Not Enough

I can't believe my little (favorite...yes, I play favorites!) cousin is 5 today! Happy Birthday K-Man!

Its days like today that I'm so glad I serve an awesome, loving, & caring God. I know He's going to pick me up from my fall, hold my hand, and lead me thru the day.

Death sucks but I need to keep remembering its not the end...

T out.

Life Of My Own

I have no idea how I'm still awake right now. I'm spent. Physically & emotionally. The funeral went as well as funerals go. The pastor was great! I was so proud of his Mom. She got up & talked at the funeral. She said she had to do it with eyes closed, because looking at everyone she'd start crying again. His best friend said it best...his fights over, his pain is over, he's home but it doesn't mean we can't be sad. The first person I saw at the funeral home was a buddy of mine from HS. Then, at the luncheon (really dinner) afterwards...directly across the table from me was Butt's little sister. I haven't seen her in geez...5+ years now.

Mom didn't get to go to the funeral with us. She's had 4 grand mal seizures today. Lovely. She has no clue what's going on, no idea where Jo & I were tonight. Once she remembers that she lost some time, missed the funeral, etc...she's going to be upset.

I've got to do better at keeping in touch with those that are imporant to me...whether old or young, near or far...with technology being what it is, there is no reason to not keep in touch.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another marathon day...so is Saturday, and Sunday...and blah blah blah. I'm going OUT tomorrow. At least...I hope that part of my tomorrow doesn't change. I'm so slap happy tired. Bed. NOW.

God's plan...God's time.

T out.

Gone Too Long

Last night, as I was attempting to fall asleep, I thought numerous times about logging back on & changing some of the things I said a few posts ago...regarding my thoughts/feelings with this ST situation.  Then, I thought again.  Its my blog, my life, my feelings.  I'm very content with how my life is right now.  I wouldn't change to many things about my past.  The path of my future is unknown.  I'll live in today.

I don't want to go to work.  I don't want to go to a funeral today.  Crying + already snotty nose = LOVELY.

T out.

Live for Today

I was just getting something off my dresser & a picture I have on it, caught my eye & made me laugh...especially since I mentioned Cedar Point in my last post.

The picture is my friend & I as we enter the gates of Cedar Point, summer of 2002. Among our friends, life surely has changed a lot since then. There are 6 people in that picture.

Then...
Me--I was engaged to ST then.
P--My best bud. She was dating Brad.
Brad--Part of the guys circle, was dating P...but probably sleeping with Roe by then. Was a manager at D & B.
Shell--One of my friends. She was dating Trav.
Trav--Part of the guys circle...was working at Sears, dating Shell.
Richie--Part of the guys circle...was working at D & B.

Now...
Me--I'll be single forever.
P--Don't talk to her at all. Nothing nice to say, so I say nothing more.
Brad--The guys circle doesn't exist at all. He's engaged to someone...not P, not Roe. Oh yeah, he's a marine.
Shell--She's one of my best friends. I'd be lost without her! She's got a winner of a boyfriend.
Trav--Again, guys circle is dead. Is as single as can be, doesn't have a job. Loser USA would probably be the best description.
Richie--doesn't work at D & B anymore. Seems to only hang out with his girlfriend.

Interesting...

T out.

My World

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I feel as if I have SO much to do. I really don't have that much to do, and in the grand scheme of life, if it doesn't get done tonight...oh well!

I didn't go to David's Friends. There goes my perfect attendance. I slept. Now, I'm doing some laundry, so I won't have to go to work naked tomorrow. I was going to put in another load tonight...but nah. The load in the washer is all for tonight. God only knows when I'll find time (and an empty washer) to do more.

I decided that FTD Delivery Inquiry is as stupid as it gets! So, I can track my order 24 hours after it should have delivered...72 for international. DUH. By then, I'll know if the person got it or not.

I'm so sick & tired of being broke. Its the story of my life and I 100% understand that only I can change it...I also KNOW that if money problems are my only problems I'm doing good. Shell sent out an email this evening asking if a bunch of us wanted to go to Cedar Point in a couple of weeks. I'd LOVE to. I love that place & I haven't been all year...or last year, I don't think. Of course, I won't be going because of my financial situation. Back to being grateful for the things I have!

I talked to ST for awhile today. I'm vey content with where our friendship is at. For all of you that have this little idea that ST & I are getting back together...its NOT like that at all. We are friends, nothing more, nothing less. I still feel like he's keeping stuff from me, but he never was the best at communication. I've managed to (for now) seperate his stress from mine. To be able to laugh, cry, ramble, without a care in the world is such a nice feeling. To be able to have such an honest converstation, about stuff that hurts, about the opposite sex, is so nice to know, I have someone I can trust, someone that respects (but doesn't always understand) me for me. Part of today's converstation was about me crying over him and I don't think I've cried sad tears over him in a good month or 2. I'm making such progress, I will NOT go backwards. I feel like we are finally breaking down some walls that I put up. One of the biggest reasons I put up walls was because I didn't want to cause any problems within his relationship with Ann. The other walls I put up, are easy to come down when its someone you trust, respect, & care about. At what point, will I stop comparing everyone of the opposite sex to him? Our relationship was great, our friendship is great...but obviously he isn't the right one for me. I know I'm in a place, mentally, where I can date...yet, I know its screwed up if I still compare everyone to him. Enough rambling about ST.

I don't remember comparing Red to ST. I miss Red. I wish he wasn't so far away, that things didn't have to be so silly right now. Oh well...my life isn't on hold for anyone. I'll be single forever, I know.

I need to find a new nail place. Yes, I'm picky. I want somewhere that takes walk-ins, that speaks english...english that I can understand. The paint job on my nails SUCKS.

Blah blah blah. Yes, I'm aware my moods & emotions regarding ST & life in general go all over the mood. I'm a female, that says enough.

That's all she wrote.

Behind Those Eyes

As Americans, we take many things for granted.

For example, breathing out our noses!

Yes, I'm still whining terrible about feeling like crap. Its a sinus infection, I'll live to talk about it...but doesn't mean it doesn't completely suck right now. I want to sleep, I must work tomorrow. Its not the work thats going to be that rough, its the driving.

T out.

Here Without You

I did it!  I added some links.  I've got plenty more to add, now just to have the time.

Mom is being a PITA.

That's all folks.

I'm A Star

I've officially gone off the deep end!  I'm working on my blog.  I managed to add the Scripture of the Day thing on the side ALL BY MYSELF!  I asked SML for help, but had it 100% done before he answered me.  Now, I'm viewing sources on all my friends blogs, to figure out how to add links to the side.  My blogs birthday is quickly approaching and I'd like to have the links up by then!  Yes, I'm weird.

T out.

I Feel You

You are a Social Moderate (56% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (70% permissive) You are best described as a: Capitalist > Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

I'll Always Be Your Girl

The title above comes from my movie of the moment. I think I decided that is my favorite scene. Anyone know the scene? Forrest Gump is such a great movie! Then again, I say that about every movie I own and watch over & over. I guess if I didn't think it was a great movie, I wouldn't watch it repeatively.

I'm having a strange debate with myself. I'm sick, popping pills as often as possible right now. Should I even bother to take my vitamins? I know, I can tell, my iron level has gone to hell right now. Decisions decisions. Why does life have to be full of them?

Pain is temporary.

Anyone got any new ideas on how to make a sinus infection go 100% away in 12 hours or less? I don't have TIME for this! In theory, the rest of my week pans out like this...Wednesday...work 06:00-17:45, go to David's Friends, come home, pass out. Thursday...work 06:00-15:00, go to visitation/funeral, come home, pass out. Friday...work 06:00-18:00, go to Shell's candle party, go out to the bar or something, come home, pass out. Saturday...SLEEP IN, watch the mighty Spartans of MSU beat the hell out of the Michigan Wolverines, go to Cris' pampered chef party, go to Thick's bonfire/hayride, come home, pass out. Somewhere in there, I must get my nails filled in and do laundry! Note that I said, this was happening in THEORY. There is a huge difference between theory and reality.

I mentioned, I've got a visitation/funeral to go to on Thursday. Those things SUCK. There is a family that has been friends with my family for a long while now. The 22 year old son passed away. He had been sick for awhile, with cancer...but it still SUCKS TOTALLY. I do like how the family has organized the funeral. Its all 1 day! Visitation 12:00-16:00, funeral starting at 16:00. I hate the long dragged out process, where people are sometimes laided out 2 or 3 days with the funeral after that. I really hope Jo finds peace with this boy's passing. Its approaching the anniversary of a friends death later this week and she still has major issues over it.

My life is so exciting. I could ramble more, but then what would I do later?

T out.

So I Need You

SML asked what guns I'm sticking to, for the majority it all boils down to doing what I feel is best for ME. Here are some other points...

* Standing firm on my moral ground.
* Continuing to be as independent as I can be.
* Not taking steps backward.
* Realizing where I've been & where I'm going.
* Surrounding myself with positive people that love & respect me.

Mom is downstairs making all sorts of noise. She REALLY needs to sleep. Jo's not home. Sick T + Mom that won't listen = Not good situation.

T out.

Run, Forrest RUN

I had to bite the bullet and call into work today. I just feel like crap. There is only 1 thing that lasts forever and this isn't it! At the moment, I'm enjoying some Luigi's Real Italian Ice, lemon flavor. Maybe this sinus infection is God's way to help me lose the 5 lbs I had to of gained at Gma's over the weekend.

My DVD player is making funky noises. This is not cool. VERY NOT COOL when the satelite dish receiver is already dead. Its still working fine, but the noises scare me. Its not that old, but it does get used all the time!

My current movie of choice is Forrest Gump. That movie is full of good quotes. I'm the kind of person that watches the same movie for a week, about 10 times (never the entire thing at 1 sitting) and then move onto something different.

I lead such an exciting life. Actually, this weekend coming up is packed! I MUST be better. 100% better! I need to make sure I stick to my guns on somethings. I often get teased because I tend to be such a ridged, unflexible person, but right now...I MUST stick to my guns on somethings. Follow my gut & do what is best for me.

That's all folks.

Father's Son

I (barely) managed to drag my sick butt into work today. Put in my minimum hours and called it a day. Came home and slept. I'm only awake now because I have to eat a little something (a yogart at 10:00 isn't enough for some reason) and to take more drugs. At this point, its just a cold/allergies but I've said a million times, I would rather have the puking flu then to not be able to breathe out my nose! At this point, its looking like I'll barely drag my butt into work again tomorrow.

One of my favorite people at work quit today. Sometime between 14:00 on Friday and 08:00 today, she decided to move back home, to FL.

Our satelite dish receiver in the living room (which control the upstairs too!) got fried last Thursday. This isn't cool at all. If anyone wants to watch TV at all, only Mom's bedroom works. Anyone want to take bets at how long Dad waits to fix this? I'm betting around 10/05/05 he'll get serious at gettting it taken care of. Why then? That's the day that regular season NHL starts and we MUST have enough TV's then! 1 season without hockey was bad enough...he won't make us go thru 2.

T out.

Here By Me

THIS SUCKS!

I am awake for 2 completely different reasons right now.

I have a slight panic attack taking place. I hate these things, but I'll live to talk about it. Life is full of choices, some easier then others. The correct choices aren't always the fun ones.

All weekend I had a headache I couldn't shake. About 2 minutes after getting in the car last night to come home, I just felt terrible. I thought it was because I was in the back seat w/ the dog. Now, many hours later, my throat is burning worse, I can't breathe out my nose, etc. YUCK. A BIG FAT YUCK. I have this terrible gut feeling this is going to kick my butt hardcore this time & not let me off as easy as it did the weekend before. I don't have the time or energy for this.

T out.

Never Will I Break

Had a good time up north. I was pleased with my golf game, overall. Mom didn't do so hot up north, but oh well. Ate WAY TO MUCH up north. My Gma is seriously one of the 2 best cooks ever. (ST's mom & Gma are neck & neck. Yes, I gave ST's mom a compliment.) Tired...it was a long weekend.

That's all she wrote.

VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS

Help find Josh! Josh was kidnapped by his birth mother.

Josh's stepmother & I belong to the same online community. This is no laughing matter!

http://www.eccoline.com/findjosh.htm

Landing In London

I'm going to try blogging while on the phone. I don't think I'm that multi-talented. Okay...I was right...I can't talk & blog.

SML has to be the most directionally challenged person I've ever met in my life.

I hate that I let other people's problems become mine. My friends stresses become my stresses. I wish it was as simple to say "don't worry about it" but ITS NOT. My friends, if they ever realized that a particular stress of theirs was starting to stress me out, they would feel bad. I don't want that at all. This part of me, isn't their fault at all. Its just how I am.

In theory, I'm going up north tomorrow afternoon & won't be back until late Sunday night. Going to Dad's parents. They rule! Hopefully Mom starts doing better then she is right now.

I'm a real brat sometimes. ST is a huge hockey freak, Red Wings fan, and NHL lover. He's now living in a town that doesn't know what hockey is. The Wings pre-season game was on TV here tonight. I had to call him not once, but twice during the game to rub it in. I say I was being a brat, he says bitch. Its all about the same. He'll be a Blue Jackets fan soon, and to think expansion was bad for the NHL. At least, his new state has a team. LMAO.

I thought Survivor was on at 21:00. It wasn't. I have no idea when it was on. I have no idea what happened. I'm not happy.

More drama happening at work. It appears I might be losing my flex time. I'm debating at beating them to the punch and switching to a flat 40. 06:30 start time will kill me! That would mean being OUT THE DOOR at 05:15. EEEEK. I'd have to take a nap every day! Decisions, decisions. I had the thought of looking for a 2nd job lately too. All these ideas in my head are dangerous. I need to stop having ideas and have action.

Action...bed time.

T out.

Ocean Floor

I hate being a female.

I don't want to go to work.

I'm stronger then I know.

T out.

Come Clean

My football team is 1-1! Happy Dance! I'm screwed come week 9. I've got 4 players with byes. Not cool at all. I'm going to have to do some major scrambling to get a team of any kind together. Hopefully I'll be up against K's team, since they suck so bad. LOL. Love you K!

LMAO! Jo's a freak. She just got rubbing alcohol in her eye. Not funny, I know. The way she is freaking out is providing me entertainment totally.

Red Wings pre-season started Monday. Tomorrow's game is on TV. I'm excited. Actually that's E-X-C-I-T-E-D! Of course, I'll rub it into ST a few more times. Maybe he'll get to watch the Blue Jackets or something exciting down in Cincinnati.

Shell's got a candle party coming up in a few weeks. The very next day, Cris is having a Pampered Chef party. I'm old. Sucks that I'm so poor. I've got to save EVERY penny I can right now. I'm proud of me, besides gasoline for the pea, I haven't spent any money since Friday!

I could ramble for hours. Tomorrow's plan is for me to work 07:00-17:45, then David's Friends, dinner, work out, pass out. I'm learning so much by reading my blog. Its almost my Blog's Birthday. I should have a party for it.

Sleep. Its over rated, until I play catch up...in about 3 weeks.

T out.

Real Life

Okay...so I didn't catch ST in a lie. Everything I wrote in this lovely blog backs up what he says, he's not lying. It would be something VERY stupid to lie about anyways. He's never lied to me, why would he start now?

Off to watch Real World.

T out.

Be Somebody

I hate sweat. It stinks, its yucky, its gross, its uncomfortable.

That's all folks.

Shine Jesus Shine

My head & heart are the most confused I remember them being in a long time.

Confusion #1) I've basically written Red, and our friendship off. No details needed. Maybe when he's not 300 miles away things won't be so weird & strained.

Confusion #2) I've talked with ST more in the past few days then I have in the past 9 months combined. (Shhhh. I'm working out right now) Our communication is just friendly chit chat. I love/hate the comfort level I have with him.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to not let people (especially ST) rent room in my head. I was doing so well. Was...not currently.

What I wouldn't give to rewind time a year, I was HAPPY last September. Now, I'm just content. PMS. YAY!

I think I'm going to miss all my TV tonight. I've got to work out, then I've got some major blog reading to do, cause I think I have ST caught in a lie. We shall see. I hope I'm wrong.

T out.

Boyfriend

I pride myself on being a good friend. My friends rule. I love them all dearly. There isn't to much I wouldn't do for my friends. Need a kidney, sure have one of mine. Need a DD, sure. Need a shoulder to cry on, sure. Need someone to laugh at, sure I can make a fool of myself for your entertainment pleasure. Right now, I don't feel like I'm being a good enough friend to ST and I hate that feeling. Maybe because I'm slightly guarded, maybe because I know I have to watch out for myself, know one else is going to, maybe because I have hurt in my heart that still lingers, maybe because I have to act like a semi-responsible adult.

I was *so* productive today, for me, for a Monday especially. I told ST I would probably just have an apple or banana for dinner. I actually made myself a nice salad with turkey. I also worked out hardcore. I will get less fat. I can't say skinny, because I don't EVER see that happening. I aso took care of my fuzzy knees.

I'm going to work on my project of reading my blog. Its my mental therapy for now. Yes, I know I'm weird. You say it likes its a bad thing.

God's plan, God's time. If God wanted me in China, God would put me in China.

T out.

The Measure Of A Man

I thought recently (like yesterday afternoon) that I posted something about building walls. I can't find it now. Anyways...I feel like I should be building walls up to the world. Yet, those that KNOW me, knock them down before they are even started.

My head is VERY confused right now (peanut gallery, keep your smart aleck comments to yourself). I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I wish I could find the answers, work on the answers, but I can't...not right now.

If God wanted me in China, he'd put me in China.

I know I'm surface level blogging, but things are so blurry in my head, I can't begin to move my thoughts to the keyboard.

Who do I have to answer to in this world, besides God & myself? Really. Keep pleasing God & doing what's best for myself!

T out.

Nukleopatra

WOW! I just spent the better part of the last 2 hours on the phone with ST. We had been playing phone tag for a long time now. I noticed I missed him call about 10 minutes after he called, so I called him back. WOW. That's about the only word I have for the converstation. Of course, my throat is burning TERRIBLY now. WOW. I'm proud of him. Life has dealt him a rough deck of cards lately and he seems to be handling it well. It was so nice to laugh & cry with him. I'm so glad we are friends, nothing more, nothing less. Enough on that subject.

I hate that I'm a semi-responsible adult these days. What happened to the T of Summer 2002? Where is she when I need her? Why couldn't I have hit the lotto on Friday?

I hate when people read to much into what I say.

Still have laundry in the dryer. I need sleep.

God's plan, God's time.

T out.

You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)

Little Troy of David's Friends is VERY quiet.  In the 6 months or so that our group has been together, I could count on 1 hand how many times I've heard him talk.  The first time I can recall Little Troy talking, we all were jokingly discussing how to survive in the wilderness. Out of no where, Little Troy pipes up with "One time, I ate a robin's egg." 

Today at the picnic, Little Troy (who, very slowly might be starting to talk more) left me laughing my butt off again.  My Uncle called recently and asked what he should where to Ford Field (where the Detroit Lions play).  We are laughing at my Uncle and how strange his question was.  Little Troy goes "Shorts & paint." 

Mom is crying, whining, bitching for a cigarette.  YOU QUIT.  Its been nearly 3 months lady, we aren't giving in. Get over it.

I'm doing laundry, the joys of my life.  I don't think I'll be able to get it all done tonight, to tired.  I'm BEYOND FUC*ING ANNOYED with my house.  I have to make sure I leave work on time tomorrow, as I have to take Jo to school.  GIVE ME A FUC*ING BREAK.  Its the stupid events like that, that make me want to do really stupid things & move out and just fuc* them.

That's all she wrote.

D.J. Hit That Button

I feel a little better but still not good. My throat is burning like something fierce! Hopefully now, I can rest for the remainder of the day.

The picnic was okay, not good, not bad. I had a ball playing with David at the park. There is just something about a little kid's smile & carefree attitude that is calming & relaxing to me. One of the nicest ladies (wait, they all are nice!) asked me to join the bell choir. Wait, I can't read music. She'll teach me, its easy. Yeaaaahhhh...right. Dad bought Mom & me a keylime pie at the pie auction. He got a bargain. Only $13 or something like that. The pies I made went for about $15-20. The highest pie (while I was still there) went for $37, Pastor D made it. Red's Dad & Pastor's wife got into a bidding war on it. Pastor D kept saying "Just give me $4 and I'll bake another one."

I have something else to add to my pet peeve list! Shocking I know! Pet peeve: People that feel the need to belittle others to make themselves feel better.

I also don't like everyone's continuous whisper. Its annoying. There is a time & place for just about everything and seriously, people need to realize that!

We were going up north this coming weekend, to visit my Dad's parents. Don't know if that's going to work out or not now. I would have to leave work early on Friday, and its not an option for me to drive seperate. If they would wait an hour, I could go with them with little problems, but Dad gets set on his ways!!

Dad is being so freaking nosy, its starting to piss me off. After Church this AM he took my notes to read them. He just came to see if he could get on the computer and started reading what I was typing. ERRRRRRRRR. Back off buddy.

T out.

Sarah Yellin'

I'm a whiny person under normal circumstances, when I sick its MUCH worse. My ability to deal with the slightest problem is out the window. I melt down in 3, not 30 seconds like normal.

So, I (since Mom is really sick) have to make these pies for Church alone. Its a new recipe that we've never made before. Its really a cake, but its a pie. Note: I have NEVER baked a cake before in my entire life. Wait, ST & I did one time for a friend, back a long long time ago. It looked gross. So, I bake the cake according to the directions (I am a very anal direction follower!). Wait the time it says before taking it out of the pan. AWWWW SHIT! The middle of the cake didn't come out of the pan. Let's hope the other one comes out better. Dad says let it cool longer. I don't have much hope. Right about now, I would be HAPPY if the pets stole them.

I'm exhausted. No one in this house cares that I feel like I'm getting ran over by a train every 2 minutes. I just want someone to freaking care if I lived or died. Okay, I know people care...lots of people. I'm just whining.

T out.

Right Where I Belong

For those of you keeping track, I still feel like sugar. I've spent the great majority of my day just sleeping. The most active I was, involved me going downstairs & making myself a chocolate banana milkshake. Nummmmy. I sure the dairy wasn't good for me, but neither is having NOTHING inside of me.

There isn't time for me to BE sick. Dad & I are going grocery shopping as soon as the lovely Spartans of MSU finishing spanking the Losing Irish of Notre Dame. Normally, I do the majority of the shopping alone, but Dad didn't get the $ out of the bank. (Yes, my parents live in the stone ages and don't really have an ATM card) My Dad isn't on the ball enough to follow the list to my & Mom's satisfaction. Then, I get to come home and bake a pie & make a pasta salad. (Okay, I'm not MAKING it tonight. I'll have everything cooked, cleaned & cut to be mixed together....but I'll mix it right before the party tomorrow)

Tomorrow is our Church's annual picnic. I've been to this party at least 2 times before, when I didn't even go to the Church. I'm looking forward to it greatly this year. I hope I'm feeling ALL better & full of energy come 10:00 tomorrow!

The weather has shifted into an autumn type weather. I LOVE Autumn. Its my favorite season, by far! (But, I AM a four season type gal!) Apple picking, cider mills, haunted things, the leaves, bon fires, football, hockey starting...I love autumn.

Go Spartans!

That's all she wrote.

Ticket to Heaven

I know that I'm not the mailman's love child AND I also know that ST wore off on me more then I thought!

I realized a couple of days ago, I was getting sick. On the way home from work Friday, it hit me like a brick wall. I'll spare you all the boring sickly details, for now. I got home from work, Mom wanted to chit chat, I literally had to have the wall/fridge/counter to hold me up. Mom went to the bathroom & I bolted upstairs. Jo said "T, I don't think Mom was done talking." My answer, "I was." That was at about 18:00.

I then did the Dad/ST method of dealing with feeling like sugar! I went to bed. I was asleep by 18:10 probably, and didn't wake up until about 08:00. I'm wake for a little bit, but plan to find my bed again very soon. There isn't a part of my body that isn't bothering me right now.

If you are trying to reach me by phone, I have it shut off. I don't feel like chit chatting & I'm not up for doing anything either.

T out.

Dangerous Game

TGIF!  Nothing more, nothing less.

That's all folks.

I Wanna Be A Toy

People don't understand how TIGHT of a budget I'm on usually.  Its my life, I'm the one in charge (well, God is...but we aren't getting into that right now) of my own destiny.  I do the best I can, sometimes are better than others.  Someone has been using something of mine that I NEED & I don't have the money to replace it right now.  Annoyed.  Yep.  In the grand scheme of life, none of these little things matter.

T out.

It's Not Me

I'm SO smart!  I've been using Yahoo to keep my pictures online since about the 1st of the year.  I just figured something out tonight that will cut my time down by about 1/2.  YAY!

Chelle, from David's Friends is taking a few (3, I think...jazz, tap, & modern) dance classes right now.  I wish I had the $ to do it with her, says the girl that can't dance.  (Yes, I took dances classes for more years then I like to remember & I still can't dance.)  It would be a riot!  I can't wait to her show.  Its gonna be SO fun!

T out.

Keeper Of The Stars

Not a whole lot to type about...but I'll find something to ramble about.

I'm starting to get a cold/sinus infection gig. Everyone at work has been passing the lovely germs around, so it was bound & determined to hunt me down. Thankfully tomorrow is Friday, and if need be, I can do NOTHING all weekend.

ST & I are officially playing phone tag. Its not that fun. I could have called him back tonight, but I know I'm not in the best mood & he's dealt with more than his fair share of my moods, I didn't feel like subjecting him to another one.

Mom wanted to play 20 questions about Red tonight. I don't think I've ever said "I don't know" so many times in 1 converstation. I just didn't feel like discussing Red tonight, especially with her, when she'll ask me again in 2 days.

My blog, my life. This part might be a little gross for some, but as I said...its my life. Its a sad part of my life, but for the great majority, I wouldn't change my life! (Of course, hitting the lottery tomorrow night, I'll take that change!) Mom has started to say that she knows she needs diapers. Mom has more accidents in a day than your average just started potty-training toddler. Its a lot of work & stress on everyone, and very embarassing & sad for Mom. Not that having a 50 year old in diapers will be a fun walk in the park, it will be better for everyone. Just another part of Mom's health that you either have to laugh at or you'll spend all day crying.

The new Survivor started tonight. I've NEVER watched an entire season. Caught bits and little pieces here and there of the first few. (Sigh, I was in such love with Colby) I'm going to watch this season! I heard on the radio who the spoilers are saying are the final 2. After watching tonights episode, I wouldn't pick either one of them in the finals. Maybe their spoilers are wrong. In hoping they are, I like Stephanie, the ex NFL player, & Margeret. Bobby Jon just sounds stupid when he opens his mouth, the farmer guy didn't sound much smarter. Of course, my opinion can & probably will change 100 times.

Peace, love, and stuffy noses to all.

Lover Come Back To Me

My irritation level is rising quicker then the flood waters did in New Orleans!

In all my spare time today, I have to run errands for my Gma.  I like the advance notice.  I'm just in a sugaring mood.  Happy sugaring day.

That's all she wrote.

Big Daddy Of The Rhythm

Happy sugaring day. I'm in a real gem of a mood already.

I tossed and turned all night. I hit the snooze this morning, was enjoying my 9 minutes of 1/2 sleep to be WOKE UP by Mom screaming. Something about her hearing dead people & Jo being freaked out by it. Dude...that is NOT what I feel like dealing with at 06:30.

My head is pounding. Add in my crappy sleep, my pissy mood and I really don't want to go to work. Where the hell did I get my work ethic from? This girl isn't the same girl from 2001, that's for sure! Then again, being poor has a lot to do with it!

Have a great day everyone, cause I know I won't!

T out.

Where There Is Faith

Avoiding sleep and/or life...

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1. Get married.
2. Get a college degree
3. Travel outside of North America.
4. Have children.
5. Get a tattoo.
6. Go skydiving.
7. Go on a hot air balloon ride.


7 Things I Can Do

1. Sleep.
2. Pick up things with my toes.
3. Talk.
4. Drive a car with a manual transmission.
5. Play euchre.
6. Read.
7. Type 80 wmp.


7 Things I Can't Do

1. Dance.
2. Sleep in a car.
3. Keep my bedroom clean.
4. Keep the entire world happy.
5. Quit my job tomorrow.
6. Make people love me.
7. Ride carnival rides.


7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex

1. Eye color.
2. Hair color.
3. Friendliness.
4. Personality.
5. Butt.
6. Build.
7. Smile.


7 Things I Say Most Often

1. AHHHH!
2. Right on.
3. Interesting
4. What?
5. I'll pray for you.
6. Whatever works for you.
7. Sure.


7 Celebrity Crushes

1. Tim McGraw.
2. Darren McCarty.
3. Kenny Chesney.
4. Cal Ripken Jr.
5. Derek Jeter.
6. Nick Lachey.
7. Brad Pitt (even though I think he's a jerkball!).

That's all folks.

Unhappy Birthday

Tired + Not enough food + not the worlds hottest news = T with an attitude

I've ate now, am dealing with all the new info I've gather lately so my attitude is lessening...but still there. Don't piss me off right now.

I woke up tired. Was tired & dragging at work all day. Had 9 people out today, 2 funerals, 1 vacation and the rest sick calls. Needless to say, work wasn't good.

I went into David's Friends with an attitude tonight. I know a few of my buddies picked up on it. It didn't get any better as time went by. We usually spend the 1st little bit talking about what's going on in our lives, chatting & catching up, prayer & praise requests, etc. I have a lot going on right now, so I was saying the 3 (kinda 4, cause I had something to say for McSmile, who wasn't there) things that are really bugging me right now, and Lizzy pipes up with something Lizzylike about how its always all about me. Normally, I wouldn't have thought about it for a second...but tonight it really bothered me. I know Lizzy didn't mean any harm, but at the same time, coming out of my shell there has been (and still is!) a huge task. David's Friends is the only time I talk at Church, the only people I really talk to, let in on my life. She KNOWS that!

My Dad was nicer tonight than I was preparing myself for. He even bought me chocolate syrup and ice cream. Yes, Dad trying to buy me still. But, I didn't eat any. I ate trash for dinner & didn't work out today. No ice cream for this fat gutted girl.

I was thinking this morning, on my drive into work, (I know, thinking is dangerous) that since I'm not bowling I should join the gym. Financially it would work out about the same.

My brain is over thinking everything right now. I need a big ole' dose of Red to just make me smile & laugh.

Saturday, Mom & I get to spend lots of time in the kitchen. Hopefully, Mom is in this world. We have to at least make a pie (Boston Cream Pie, we decided) and pasta salad.

T out.

Rebel Rebel

I should be sleeping but I just can't. No, I didn't nap today! Tomorrow is my long day...where I work, go straight to David's Friends. I leave by 07:30 (at the LATEST) and see my house again at about 21:00. Its not really THAT long...but come 17:45, when I'm leaving work it seems like I've already been awake for 2 straight days!

I have a lot on my mind. I'm concerned about a few friends of mine. Jo's got her own issues going on. I think there is MUCH more to it then she wants us to believe...but what do I know. She feels like we ignore her, which hurts me, because 1) I don't feel like we do AT ALL. 2) I don't want her to feel that way! Mom isn't doing that hot, which always stresses me out.

I hate that I love my cat so much. Lately, she's been such a comfort...to just pet, play with & relax on the couch with. Now of course, I can barely see or breathe and I'm itching all over. Whine whine whine. Mom always said "Do what you are best at."

Its been 15+ months that I've been working the day shift. I reminded myself again tonight why I don't like it. I watch WAY to much television these days. When I worked nights I watched stuff here & there...now I have shows, programs, that I MUST see. Nerd. Oh wait, according to some people at work, I'm geeky. Aweeeeessssoooome. I take being called "Geeky" as a compliment.

Peace, love, and sleep to all

Before The River Came

So much for watching the Eagles vs Falcons last night. I was sound asleep about 10 seconds into the 2nd quarter.

I've never been one to like noise. I never listen to the radio super loud, my TV volume stays pretty low, my alarm clock is the quietest one I could find. Somehow last night I managed to roll onto my TV remote, turn the TV on & turn the volume up VERY VERY loud. EEEEEK. Not cool in the middle of my sleep.

That's all she wrote.

Kryptonite

I'm fighting to stay awake and watch some of the Monday Night Football game (GO VICK GO!), but its a bloody battle. It was rough trying to stay awake, then I was playing with my cat...which meant I had to take a ton o' benedryl. Sleepy medecine head!

The Detroit Red Wings left for training camp today. On the news this morning, they were showing clips of the last played season, while talking about this coming year. 4 of the 5 shots I saw were a player (#13 Datsyuk) that's not playing with the Wings this season. Silly clips to show if you ask me.

I did call the teen pregnany/family life center today regarding volunteering. The classes are all at night, but ALL the volunteering is M/W/F 09:00 until 15:00. Guess that answered my internal question.

I have to figure out what I want out of creating a distance between myself & the world. Without knowing my goal, its hard to reach it.

Gma got mugged in Meijer's parking lot yesterday, in daylight. Not cool! Its a store that I've shopped at since I was a little kid. I remember times, as a teenager, when a new CD was coming out...Butt & I would wait there at midnight to get it! I'd like to find the punks that mugged her and beat the living shit out of them...but that won't happen, so I'll pray for them.

I'm missing ST, my friend, lately. A lot. I don't know why...just am. Maybe because the last time I really talked to him, things weren't going that hot for him & I need to know he's okay. Maybe because I'm me.

T out.

Fallin' Away

I feel God calling me to do some volunteer work at this pregnancy/family life place near me.  I'm struggling with it because I have good reason to believe its a VERY pro-life place.  I'm as pro-choice as they come!  I know, Christian, Pro-choice, & Republican usually don't go hand in hand, but hey...I never claimed to be normal.  I've got a lot of praying & thinking to do in the new 36 hours!

SML felt like my last post, where I talk about feeling like I don't belong in the world sounded very depressed.  That's not true at all.  I'm in a pretty good place mentally, just speaking (typing) my mind.

Peace, love, & hard decisions to all.

Butterfly Kisses

I just got an email from long lost friend of mine.  Somehow, we manage to catch up with each other about once a year.  Its sad.  She's cool.

I know I must distance myself from as much of the world as possible for a while. It is the one of hardest thing ever.  It sucks when you know you have to do something, but its the last thing in the world you want to do.  I don't know how much distance I need, I don't know how long it will last.  Its nothing personal, to ANYONE...its about ME.

I hate feeling like I don't belong in the world.  Like, there isn't a place for me.  Like I'm always the odd man out in everything.

T out.

Its Your Love

I'm home, I'm tired. Drive wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...Dad rocks, he gave me much better directions then I've went before! Ceremony was nice...short, sweet, and to the point. Reception...food was good, drinks weren't that good. Did anyone know that Mohawk made peach schapps? Didn't have a great time, didn't have a bad time. The sign out side the hall had congratulations spelled wrong. Even I can spell that word! Of course, I took a picture of the sign! J had fun writing "Help Me" with Shell's bobby pins. Another great photo moment. Most of the pictures came out crappy...that's what I get for using a camera I really don't know how to work!

I have so many things spinning in my brain lately. I hate feeling disrespected and judged continously by those that should love me unconditionally. I'm getting more and more annoyed with people that can't understand that what works for them, works for THEM and what work for you, works for YOU, and what works for me, works for ME. My friend that I deeply respect & trust has once again, had great insight for me regarding my issues. Life is so much easier said then done. I think its coming to the point where I'm going to have to take a step back from everyone & everything in my life, to figure some things out for myself. Okay, so its not realistic to step back from everyone/thing...but I can sense the need to create a distance (just for a short bit) to make sure I'm doing what God wants with my life, doing what is best for me, keeping myself imporant in my life.

I can't believe Roe is married. I never thought in a million years she would be the next one of my good girlfriends to get married. NEVER. Shell's next. :-)

09/11 Never forget!

T out.

The Voice are Back

My family is a bunch of wackos...myself included.

Without getting into much detail, Mom is a drug addict, she's been drug free (from the illegal kind) for quite some time now...but pain pills...that's another game. She will (and DOES!) lie, cheat, steal to get her hands on them. We don't trust her AT ALL. She's CRAZY about them. We know she's in a great deal of pain, we will give her pills, but we give them to her according to the amount/time the doctors say she can have them. Dad just came upstairs and I was like "What are you doing?" He says "Pretending to get Mom's pills." We change where we keep them on a regular basis, she never knows where they are, but we never want to give her any clues either. Only in my family.

Next nutty thing...

For the record, since I'm told I'm NOT clear on the matter. Red & I are JUST friends. The feelings and all that fancy junk are more...but just not right now. Basically it boils down to a timing/location issue. We both know, understand, and repsect the others ability to do whatever they please...and be open & honest about it. Now, in a few MILLIONS days (that's how long it seems to me) when the timing is better and we aren't seperated by 300+ miles...things might (hopefully/probably) be different.

So, last night Jo comments on Red & I getting married. Nutjob. Now, about an hour ago, Mom says how she wants me to get married so she can go to a wedding and wear something fancy, plus she needs more grandkids. Dad says "She can't get married yet, Red hasn't asked her." Then Mom says..."I didn't know you & Red were boyfriend & girlfriend." Ahhhhhh! I say "WE AREN'T!" Mom replies "That's not what little old lady who sits in the back pew says." Greaaaattttt. Where this lady got that idea I don't know...she doesn't go to Church any time other then Sunday Mornings. Its not like she saw Red & I interact with each other 5 days a week, like we were did all summer. Someone is running their mouths. LOVELY. I'm willing to bet it was one of a handful of people..someone in my family, someone in Red's family, someone in Erob's family, or Pastor D.

I should get ready for Roe's wedding soon. I don't want to go. All I really have to do is brush my teeth & get dressed. I'm so freaking not girly its crazy. Make-up, doing hair...yeah right. Let hair air dry, brush it...its good. Make-up takes to much time, plus I'm cute without it. LMAO.

BTW...I know the world does not revolves around me, I know it revolves around the sun...I just like to ACT like it revolves around me.

T out.

Daniel

I managed to get EVERYTHING done today...didn't think that would happen. Banking, errunds for Gma, oil change, finding a dress, Meijering, nails, hair cut, and gasing up the pea. The miracle in all that was...the dress I found was at the FIRST store...3rd thing I tried on. Its cute. I don't really like the shoes that I'm going to wear with the dress (I like the shoes, I like the dress...just not together) but whatever. I even had a bra that works with the dress too. YAY!

Jo just determined Red & I are going to get married. :-) According to Jo, Red & I will wed in 4 years. Where she got that time frame from is beyond me. So...that's Sept of 2009...RIGHT. I'm getting married in November of 2014. This whole thing just cracks me up.

T out.

Learn To Fly

T.I.R.E.D. that's me!

Mom isn't doing hot. She's not doing bad, in the grand scheme of things, mainly just memory issues right now. Plus, she sees things that aren't really there. She keeps crying she just wants to go back up north. I had the pain pills tonight and she argured with me about them for 2 hours. I'm a bitch. I can say no til I'm blue in the face.

I can just tell I'm going to get bitched at majorly by Dad (and whoever else wants to jump on the bandwagon) cause I won't be home the majority of the weekend.

I'm dreading Roe's wedding terribly and I feel bad. My dreading it has nothing to do with Roe, or with my other buddies that will be there. I'm just me. I don't think I've ever went to a wedding in my adult life single. Add in that I have a GOOD 1.5 hour drive, each way...yay.

I got to talk to my buddy Ry for a few minutes today. I love that kid. He's so goofy. We were gettin' down over the phone. :-) Fun stuff.

That's all she wrote.

Brave

Besides being tired I was in a great mood...until someone messed with my food. Of course, I'm way to damn tired to go out and get something and cooking is dangerous at this point too. So, I'll wake up with a screaming headache...yay.

Lots of changes going on at work. I can't handle this constant change. I hate UPPER management that JUST looks at numbers and has NO idea how things REALLY work. I had a slight break down in front of UPPER management today, but I really don't care. Maybe he'll realize how much some of us bust our asses before we all leave.

I hate belly buttons.

David's friends was good tonight. Lots of cool stuff, but I'm not talking about it cause the one that messed with my food reads here and I'm annoyed with her and don't want her to know stuff that happened. Snot...YEP.

I'm going to start hiding my food, seriously.

I miss Red SO freaking much. Its all part of the plan, I know...r.i.g.h.t. I'll spare ya'll the mushy details. Lets just say, I miss him. Its not the same, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and then theres some mumbo jumbo about distance making the heart grow fonder. Blah blah blah.

That's all she wrote.

City Song

Panic attack. Not my ideal way to start a day. I slept less than 2 hours. I'm procrastinating getting ready for work, because I'm still shaking like cat after a bath, sweating like I just ran a marathon, and my heart is still racing. The joys of a panic attack. Plus, I really don't want to be there before 07:00.

3 things that I believe lead to the attack.
1) My never ending stress over money.
2) Dreading going back to work, knowing I need to work more hours then possible this week.
3) My Gma moving. I am torn over my thoughts about how moving will affect Gma. Add on that there are my selfish issues regard how her moving will affect me. Do I stop staying there totally now or continue like I have been? Less then a month until she moves. Where is she moving, you ask. I don't know, she doesn't know. More on this subject later maybe.

Sooooo...I should get ready for work. Yep. Work. Joy. At least David's Friends is tonight, if I can stay awake for it.

I dislike people that have a hard time being objective to things. Why can't people realize what works for you might not work for me? Why can't people realize there are at least 2 sides to every story?

T out.

Gun Turned On The World

So, I told SML I'm getting offline in ohhhh...NOW...but I lie.

I finished my book! YAY! I highly recommend I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. The basic idea behind the book is that one shouldn't date until they are ready to marry, how one should focus on God not on someone of the opposite sex.

Now, I'm working on 2 more books, library books, since those have deadlines. I'm reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin and Yzerman: The Making of a Champion by Douglas Hunter. If someone were to look at the list of books I have checked out of the library in the past 10 years, they would have to think I was totally nuts. I'm not nuts (well, not that nuts) just diverse.

God, please give me the strength to work as much as possible in the next few days.

T out.

Two Souls

Jo & I just walked 2+ miles. I'm back on board with the drinking tons of water, the eating well & working out gig full force at 05:00 tomorrow. I will get skinnier, I will be healthier.

I hate feeling like I offend people with my faith, its not my intention at all. I try to not come off as one of those over the top, pushy religious people. I have my believes and I wish everyone believed the way I do, but to each their own. I can't save the world, nor do I try, that's for God to do. I do my best to respect everyones ideas, I just wish everyone could do the same for others.

I'm a little bothered. I called ST last Wednesday, just to check in & chit chat. Got his VM, haven't heard from him. I'm not worried or anything, its just weird. I'm terrible at calling him, returning his calls, etc. Maybe he's giving me a taste of my own medicine or he's probably just busy job hunting, getting ready to move, or something like that. At what point, is it okay for me to call him again? I'm doing so well mentally, that I'm at a good point to talk to him. My luck, ST will call in like a week, when I'm mood-swing USA or something.

T out.

When I Think About Cheatin'

I'm enjoying doing a whole lot of nothing today, this last day of my vacation. So far today, I've read, watched TV, showered, did Mom's banking, went grocery shopping, cooked lunch, played online and done laundry. Last load is in the dryer...then its nap time. Tomorrow is back to the grindstone of life. I've got a VERY busy few days. Ideally, I'm working 3 12 hour days...but that's not realistic. I MUST get to the bank some time tomorrow, I've got a car payment to make (over the phone) by Thursday. Plus, Wednesday means David's Friends and ya'll know how I will do everything within my power to get there. Thursday, I'll work all day. Friday, I've got to work as much as possible, but I still need to have time to get my oil changed, go shopping for something to wear to Roe's wedding, and get my nails done. Roe's wedding is Saturday, so of course, I'm pushing this shopping thing to the last minute...but its the first time I'll have cash. I'm still not looking forward to Roe's wedding...but I'll go with an open mind and do my best to enjoy myself.

As I'm impatiently waiting for the NHL to start, I'm a little sadden by this news. Datsyuk signs with Russian Team. I'm a firm believer that Datsyuck & Zetterberg are the (good) future of the Detroit Red Wings.

That's all she wrote.

Exodus

The bible I read from on a daily basis is the "New International Version" (NIV) It is what is used at my Church. For the great majority any hearing or reading of the bible I've ever done is from that version. Of course, King James Verison (KJV) is still around. In the book I'm reading right now I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, he quoted New Living Translation (NLT) and it made the verse so much more real & important to me. I find it fascinating how a different translation of the same book could make such a difference.

14Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16And what union can there be between God's temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: "I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people." 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 (NLT)

I was going to highlight part of that verse, the part that 1st stuck out at me, but the more I read it, the more I realize its ALL important. The best bible searching website I've found is Bible Gateway. Check it out. Its SO cool.

I only have 2.5 more chapters in my book...I'm going to finish I book before its due! Miracles DO happen.

That's all folks.

Lift Me Up

My trip...part 1.

I'm going to do my best to recap my trip...but I'm sure I'll miss tons.

Thursday was a rough night at my house, so I had no idea how the weekend would go.

Friday, we left about 100 minutes later then planned but Mom was doing pretty well. The ride up there, 4 adults, the dog, and tons of stuff in car was a tight squeeze, but we managed. I had to drive part of the way and I just kept saying midget arms. Jo sits SO close to the wheel and I couldn't back the seat up when I took over (there wasn't room) and yeah, I felt like I had midget arms. We stopped for lunch (at a sit down place) on the way up there and Mom kept freaking out cause the dog was in the car. Guess what? The dog lived.

Got there, said hello, unpacked the car and napped. After my nap, I are dinner (total grossness, but I'll get to that later) and chilled outside. Gpaw had a fire going. Jo & I drove to the "corner store" to get chocolate bars to make smores. Gpaw couldn't remember what all he needed for the smores. Jo drove to the store, and I drove back. We got out of the subdivision with only 1 missed turn (but it was okay, just took a longer way) and on the way in...in the DARK, we got back just FINE! WAHOOOOOO!

*Note: Corner store is a good 30 minutes away, one way! Subdivison is the biggest joke ever. Each lot is 10 or 20 acres, all forest. From the front of the subdivision to my Gpaws is about 7 miles.

After smore making its time for bed. I snagged a bed. I started reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Maybe there is something good about not many people going, I got a bed in the HOUSE!

Saturday morning, I was woke up pretty early by Gpaw, Gma, Dad, & Mom all in the living room yapping. Interesting...the 2 previous years I've been up there for Labor Day weekend, I've slept outside in tents. I've been woke up because they've all been OUTSIDE yapping. This year, I'm inside and they wake me up. Damn princess & a pea thing I have going on! Gma made a big fancy breakfast (semi-grossness). After breakfast, I got all cleaned up and then the FUN began. Dad & I were talking about how we were going shooting. He packed the bow & the .22. Gpaw starts going on and on about his guns to. Brings out some little hand gun.

Note: I don't like Gpaw. I don't trust Gpaw at all. I still have some anxiety being around him. I will NEVER be remotely alone with that man.

Dad, Gpaw, & I go outside. Gpaw gives me the hand gun (.357 magnum) to shoot. I fired one shot, hit the target, and sat the gun down. It scared my Mom way to much. It hurt my ears. I wasn't firing that gun again if it was going to make Mom so upset. I can't believe my Gpaw let me shoot that without ear protection on. Then again, concider the source. Then Dad & I did a bunch of shooting with the .22. I'm MUCH more comfortable with the rifle, or maybe its because the rifle is my Dad's and I TRUST & RESPECT him and don't fear him like I do my Gpaw. My shots were better then Dad's! I had 2 that didn't hit the target at all (out of about 100), but other then that...they all were damn near center, a little low. Dad's were ALL over the place. This is Dad's gun, the site is set for him...a right handed shooter and I did BETTER then him.

Shortly after that, I decided I wanted to take the boat out (just a old metal row boat with a 4hp motor on it) and just go for a nice relaxing boat ride. Gpaw decides we are ALL heading to the water. So, we get to the lake, Dad, Jo, & I take the boat out and Gpaw, Mom, and Gma stay on shore. It was VERY relaxing & peaceful just the way I needed it to be. When we got back to shore, Gpaw was fishing. The 4 females left to get Mom back resting. Gpaw & Dad stayed awhile longer.

~The book I'm reading, has been recommended to me by various people to me, at various different points in my life (starting back in 1998 by one of P's UMich friends to most recently, Thick, then a few weeks later Pastor D). It is by far, one of the best books I've ever read. The ideas in the book are NOT for everyone, all the ideas in the book aren't for me but some of them are. It really has been an eye opening experience about current happening with some adorable red-head that I miss terribly.

~I was fearing this weekend for various reasons. 1) My dislike of my Gpaw. 2) Being ST-less. My peaceful boat ride was such a happy time for me. I sat in the front, facing frontwards, so I could just take in everything and be with God. (SHOOT...I'm crying, happy tears, but I'm crying I don't want to cry) Last year, one of the clearest memories I have of the trip, was ST & I spending peaceful, happy, loving time together on that boat. There were a few times this weekend when I missed ST, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I'm so glad I can look back on that relationship with happiness and loving memories. I'm also grateful that my family understands that too. There is no ST-bashing, no T-bashing. The times over the weekend when I missed ST were over silly things...like I was bored & wanted someone to do something (whatever I wanted!) right then or when I was having a few meltdowns over Gpaw, ST would have been there to hug, to cry on his shoulder, etc...but I walk taller now, I walk straighter now, I am stronger now. I'm rambling and that's okay...its my BLOG. I can't believe is been over 10 months now that ST & I have been apart (January doesn't count). I'm crazy, we know that. I've had a few discussions with people that once I get thru this 1st year and do everything on my own once, I'll be so damn strong. I know it sounds silly, but I relied on ST to hold me up, to be my crutch for so long. Of course, now, I have my friends & family that I rely on a TON...but I rely on myself the most, not someone else.

I'll finish the trip later...there's much more to come. Nothing exicting, but there's more to come. I'm as giddy as a kid in a candy store right now. Weeeeeee. Yay for happy moods.

Jo, in case you didn't know...the red-head I miss terribly is named Red. :-) Didn't dare want you to think it was anyone else!

That's all she wrote.

Tears to Tell

Jo's being crabby. I just said to her "What's wrong? Dude, I didn't piss in your Cheerios." Her reply..."I haven't had Cheerios in a long time, maybe its because someone pissed in them." Gotta love my family. We are so weird. You say weird, like its a bad thing. What is normal?

I need ice cream. I'm going to get some very shortly, I think. French fries and ice cream. Sounds like a quality dinner. I'm still on vacation, doesn't count. I miss Dairy Freeze! :-(

Much more on my vacation after my dinner. It will probably be a post that never ends, it goes on and on my friends...kinda like all the roads up north!

I'll leave you with this happy note...I WANT a gun! :-) Hehehehehe!

T out.

Show Me

4 hours of sleep. Joy. Stupid sugaring smoke alarms didn't make things any better. Went to the bathroom, came back and heard the smoke alarm chirping low battery. (Note: There are a TON (7-10, I don't know exactly) of smoke alarms in this house, somehow all wired together.) The one I heard chirping was the one in teh computer room. Took out the battery, just to shut it up so I could get another 20 minutes of sleep. Nope...still chirping. Rummage thru the downstairs, sugar...ALL the smoke alarms are chriping, how do I know if the one in the computer from is the one that needs the new battery? Find the batteries...replace the battery in the computer room. Yay. Silence finally.

Wait...I'm leaving in 20 minutes and am not cleaned up nor packed...but wait, I'm the only one in the house even awake. So, now do I say screw it and go back to sleep or do I get ready? These are the type of decisions that cause me to freak out! I hate unpunctual people., I understand completely letting my Mom sleep until we are ready to walk out the door, or ever waiting until she wakes up to leave...but Dad & Jo should be up & ready. If somewhere during the night Dad changed his mind on what time we were leaving, he should have told me...I'm the overly punctual one, to a point of being extremely anal about it.

Guess I'm going to get ready and go back to sleep. HA. Once I'm awake, I'm awake for 4 hours. ERRRR. People messing with my sleep. Don't they know how dangerous that is!?!

T out.

One Last Try

So much for me going to sleep early. Right now, I don't have a clue when I will get to sleep. Mom is flipping out, full force. In the past 2 hours, Mom has fallen off the porch, ran away (thru the field, without her brace on and without her walker), had to be carried like a baby back home by Dad, kicking & screaming the entire time. Then Mom coninuted to flip out, Dad wouldn't let me (scary that I'm the calmest most rational person at dealing with crazy Mom) near Mom. Then, Mom starts going NUTS (while still screaming, crying, and yelling), whips her shoes at Dad, then starts swing at Dad. Dad starts yelling at me to just go away. I just sat there, I didn't know what to do. Then, after about 30 minutes Dad calls me into Mom's room...she wants to talk to me. She's still crying about everything & anything...like about how Jo took her to Wal-Mart when she wanted to go to Hallmark back in June, or about how we should take in AIDS Babies or how her Dad is coming to get us (he's NOT driving 4 hours down here to get us!).

Knowing my Mom, she'll be in crazy, not know what is going on mode all weekend, or there is the VERY rare chance she'll get some rest & be okay in the morning, apologizing 100 times. Part of me knows she has VERY little control over what is going on. It has to be terrible to not know simple things. Yet, her apologies have grown old with me. Yes, I still hold grudges of sorts, for stuff that happened when I was younger. Hey, lets beat T up one night & take her to Little Ceasers Funland the next day to show her how sorry I am. (That's the point in my life, when I realized my parents, more often then not, try to buy me. Its easier for them to buy me then own up for things.)

One last cute note...as I was leaving my cousins' house tonight the baby asked me to pray for him, for everyone to pray for him. How adorable. I know at not yet 3 years old he doesn't have a full grasp (heck, at 25, I don't!) of the praying gig...but how precious that he already knows that its okay to ask others to pray for you, to know that prayer is SO important. He was being oh, so serious about it too.

LMAO...my Dad just called me TS. Not, my 1st & middle name, but my intials...what does he think he is, my friend!?! There is a very select handful of my friends that refer to me as TS. He's NOT one of them!

Its Your Love

In case you haven't heard...I'm in NEED of ice cream and/or chocolate. NOW! I don't really like chocolate that much...but yea...I need some NOW. This problem has been going on since Tuesday afternoon. It needs to be solved now, not in 3 weeks. ;-)

For the great majority, I deposit my paycheck at the ATM (at my bank) on Thursday after work, so on Friday, I have the funds avaliable. I only feel comfortable doing this at my ATM...not just any ATM. Today, I really needed to do this since I won't see my ATM until next Wednesday. Of course, the ATM is out of order. ERRRRRRR. I need a new job, one that has direct deposit. So, I'm going up north with $2. Yippeee.

Babysat my little cousins tonight. They were angels. The baby (he'll be 3 in November) didn't cry at all. Of course, their Mom didn't say bye, she just left when we were busy playing in the tree house. They never mentioned her being gone.

Leaving at 08:00 (so Dad claims, I doubt we will be on the road before 10) for up north. Yipeee.

Oh, I ran by the library to pick up one of the four books I ordered...3 of them were there. YAY! Lots of reading for me. I have 4 library books plus 1 of Red's books, plus 3 books of my own to read. That is a lot of reading from the girl that doesn't like to read. Red's book I've been reading for about 1.5 months now and 2 of my books, I've been working on for years. :-) Its all good in the 'hood.

I'm going to bed VERY soon. I'm praying my body doesn't register it as nap time.

That's all she wrote.