self-centered ways.

Ramblings of my head. I hope this makes a little bit of sense. If not, it does to me, and right now, that's what matters.

We shall see what the future holds. Nothing more, nothing less.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

My Foolish Heart

My sleep has been very broken this weekend. I'm taking my Sunday nap for sure, VERY shortly! No one is going to stop me today! NO ONE!

Church at the school that we are renting wasn't bad at all. I was very nervous about it...but I survived. I just know that I don't want to be there forever. The message was about how we have to be the least to be the greatest. Its a topic that David's Friends, and Red & I especially talked about in depth over the summer. David's Friends is going to be meeting at a new coffee shop in town. We shall see how that works out. I can't wait for our new Church building!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Elephant Man

I tend to think I'm a pretty laid back (not as laid back as I'd like to be, but still laid back), easy to please kind of person. I know some will disagree...but their opinions don't count right now. There are a few things you just don't do!

For starters:

• do not waste my time!
• do not lie to me!
• do not give me your word, when you know you mean opposite!
• do not make a fool out of me!
• do not try to spare my feelings!
• do not assume!

Its been a rough 24 hours or so, within my head. Things are a little better now. Decent mood lives on!

I can't get Yahoo Euchre to load on this new computer and its really starting to piss me off!!

Today is April Fool's Day. About 8 years ago or so, a good friend of the families played the best joke on my Mom. She got my Mom believing she was in jail and my Mom needed to take care of her kids, get together bail money, etc. (This friend was a driving force in what lead Jo & I, then my parents to a relationship with Christ, so she is very dear to all our hearts.) This friend passed away 3 years ago from breast cancer, in her late 30's. Well, today her Dad called and messed with my Mom. It was so sweet, in a weird fun sad way.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I Wanna Be No Hero

I wish I could say this CJ situation has worked itself out by now...but it hasn't. Things are better, but by no means, good, right, or normal. We shall see. Patience is a virtue, a virtue which I'm TERRIBLE at.

Like always, the emphasis is mine...

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:12-13 (NIV)

Dad & I went and helped at Church today. It was a work day, taking pews from old church to a church in the next town over. Some of the men really pissed me off & their thinking I'm incapable. See, my Dad has 3 daughters. My Dad wanted sons, so my Dad raised us to be extremely not girly. Thankfully, my Dad, Red's Dad, and Pastor D all know me & my abilities so well, otherwise, I would have ended up in a trouble.

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1- 2 (NIV)

37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38 (NIV)

I wish others could understand, what works for me works for me. What works for you, works for you. Not everything is going to work for everyone. As long as we think we are doing what is best for us, in any given situation, and not breaking the law or not going out of our way to hurt others, then what should it matter?

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

House On Fire

I've been awake since shortly after 07:00. Annoying! I thought I had to take Jo to school for my Dad this morning, but nope. I'm debating if I'm going to the gym today. I'm still not 100% well, but I feel the fat just coming back every second I'm sitting on my butt & with every bite I put into my mouth.

My mind is consumed by way to much thought right now. I'm going to make a draft entry, just so I can get my thoughts out, while still protecting myself. We shall see if I publish it or not later.

As much as I was looking foward to this weekend of nothing to really do, I'm bored already. I don't want to clean. I'm not in the mood to scrapbook. The weather sucks! I'm to poor for my retail therapy today. Blah. Overall though, I'm still in a decent mood. Not that good, but not that bad.

My bible reading from yesterday (emphasis mine):

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[a] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39 (NIV)

I have more Bible stuff in my head to blog about, but Dad needs the computer. ERRRR. So much for me blogging a draft right now too. ERRRR. We need to fix the old computer and get this network (LMAO!) running.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Blowing Kisses In The Wind

I've been feeling like junk all week, plus very tired. So, I went to bed before 21:00 tonight. Of course, my silly body registered that as a nap! Wide awake now!

I'm very anxiety filled right now & I hate it. I woke up shortly after 22:00 and could have solved my issues as much as I can control, but NO, I rolled over and kept sleeping. Wide awake, anxiety filled, and no way to solve the issue for about 18 hours. AHHHHHHHHHH. I know life happens, but just AHHHHHHHHHH. In my logical head, I'd like to think everything is fine, but my gut feeling isn't thinking the same thing. Obviously, this is CJ related. My gut is telling me that my insecurities are going to ruin this before it really gets a chance. My logical head is like "He's been tired, stressed, working alot, maybe he had a fire run or 2 tonight, etc."

I drove home from work in hail. I was sitting at a light and the rain kept "pinging" off my roof. Then, I looked in the lane next to me, to see tons of white balls. HAIL. Yuck. That's a first for me. It was loud!

I keep typing stuff and deleting it. I wish I could get my thoughts out right now. I typed out a paragraph about a friend, but took it out, because I need to talk to this person, not post about it. Keeping smart aleck remarks to myself.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!