My Second Home

I was in such a great mood today...but at the same time, I could tell it was a manic mood...knowing it would die any minute.

I'm in a pissy mood now. VERY PISSY! To pissy to do any of the stuff I planned on doing...including eating dinner.

On a happy note...Kita (the youngest of our cats) is the proud mamma of 5 new kittens! Yay!

I'm going to nap.

T out.

My Front Porch Looking In

Gag! I'm SO sick to my stomach about tonights happenings on American Idol. I wasn't a huge Constintine fan, but he was good. A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THEN SCOTT! GAG! Seriously, what is it going to take to get Scott off? He's a jerk, ya know.

Church was awesome tonight. We had a new record number at the David's Friends. So, it was only 7 people, but that is still so cool. God is good, all the time! I had myself all excited all day that Red was going to be there tonight. (He's the one that I think is just *so* cute, as long as he keeps his mouth closed) Red wasn't there. I guess I misunderstood what his sisters were saying about when he's done with the semester. Did you know that Rats can't vomit? Did you know that ants have more vitamin C then oranges? The things you learn at Church.

Since I kept saying all day I was going to bed at 21:31, I better start getting ready for bed soon. The craziness doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon.

Peace, love, and sleep to all.

First Love

I hate mornings! Now, I've been doing the day shift gig for 11 months now and I still HATE mornings! I was asleep by 10:30 for the past 2 nights, that's roughly 7.5 hours of sleep and I STILL hate mornings.

T out.

Wake Up Older

Oh yeah...I forgot to tell my lovely bloggy blog.

On the way up north, Jo & I went to this HUGE outlet mall. I did very good and ONLY bought the 1 item I was REALLY looking for! I'm the proud new owner of cute black sandles. Of course, I buy these Friday afternoon and 24 hours later its SNOWING!

I can't get through to vote for American Idol. I'm NOT happy. I want to vote and go to bed already.

That's all she wrote.

One Boy One Girl

I have about 25 minutes to blog before I'm busy again. Wow! 25 minutes to sit on my butt and look at the computer. How cool is that?! Okay, so I won't be busy but busy enough for me. 20:00 means American Idol.

Speaking of American Idol, I love/hate this show/addiction! I watch WAY TO MUCH television! When I worked nights, I wasn't addicted to any shows really...because I knew I couldn't watch them often enough. There are 6 people left on AI. I really like 4 of them, and out of those 4, I could care less who wins! If Scott doesn't go this week, I'm going to cry. All Scotts are JERKS! LMAO at myself. I'm just not into Vonzell. Not saying she isn't good...just don't like her.

My weekend trip up north was great! Very relaxing! My Grandparents are the coolest people out there...especially to be over 70 years old!!!!!!! The drive home sucked! (See my post about a foot of snow) Took about an hour longer then it should have...but we lived to talk about it.

I thought I was going to be babysitting my cool little cousins tonight, but that didn't go as planned. My 18 year old cousin got Pistons tickets for her birthday, but she had a school function in California. So, her Dad & Stepmom were going to go....meaning I'd be babysitting the cuties! Well...yeah. My Dad SUCKS! Somehow, I don't know how it really worked out...but my Dad & Uncle are at the Pistons game!

I'm not a huge basketball or Pistons fan...but I'm a huge sports chick...and I'm a huge Detroit fan...no matter what. P got to go to a Pistons play off game last year, ST went to Saturday's game (he had to email AND call me to rub it in!), and now Dad & coolest Uncle are at tonights game. NOT FAIR! Life's not fair...I know.

I have my Mom all pissed off at me. Mom is doing good lately...she's been doing good since Saturday. 4 days! YAY! Mom & I went to get Jo from school. We had to stop at the store for Mom to get cigerettes. Stopping for those was already bugging me. She then asked Jo to borrow a dollar. I told Jo to ask her why she wanted the money. So, now Mom's all pissy with me. Oh well. She'll get over it. She still got the stupid cigerettes.

When I get around to it...I'll post about why "All Scott's are JERKS"

T out!

Funk Show Brother

I don't know if my title is really a song title, but its in my head right now.

I'm alive, exhausted, way to busy, doing well. More soon...just don't know how soon.

T out.

F*ck you and football sucks

I'm home from up north. Can someone tell Mother Nature that its the end of April? Really, she can shove these 10 inches of snow up her butt!

I don't do well with 08:30 Church, with no nap all day!

T out.

My Last Name

Giddy up...let's go!

Off to get the stressful car mess taken care of, do some SHOPPING, and then to Grandma's house! YAY!!!!!

Should be back Sunday or so.

T out!

Somebody's Someone

Snack time must come to an end...when I start flinging salsa all over my desk, chair, and myself.

SML is on vacation with his 2 best male friends. One of which, I really just don't get along with...to put it nicely. He called me and I missed his call. Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! His voicemail seemed like he was sneaking to call me or something. Hopefully he's having a good time at Geekfest USA. They went to a Star Wars (or Trek...I get them confused) convention.

Got the geek on the phone right now...its a Star Wars convention. I know plenty of people like Star Wars (and Star Trek) but I just can't get into them. Have NEVER seen any of them, the whole concept(s) just don't fit my style. Now, if it was a reality TV convention, I'd be there!

Annoyed! My Dad just told me he is going to be late getting home from work tomorrow and we can't leave until he gets home from work! ERRRRRRRR! WTF was the point in me taking the day off work? Oh well. I'll sleep, relax, getting this problem solved, and all that jazz, I guess.

I've still got more in my little head to blog...but I just don't feel like it right now. Since, I'll be up most of the night...more later.

Peace, love, and family fueds to all.

Johnny Has Gone

I thought of another thing that bothers me about myself! My terrible (and I mean TERRIBLE) procrastination habit!

I've got to bust ass tomorrow and get some things taken care of. Things that haven't been in my control, well, one of them...I procrastinated causing a bigger headache then imaginable. The problem is, these issues that I have to bust ass and solve (which MUST be solved tomorrow!) aren't easily solvable. Ahhh. Give it to God. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

I've been running on extremely little sleep (with very little of it being quality sleep) for over a month now. I just took a SOLID 3 hour nap. YAY! Now, of course, I'll be awake until at least 02:00. Good thing my Friday doesn't have to start until about 09:00.

I've decided that I'm old! My friends are old as well. Shell, who isn't married, has no children, and lives at home with her parents, is having a tupperware party. Tupperware parties are for middle aged woman with 3 little kids! While I was discussing me being old with ST, he kindly pointed out that I'll always be older then him and some day I'll get my AARP card before him. Well...in 25 years when he doesn't have his AARP card yet, he better not come crying to me for a discount.

Work has been extremely crazy this week. Extremely crazy to the point that 15:00 rolls around and I run for the hills. I'm glad I have tomorrow off. I trained someone new to do a lot of the messy stuff, I'm very (probably overly) confident in this new girl's ability to do things properly. I do have a feeling my Monday morning is going to be a real joyous event. I think I'm going to do my best to go in at least an hour early on Monday, so I'm at least, caught up with my stuff before I go home on Monday night. Weeeeeeeeeeee! No thinking about work right now T!

My Dad just called on his way home from bowling. He's whining about a 190 game. Blah blah blah. 738 for the night, and he's whining about a 190 game. I did get the love to bowl gene as a member of the W family...but how come I got passed over with the bowling skill gene?

I'm hungry.

T out.

Pledging My Love

Quite often, I run around with this "I'm perfect, the world revolves around me" attitude. I know I'm NOT perfect, I know the world does NOT revolve around me, as much as I would like it to. I hate when I see flaws within myself. Its much easier to point out others' flaws and how they should correct them, then to deal with my own.

I was reminded this week, just how judgemental I can be. Flaw!

Now today, I realized (not for the first time) just how jealous of a person I am. I often get jealous over every little thing. I get jealous over physical and emotional stuff. Not cool! Another flaw.

Isn't the first step to fixing a problem, admitting a problem exists?

I have more to blog about...but I need a nap. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

T out.

I Go Back

Its been a long time since I've been woken up during the middle of the night with an anxiety attack. At 04:33 I rolled over, in full fledge anxiety attack mode. I tried my best to ignore it, to talk myself thru it, etc. Nothing is working.

Growing up, my Dad always said "An emergency on your part does NOT mean an emergency on my part." I think I'm going to have to use that line today.

I've had my car since Friday 04/08/05. Yesterday morning the salesman called yelling at me that he needed more paperwork ASAP. Paperwork that he knows I don't have! If they would have told me 2 weeks ago, they were in need of this stuff, I could have started working on it then...but NO! So, now I'm stressed to a max, busting ass to try to find stuff to please them. I just want this mess OVER!

Now, I have to be up for work in less then 1.5 hours. I'm screwed. If I can't sleep for 2 hours, no point in sleeping.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. Give it to God. I'm fully aware of all that stuff...but still AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That's all she wrote.

Magic

Wow. Its after 22:00 and I'm getting to sit down and relax finally. Yay! Of course, I did quit doing laundry without finishing it all, but I'm DONE for today. Done with EVERYTHING! My brain is on overload. Its been that way since about 08:15.

Monday afternoon I got an email from ST, basically a rebuttal regarding my post of Saturday nights happenings. Of course, I had to rebutal the rebutal. Surprisingly, I didn't take anything he said that rough at all, he pointed out some things that I didn't see. It was like a constructive criticism. ST has been taking big steps to make this friendship work, and I'm at the point, where I can too.

I really dislike that I'm such a judgemental person! I know, I shouldn't judge...but I do. I really think its human nature to judge, sinful, but human nature.

Mom isn't doing well. Doesn't look like she'll be able to go up north with Jo & I this weekend.

I learned tonight that this one guy (about my age) at Church is a PK. (PK=pastor's kid) He obviously isn't our PK since there is only about 15 years difference between them. I don't understand why this guy doesn't go to his Dad's church at all. Its just weird. Our new group is really becoming cool. Its so neat to actually get to know these people some. Its a tad outside of my box, but I'm enjoying it!

I wanted to leave for up north tomorrow after work...but NO! Its just not in the cards. Oh well.

T out.

Never Again

I'm so exhausted. Worked my butt off at work, came home & worked out, then I spent a good 2 hours outdoors, cleaning up the yard and stuff. When I say I want a farm some day, with lots of land...I want a farm with lots of land and a groundskeeper.

This week is going to be very crazy. Posts will be kind of hit or miss. I really need to get myself a laptop. I'll be out of town (ideally...depends on Mom) from Thursday at 15:00 until about 20:00 on Sunday.

ST sent me an email regarding my post about Saturday night and stuff. If a stranger were to read the email, they might think he was being a jerkball, but it was really a nice email, cleared the air some more. We are really making progress on this friend issue. With time, it will all be easier.

I wish I could understand why just about everyone thinks I'm crazy for trying to be friends with ST. ST did point out something interesting in his email. I'm seeing his flaws now, its progress in me getting over him!

During Church on Sunday morning Pastor said "If God wanted us in China, he would plant us there." Light bulb! If God wanted T & ST together, God would have left us together. I had a lot of confusion, almost anger, at God regarding this situation and its all coming together finally!

I'm working out like a mad woman lately. I have NO shorts if I don't drop about 5-10 lbs! Of course, I need to drop WAY more then that...but that's another story.

T out.

With All My Heart

A few more tid bits...

At bowling, I asked P why one of the regular subs wasn't listed on the sheet. This lady has bowled in the league the previous 3 years, but this year was just subbing a lot. We were bowling this lady's daughters team. Her son's team was next to us (where she has been subbing lately) and her husband was up there hang out.. P does this quit shut up motion. Turns out this lady died during the week! She was only in her mid 50's and had a massive heart attack. Quite shocking!

Next time at bowling is when I get the pleasure of telling P that I'm NOT bowling (at least, NOT with her!) next season! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been waiting for this ALL year!

P is trying to raise money for some marathon she's running for American Heart Association or something like that. She's not a marathon runner, she's not athletic at all. Turns out this marathon is in Hawaii. That explains A LOT!!!!!

Just learned that P has me blocked from IMing her. Interesting! I have such bigger fish to fry in life...

Peace, love, and true friendships to all!

Mr Mom

So, I promised some details. My thoughts are still all over the place.

Friday, work was okay. Nothing great, nothing terrible. I'm annoyed that the meeting Grace keeps telling me about hasn't happened yet! I need to get hired on by my real company NOW! Enough of this contract BS. Every time Clown walks by I just laugh. I feel bad, but seriously. The kid tried to play like 5 people in the same office and some how, he now lives with one of them. I'm so glad that it didn't take me that long to catch on to his poorly played game.

After work, I did some skating, napping, dining with Shell & J. Then we went driving around, trying to think of something to do. We are such a exciting gang. I don't care, I don't know, whatever. We ended up at a friend's house, drinking a little, playing euchre, and just hanging out. It was cool. I didn't even get picked on that much. After we get back to Shell's, I call up SML. Him and I went and got some late night junk food that I don't need! While there, we run into some people that I just don't want to deal with! What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Saturday, well...let's see. Clean Gma's house, roller blade, go to the library. Interesting trip to the library! Then I did some shopping with Shell. 2 new tops, 1 major bar top, the other is for the bar, but I can wear it other places. I think its the first time I've ever spent more money at the mall then Shell!

So, then the night gets exciting. Bowling. Yay! Oh wait, we dislike this bowling gig totally. 2 more times! Yay!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, I'm on lanes 1-2 and Shell's way down on like 19-20! Shell was bowling P's parents, so P was always down there. Its hard to get away from someone that bugs me, when she's running to the same place I am! What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

So, after bowling, we go grab some grub. While there, ST calls. Wants to know what I'm up to. I need to learn to lie sometimes. To make a long story short...Shell, J, and I end up going to one of my favorite bars. ST & Ann meet us there. I wish everyone could understand and respect my & ST's desire to be friends. It was a tad wierd, but honestly, nothing I couldn't handle. I did feel bad because J was (so he said) uncomfortable. At one point, Ann went to the bar or something. ST looked at me, asked if I was okay. I had to look at the ceiling, and let him know that overall, I was cool T looking at ceiling=avoiding crying. We were all just kinda chilling, drinking, around a table. Then ST lights up a cigerette. Mr. Anti-Smoking USA. The one that bitched about my social smoking back before he knew me! It just set me OFF!!!!!! I slammed the last inch of my drink, looked at Shell & J, and said "I'm ready to go." So, they polish off the rest of their drinks and we say our goodbyes. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

So, hanging out with ST & Ann wasn't that bad, at all. Nothing I couldn't handle. I didn't cry AT ALL! I did have to look at the ceiling for about 10 seconds, but even now nearly 24 hours later, I haven't cried. I wish them the best. I'll keep my opinions about their relationship to myself (at least, for now.) After spending lots of time processing and over processing things...my conclusion...my OPINION...
1) The smoking thing PISSES ME OFF! I reallllllllly dislike smoking, smokers. Its just me. When ST & I talked today (2 times, maybe 5 minutes total), I told him that. He says its just a social thing. My ass. That's how they all start. I don't respect smokers. Snotty, maybe. That's me.
2) The ST that was there last night, wasn't the ST that I know, love, think the world of, respect, etc. If the ST that was there last night is the real (new) ST, then I'm better off. Not saying he's a bad person...but it just makes it OBVIOUS why we won't work.
3) ST & I being friends (with or without Ann and my non exist significant other) is a possiblity. I don't wish ill upon him (or them!).
4) I'm a snot. Wait, I knew that. I might be single forever, but at least, I'll be being true to MYSELF and to God.

Later, SML & I got into it...again. We basically had to re-hash the "He is in love with me, I love him as a friend" battle. Its basically cool now. He started a blog. Copy cat! SML Now if he would just show me how to put links on my side!

T out.

I Can Only Imagine

My family cracks me up. They get home from up north and decide its time to work outside. Its nice out, its Spring. Makes sense. Yeah....RIGHT! Until that has to do with waking me from my much needed nap to plant 29,382 (more) trees. We plant this many trees every Spring, come Autumn there is maybe 2 alive, that handy dandy tractor driver hasn't cut down.

Okay, so we planted 18 more trees today. Dad is determined these will thrive because they are much bigger then usual. So maybe come October we will have 3 left!

I should figure out what I'm wearing to Church. I have to leave in about 20 minutes, I've got sopping wet hair, have to eat dinner, and get ready. Yeah...we'll probably be late. I'll blame Jo.

My Dad is such a nut. I got out of the shower to have a message on my cell phone. Its my Dad. Telling me about my car warranty. 1) We live in the same HOUSE and he calls me. 2) We just were hanging out outside planting trees for hours, couldn't tell me then?!

T out.

Onward Christian Soldier

I promise I'll get to the interesting details of my weekend sometime soon...I need to process information before I type, plus need to make sure all the liquor is out of my system.

God amazes me. He's so awesome! Awhile back, a lady at Church (that REALLY rubbed me the wrong way until recently) was testifying about how so often she wants to say/do something not right but God takes charge and makes her do the right thing. Over the past few weeks and SO MUCH SO in the past few days, I've realized how true that it. Its been so cool to realize, to see, that God is inside of me and alive! If God wasn't taking control over everything, I think I would be dead or in jail! I'm sick of taking the higher road, with everything (mainly the ST situation lately), it would be much easier to yell, scream, and hate everything...but that's not how God wants me to be! I just wish others could see that its not me being nice truly, its God leading me to that path.

I had a fun weekend with my friends, hung out with ST & Ann too. Like I said, interesting. Details coming...

T out.

Roses For Momma

Its been a WILD ride lately. I'll fill my lovely bloggy blog in with great detail later...maybe. Let me just say 2 things...

1) My friends RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) I'm sick of being nice & taking the higher road.

T out.

I'm My Own Grandpa

Things I didn't mention in my SUPER long post!

SML finally learned that I'm just as happy with a simple mixed boquet of cheaper flowers then I am with expensive roses!

I wore a dress to work today. Everyone was like..."T, why are you dressed up?" The real reason was because it was the only clean clothes I had at Gma's house that met dress code...but part of the reason and the reason I told everyone..."I didn't shave for nothing."

I'm not normal. I know that. But seriously, I think I'm the only female that HATES shaving so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really its only my legs that I hate shaving. Hate it. HATE IT! HATE IT! Seriously, I need to move to Europe or something. Since I'm having no sexual relations, its not super warm where I need to wear skirts/shorts, my work outs don't usually involve other people (that I care to impress) seeing me...what's the point in shaving?

I'm weird, I'm totally aware of that!

That's all she wrote.

You've Got A Friend

Ahhhh. I can finally sit down, breathe, relax...for about an hour anyway.

I've been VERY busy lately, which has been a good thing I think.

Tuesday night SML & I went to see Beauty & The Beast. Wasn't the greatest production I've seen, but I still enjoyed the show, myself, and my company! The poor candlestick guy, his mic kept cutting in and out, so for about 1/2 of the first act, he had to use a hand held microphone. There were tons of little kids there are dressed up. Awww. Baby fever, not at all! Just Awwwww! There was a little girl behind us, she was maybe 3 years old. She farted SO loud. Everyone was dying laughing. Her poor parents. We were in the 2nd from back row on the balcony. The annoying ushers started changing the trash during the last 2 songs. It was really loud, them playing with the bags and such. ANNOYED! All in all, I had a great time. The timing was great too. I really needed a big distraction.

Since Monday & Tuesday, I jetted out of work right at 15:00, I knew I needed to work late the rest of the week. Well, yesterday EIGHT out of about 30 afternoon people called in. That's a TON! So, finally I called it a day at 18:30. I was so exhausted, I decided to crash at Gma's again. It was nice to just be able to chill, watch TV, read, etc. in peace and quiet. No Mom, Dad, pets, computer. I was able to do a lot of praying and thought gathering.

After another 9.5 hour work day today, I did some running around after work. Got home about 20:00. Ate dinner, I think it made me sick. Damn Hungry Howies. Finally got off my butt and did my state taxes, since I'm busy tomorrow night. I owe the lovely State of Michigan $27. As much as I dislike paying it, and paying taxes in general, I'm glad to pay it to live in a country as great as ours! Finished up all my paperwork for the fire dept. Did I mention, I'm trying my best to get into Hickville USA Volunteer Fire Dept? Its considered volunteer, but its really paid on call. So, on my way into work tomorrow, I have to drop off both my taxes and the fire dept paper work! Bright and early at 07:00! Yay!

I've procrastinated terribly dealing with a problem with my car. There is some BS about the insurance. I have insurance, but blah blah blah. Its a headache. I've put it off since Tuesday. Sucks that I've been slammed at work and the insurance co. is opened like 09:00 to 17:00 and when you call you are literally on hold for 30 minutes.

I talked to ST for a long time today, via the great telephone device. He called and he wasn't at work or wasn't out of town! Miracles do happen, now & then! We talked about some emotional type stuff and I didn't get upset at all! Yay! I'm really okay. I know I'll have my bad days, but I'm okay. Of course, part of my head still has TONS of questions, but I'm following the advice of some of my wise, been there/done that friends...I am not going to hurt myself more and ask questions I really don't want an answer too! I did ask a few questions today, and I got answers. We discussed how I'm going to be single forever. I wish he would have been like "T, you won't be single forever, there is someone out there for you, someone perfect for you." But...no! He basically agreed with me! It was a VERY NICE conversation! Probably the best one we've had in months! Heck, I even had to call him back tonight regarding some of my fire fighter junk and he answered his phone! He never answers my calls these days!

This week has been one of the best weeks at work in a LONG time! Probably actually, after how things have been going lately, the best week since I moved to this department about 11 months ago. Clown & 35 Year Old BOTH are out of my department!!!!! Now, I really like 35 year old, she's cool. I just don't like her & Clown. Clown just got moved 2 departments down, he's basically doing the same thing. 35 Year Old got a promotion and I'm very happy for her. I think the timing is interesting since Jess wanted them out so bad! Jess & Grace have been whispering about me all week. Grace keeps telling me something GOOD is going on. I'm impatient! I want to know NOW.

This is the post that never ends...yes it goes on & on my friends.

Tomorrow, I'm doing dinner with Shell & J. Possibly some other friends too. Then maybe a little D & B action or something exciting. SML gets off work earlier then he was supposed to, so he might join in the fun. We shall see. I'm not sitting home on a Friday night! Actually, even if we just grab dinner, I'm still not sitting home...I'll be sitting at my Gma's! Gma is up north (she has my mom...YAY!) so I stay there often!

Since I worked so late Wednesday, I missed David's Friends. I feel bad, but that's life and God knows, I have to make money.

SML brought me lunch today, and flowers. Awwwwww. He's like a super hero trying to save the male species from the wrath of T. If I hear from another person that I work with, just date him, he's so good to you...I'm going to kick them. Yes, he's great to me. Been there, done that. He's just my friend. He's a great guy, but just not the guy for ME.

T out.

Chrome

I realize, every time I think I don't have many friends, I have some great friends! I might not have many...but those I have are GREAT!

Before I posted about ST earlier, I posted on a message board, where I've been reading/posting since before ST & I were engaged. The support of those women amazes me.

That message board is how I met K. Of course, I now know K in real life, not just through a message board. K rocks! She's on vacation. Real vacation. Hawaii. Jealous, you better believe it! I love when my friends guy bash with me.

To quote K..."Boys are dumb. That's the damn truth" Gotta love her!

Someone tell me to get some SLEEP!

T out.

Red Dirt Road

My brain will not stop! ST told me he would be back online later for us to talk more. He wasn't. Maybe that was a good thing...but my brain won't stop.

I'm in for a rough, long, hopefully FUN day tomorrow! Drop Mom & Jo off at the hospital at 07:30, be to work by 09:00, work til 15:00 or so (SML has school until I don't know when), then SML & I are grabbing dinner and heading downtown. We're off to see Beauty & The Beast! Yayayayayayay! The show starts at 20:00, so at 08:00 Wednesday morning, remind me that I really wanted to go to this show! Wednesday won't end until about 22:00 and since I'll have to put in like 12 hour days on Thursday and Friday...eeeek. Brain SHUT DOWN!

This list is a list that I made about 2 months ago now. I just need to remind myself I will NOT settle. I deserve the world. I've been praying "Pat's prayer" and I'm 1/3 there. LOL. I love when I make myself laugh, especially when I cry so much lately!

I don't have an ideal partner but in fantasy land my perfect partner would: (bolded things I can NOT waver on!)

Be trustworthy
Funny
Fun
Quick-whitted
Smart
Educated
Family oriented
Christian
Caring
Willing to think outside the box
Like/understand sports
Athletic
Non-Smoker
Tall (say at least 6 feet)
Like my family & friends
Appreciate me for who/what I am
Romantic
Spontaneous
Adventurous

Peace, love, and sleep to all.

What I Miss The Most

Maybe if I type my little funny story, I'll stop crying for 5 minutes. Actually, I watched TV in the living room for 1.5 hours without crying. Of course, I had to play games on commericals and stuff to keep my mind busy.

I get home from work today. My mom has this fancy air freshener from Bath & Body Works. I just bought her a refill for it a couple of weeks ago. I looked at it today and it was empty! That went really quick! Wait, she has it plugged in upside down! It leaked out!

So, I go flip it the right way. The container is oily but there is no spot on the floor or anything.

About an hour later, I see my cat. Bad is a little black & white normal cat. Yeah, now Bad is black & pink and smells like sweetpea!

T out.

Break This Chain

I have a friend. Her name is Shell. She's SO cool! Shell has a usually great boyfriend named J. Well, for the first time since her and J started dated...Shell's guy bashing! Yay! Shell & T guy bashing together. Great fun. Fun I needed today!

To quote Shell... "yeah they are all assholes in some ways let me tell you"

That line totally made my day! More then Shell will ever realize! Its so nice to know even the happiest relationships aren't roses all the time!

I have another friend. His name is SML. He's pretty cool too. He is letting my guy bash without getting defensive. He just continues to try and make me smile.

The Bachelor comes on in a few minutes. I don't know if I can handle mushy TV tonight.

T out.

One Way Ticket

Normally, when major stuff goes on in my life, I wait 24 hours to blog about it, to make sure I'm being calm and rational...well, screw that right now. I've waited about 3 hours...good enough. I thought about waiting too, because Jo reads here and I'm not ready for this to be public knowledge to my family...but oh well.

I'm at a total loss right now...

ST & I broke up in October. After being back together, 1.5 years, he woke up one Saturday morning and said "I don't trust you" and that was that. It was a pretty peaceful break up, overall. I was completely blind-sided. We continued to be friends, a VERY strained friends. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement.

Early January, we spent about 2 weeks seeing if we could work things out. After not seeing me for a week and avoiding my calls, being short with me on the phone, he dumped me (again) via email. There was NO contact for about 2 months. About 6 weeks ago now, he started calling, chit chatting. Nothing more then that, nothing less. One day, he decided to tell me he was dating someone. I wished him well and we kind of left it at that.

I could drag this out much more...but I won't. He called today. He's ENGAGED! In all seriousness, I wish him well. I want him to be happy. He's a good guy and deserves the world. Doesn't mean I'm not heartbroken all over again. So, in less then 3 months, he's gone from trying to figure out if he loves me, is in love with me, to be engaged to someone else! I know love knows no boundaries or time frames...but love stinks!

I have TONS of hurt, sadness, and anger going through my head, but I'll let myself work through that before I snap and say hurtful and mean things. Poor Shell already got an ear full of that!

I started to finally de-ST my room and life. Its hard. He has something to do with everything in my room, everything in my life just about! I took down all the pictures I had of him on 1 wall, all the pictures I had of him on my bed, the teddy bear that came with flowers he sent me not that long before we broke up. I still have 2 pictures (in my picture stand thing) that need to go, plus COUNTLESS pictures that are part of picture collages. Yes, I'm a picture freak. I have SO much more that reminds me of him, stuff from him, etc that needs to go. Heck, I need to go buy new sheets/comforter. The ones I currently use were a gift from my parents when ST & I first moved in together.

Many moons ago (think high school) I distroyed EVERYTHING but 1 picture of a jerk boyfriend. I regretted that. So, it makes picking and choosing what ST things to keep/toss more difficult...especially since there is SO much more stuff, times together were better, etc.

Signed,
The Girl That Will Be Single Forever!

Over The Rainbow

I signed on to blog about something funny. Then I got hit with a HUGE bombshell of news, so I have nothing to blog about at the moment. Can't think about the funny thing, can't blog about the news. So much for me being in a better mood...

T out.

Walk That Line

I slept! I slept like a baby! For 8 hours, without waking once...then 2 more hours of cat-napping. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I still tired? You bet!

I woke up in a slight panic, because Dad & I were supposed to be going to a meeting at the Fire Dept about joining the volunteer squad. Well, that was resolved, for now, much better then I tought. I love my Daddy. He's so cool, most of the time.

Last night I spent some time playing around online, looking for a radio (cd player/xm combo device) for my new car. Seems like nothing fits! If thats the case then, I'll have to get XM like ST has and call it good. Now, do I have the brains to figure it out, that's another story.

Speaking of ST, I haven't talked to him at all, since last Sunday. I don't think I'll be talking to him anytime soon, either. Sad but true. Do I miss him and love him? Of course. He's got his own life right now and I just don't seem to fit in it where I feel I deserve to be, so I'll just back out of trying to be his friend for a little while. I've got to dig up his address for my Mom. Hopefully I can find it without having to call him.

Have I mention that I don't want to go to Adrian AT ALL today?

T out.

The Stage

Happy Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess who isn't car-less anymore? Yep...ME! Happy dance!

I'm the proud new OWNER (not leasee) of a 2005 Chevrolet Aveo! Its the coolest color car I've ever seen! Its called Key Lime! I can't find the color even listed on the website. When I drove it off the lot today it had 27 miles.

Jo & I went and got fancy seat covers & floor mats. Tie died seat covers. Too cool!

Of course, new car needs a name. Oh yeah, she already has 82 miles on her and by the end of tomorrow she'll be pushing 400! Yep...road trip tomorrow! Did I mention she gets great gas mileage? I'm SO happy! You have NO idea! I'm on cloud 10! She doesn't have A/C or anything cool...but she's MINE! Anyone have name ideas? Anyone know where I can get a cool radio? Should I get a CD player or XM? I'd like both really, but I don't know.

Okay...going to calm down now.

That's all she wrote.

Still I Long

I'm alive and exhausted!

I hate HATE HATE waiting games. Today has been, will be a huge waiting game. Not cool.

13:30 means 13:30. It doesn't mean 14:00. If you are going to be late CALL! I'm annoyed. I'm trying so hard to be grateful lately, but I suck at it.

If time promits, I am hanging out with my friend Dani (from work) and some of her friends tonight. At the moment, it doesn't seem like time is on my side.

T out.

Like A Child

Wahooooo! I figured out how to re-name the links ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!! Miracle, I know.

Another rough day, but I got through it without that much headache.

Poor SML. That kid really takes some shit from me sometimes. I always feel bad, its not fair to him, but I know he's my friend & loves me no matter what! He brought me lunch today. It was so nice outside, that we sat at the picnic table, just eating (okay, he was watching me eat) and chit chatting. I got a call on my cell phone, with some not good news from a not nice person. I got off the phone and basically was like "Lunch is over, I'm going back to work" and stormed inside. He tried to stop me, but I basically wasn't listening. When things don't go my way & laying in bed crying isn't in option in dealing with them, the best thing I can do, really, the only thing I know to do, is to stay BUSY!

I just realized I missed The Bachelor yesterday! That sucks!

This past Friday, a friend of Jo's passed away in a car accident. Accident Today, was Jennifer's viewing. It went much smoother then I was preparing myself for. First time, I have ever been to the viewing at a Church. Small Town USA can't handle when 11 people die in car accidents in 2 days.

In theory, I should go to bed soon, because I HATE my 05:20 alarm, but I just don't feel like it. Maybe I should pack a lunch. Maybe I should do this, that, and everything. Yay. Being in my brain is so weird sometimes.

T out.

Swept Away

Test #2. I'm so smart...maybe

Google

People

Someone explained how to make links on a friend's blog. Here's my first attempt. What should i make a link to? how about http://www.google.com Now someone want to clue me in, how to make the link not have the http part? Like if I wanted to just say Google & that be the link? Hmmm. My brain hates computers.

I Feel Lucky

Its been a dark day in the life of T. Very dark, the darkest I recall in over a year. Nothing to be proud of really, but nothing to be ashamed of either. I made it through! I had a few major and tons of minor meltdowns, but all in all, I came out on top.

At one point, during a huge meltdown, it took a great deal of concious effort to NOT call ST. I am so used to turning to him, him knowing the right things to say to shake me back into reality gently, so used to him wanting to make things better for me. I made it without him! I know that might not sound like a big deal to most of you, but to me, it was!

Mom is doing well basically (except puking about every other hour, just because) and I actually turned to her some today. I have been trying to NOT go to her, because I hate not being able to count on her. Maybe because I felt like I didn't have anywhere else to turn, maybe because I knew she was doing well, maybe because God led me to her.

Jo & I didn't get to go to the bible study like we wanted to. Every aspect of my life is basically on hold still. I hate my life being in the hands of others! If this car issue doesn't get solved the way I would like and I have to stay at Gma's and walk everywhere...I'm cool with that. I just want it SOLVED! What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Its nearly 23:00, I have to be out the door at 05:50 and I still have laundry going. Again, what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger...or so I pretend.

T out.

You Can't Hurry Love

I feel like I'm sinking, like I'm fighting an unwinable (I don't think that's a word, but that's okay) battle.

I'm not giving up yet...I'm just starting to see my hope & faith slipping and its crushing me. I truly don't know how much longer I can hang on.

Its after 21:00 and I don't know how I'm getting to work tomorrow morning. The simple thing to do would be to talk to my father, but almost like my social phobia, I hate/fear talking to him.

I've got to find a way to get through this. I know it will pass, I'll come out stronger, yada yada yada...but in the mean time, its killing me slowly.

Easy To Be Hard

Graham Crackers & Sprite! What a wonderful lunch!

I left ST a voicemail last night, when I did it, Jo said I was being kinda snotty. I honestly, didn't think I was...I thought he'd take it jokingly, which is what my intentions were. Well, at 10:04 today, he called & left me not the nicest message ever. So, I called him back at about 10:15. It wasn't the friendliest conversation ever. I explained my point, don't think he bought it. Whatever. I'll talk to him in a few days hopefully. I've got to get my head in a better place. QUICK.

T out.

When You Say Nothing At All

I just sent a text message to SML. It simply said..."I'm sick of being sad." Seriously, SML is the only person (non-family) that totally knows about all the stress/depression going on in my life. Jess, Grace, & Kris know some what. I just am sick of being sad, sick of hiding my sadness, sick of pretending to be happy. I mean, overall, I'm doing very well, all things concidered! I just had myself believing that after Easter, things would be so much better.

I told Shell tonight, I'm not allowing myself to deal with this ST & him having a girlfriend situation. I have way to much other stuff to deal with, that's on the back burner, yet killing me deeply, slowly. I want to be able to deal with it (at least, deal with it better then I am currently!) & get over it. Then again, I've been wanting to be over ST for many months now. I want to be his friend, I want to love him as only a friend, I want to be happy (& not jealous) for him, I want to be able to trust again.

Clown & the 35 year old from work are moving into their apartment this weekend. Seriously, I'm glad that situation blew up in my face when it did. I'm glad I'm out of it. I'm entertained! Totally. I really like(d) the 35 year old, but she, sort of, reminds me of JJ.

Kris (one of my work buds!) & I have to get on the same page with our schedules dammit! She's such a cool kid, yet I get to talk to her, hang out with her, like once every other orange moon.

Off to do some useless blog reading or something.

Peace, love, and dry skin to all.

She Used To Say That To Me

It took me about 10 minutes to take these quizzes and about an hour to post them. Computer smart, I am not.

The 3rd & final quiz of the moment...

What season are you?

You scored as Summer. You are SUMMER. Life is to be -lived-.. dance, sing, and make merry. Adversity is simply something to overcome. You embrace life with both arms, not only because you love it, but to squeeze out of it all that you can. Summer 55% Fall 45% Spring 35% Winter 25% What Season Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Goodbye Girl

Quiz #2 of the day...

(if I can copy & paste)...

Which Biological Molecule Are You?




You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fly Like An Eagle

Why does Blogger & computers in general, HATE me?

Sunshine On My Shoulders

OMG! Blogger hates ME!

Okay...for the 4th attempt now...

I'm a quiz taking whore tonight. I need to do mind-numbing things to keep myself sane.

Now, I'm trying to copy & paste code into this thing and it won't work! ERRR! I will do this myself!

Your Love Style is Storge

For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind (You've been known to still have connections with exes) But sometimes your love is not the most passionate Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave

What's" Your Love Style?

Mississippi Queen

I feel like total crap today. If I hear from one more person, that I'm hungover...I'm going to smack them. 3 drinks (1 with dinner) over 3 hours does NOT make me hungover...especially now 26 hours after my last drink. I've slept, ate, slept, ate and I still feel crappy. For about 10 minutes at work today, I broke down wanting to go home...but I stuck it out.

I'm thinking maybe the stress/exhausted has caught up with me and is just kicking my butt.

I'm still car-less. Its been over a week now. It hasn't been as terrible as I thought it would be. Thankfully, I have such a great supportive & helpful family & friend (SML rocks!). It appears as this car-less situation is going to be lasting a little longer then I thought it would be. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. My family & friend (SML) crack me up. My Gma lives less than 2 miles from my work. Especially with Spring springing FINALLY, I'd have no problem walking to and from work, but they've all went out of their way to make sure that doesn't happen. I'm not getting into the specifics about the car-less situation with anyone. My life, my business. I tell who I want, what I want, when I want, & how I want!

There is more going on in my oh so exciting life, I promise. More when I don't feel like I'm going to puke or pass out any given second.

That's all she wrote.

Your My Better Half

I'm alive...I'll blog soon. After a long nap or something...

T out.