I went to a family gathering tonight for about an hour and a half.  My Uncle is best friends with a guy that plays in the NHL and had a BBQ for him.  It was cool.  The point of this post is...

My younger cousin annoys me.  I feel bad, that I don't like him.  I don't like his Dad that much either.  As we all know, I've been pretty ill lately.  My little cousin wouldn't give me his chair tonight.  Obviously, there is much more to the issue then just a chair, but tonight that's what set me off.

God is love!

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Lots on my mind.

Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for, yet the day I've been dreading.  I'll be at the hospital, being knocked out and tested up one end and down the other...literally.  To say I'm nervous is an understatement!!!!! 

I'm staying at Gma's tonight so I wouldn't have to wake up so early in the morning.  Its cool...I managed to get online here.  She's in an area w/ tons of free wi-fi places within walking distance.  Its cool.

I'm starting to get financially STRESSED worse then ever before.  I'm going to have to call my jerkball Gpaw to borrow a large amount of money this week and it makes me nervous.

I've got a tooth/gum area bugging me.  It started last night and its just like annoying and itching.

As I've said to much lately, being single is kicking my butt mentally.  I could hear fireworks going off tonight and it got me thinking of the upcoming months and firework time and it makes me just sad to be single.  Something as simple as going to fireworks with someone I care about can put a smile on my face for days. 

God is love!

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I'm in a great deal of pain.  UGH.  I'm sure its a lot of stress, but it doesn't take away the physical pain right now.  I know I'm extremely malnutritioned and dehydrated right now.  I am SO tired of answering the question "How do you feel?"  Like sh*t, literally.  When something changes, I'll update the world...until then, leave me alone.  If I need/want to talk about it with you, I will.

Whatever.  I am going to work VERY hard at my Christian walk again.  I was reading stuff from my blogs of the past and I feel like I was doing better in my Christian walk then.

I know I've said this alot recently...but after some events tonight, I must say it again...I am sick of being single!!!!!!!!!!

God is love!

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A few things to remember:

*  Everyone lies.  (Thanks to one of my favorite TV shows, House)
*  Like everyone, trust very few!
*  Don't buy toothpaste just because its your favorite color.  (I have NO idea why they even MAKE lime green toothpaste, its terrible!)
*  I love my Detroit Tigers.
*  God won't give me more then I can handle.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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So, back to Saturday's posts about the the dream regarding someone from my past.  The someone is CJ, from March of 2006.

We see the need every 6 months or so, to randomly pop up in the others life.  Hoping things/timing will be different, but it never is the right time for both of us.  We just talked for awhile, he actually has called me 2 days in a row now.  Its hard to really re-connect over the phone though. I just HATE the situation, because I have NEVER felt like somone was SO perfect for me, SO quickly ever...and 2 years later, I still think about that and so does he.  ERRRRRRRRR.  Its just frusterating.

Now, don't get me wrong...there is a HUGE difference between CJ and my friend.  With CJ, we felt like we were perfect for each other it was just a case of bad timing.  With my friend, we were in love with each other...we just realized (okay, he realized) we wanted different things, long term.

My head has been POUNDING for 2 days.  Work SUCKS and I haven't even been there.

God, feel free to sort this lack of love life out for me, any time now!

God is love.

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A long time ago now (I probably blogged about it when it happened), I had a dream (more like a nightmare) that my Mom passed away and ST & SML both missed the funeral.  I remember talking to both of them about it, especially SML and he assured me it would never be like that.

Mom's health has been pretty decent lately, praise God. 

I keep replaying that dream & converstations in my head all the time recently.  SML and I recently had a huge falling out, or something like that, so I'm sure that's why.  I just am so hurt by SML right now.  ST lives far away, works (& travels for work) a lot, and has a new GF (which I'm SO happy about!), so I feel like he'll never have time for me again.

Back to the doctor I go tomorrow & then to deal w/ HR at work.  I AM strong enough to deal with everything.

God is love.

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With all the crazy things going on in my life, I'm having a difficult time being single.  Don't get me wrong, I've got AWESOME friends and family.  I've said time and time again, I would MUCH rather be single then settle for anything less then the best.

I just want someone to enjoy the simple things in life with.  Last night, I was watching the hockey game and then it dawned on me...I was ALONE.  Today, I was thinking about summer being upon us, with this coming weekend being Memorial Day Weekend.  I want someone to go camping with.  I want someone to understand that I think the Tigers are the best team in baseball, no matter what.  Someone that can watch every game with me, or listen to it on the radio, or someone that can take a walk, while holding my hand and listen to my rant about what I would do if I was Jim Leland.  I want someone to understand that if I'm at home, I'm going to live in pajamas.  I want someone who understands that I talk to my parents/sisters numerous times a day.    I want someone who understands sometimes I need to be cuddle and sometimes, I don't want to be touched.  I could continue...

God is love!

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I had another interesting dream:

My favorite Aunt (she'll be 42 in a week) was at a family event in August (as in this coming August).  She was NOTICABLY pregnant.  When I get my favorite Aunt & Uncle alone and ask them they say "Yes, its a girl and since its noticable, guess we should start telling people."

Strange.  This Aunt & Uncle have 3 children, ages 21, 7, and 5...but I've always had a feeling they weren't done and they've said if God has different plans, they will expand their family.

God keeps putting so much on my plate.  I'm struggling beyong belief physically and mentally.

On a VERY happy note...My beloved Detroit Red Wings are heading to the Stanley Cup finals!  YAY!

God is love!

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So, I got ahold of the person I had the dream about.  Ugh.  It was a nice reminder that he's a jerkball.  I just wish that fact would sink in and we would stop seeing the need to get back in touch.  Him being a jerkball doesn't take away from the fact that he's HOT!

I'm so bored and emotionally drained lately.  Tack on my abdomin does non-stop flips...I'm great.

I'm having a hard time with my single friends all living 30+ minutes from me.  Don't get me wrong, my married friends are GREAT but they are just busier.  I'm having a hard time with being single, its getting old.  Wait...I'm getting old.  I just want to be married w/ children, honestly way more then that...just to be with the one I love.  UGH.

God is love.

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Ugh.  I had a CrAzY dream overnight, that I now awake and still giddy and anxiety filled over it.  Its such a strange feeling.  The details of the dream are hoggy, but it involved someone from my past.  At one point, I was trying to basically swim up river but I had things in my pictures and stuff in my hands.  I just don't get  why this person continues to pop up at random times.  Its just weird.

It looks nice outside, I wish I had the energy and strength to actually do something.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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So, I'm CRYING over ice cream.  I wanted ice cream last night and settled for McDonald's hot fudge, which was DEFINITLY NOT what I wanted.  I called my friend to have him bring me ice cream tonight and got told no.  He says he's there fo me when I need him, and this is a want.  ERRRRRRRRR.  I don't like to be told no.  I can't handle it lately, I can't handle life lately.  My friend is full of dumb reasons he can't/won't/doesn't want to do it too and that just annoys me.  Laundry, taking out the trash, and cleaning the garage are more important then me.  The place I want ice cream from is near my friend's house, but is KNOWN for being VERY slow.  There aren't other options really, besides McDonald's and I didn't want that yesterday and I don't want that again today.  ERRRRRRRRRRR.  A commerical is on for the ice cream place.

Now, one might ask why I can't go get the ice cream myself.  The ice cream place is about 5 miles from me.  Earlier today, I drove to the grocery store for 1 item.  The grocery store is about a mile from me.  I almost got into a car accident on the way there.  I had to call my mom to calm me down and sit on the bench outside the store to calm down.  THEN I came out of the store (I went for one thing and was in there for less then 10 minutes) I had NO clue where I parked. 

I am losing the mental war right now.  I'm losing the physical war right now.  Any glue that holds me together is weak right now but I'll pull it together somehow.

God is love.

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I'm watching The Bachelor season finale right now.  I watched the premier, and maybe 5 minutes here and there thru the season.  Listening to some of the stuff that the people are saying tonight is getting to me emotionally.

I thought thru and thru that my friend was the ONE!  9 months post breakup and I still feel he's the one.  I wish I could openly put into words the how/why I feel that way, but I can't.  I'm sitting here thinking about it, wishing I could express it.  I think JJ summed it up best last week "He's quirky just like you.  You complement each other so well."  

God is love!

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I've finally given into the idea that I'm stressed and depressed MUCH more then I can handle.  I'm just getting annoyed with the whole process of not totally knowing whats going on.  I checked my balance on my bank accounts today which didn't help my stress level.  Somehow, I know it will work out financially but its still stressful.

Saturday, while at my cousin's birthday party and running around like a crazy person with Gpa and my Uncle trying to figure out what was going on w/ my car, I cut my foot (I had kicked off my sandals as soon as I got there).  Of course, I don't know for sure what I cut it on.  I think it was a piece of straw.  Of course, I didn't even wash it for like 24 hours.  So now, I walk like a hunchback to help easy abdominal pain, but with a limp cause I have a gross cut on my right foot.

I finally finished Sex and The City today.  Now, I can't wait for the movie.  I didn't start watching the series until about Christmas time (roomie has all of them on DVD).  Less then 3 weeks for the movie.

God is love!

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In the past 20 minutes, I went from feeling okay to being in tears with pain.  I called my friend and Jo cause I didn't know what to do with myself.  I took half a pain pill, put on a heat patch, and now I lay here and try to think positive.

Yesterday was an interesting day.  I didn't go to my cousin's play.  I was heading to my cousin's birthday party and had car trouble.  It was minor and has been fixed, but the stress wasn't needed!   I had a decent time at the party.  Then I did make it to Butt's grad party.  Had a good time there.  I didn't make it to my roomie's birthday party, I was just to tired and stressed about the car issue that I didn't want to get back on the expressway.

Survivor Fans vs Favorites finale is on tonight.  1 Fan, 3 Favorites.  All females.  I don't have a clear favorite.  I haven't like Cirie since the beginning.  I guess I kinda want Natalie (the fan) to win, cause she's an underdog.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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I actually straightened my room this evening and am doing laundry.  I'm now resting and exhausted.  I hate this crap.

Tomorrow, in theory...I'm going to my cousin's play at 11am, another cousin's birthday party at 2pm, Butt's grad party at 5:30pm, and Roomie's birthday party at 8pm.  HA!  And these events are ALL over the moon.  HA!  Like I'm going to do ALL that.


UGHHHHHHHHHHH.  I'm just misreable.  I'm coming unglued.

God is love!

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Next Friday, I've got MORE tests scheduled...but hopefully these are the last.  My appetite is back in a HUGE way.  Yesterday, for the first time in 3 weeks...I actually felt okay (not to be confused w/ feeling good) but now tonight...I had to take a pain pill and I'm still in some pain.  I just want this done.  I've got to call the doctor tomorrow cause I am NOT going there again until after these upcoming tests, yet he didn't give me enough meds. 

Happy note.  Jo got her drivers license today.  FINALLY.  Now hopefully she'll gain confience about driving and actually drive.

My friends and family are the best!  They've been nothing but rocks of support for me lately.  I'd be lost without them.  I hope they know how much I love them and how grateful I am.

Dad is having surgery tomorrow.  Nothing major, but Dad is the glue that keeps our family functioning so its a little nerve wracking.

Monday morning, I was praying about how I don't feel like I'm at good at praying  (and DEFINITLY not a good out loud prayer) and I struggle with my prayer life.  God gave me the most clear answer ever.  God's answer was "just keep praying".  I had to share with Jo and Dani, because I was so excited about it.  When Dani and I went to dinner, I even offered to say the prayer before our meal!

God is love!

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Another post about my health.  Oh well.  That's the most interesting news worthy stuff happening in my life.

I was back at the doctor's office today.  I saw the doctor, they took some x-rays, blood, and the famous pee in a cup.  Then I was sent to the diagonstic center for some tests that he wanted done NOW and then back to the doctor (same building).  It was an adventure of a day.  We actually got somewhere today, I think, hopefully.  I thought I was all done being tested to death, until I go to check out and the chick hands me papers for tests at the hospital that require being put to sleep for.  Ummmm.  Excuse me?!?!  I think the doctor is annoyed at how many questions I ask!  Really, I think educated informed patients are viewed as difficult patients by the medical world.  I understand you are the doctor and I am not, but its MY health, MY body, MY life, MY money.

So, if the diagnois that came up today is accurate and all that's going on...I'll live.  I might have to change some things in my life and take some medicene and then things should for the majority be under control with a few flares ups now and then. 

Tomorrow is Shell's baby shower.  I'm SO excited.  Stressed a little about it but more exited then anything.  Only like 9 more weeks til Baby Jenny is here.  Its going to be so fun!!

God is love!

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Now that I'm back to blogging it seems to be all about my health and how I feel like I'm dying.  I didn't make it to work today.  I was doubled over in pain.  I'm sure I'll lose my job soon enough.  After taking my lovely meds this morning, I went back to sleep for like 8 hours.  Then I woke up and pounded tons of gatorade then my FABULOUS roomie went and picked up soup from one of my favorite resturants.  I watched Oprah, ate my soup, and came back to relaxing in my bedroom.  What a life.

My living situation couldn't be working out any better.  My roomie & her boyfriend are great.  My roomie and I are pretty different but yet we get along good.  We don't hang out all that often but its all good.  We haven't had an issue yet in the 6 months I've lived here. 

The single life is annoying me lately.  I want someone to cuddle with me and take care of me during this rough time.  My friends have been great but its not the same.

There have been some changes to my Detroit Tigers this season.  Starting with my Tiger Brandon Inge doing some catching.  He hasn't been behind the plate in probably 5 years.  Seeing him catch is to funny.  He seems so out of place there, but I don't care.  I just want Inge to keep wearing the Old English D.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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