Kiss The Floor

My posts, which I send thru email (like I do 99% of my posts), aren't showing up! I logged into Blogger...they aren't there, but I can't publish them. ERRRRRRR.

I'm starting to get nervous, anxious, sick to my stomach about tonight. I was doing SO well, until today. Really, until I talked to my nosey friend. Oh well. It will be FUN! F-U-N! At least, after 2 drinks...it will be F-U-N!

I really need to step away from the computer & get my crap done!

God is love!

Step Into The Light

So, my Tigers lost! Congratulations St Louis Cardinals on winning the World Series! Congratulations to my Detroit Tigers on a great turnaround season!!!! I was SO tired last night, the princess that can ONLY sleep in a bed, that I fell asleep on the living room floor in the middle of the 6th inning. I'm sort of glad I didn't have to watch the end of the game & the other team celebrate. Now, for a few more weeks I only have 1 team to obsess about...my Red Wings. THEN...college basketball starts! Then it will be about my MSU Spartans & UNC Tarheels! And...while we are discussing my sports nerd factor. Don't think that I've stop rooting for my MSU Spartans football team!!!

One of my friends just called me. It was nice to hear from them. It annoyed me though, they we fishing for information on what's going on with me and my friend. I'd answer their questions & they'd dig a little deeper. I'm waiting for their significant other to call me and start the same thing. Then again, the significant other has probably been drilling my friend. I know they both (my friend & significant other) have great hearts & mean no harm. I know they both have different opinions & concerns about me & my friend, with very just cause! My friend & I aren't hiding anything, and we are very open & up front with each other about what's going on. We aren't hiding anything from our friends either. Its a need to know basis.

Its all good in the 'hood. The friend I'm talking about that called me, I would expect nothing less of them. While digging for info, they are doing it out of care, concern, & love for all of us involved. Doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me though!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Hurt

My same friends that I was raving about just a day or 2 ago...are pissing me off. I guess that's why we are friends. Love them one day, hate them the next...but always have each others backs!

I am SO beyond annoyed with a few of them right now. Hurt & upset. I normally don't allow myself to have those feelings...but yeah. I don't want to go into any detail, because friends being friends, it will probably smooth itself out in a day or to...but that doesn't mean, I don't feel like sh*t right now. I seriously think I might vomit. Hopefully the air clears soon.

A while ago, I made a clear decision, because people & life were changing to pull away from a friend. It wasn't easy, but it was something I had to do for ME. I have learned & grown so much since then. After things that were said recently, I think I might need to take a break from some others too. Just blah.

GO TIGERS! Go Red Wings!

God is love!

John The Baptist

Lots to do...but just a short note.

My Dad bugs me!  For starters he's SO nosey.  He's butting his nose in all of my business.  Not out of care or concern...but out of nosiness!  Also, he can't wrap his little head around the idea that ST & I are just NOT going to be together!  As much as I love ST to pieces, I don't desire to be in a relationship with him.  My Dad can't get over that.  2 years later and my Dad is still hung up on ST.  ERRRRR.

God is love!

Fallen Angels

I've said it before & I'll say it again!  I'm happy the World Series is a best of 7 series.  We are down, but NOT out!  Go Tigers!

Gma got the okay from the doctors to come HOME!  YAY!!!!  We don't know for sure yet WHEN she'll be coming home.  I just can't wait!!!!!!

My friends are SO fabulous!  I'm okay with only having a handful of friends, for the great majority...and today...every single one of them rule!

The situation with my friend just gets more comfortable all the time.  If we could only see eye to eye on one issue.  AIOAN!  Its really a win-win situation.  Right now, its helping keep my mind off of people it shouldn't be on!  Dude, I should be sleeping BUT no!  I haven't talked to him in 2 days and NOW we both have time.  HELLO!  We both have JOBS to be at tomorrow.  ;-)  Its so fun!

God is love!

The Way

Favorite Aunt & Uncle are having little cousin's birthday party on my birthday.  They won't be upset if I can't make it.  I'm just annoyed.  I know I'm being stupid.  I SO wanted this kid born on my birthday, yet I don't want his party on my birthday.  Grow up Princess T!

In general, my family is annoying me!  Mainly things all relating to Gma.  I just want to fly to Ireland & take time off from life for a month or so.  Or maybe Hawaii.  Or maybe a cruise.  Or maybe Vegas. 

I really need to find a way to make the March 2007 trip to Vegas with my friends!!  AIOAN!  It might work out.

David's friends tonight.  The topic is "death".  I doubt I'll have much to report on the subject.

God is love!

Pink

So my Tigers are now trailing the World Series 2-1.  Good thing is a best of 7 series! 

My sleep, my schedule, my routine is all thrown off & out of whack.  I'm TRYING!  Not that hard though.  I've got to get back to my routine.  BLAH!

Mom is SO cute.  She just woke up (to know anything about Alzheimer's is to know that morning/night are the worst...especially when first waking up) and came running out of the bedroom. 

Mom:  "Is it time for my party?  Where are all the people at?" 
T:  "Mom, what party?  What for?" 
Mom:  "My party for being so good lately."

She's been good lately, but no party for that.  Maybe we'll have a smart party for her birthday if she continues to behave!  Her birthday is about 22 days away.

My birthday, on the other hand, is 18 days away!

God is love!

Walk Away

The small, thoughtful things matter most.  Always have, always will!  Something as simple as a short email, because you know it will make me smile or laugh. Something as simple as a bottle of water, because you planned ahead, thinking about me. Or strange eerie things, that lead me to believe, things are going to be okay.  Like spending an hour talking about a TV show that I hadn't seen since 1997, to turn on the TV the next morning & THAT show to be on!  I can't wait to see where this goes, my friend!  Someone that can LISTEN, yet talks enough that I don't have to do all the talking (actually, I think he doesn't the majority of it!), someone that makes me smile, makes me laugh, someone to be there for me, someone I can pick up the phone and call, someone I can hang out with for hours on end and not realize time is passing.   Just let me say...awwww! ;-)  AIOAN!  Maybe all males don't suck all the time!  At the same time...good guys don't always finish last!

Should I try and take a vacation day on 11/01, or should I call in sick?  I've got 2 vacation days & 1 sick day to use by year end.  Hmmmm.  Or I could go to work on about 3 hours sleep.  Wait...I do that all the time!

I've got a silly decision to make but it has lots of potential, in many different ways.  I hate feeling like I've got to watch my every move.  I hate the thought of hurting others feelings. 

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

And while all my talk about the boy that makes me go "Awwww" lately...he's JUST my friend.  I can't wait to see where this path leads.  If nothing else, I'm gaining a fabulous friend!  I'm allowing myself (with NO conscious effort) to open up, to have fun, take things for what they are, & enjoying every second of it!  Thanks for being my friend!  Again...AIOAN!

God is love!

Hole In My Soul

So, I'm doing a decent job of making lemonade out of life's lemons.

That doesn't mean all is great in my life!  I "what if" a situation to death.  My ability to handle stress or anything that doesn't go "right" is lacking MAJORLY!  I keep everything inside, to the best of my ability...but those in the know, know I'm still fighting the never ending depression battle.

I was doing okay...until my Favorite Aunt IM'ed me.  "Did you get the message to call Favorite Uncle regarding your life when Gma gets out of the hospital?"  Well, no I didn't get the message.  Everyone in that family should KNOW by now that unless you talk to me or leave ME a voicemail, I'm not getting any message.  So, from now until the time I manage to talk to Favorite Uncle, I'm a tad stressed.  Part of my logical head says I shouldn't be.  1)  Its regarding Gma & we all know I'm her favorite.  2)  Its Favorite Uncle and he's such a good guy!  Yet, not knowing is a HUGE stresser for me.  I have NO idea when Favorite Uncle and I will have time to talk really either.  Just ERRRRRRR!  God's plan.

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)

I went to Church yesterday.  After a bunch of confusion and stupidity on my part...I made it to Church.  I have a huge commitment to God to make it to Church every week unless things are out of my control.  There is SO much more to my relationship with Christ then just going to Church...but its one of those things that I've got to do for me!  I ended up going to the Church that I attended from age 11-20, the Church that I got saved in.  It was SO nice to go back "home" so to speak.  While that Church has physically change a ton, the people have changed somewhat, Pastor Mike wasn't there.  I still LOVE that place!

I'm off to do things that make me happier, unlike dealing with my family!

God is love!

Come On Over

I was tagged by Rhi and I always do as told!

) Would you bungee jump?
Yep!

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be?
Midwife

3) Your favorite fictional animal?
To know me is to know that I don't deal with fiction very well.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh?
My 8 year old nephew TOY

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up?
middle school math teacher

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Shut off the stupid alarm clock ASAP!

7) Have you ever gone to therapy?
therapy, as in counseling...yep! 

8) If you could have one super power what would it be?
To see into the future.

9) Your favorite cartoon character?
Spongebob

10) Do you go to church?
Yep, every week.  I could count on 1 hand how many times in the past 2 years I've missed Church.

11) What is your best childhood memory?
Kickball in my front yard!

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not at all!

13) Do you own a gun?
Not yet!

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes, in a kidding around matter.

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
As a little kid when we had Christmas concerts and stuff.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes & Smile

17) What is your biggest mistake?
Taking people/things for granted!

18) Say something totally random about yourself.
I'm left handed.  I do everything left-handed...except for golf!

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?
Nope.  There is only 1 ME!  Thank God!

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Romantic...he knows.  I know.  Its all good.

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Usually

22) Is it wrong to not tag anyone?
Not at all, cause I'm not!

God is love!

Song For Dad

I love when people read more into things then are really there.  I love when people assume things too!

Life keeps tossing (small) lemons at me.  I'm managing to do a good job of making lemonade lately!

ST & SML deserve a huge thank you & pats on the back!  (So boys, this is as good as you are going to get...thanks!)  They dealt with me so much, taught me so much about life & relationships, and friendships as well.  I know life is a learning and growing process.  I would just HATE to see where I'd be with my boys!  A few of the things that are really sticking on in my mind right now:
~Take nothing & more importantly, NO ONE for granted!
~Show others you care!
~People are going to fight!
~There are some risks in life worth taking.
~The world doesn't have to revolve around me all the time.
~I deserve to be treated well!

God is good, all the time!  All the time, God is love!

Blame, Etc.

AOL is being interesting!  There is a little error box up in the middle of my screen.  I can't click on it to make it go away, yet I can still do whatever I want.  So, I'm typing this but can't see the middle of my lines.  INTERESTING!

The past 2 days have been VERY fun, exciting, interesting, and just overall, a good time!  :-)  Maybe more on that later...

I had come to terms, so to speak, with some decisions I am making regarding Church stuff.  Tonight (in the middle of my good mood!) my Dad starts going on and on about Church stuff (one issue we are approaching VERY differently!).  I guess I'm not as calm & over the situations as I thought I was.  It was a real mood killer, for sure!

My MSU Spartans had a fabulous come back today!!!  My Tigers lost...good thing its a best of 7 series.  My Red Wings are losing.  ERRRRRRR!  Get it together Wings!

I know lately I'm watching what I write based on a few that might be amongst the audience of readers.  I don't like doing that...but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!  I just don't want things to get messed up!  :-)

God is love!

Amphetamines And Coffee

Can someone please tell me what is wrong with my hockey team?  They need to get it together!  The sooner the better!  Go Red Wings!

I think I might have messed my back up at the gym today.  Not cool, but I'll live!  I always do!  ;-)

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

I Will Carry You

I am dead pass out tired!  I have NO idea how I'm awake enough to type this.  I have NO idea how I'm going to manage to stay awake for another 3 hours.  3 hours of Mom-sitting (thankfully she's doing decent...and she's sleeping!), laundry, this that & the other!

I went to visit Gma.  When I talked to her on the phone today, she called me out on something.  Its so nice to know, at least, her head is getting better!  She said she knew I have been depressed again lately (shock shock) because I haven't called or seen her that much and she knows I run to my room and hide as much as possible.  Ding ding ding.  And I thought I HID that stuff!  Guess I'm not fooling to many people?!

Tomorrow is work, lunch shall be the bank and all that fun Friday stuff.  After work, I'm heading to the library.  Then, my friend & I are going shopping to get stuff for our Halloween costumes & grabbing dinner too.

Saturday afternoon/evening I'm going to the cider mill & hayride with a friend from high school that I haven't seen in well over 7 years. 

I'm excited AND nervous about my weekend plans...because its all SO outside of my box.  I keep reminding myself that friend is safe because he's J's brother and J would kill him (and bury the body where no one would find it) if he messed with me.  I keep reminding myself that the friend from high school is safe because she was my friend long before I got social phobic and paranoid of people.  The thought of meeting my high school friend's boyfriend and daughter does freak me out a little bit.  Not because they aren't safe (they know someone I know...so they are okay) but because just AHHHHH!  I don't like meeting new people.  It makes me want to panic!!!!  It will all be okay.

Enough rambling!

God is love!

Falling Off

I know the things I have to do to keep myself as physically & mentally healthy as possible.  Its nothing that difficult, costly, or time consuming.  Yet, I find doing those things such a task & HATE doing them.  Blah!

Just blah!

God is love!

Lay Down My Pride

Nothing to exciting to write about.

I love working out.  I just wish the task of getting my fat butt to the gym didn't seem like such a task.

It was a great day at work.  I was in such a good mood all day!

David's Friends tonight was okay.  I'm struggling with some issues regarding MY Church.  Good thing God & I are cool!  I have no idea where I'll attend Church on Sunday.  Right now, I'm leaning towards the Church about 15 miles west of us.  We shall see.

I have PLANS for Friday and Saturday!  MIRACLE!  With people I don't normally socialize with!  Go me!  I'm making new friends.

God is love!

Crash

HOW & WHY can this boy make me melt & turn to this pile of MUSH!?!?!?  He shouldn't be allowed to.  NO ONE should be allowed to!

Yet...he annoys me!  Maybe cause I'm not patient.  I know we both lead different and busy lives.  The fact that I'm forced to live here, in Farmville USA, lately, isn't helping either.

Have fun, get some patients, and except everything at face value.

God is good, all the time!  All the time, God is good!

Nine Lives

Today was the BEST day at work in a VERY long time!  At least a year!!!!!! 

On a less happy note, Gma is back in the regular hospital.  No real details yet.  Prayers please!

God is love!

Think About It

I'm sitting here wasting HOURS in front of the computer.  I should have my fat butt at the GYM!  Even if I just walk for 30 minutes, it would be more productive then sitting here...

Okay...I'm going...BLAH!  I hate the gym.  I hate being fat.  Why can't I eat whatever I want, sit on my butt, and weigh 115 lbs?

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Summer Love

Today is #4's birthday (I think)...his loss.

I'm in a good mood really.  Every little thing someone does right now just brightens my day.  To know that this person wants to see me happy and likes being the one to make me smile, is just so sweet.  Its interesting though, we are both so guarded.  He's shy, I'm social phobic.  He makes me laugh.  He listens.  Its fun.    Enough mushy mush.  We shall see where this leads (probably no where).

God is love!

Cheese Cake

There is this guy from high school, that often enters my mind. Much more often then he should, but I know exactly why he does. I "dated" him briefly when I was a senior. Starting talking to him a little bit when I was away at college. I was always wrapped up with losers though, so I never really got involved with this guy. BUT, I thought of him often.

I have had NO contact with this guy since about March of 1998. He was younger then me, still in high school. A few different times in my life, I searched for him on the internet with no luck. Then entered the world of Myspace. I have lost count the number of times I have looked for him on Myspace. Stalker...not really. I just really wanted to know what came of him. It would have been interesting if him and I were ever REALLY single at the same time, I thought.

Well, tonight...I FOUND him on Myspace! WOW! 110% NOT what I thought. He didn't graduation from our high school, he didn't join the military (which is a huge shocker to me), he's the goth type, and just nothing I imagined he'd be.

Now...why did I never forget him? He was, BY FAR, the best kisser EVER!

Something that annoys me. People that don't call when they say they will!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Avant Garden

I HATE that I allow others to control my emotions!  My problem is that I often (on the surface to most outsiders) remain SO emotionless.  Those that I open up to...I really OPEN UP to, much more then I should.  Then I get hurt.  I wish that those that I open up to, I had a switch and could just SHUT THINGS OFF, but I can't. 

A friend of mine is dating someone, in order to get over someone else.  There is NO other point to this relationship.  My friend has told me from their own mouth that is the reason for the relationship.  Part of my brain thinks that logic might not be a bad idea for me...but I see all the flaws in that logic.  ESPECIALLY right now...that could back fire on LOTS of areas of my life.  I need to be more patient.  Ha!  Me patient.  Its all an interesting mess.  I wish I could be less social phobic.  I wish I could be more outgoing, like the friend I speak of in the first sentence of this paragraph.  Then again, I often think this friend is SO outgoing to cover up some things that are lacking within.  I'm just getting sick & tired of being alone.  More then being alone though, I'm sick and tired of HURTING!

This up & down game my brain plays isn't fun.  NOT AT ALL! 

I think sleep might help.  Hitting the lotto would help LOTS too! 

How about those WORLD SERIES bound Detroit Tigers?!?!?  FABULOUS!!!!!!!

28 days to my birthday!  I'm not excited about it at all, I have NO reason to be...but I'll pretend I am.  If I pretend long & hard enough, maybe I'll get excited about it. 

God is love!

Happy

We are home from up north safe & sound.  Extremely full stomachs, tired, but safe & sound.

My Dad is annoyed at me, he's annoying me.  I hate having to plan my life around him.  My car isn't broken, I shouldn't have to be inconvienced for him all the time!

I'm impatiently waiting for my phone to ring.  Ahhhh.  Boys!  ;-)

God is love!

Sunshine

I really need to find something that works as well for my off the wall, out of no where allergy attacks as liquid Benedryl.  That stuff works GREAT.  Within 5 minutes I'm back to normal, but within in hour, I'm pass out sleepy!  Any suggestions? 

Jo & I are leaving for up north the minute she walks in the door from physical therapy.  YAY!

Today was Blondie's last day at work.  She was crying.  I did a decent job of not crying but I wouldn't look her in the eye.  I couldn't tell you the last time I cried over a female friend.  I'm going to miss her SO much at work.  I know I'll talk to her outside of work and stuff...but its NOT the same!

God is love!

Lord Of The Thighs

I'm way to old for this 4 hours of broken sleep 5 nights a week gig!

I've got a LONG day in front of me.  I'll get energy somewhere.

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is love!

Uptown Again

So, I typed a post...and then saved it, for just ME to read.  At least for now.  ;-)

I'm giddy like a little kid on Christmas morning.  I'm beaming, grinning from ear to ear.  We shall see what comes of this mess.  ;-)

I should just start being a gold digger.  :-D  I could dig this one deep if I wanted to play that game.  But nah...I'll take my chances.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

You And Me

So, I had this long post all typed out and the computer crashed. LOVELY.

As I was saying...life is BUSY. Busier then normal busy. Its all good in the hood.

Its October 12th. Can someone please tell me what this white wet stuff is outside on the ground? Cause I KNOW its NOT snow! October is my favorite month...but NOT with SNOW!

A few days ago my friends Rhi & Pink Lady posted the following quote...

"Never make someone a priority, who is only willing to make you an option."


Well, let me tell you! That is 110% fitting for the past few months of my brain & my life. That crap about life being a 2 way street. Yeah. So, I kept making someone a priority. He kept making me an option. Someone kept making me a priority. I kept making him an option. It sucks! What sucks more, I've got neither...not even as friends. :-(

I'll be out of the town this weekend. I don't know if I'll be staying at my house or Gma's the next little bit either. It all depends. ;-)

I've said it before and I'll say it again...BOYS SUCK! Can't live with them, can't live without them. This is directed at NO ONE special...unless you think its about you.

Tomorrow is Blondie's last day at work. I'm going to cry, I'm sure! Just means we have to socialize more outside of the office!!!!!

God is love!

Flood

So...I love the library. Yes I do!

Work today didn't go as well as yesterday, but all in all, the stuff I was stressing about hasn't been THAT big of a deal.

Life is going as well as can be expected. Not bad, but not great. Getting back to that content state that I was looking for.

I'm taking some chances right now. I'm not being wishy washy T. A girls gotta go what a girls gotta do! Plus, if this backfires...I know people with guncases. Lots of guncases. ;-) LMAO! (Yes, I like to say things that only Jo & I understand)

I can't wait for this weekend! Jo & I are going up north to see my cool grandparents. YAY! Fun & good food!

God is love!

Beyond Beautiful

My alarm clock went off.  I hit the snooze and was like "Why is my alarm clock going off?! Its the weekend."  I'm in for a long week!  Its only Tuesday!

Go Tigers!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Puppet On A String

I see myself opening up to someone.  That's scary!  This person is slowly opening up to me.  That's a privilege!

Not having a shoulder to cry one, literally & figuratively, is starting to wear on me.

Remember there is more then meets the eye on everything!  There are always 2 sides to a story.

God is love!

Crazy

mIn case ya'll care:

35 days until my 27th Birthday!

God is love!

Taste Of India

I wish I could figure out how to make lemonade cause life is giving me LOTS of lemons lately!  I tried talking to some of my friends tonight with little success.  I know the issues going on lately are 99% within ME, not them.  But...anyways...I'm in a GOOD mood though, so I'm not even going to talk about this evenings happenings.

So...this Halloween party that's in less then 3 weeks.  I figured out what I'm going as!  Punky Brewster!  What makes it even better, my friend has agreed (without a fight at all!) to go as Henry.  YAY!  For sure, we have our costumes all figured out.  Now to just go to the Thrift Store.  YAY!  We are going as Punky Brewster & Henry.  Its going to be a blast!!!!!!!!!  I can't wait!

Focus on the positive...

Something that annoy me...when I talk and am ignored.

Waiiiiittt...back to being positive!

God is love!

Gravity

Somethings I forgot earlier (and I've got a few minutes before my games start!)...

I've been wanting to chop my hair since the day after Shell & J's wedding, but I never had time & money at the same time. Well, yesterday I just had enough! I couldn't wait anymore to have the time & money at the same time and went to Bo-Rics and got it cut! Its cute. Its not exactly what I wanted, but its hair & I really don't care. Yay for short hair!!!!!

Jo annoyed me a bit. She saw a need to tell Dad that I'm taking Hydroxy Cut. I did my research. I'm taking it how its meant to be taken (and ACTUALLY, I'm taking LESS then the recommendation!). Dad actually didn't have to much to say about it. He might say something about it when he's got me alone. We don't discuss my weight issues around Jo.

The baby shower that I don't want to go to tomorrow changed locations. The new location (location wise!) works out better for Jo, Shell, & I! BUT...now I REALLY don't want to go. The new location is the restuarant that ST's friend Ann works at. This is so silly of me, because I believe the girl really tries to be nice and friendly with me.

Speaking of ST, we've been playing phone tag all week. He called me yesterday & I wasn't near my phone. I didn't feel like calling back by the time I saw I missed his call. Of course, the boy can't leave a message. I love how we operate. We talk/see each other when we do and its cool. It works for us, and it works pretty well! Hmmm...wonder if he's in town. Doubt it...he was here last weekend.

Don't forget...

Go Tigers! Go Spartans! Go Red Wings!

God is love!

Drop Dead Gorgeous

How 'bout those Tigers? Wahoo! Last nights game was great. It would be SO nice to send the Yankees packing this afternoon & win the series at home!

Today is such a crazy busy sports day if you live in Michigan! The Tigers have a chance to eliminate the Yankees this afternoon. The HUGE Michigan/Michigan State football game is on this afternoon. Then tonight there is a Red Wings game. It doesn't get much better then that! I just wish the Tigers/Yankees & MSU/UofM games weren't on at the same time!

I made tentative plans for today, this afternoon...but after figuring out the sports schedule, I decided just to stay home and watch my sports. Yes, I'm that big of a sports nerd. I'd rather stay in and watch sports then go out.

The opposite sex is nothing but a headache. I have such a love/hate relationship with them lately. I just need to remember I'm PRESIDENT of the Staying Single Forever Club! I'm a very wishy washy person that can sucks at giving people concrete answer & making concrete plans. I need someone that can deal with that, or maybe I need to stop being a SO wishy washy. Hmmm...maybe I'm causing some of them guys headaches. The evil part of me hopes so!

I'm doing better mentally. Not good & I know things can change at a moments notice...but BETTER!

After talking with the guy that I'm going to the Halloween Party with a few times...I think I know what I might be! Punky Brewster! Its just my idea at the moment. He suggested dressing like someone from a 70/80's TV show. Then Punky Brewster popped into my mind. Plus, my cousin Trin was Punky when we were little so it would be a cool tribute to Trin. Maybe I can get the guy to be Henry! That would rock. I bet he'll do it! He wants to go as a Goth freak (he's a VERY clean cut "normal" white collar type) but I think Henry is a much better idea!

Dad & Mom are going to visit Gma soon. Jo & I have butt loads of housework to do. I want to nap. Happy Saturday!

Go Red Wings! Go Tigers! Go Spartans!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Pandora's Box

Today has been a decent day.

I cut out a huge chunk of negativity from my life.  Not easy, but I'll manage just fine!

The Tigers won!  WAHOOO!

NHL Season started today!  WAHOOOOO!  Red Wings lost, but that's okay. 

God is love!

Fly Away From Here

My parents are cool.  I ate a small dinner.  My parents know that I have to be helped with life lately, so they made me a salad, so I'd eat something.

David's Friends was cool.

39 Days to my birthday!  What do I WANT for my birthday?  The #1 thing on my list is for ST to come hang out with me in Michigan.  Other then that...a house, car, horse, laptop, money.

God is love!

Three Mile Smile

I'm in need of IDEAS!

Ideas for a Halloween Costume (for me!)

Requirements:
~Cheap
~Original
~Creative

I can't believe I'm going to step outside my box and go to this party.  I'm EXCITED about it.  Something to look forward to!  YAY!!!!!!!  New people, maybe I'll make some friends.  My excitement won't stay (I'm sure I'll start panicking as it gets closer) but I'll take it and run with it for now!

I'm going to a party with someone I don't know that well, at people's house that I know even less (where I will know NO ONE else!) and I'm excited.  What's wrong with me?  Its all good cause they are Shell & J's family (hahaha!  They are now Shell's family).  Shell's going to be SO proud of me especially if I talk to outsiders.

God is love!

Just Push Play

My Dad ate my dinner!  I guess that's what I get for not eating as soon as I got home.  There is other food...but not what I was planning on having, not what I want.  So, I won't eat.  Dad's going to yell, I'm sure.  Hydroxycut & mints...nummmy!  I just don't care.  I'll get a smoothie if I go to David's Friends.

Dad already commented on my not that messy, but not as neat as it should be, bedroom today.

Whatever.  I don't care right now.  Maybe Saturday I'll get my room taken care of...maybe, if I feel like it.  I don't feel like listening to anyone about anything.

I keep being vague about the issues going on with my friends.  There are basically 4 different issues.  I'm happy to say 1 got solved today!  YAY!  A small step, but a step forward for sure!!!  Another one is getting worse (and I think it will get WORSE before it gets better...if it ever gets better) and the other 2, I think, will work out with time, love, and patience.  Girls rule! 

God is love!

Walk On Down

I wish I could have a penny for every time I've said the word WHY in the past month!

Turnabout is fair play.  All is fair in love & war.  I wish the world could be more up front & honest.

I had a training session at work today.  It was scheduled to be 30 minutes, 75 minutes later, I was done.  I know NOTHING!  I'm meeting with the real trainer tomorrow morning because I will be the first one in the department to go live on Monday morning...with NO help.  I have NO clue what I'm doing.  Not good.  I know after a few hours of being live on the new system...things will be okay, but right now they don't seem that way.

I feel this depression getting worse and worse.  I have NOTHING to look forward to right now.  It sucks.  Everything sucks.  I have no one to talk to really, no one that I really trust to open up to, that understands things without me having to explain 101 things that I just don't feel like explaining.  I just wish ST didn't live 300+ miles away.  He gets me.  He listens, he loves, he tells me how it is.  ERRRRRR.  I wish I could open up to people, trust people.  I feel like every time I do that it just ends up burning me in the end.  Part of me almost wishes I didn't trust ST, then I wouldn't miss him...but then I wouldn't know what a real friend is.  Seriously, I feel like he's the only real friend I have left and he's so damn far away.

God, I just want the pain to end.  The tears to end. This life to end.  I'm on a sinking ship.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Jailbait

I really dislike thunderstorms!  REALLY dislike them.  I hate being woke up by anything other then my alarm clock...and yeah, stupid thunder woke me up!

God told me something this morning.  I keep asking God "Why me?"  God's answer is "Why NOT me?"

God is love!

Red High Heels

So...I'm doing a little better then I was during the middle of the night.  I can't control the actions of others.  I will make it thru all this and be stronger and/or smarter because of it.

Tomorrow is one of my work friends 30th birthday.  I get to decorate her little cubichell for her.  YAY!  I was going to bake her a cake, but I have no frosting and I'm not heading back to town for frosting.

There is a girl at work that BUGS me A LOT!  I've talked to every supervisor in my building about her, I've talked to the company I really work for about her.  Nothing changes.  Well, now she's really starting to scare me.  Jess & I were talking today about the Amish School Shooting.  This girl, like always, interrupts and starts laughing and going on and on about how "cool" & "funny" the shooting is.  Jess got as mean as Jess can get and told her it wasn't funny at all.  I could seriously see this girl going postal on us all someday.  She's SO out there.

Tonight is Game 1 for the Tigers playoffs.  Go Tigers!

God is love!

Get It Up

You're so vain, you think these posts are about you.

If my issues were all about 1 friend, things would be much easier to handle.  Since my problems involve numerous friends from different social circles, its making things a bigger challenge.  Different people, different problems, different situations, different solutions.

God is love!

Now We Can Begin

I need to get a NEW attitude cause the one I have right now isn't working for me...or for those involved in my life.  Rose colored glasses, I'm going to find you.

Someone said something about "The world is 10% what happens & 90% how you react." 

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Under My Skin

If there is 1 thing that upsets me...its LIARS!

I wish I could put into words, the thoughts and feelings going thru my head.  Then again, there isn't a website large enough to contain this mess.

I keep thinking I can't get more upset, depressed, stressed and then something else happens!

The one that has seen me thru so much has walked away from me, from our friendship.  Did I see this coming?  Not at all.  Did this person tell me a few years ago that our friendship wouldn't last?  Yes.  Did I believe them?  Not at all.

I thought I was going to go back to sleep for a few hours, but this panic attack thing trying to go down isn't going to help me sleep any. 

I just want to find away to end all the pain.  ALL OF IT!  I hate feeling like I have no where to turn, but this little keyboard of mine.  I just sent a text to one of my best friends.  No answer.  I know everyone is sleeping and has their own lives to deal with, but this life of mine is killing me more each second.  I just want to be happy again.  Hell, I'd settle to be content right now.  Depression SUCKS!

I'm a survivor!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Seasons Of Wither

My sleep is ALL messed up to say the least. 

My stress level is about to explode.

I'm getting closer and closer to finding a new Church.  I have reasons I'd hate to lose my Church, but the reasons that are keeping me there aren't the reasons I should want to stay with that Church.  My Church life shouldn't add to my stress level.  I know I can't leave Church in general, but I've got to find a better home for me.  I don't like the "Church jumper" type people, but now I'm seeing why they do it.  I've got lots of praying to do.

God is love.

Flesh

I've got the house to myself for like 90 minutes.  That's SO exciting, yet I'm going to nap.  I should go to the gym...but maybe later, but probably not.

I'll come out of this stronger...because what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.  This friends situation SUCKS!  A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.  I'd rather have 1 great friend then a bunch of half-a*s friends.  BLAH!  Bahhhh hummmbug!  (YEP, I'm bah humbugging and its only October 2nd.)

God is love!

Victory In Jesus

I wish I could put into words how my heart is breaking lately.  I couldn't tell you the last time I felt like this.  Like people are TRYING to break my heart, step on it, rip it out of my body, mangle it and try to put it back in.  I've had my heart screwed with before...but never where it felt so intentional, but never by my friends, but never like this.  It hurts, I hurt.

Its October.  Its cooler outside.  There is a fly in my computer room.  Its pissing me off!

Speaking of October, its "officially Autumn" now.  Officially, meaning in my head.  I LOVE AUTUMN!  Its my FAVORITE season.  Yet, everything I love about Autumn is depressing the hell out of me.

Trying to think positive...I decided there are SOME good things about Farmville USA.  (Especially because I've been forced to stay here more then I'd like lately!)  The stars rule!  There are SO many of them and they are SO bright.  Next, with it being Autumn, I get to enjoy the changing leaves and scenery a lot more.  The stuff we used to drive to the "country" to see in Autumn, I get to see out my window.  That's cool.  There was a crane, you know the funky looking bird, in my front yard today.  That wouldn't happen in the city.  As much as I HATE birds, that was still cool.  (Cause cranes remind me of a happy time in my life!)

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Amazing

Lots to write about...

~Tigers/sports
~Gym/weight
~Applebees
~Friends
~Halloween
~Church
~Parents

Yes...I had to make a list, cause my ability to concentrate on anything right now is GONE!

So, my beloved Detroit Tigers were in the lead of the AL Central for like 130 games, only to lose today in the 12th inning to hand the division title to the Minnesota Twins.  That bites!  BUT, we are PLAYOFF BOUND Tigers.  We'll have are work cut out for us against NY Yankees, but I've got faith.  Plus...who on God's yellow Earth thought the Tigers would even MAKE the playoffs this year?!  Go Tigers!  The Red Wings preseason game is on TV tonight.  YAY!  The Lions are winning (by 1) at half-time.  Go Detroit Sports GO!!  Yes, I'm a freaking sports junkie.  Jo & I were jumping during commercials to catch the Colts/Jets football game.

So, I took my fat/lazy butt to the gym today after Church.  I only did a half-a*sed workout but something is better then nothing.  On task!  I weighed in at 146 lbs.  I was down a lot more...but I started losing weight in an unhealthy manner (say...hydroxy cut & mints for 2 meals a day) and I gave some people my word that I won't do that again.

After the gym, I was going to call in an order for Applebees.  Note:  Applebees is the ONLY decent restaurant in Farmville USA.  My family orders carry out from Applebees often.  The number in my cell won't work.  Try, try, try again...NOTHING.  So, I call Jo & tell her to call.  Nope.  Applebees number is out of service.  Talk about annoying me!  I'm at the grocery store NEXT to Applebees, I can see its open.  How dare them not have working phones! 

While some of my best friends are just making me feel like crap lately, I love them SO much.  Then there are my friends that I used to be really close to that remind me that I am loved.  I hate that everyone lives so far away.  I wish I could jump in a car and/or plane whenever I wanted to.

Halloween.  This is so silly & complicated.  I was invited to go to a Halloween party.  BUT, by going I think I might step on one of my best friend's toes a bit.  I wouldn't want to do that at all.  Yet, I don't think I should have to have friends permission to go.  Going would be SO far outside my social phobic box, yet every ounce of me wants to go.  Anyone got any good, cheap, original costume ideas?

Church today was okay.  Just okay.  The message, in my opinion, wasn't the best message Pastor D's delivered.  Talking about how the Children/Teens are the lost generation.  Dealing with my Church, that's the furthest thing from the truth.  The place we loose people is the gap/transition from teen to adult. 

My parents, I love them to death, are driving me crazy.  Dad has so much he NEEDS to get DONE (not wants to...NEEDS!) yet, he naps & plays on the computer.  Its OBVIOUS where Jo & I get are procrastination skills from.  Mom is driving me crazy complaining about Dad's procrastination.  Mom is REALLY on my nerves because as much as my Dad procrastinates, he works HARD!  There are 3 major events all year that you don't mess with...AutoRama, Woodward Dream Cruise, and Hunting...yet every time Mom bit&hes NONSTOP!  Get over already.  Or talk to your husband, don't take it out on Jo & I!

God is love!

Mama Kin

Action, MOTIVATION, more action!

I'm taking my fat lazy a*s to the gym today after Church.  I haven't been in a good 4 weeks (probably 8!).  Gotta start somewhere, even if its back at the beginning!  I want to drop some more weight before the end of the month.  I'll get to my long term goal sometime!  I'll weigh in at the gym and report the (probably not good) news later.

My Tigers better win this afternoon and get the AL Central taken care of!  I don't want to have to wait around for the Twins to lose.

God is love!