(no subject)
I'm getting more & more excited AND more & more nervous about tomorrow's happenings!
Tomorrow, not only do I start my new fancy J-O-B...but I also am going by potential roommate's to check out the Condo & very likely finalize details.
Since I'll be starting at a much worse traffic time & my drive is a little farther...I'm giving myself 1.75 hours to get there. CRAZY. But I'd rather be early then late. See why this roommate gig needs to happen ASAP. Gpaw is in town until Thursday or so...so stay with Gma isn't realistic. I've got my snacks packed (2 yogurts, cheese & crackers, & a banana). I've got my clothes picked out. I got my hair cut yesterday, colored today. I just want things to go as smooth as possible.
Tomorrow is the first day of deer/bow hunting here. Dad & Jo's boyfriend are all excited. I really hope Dad gets a deer quick...so I don't have to hear about all the deer he saw/missed for weeks on end. Oh wait...I'll be hearing about deer hunting until the end of the year. Its all good...good eats come with hunting...so I'll live.
Off to watch TV.
Happy Sunday.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
Clarification...99% of males are jerkballs. That's 99% of ALL males...not just males I have a romantic interest in. ALL males...friends, family, acquaintances, the guy at the grocery store, the man in the car next to me, etc. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I am in a crappy mood. I've decent that 99% of males are flaming jerkballs!!!!!!!!!!!!! JERKBALLS!! I know that I deserve the world but being alone sucks. I took huge steps and deleted someone from my cell phone. Now, unless he calls me...I've got little way of contacting him. (I could look at old phone bills & get his number or write him...but those under normal circumstances take to much work)
I wish I could just move to a far off country with only the people I love & trust. I'd be in a far off country with like 5 people...but it would be cool.
BLAH!
I'm tired.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Let me just start with
WAHOOOOO!!!
I'm VERY pleased to report that effective 08:00 Monday morning, I have a new position at work! Different building, different hours, different person signing my paycheck, different dress code...EVERYTHING is changing! I'm VERY excited about the opportunities that will be presented for me. Its MUCH more money, real benefits, and all that stuff that comes with a HUGE promotion!!!
I am nervous too, because I hate change & hate the unknown but I'm trying to focus on the positive. Like I told me Dad, I was hating my other job SO badly that even if I don't like this one...at least I'm making more money!
I've got to call prospective roommate today & reschedule when I can come check out the place because the plans for Monday won't work with my new hours.
No need for a 2nd job now (no time either really).
The extra money this job is providing allows me to move out and have money to still have a life. Of course, the first few checks are SPENT! I need CLOTHES (see the part about a different dress code) and a LAPTOP! WAHOOOOOOOO.
God is love!
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(no subject)
My new motto for today is "Being grateful NOT hateful."
Its very annoying when you leave people messages & they don't return your calls.
I like speaking in the third person.
If this move goes how I am planning it, I'm going to miss David's Friends so much! Just as I'm getting used to it, to leave again will be crappy. Mell & I just "get each other" so well. I wish we'd figure out how to be friends outside of all the Church drama.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Whenever I've thought about moving, I've always had 3 things I need. A place to sleep, a job, and a Church.
Well, as we all KNOW, I've been VERY stressed about this moving situation.
Sunday morning, I went to Church like normal (I was at Gma's so I went to the Church near there, the one I went to when living with my friend & most likely the one I'll go to if I move in with prospective roommate). Within 3 minutes of being there, there was this huge weight lifted off my shoulders & God telling me that "this Church" was where I belonged and to stop being scared & just go for the move. It was an overwhelming exciting feeling yet so relaxing & calming.
I did talk with prospective roommate on Friday & it went decent. I've got to set up a time to go check out the place & work out details...but its almost a done deal. Right now, I'm thinking Nov 1st will be my technical 1st day there. Almost a done deal...but nothing set in stone yet. I'm trying to not let myself get all excited again.
The past few days have been CRAZY for my family. Let me just say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Thankfully...God is good!
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
Being sick sucks.
Being stressed sucks.
Having bad dreams sucks.
They all work together, to get me very yucky. My abdomen feels like its gotten a great work out lately, from vomiting!
Life is precious.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I hate laundry.
I love sports.
That's all I have to say, cause I don't have energy to type. I'm lazy. Its all good in the 'hood.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Life has some issues going on. Shock shock. I hate being so paranoid though. I'm trying to remember no news is good news, but that's easier said then done.
Stress should be my FIRST name.
Blah.
In happier news...I'm going out with Shell, Steph, Cris, & others tomorrow. WAHOOOO! I think my friend wanted to hang out Saturday or Sunday, but I don't think that's going to work out.
God is love.
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(no subject)
David's Friends was a good time tonight. The dynamics of the group have surely changed since we first started 2.5 years ago. As much as people annoy me there, I always feel at home there.
The roommate situation update. The potential roommate emailed me back with her phone number so we could discuss details. I actually didn't procrastinate calling her back that much. I called her on my way home from Church, but got her voicemail. I left her a message & look forward to talking with her soon. Even if the situation doesn't work out, going thru this process is good for me. Its SO outside of my box, I want to puke...but its something I need to do.
Earlier in the day, I tried to casually mention moving out to my Mom, to see how it would go. It didn't go well & I felt terrible. I don't get to see/talk with my Dad enough (when I see/talk to him...there is always something going on!)...so when I got home from Church, I knew I had to bring the subject up. I was feeling stressed enough, I didn't want my parents thinking I was doing anything behind their back.
Note: My parents are some of the greatest people in the world. I'm a people pleaser in general. Getting my parents approval & support is always very high on my to-do list!
The conversation with Dad (with Mom there to) was short lived, involved a few tears (shock shock...T cried). My Dad wasn't super supportive but yet, wasn't non-supportive either. He gave me a hug & reminded me that I'm always welcome here but he understands where I am coming from too. I mentioned that I'm at a point where I can't afford NOT to do it and he made some nosey comment. When I said "What I spend in gas right now will cover 1/2 the bills for sure" He chirped back with "Learn to cook & you are all set." SMART ALECK! It was just weird, not at all I was anticipating it from him. Previously, Dad's been "MOVE OUT MOVE OUT MOVE OUT" but I guess that was when there was a male involved (which means marriage & more grandkids...Dad's #1 goal in life...marrying me off & producing him grandkids) and this time its all ME!
I keep telling myself if this prospective roommate situation works out, great...if not, that's okay too. My goal was to be out by Feb/March. Its all a learning process for me.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
God is love!
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(no subject)
I have the house to myself for a bit. WAHOOOOO! I've got the mini-zoo to keep me entertained if need be. I don't think I've had the house to myself at all since I moved home. It will be short lived, my parents should be home shortly though.
This roommate situation is making me so sick to my stomach. AHHHHHHHH!
God is love!
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(no subject)
Before anyone starts nudging me...I took the first step & email the prospective roommate myself. All of our other contact had been with Steph playing middle(wo)man. YAY! Baby steps.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Something which I can't disclose has made me SMILE tonight! I'm evil sometimes, but that's okay!
At lunch today, I got teary eyed about something...and I keep thinking about it. The poor girl that sits next to me at work, I must have mentioned it 10 times before she left for the day. Note: She's about 3 weeks behind me in this breakup head/heartache, so she GETS where I'm coming from.
My issue that I just want to scream from rooftops/cry about...WHY do THEY (general they...the population at large) expect you to go from telling someone everything, talking to them all day, every day about everything and nothing, completely trusting them, knowing they are one of your best friends, biggest ally, companion, confidant, & lover...to someone THEY view you can't talk to or about at all????
Obviously, that's NOT how the situation has worked itself out for me & my friend but the thought that others feel I should have NO or much more limited contact with him makes me literally cry and want to vomit. That's not how I roll. I can't hit a switch and go from everything to nothing. I only wish it was that simple.
In other news...someone, anyone, everyone...yell at me to NOT procrastinate. The fear of the unknown is so paralyzing to me that I tend to NOT deal with things. Okay, don't yell...just remind me. I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO WHAT I SET MY HEART & HEAD TO! I CAN DO IT!
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
More about the roommate situation...the amount I currently spend on gas for my car minus the amount I would need to spend on gas from new place would cover roughly 1/2 of my bills maybe more.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
Trip to Cincinnati was nice. Nothing exciting to report. It was great to see ST, since I've cried/yelled/talked to him SO MUCH over the phone in the past 6 weeks or so. We did a whole lot of nothing.
Lots & LOTS going thru my head lately. I've got a GREAT prospective roommate situation. I'm so scared, nervous, excited. I can't let my social-phobic issues stop me from following thru on this. I've talked in depth with ST, my friend, JJ (my older sister), and some others. While I need to go into the situation prepared, I also need to stop over thinking and "What if-ing" the whole thing. The biggest thing, obviously, comes down to money. I can afford it. I won't be able to live the same life I live NOW...but I think I'm getting to a point in my life, that I can't NOT afford it. I am just praying the situation works out the way its working out in my head. Of course, if anyone wants to gift me $$$$ right now, for the hell of it, feel free.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Nothing to really report, brag, or complain about. Miracle huh?
David's Friends was pretty uneventful tonight. I met 3 new people there which was cool. My friend Mell cracks me up. His new girlfriend was there. I love that he's still the same goof even with her around. The lessons have been studying the book of Revelations...The End Times...The Seven Visions.
For the first time in a while, I cried today (while on my drive home) about simply missing my friend. Its hard to think someone that's SO perfect, so the complete package for me...isn't THE ONE for me. Of course, on my way home from Church I talked to him & told him this. I love that I at least, have that open line of communication like that.
I'm heading to Cincinnati this weekend to visit ST. Shall be fun to get out of here. Unless I use ST's computer...I won't be posting until Monday or Tuesday.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
I'm going to shoot AT&T Wireless. I'm SO frustrated with them right now, its crazy. Let's just say that my text messaging plan has been messed up for a few months now. My Dad never looks at the bill...just pays it. ERRRRRRRR. (I pay my Dad a set amount for my portion each month) Well, now he's got fight with them about it. I'm frazzled! VERY FRAZZLED!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad he's going to fight with them for me, cause I'm a whip & would just pay it and maybe have it corrected for the future. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Happy Monday. The phones at work were all jacked up today. Blah.
I think I need a drink, or a nap.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I had a good time last night. Hung out at Shell & J's house...with the usual suspects. J & I were fine, we butted heads like we do, in a loving friendship way. Afterwards, I went to my friend's house for a while to hang out, since I was in the neighborhood. Ended up crashing there since it was 03:00 when we were remotely done talking. I let out a lot of junk on my friend that I had been holding back. I had a nice time with him. It was nice to see him & clear the air some. Maybe we will be able to be FRIENDS.
I had a GREAT time at the Red Wings vs Fire Dept softball game today. I got some awesome pictures (which are trapped on my camera, of course) and lots of autographs. I got a great picture of my Dad with my FAVORITE current Red Wing...Chris Chelios. I got Chris Chelios, Pavel Datsyuk, Kirk Maltby, Kris Draper, Niklas Kronwall, Kyle Quincey, Valtteri Filppula, Dallas Drake, & Brian Rafalski autographs on my Red Wings baseball style jersey & pictures of them all up close. I did manage to get a few other close pictures (like a decent one of Daniel Cleary...my future husband) I've got tons of far off pictures too. This has scrapbook heaven written all over it. My cousin (on the Fire Dept) played in inning or 2 at 3rd base & didn't get anything hit to him. Batting he was 1 for 2...but pulled some muscles really bad. Oh yeah...Kyle Quincey hit a home run & Dad caught the ball! All the balls they played with were signed by random players. Dad's home run ball was autographed by Jimmy Howard, Andreas Lilja, & Kyle Quincey. Like I said, it was a great time! Well worth the $20 admission!
Some people need to learn what RESPECT is. Its seriously driving me INSANE lately. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect your elders. You've got to GIVE some respect to get some respect in return.
I'm exhausted. Good NIGHT! Work is going to suck tomorrow...but for now, I get paid the same no matter what I do while there.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
Ever feel like you are just simply taking up space on this Earth? That's how I feel more often then not.
I am going to hang out at Shell & J's house tonight. Should be interesting, hopefully fun. I haven't seen J since the day his brother & I broke up. I believe Cris, Steph & her husband will be hanging out too. I just hope things aren't weird with J & myself. I don't think they will be...but you never know. I'm a stresser.
In not so many words, I told the letter recipient where he can go. We both know I'm not ready for a serious relationship. We both know we don't know how to casually date. I do know that I will NOT be lied to & I will NOT be part of his game playing. If he wants to start acting like an adult, we'll see...but at this point, I'm DONE. Like hockey puck steak done. I can't say it hurts, I'm guess I'm annoyed, upset, and sad. I am VERY glad my morals are intact still.
How about those Michigan Wolverines? Hahahaha! Go Spartans!
God is love!
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(no subject)
In all of the craziness known as my train wreck life, I made a good choice yesterday. I'm proud of me. No matter how big or small the GOOD choices I make are lately, I've got to remind myself...I'm doing the BEST I CAN! Trust me, that's difficult!
I'm also trying to remember the whole "Don't waste time on those that won't spend time on you" or whatever. That's a general statement...be it males, females, dating prospects, friends, or family. This a majorly difficult for me because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt more often then I should. Also, I HATE cutting ties with people.
In case I've never said it before (ha!)...I HATE LIARS! Right now, I've got a feeling I'm being LIED to. I have no proof, just this gut feeling. This is something I've got to follow my gut on. ERRRRRRRR. Makes me want to vomit. I'm an adult, I can handle the truth MUCH easier I can this lying gig.
I was asleep at about midnight last night, only to be awaken by a text message at about 02:30. My dear ST makes me smile. He's such a goof. Even in the middle of my quality non-drug induced sleep, it was so nice to be remind that he loves me. That time of night, I'm not naive enough to think he was sober when he sent it...but whatever.
I'm debating going to hang out at Shell & J's tonight with them and some other of our friends. I made it VERY CLEAR that my friend could be invited and it wouldn't pose a problem...but Shell wasn't inviting him for whatever reason. I hope his feeling don't get hurt to learn we all hung out and he wasn't invited. Oh well. I want to go, I don't have other plans. Just driving roughly 120 miles (round trip) to hang out is crappy and costly. Even in my fuel efficient car, its still not as cheap as I'd like. With all the crap going on lately, I'll probably go. My mental health needs it.
I'm trying to decide what to do about joining the gym. I'm not at my parents house that much. I don't plan on staying here for very long anyways. I could pay $6 a visit. I could just join (for a year its like $280, taken out of my checking account monthly after the initial $48). I have to go like 48 times or something like that to make it worth joining for a year. There are no gym choices that are in Farmville & The City. If I join the one out here, I am pretty good about going. Paying $6 a time, I doubt I will be. I just don't know. I know I have nothing to do in Farmville. I know I'm NOT getting skinner/healthier.
If its not one thing, its another. BLAH! What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Regarding my post about the opposite sex sucking...the problem is one can't be a moron at a time. They must get together and go "Let's piss T off today." Of course, they are never all angels on the same day though.
I'm currently reading "He's Just Not That Into You" at the recommendation of some dear friends. I'm not that naive. I have little problem realize he (general "he") isn't into me. So far the book is just reminding me about the crappy low self esteem I have lately. I GET he's not INTO me...but that doesn't help me SOLVE the problem. Whatever. Maybe I'll get more out of the book as I go.
My Tigers won their 3rd straight tonight. Nice to see them back on track for the playoff run!
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
For a million and one reasons...the opposite sex sucks.
Happy Friday Ya'll!
God is love!
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(no subject)
I'm alive...and well. Not super, but not that bad either. I'm SO glad its Friday, for no real reason.
I'm supposed to be going out with the Letter Recipient tonight, but I'm not holding my breath. He's got a work related meeting until 20:00. We are both free tomorrow all day too, which is rare and very cool. Again, I don't hold my breath. My brain is so set on its "no expectations" thing. I got told I need to learn to TRUST last night. I simply said "I'd believe it when I hear it tonight" about him calling to get together. Its fun.
I'm SO excited about the Red Wings/Fire Dept softball game for Sunday. To bad the weather looks gloomy.
Next weekend, I think I might go to Cinci to visit ST. Still in the air though. Story of my life, things being in the air. He's my rock. I need to see him! He helps me regain my focus.
The Tigers game was great! Extra innings sucked since it was a work night...but we won!! We all had a blast. It was nice to see Shell too! I missed her!
God is love!
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(no subject)
Some good things! Miracle it seems, since all I've done is complain lately!
I'll continue the my Dad rocks bit!!! He got me tickets to a Red Wings charity softball game!!! I'm SO excited. They are playing a fire department that my cousin is part of. So Cousin vs some Red Wings. AWESOME!! I can't wait. The family we'll be dealing with that day I always have a blast with! Tack on a softball game. Fun! Throw in some of my favorite Detroit Red Wings & I'm over the moon!
Tomorrow, I'll be going to a Detroit Tigers baseball game! Again, I'm SOOOO excited. I'm going with a good group of my friends (Steph, Butler, Shell, & some blast from the way pasts!) Shell & I are going to grab dinner before hand. I'm silly excited/nervous to see her. I haven't hung out with her since the day my friend & I broke up, so I'm excited...but with the events of the past week, I'm nervous. I don't know what to say. I don't want to think I don't care or that it didn't happen but I don't want to make things worse. But...again. Tomorrow Chicago White Sox vs Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park. I'M THERE!
For what could have been a CRAZY work day, it wasn't that bad!
Big Brother comes on tonight.
Good stuff all around.
Now if money would just start growing from trees, I'm be set.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I forget so often, but I have to remember I have some of the best friends in the world. You know who you are...and I love you.
Looking to get my own place...why stay in Michigan? What do I REALLY have here to keep me here? I have my friends & family, but my friends and family will still be that just from further away.
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My chest feels like I'm starting to have a freaking panic attack. I can't handle this! Whatever this is that's causing these things. I'm going to go insane yet! I hate feeling like I have no one in real life to turn to.
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(no subject)
My parents are home from up north! YAY!!!!!! I don't EVER remember being so excited to see my parents!
Its not a hidden thing that I'm going thru a rough time.
I love my Dad so much. He amazes me more & more every day. The love, patients, and kindness this man has these days is unbelievable. I often joke that he isn't the man that raised me! Its nice to see positive changes in people. Not that my Dad was ever a bad person & not that he's perfect today, but he's just cool.
Shortly after they got home, I was doing my dishes (I was eating when they pulled up). Dad came up behind me and started rubbing my shoulders. I was like "What do you want?" He was like "A hug & to remind you that I love you." Of course, I started crying & tried to go about my business & put my dishes away. He wouldn't let me. Have I mentioned I love my Dad & he's cool?
God is love!
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I'm "expecting" 3 phone calls today. I use the word "expecting" VERY loosely right now. Anyone want to place bets on how many calls actually come in?
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I'll go with one call. With that said though, I'm NOT holding my breath, and I'm not sitting by the phone WAITING for it to ring.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I don't TRUST people easily. I can count on 2 fingers how many people I've 100% TRUSTED, that know 100% of ME. ST & SML.
Obviously, there are others that gain my trust though. My friend had a HUGE amount of my trust. He had my all trust, its just he didn't know 100% of me yet.
The thought of having to open up to people, of having to trust people is paralyzing to me!
I don't know how to FIX this. I've always been a fan of the "Like all, trust none" mindset, but I don't think its healthy to not trust people the way I do.
~~~~~~~~~~
Next point of my day...Today is 09/03/07. Today is my cousin Trin's birthday. It sucks! Its also believed to be the date she died last year (no one will ever know for sure the DATE she died!). Its been a year of ups and downs for my entire family. I just pray she knows how much she's loved & missed.
~~~~~~~~
And on a much lighter note...
1 month from TODAY....Red Wings Hockey starts!!
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(no subject)
I'm in an evil vindictive mood today. Hehehehe.
My weekend has NOT went as I thought it would, in the slightest. Its been a pretty crappy weekend, but I'll live to talk about it. I did LOTS of relaxing and resting, so I guess that's good.
I've been checking out craigslist for apartments/houses/rooms for rent. I don't know how realistic this moving out idea is...especially since I want it to happen TOMORROW. I know I have to make it happen because staying here is TERRIBLE for me. Unless lots of things change QUICK, my goal is to be out of this joint by 03/03. I'm so bad at saving money. This is going to be a huge challenge for me.
I can't stand liars!!!!!!!!!!! I just HEARD someone tell a bold face LIE to someone I care about. Its taking everything I have to not call the person and tell them it was a LIE!
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This has been one of the worst weekends I can ever remember! I don't feel like getting into details, but this weekend has SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I wish I would have known! JM & TOY had football today. I assumed they wouldn't because of the holiday weekend.
Turns out they both WON! JM's team is off to a 2-0 start, and TOY's is now 1-1. They are both playing "real" football this year. "Real" meaning TACKLE. My babies are growing up.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I can't stand people without manners! A simple please & thank you will get you many places in this world!
I can't stand RUDE people. I have been called selfish & self-centered in my past. I've worked to improve on those things. I don't think I've ever been RUDE though. I'm dealing with RUDE people lately and its just annoying and wrong.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I've been thinking about the "don't waste time on those that won't waste time on me" gig. If that's true, I feel like I'd be REALLY alone in this world.
With the exception of a VERY few friends and even fewer family members, I'd be ALL alone!
Remember there are no one size hits all answers to this world.
Tigers come on shortly...YAY! Something to do.
And...WHOA! I can make as many pointless posts as I want in one day. There will be PLENTY more, now that I won't be staying at Gma's house anytime soon.
What doesn't kill me...makes me stronger. Why must all males make me want to cry so often? Oh wait...I make myself want to cry. I hate being such an emotional person!
Life is interesting. God amazes me. When I think about the stuff I have to complain about...I look at what some others have going on, and I am really blessed. Its sad that death puts life into prospective.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is love!
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(no subject)
Taken from a comment I was left...
Stop treating people like a priority when they only treat you as an option.
I need to remember that about a million times over!
The comment was written about ST, but I need to remember it in general!
I'm in crying whiny girl mode again today. I'll be strong yet.
God is love!
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