Stealing Kisses

I've got a TON to do before heading up north at 08:30 in the AM, starting with SLEEPING!  I should go nap now, wake up and get my stuff done, then go back to sleep.  I'm feeling SO overwhelmed.  Part of me wants to just stay awake and get the stuff done and then call it a night, but I don't think I'm safe with a knife and/or razor right now.

This is a conversation my Dad and I had last night...

T:  "There isn't a 1 size fits all answer for ANYTHING in life."
Dad:  "YES THERE IS!"
T:  "What Mr. I must prove T wrong every chance I get?"
Dad:  "Jesus loves you!"
T:  "Point taken."

God is love!

She's On Fire

I volunteered to lead David's Friends in 2 weeks.  I'm VERY excited about it!  BUT wait...I can't do it!  Its the day of Shell & J's wedding rehearsal.  I'm really bummed. 

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.  Humans are creatures of habit.  Patience is a virtue.

My stomach is in a huge knot at the moment.  I need to "open my heart to God" and stop over thinking/analysing this situation with #4.

I have to take a leap of faith on a few things soon, step outside my box, etc., and its just weighing on me a lot.  I'm going to do some old fashion writing, to God, to help clear my head because praying alone isn't working for me right now.  If I don't get my head to clear up, calm down some...I'm in a for a ROUGH few days...especially when I have to go up north to Gpaw's house.  See...I am letting things snowball and things that aren't relevant to other things all start becoming a clusterfudge within my head.  ERRRRRRRRRRRR.  FOCUS on the cool things God is doing, T.  ON TASK!

Tomorrow, I won't get to nap really...BUT I do have a 4 day weekend!

How about those Tigers?  A nice 3 run home run by C-Mo (Craig Monroe for those that aren't crazy Tiger fans) in the 9th inning, with 2 outs, to beat the Yankees by 2.  Wahoooo!  When the Tigers win the world series, I'm going to go do cartwheels naked around the entire perimeter of the yard.

Off to dream about God's plan for MY life...which hopefully includes palm trees.  ;-)

God is love!

No More Sad Songs

Lying, breaking a promise and halfhearted apologies are very similar to me.

God is love!

Amazing

I don't feel good!  YUCKY!  Just exhausted with a pounding headache and I feel like I'm going to pass out at a moments notice.  I'll manage though.

My 4 hours of sleep last night were like the good ole' days of months past.  Only 4 hours of light sleep broken up with Mom needing help, having a seizure, falling, not knowing where she was, etc.

I can't wait to for 16:15, so I can take a nap!  Its Wednesday!  Yay for David's Friends.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Sweet Emotion

Today hasn't went as "planned" but I'm managing. 

Work has been going surprisingly well lately.

My head is hurting tonight and I wish I knew why.  I've still got a bunch of stuff to do before I can get to bed.  I'll be in bed at about 11pm.  WEEEEEEEEEE.

After much confusion, discussion, and debating...we have figured out how to go up north (as long as Mom's health cooperates the rest of the week) and keep just about everyone happy.  We are leaving EARLY Friday morning and leaving to come home at noon on Sunday.  We are taking the d-o-g, so I can't take my bike.  My little cousins are going so we can't take the bows and guns.  It will all be OKAY.  The guys are going golfing Friday night.  STUPID sexist world.  Then again, I wouldn't subject myself to hours of time trapped with my Gpaw.  Good thing at his house there are 10 acres to run away from him...plus lots of places to walk to, fish to catch, beaches to look cute at, bonfires to sit by, etc.

I had my head buried in my Bible a lot yesterday.  Something that stuck out to me...

11 The LORD will guide you always;
       he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
       and will strengthen your frame.
       You will be like a well-watered garden,
       like a spring whose waters never fail.   Isaiah 58:11 (NIV)

Over this past weekend we were talking about "our verses" like our signature verse(s) that basically we quote often and probably over use.  Mine definitely is...

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

God is doing some really awesome things in my life lately.  I'm trying my best to just live in the TODAY.

Tomorrow things could get real interesting in my life...or not.  BUT, I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

God is love!

Walk On Water

Why can't/won't I just GO TO SLEEP lately?  I haven't been taking huge long naps that would mess with my schedule.  Within 10 minutes of crawling into bed, I've been asleep...just getting there is a problem.  Maybe cause I don't have everyone and their brother breathing down my throat lately...maybe.  If I don't get my act together quick though...people are going to be all over me again, like flies on crap.

I had another point to make...ERRRRRRRRRR.

Oh yeah.  I want to go SHOPPING!  Clothes shopping.  I need clothes that fit REALLY bad.  Most of my clothes look like crap on me lately, cause they are so big.  I know, its a nice problem to have...but I just want to go buy clothes that fit!  I'm feeling good lately about my weight (the pounds are slowly coming off again!) and I want clothes to show that I'm not fat...not clothes that hang funny and make me look 20 lbs heavier then I am.  If I could get away with wearing 1 pair of jeans everywhere I went, life would be good. 

My nice little pat on the back to myself...I am now down 32.5 lbs from 15 months ago!  9.5 lbs to go!

Sleep...NOW.

God is love!

Round And Round

Until YOU walk a mile in SOMEONE'S shoes...do NOT judge them.  Even then, its not really YOUR place to judge them.

I hate feeling like I have to justify myself & my actions to others.

Outsiders have NO idea what a daily battle life has been for me the past few months. 

God is love!

Dream On

Its Monday.  Its Monday at 04:30.  I must be crazy.

Sleep is my friend.  I want to see more of it.

God is love.

Last Child

On the way to the Church fellowship thing (which I still didn't know if I really wanted to be at or not) I said "If #4's Grandparents are there, I'm walking right back to the car."  As we are trying to find a parking spot...so is #4's grandparents.  Ahhhhh!  Then, we sit down...and there aren't enough chairs yet so I end up giving up my chair for his Grandparents.  Which meant, when chairs were added we were sitting right next to them.  Pastor D caught word (from who I don't know!) about the happening with #4 and I.  Pastor D has nothing but fantastic things to say about #4.  Pastor D thinks that #4 is much better for me then "Computer Memory, Multiple monitor talking know it all" (Red).  Its scary that EVERYONE thinks SO highly of #4.  His grandpa talked with us lots, just about life.  We had an awesome turn out for the event.  The food was good, the people were great.  I had a super time!  Never turn down free food!

I think this #4 thing might turn out okay...if I can stop being SO scared.  I'm feeling MUCH better about things tonight, regarding my confidence and self-esteem, after chatting with his Grandfather (and note, #4's name never directly came up) and with Pastor D.

Tomorrow is Monday.  Jess & Grace are on vacation.  YUCKY week for me!  But...I'll manage.

Its past my bedtime & I'm off to read/pray about fasting tomorrow. 

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Reefer Head Woman

Myself & Cris with some moose statue somewhere along Michigan Ave.
Myself & Cris with same moose statue.

Pretty, o' so pretty, water! On the walk to the Aquarium. (The Aquarium is the building in the center in the background, so the dome like top)

That's all folks! Time for another vacation! It appears like my Labor Day weekend trip is cancelled. :-(

God is love!

Gypsy Boots

I'm just a posting fool today.  I'm working on uploading the Chicago pictures...I will get them all done today!

Tomorrow, Pastor D has asked us to fast for 1 meal, in order to pray about some major issues going on within our Church.  I am going to give it my best effort.  Its my first attempt.  I'm nervous about it, and excited.  God is so awesome!  :-)  I joked with Dad & Jo, that since Jo eats so infrequently that she could just skip 2 meals...one for her and one for me.  Dad is fasting for breakfast.  I don't know when I'm fasting, yet.  We shall see.  I just pray that I can do this without ending up with a major migraine!

There is a Church fellowship thing going on at Pastor D's house tonight.  I'm debating on going or not.  Remember I'm the depressed girl that would rather stay home...but I've NEVER been one to turn down free food!  I wish I knew if any of my friends were going.  Yep, I want to be a follower lately.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

The Reason A Dog

That's me, impatiently waiting for everyone else to finish getting ready on Saturday morning. Nice broke out face!
That's the ice machine & me. I love ice machines. The sign on the back of our door lied though. It said there was an ice machine on every floor. I walked all over our floor and there was NO ice machine. BUT I did find the maids closet and got us lots of extra towels! I even made Cris come look for the ice machine with me! No luck. So, then I had to call the front desk and ask where the stupid (but loved!) ice machine was. Turns out that there was one on the floor above and below us...but not on our floor. Stupid lying sign!
Me being my nerd self, inside the Hershey's store.
The Chicago skyline (taken while walking to the Aquarium)
Skyline (taken while walking along Michigan Ave.)
The view from our hotel room window.

Real To Me

Navy Pier, taken from our water taxi.
Hershey's! My favorite store, by far! I got a free piece of candy & hat...what more could a girl ask for?
Cris & I having a ball inside the Hershey's store. Like my free candy sample and free hat I'm sporting?
Anna (with Cris & Shell in the background kinda) riding on the water taxi.
Cris & Shell after we just checked into the hotel.

Everything's Fine

Church today was FANTASTIC! Let's talk about the important things first...the message!

Pastor D titled the message "In the No Stress Zone". My Bible titles the passage "Do Not Worry".

26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:26-34

Obviously, I've used that first a bunch of times before...but its one of the most important verses for ME to remember.

Time for me to get long winded! Now...onto the other parts of Church & my life. #4 was at Church. At MY Church. What in the world was #4 doing at MY Church?!?! He has his own Church, thankyouverymuch.

Lots of #4's family attends my Church. His Grandparents (who live just down the street from him), TONS of his cousins (including his next door neighbors), and his parents (who he lives with) all attend my Church...but #4 does not. #4 chooses to attend a Church about 5 minutes further from his house where his Uncle is the Pastor. (Note...that Pastor's son (Mell) is one of my friends and attends my Church) I should have been excited that #4 was there, yet I was so nervous I felt like I was going to vomit. Its strange. His Grandpa, his cousin, and his MOM were all smiling and waving at me and stuff. GREAAAAAT! They are never like that. His Mom has never acknowledge me before at all! It was really good to see #4 and a nice surprise. Now, I still want to know why he came to my Church though! I could take the easy way...and ask...but no...I'll just wonder. I don't want to make him feel like I didn't want him there!

I have realized something in the past few days. I'm reading a book called "Feeling Good". Its a book to help me win this stupid fight with depression. I'm a person that has always, depression and all, prided myself on having decent (usually high) self esteem. I don't know how or why...but my self esteem isn't what it used to be. I realized it a little bit on Friday when I paniced about having a run in with CJ. Today, I REALLY realized it!

There is a part of me that doesn't think I'm good enough for #4 and that I'm just going to get hurt.

Of course, #4 has the same fears about getting hurt. #4's cousin & I and My Dad & I have talked about it. My Dad genuninly likes #4 and thinks he's a GREAT person. I think I need to figure out why I don't think I'm good enough for #4! Back to today's message..."Plan for the future but don't anticipate it." I think I'm SO worried about getting hurt that I might end up doing more damage to myself.

I will get my self-esteem back in full force! With or without #4...hopefully with. ;-) Did I mention lately that #4 is dreamy?!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Obsessively Yours

Cris, Anna, & Shell waiting to board the plane on the way to Chicago.
Cris getting ready Saturday morning.
Nummmmmyyyy lunch! The best Cheesecake ever! A cool glass brick fountain that changed pictures and colors!

Anna & I enjoying our cheesecake.

More pics to come...

God is love!

Kings And Queens

Anna, Cris, and Shell outside the Art Museum.
Anna waiting while we check in at the hotel.

Cris, Shell, & Anna outside the Shedd Aquarium

Cris, Shell, & Anna with the pretty skyline in the background.

God is love!

Never Say Never

I was going to try and put my Chicago pictures in order, and tell about my trip as I went...but that is just going to be TO much work for me and this lovely dial up Internet connection.

So, a few things about the trip that aren't going to be in pictures.  The flight to Chicago...we gave ourselves PLENTY of time to get parked, take the shuttle, check luggage, deal with security.  WELL...from the time we pulled into the parking lot to the time we got thru security (including a 10 minute shuttle ride) was all of about 20 minutes.  There was 1 person in line to check their bags, and no one in line at security.  We waited a good 30 minutes for Quiznos!

The flight!  I just don't like flying!  The take off (running down the runway) is cool, but the minute the plane leaves the ground I hate it!  Once we are in the air, like done going up, its okay.  Going down and actually landing is okay.  Going up just makes me sick, I hate it.  Physically and mentally HATE going up!

Friday...We did some shopping, had Chicago style pizza for dinner, hit the Art Museum, then the bar.  I had a good time at the bar and was the only one that really drank and I didn't drink that much.  I was being social though, so according to Shell "You must have drank more then you thought you did."  LMAO.

Saturday...We did more shopping, went to Navy Pier (we took the Water Taxi back and forth between Shedd & Navy Pier, it was cool!), did more shopping, had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  It was BY FAR, the BEST cheesecake EVER!!!  Did more shopping, walking, checking out touristy stuff, then went to Shedd Aquarium.  Then we hit Hard Rock Cafe for dinner and more shopping.  We were to tired to do much of anything once it was night time.  So, we watched Navy Pier's Fireworks from our hotel room window and called it a night.

Sunday...we checked out and headed to the airport.  When we got there (we again, allowed PLENTY of time!) the line to check luggage was TERRIBLE!!!  The staff from Southwest Airlines was GREAT.  They were like it moves REALLY fast, from this point its 35 minutes max.  Well, we had our luggage checked within 20 minutes.  Then security wasn't that bad...maybe 10 people in front of us.  The stupid part was I had to take my belt off.  I fought whether or not to wear the belt all morning.  I took it on/off about 10 times!  EERRRR!  When we landed and got to luggage claim...our bags were already off.  So, we were on our way real quick.

Pictures to come...I got about 25% of them uploaded.

Boy-King

I just tried 3 times with 2 different pictures to upload them to MySpace and it wouldn't work. ERRRR! I'll try again later, but later always turns out to be much later!

Wednesday, I forgot to take my vitamins. Friday, I didn't have my vitamins with me. Yesterday, I forgot to take my vitamins. Today, I feel not so well. The joys of Iron Deficiency Anemia. This is where my logic is flawed. I've missed my vitamins quiet a bit lately, I feel like I got ran over by a bus, so I don't want to take my vitamins anymore. I'm going to take them today...but I REALLY don't want to! I'm doing nothing I'm supposed to be doing lately. I need to get my butt in gear, on every front!

I going to start working on the Chicago pictures...right NOW!

God is love!

Blind Man

Shell has left me a message for 3 straight days.  I haven't called her back.

I'm supposed to be going out with a buddy from this hicktown tonight.  I don't know what I'm doing yet.

I just don't feel like doing anything.  I'd much sleep my days away.  Its nothing person, towards anyone.  I'd just much rather stay home and deal with no one!  Of course, having NO money is REALLY adding to my "stay home" attitude problem.  We shall see.  I KNOW I need to go outside of my comfort zone some, but I still must protect myself.  Its such a delicate balancing act.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Eat The Rich

I just got an email and it had the following lines in it...fantastically fitting!

"Someday my prince charming will come along...he just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions"  -Dawn

"Somebody needs to be unafraid to lead the freak parade"  -Big and Rich

God is love!

What It Takes

You make your bed, you lie in it.  I make my bed, I'll lie in it.  Nothing more, nothing less.

What have I gotten myself into?  I go from 1 extreme to the other.  Boys suck!  Nothing more, nothing less.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll be going to a fair at Favorite Uncle's Church.  We've went every year & its always a good time.  JJ & boys are coming which is exciting!  Then, in theory...tomorrow night, if I could not be such a chicken sh*t, I could have a "date".  We shall see.

God is love!

Mirror Love

Things have been stupid crazy in my life and within my head.  I'm home, for now.  I don't see it staying that way.

Wednesday night I had to say bye to Red.  He's going back to school in IL.  It was such an odd "Good-bye"  I was pulling out of the parking lot when I realized he was leaving today & I wouldn't see him anytime soon.  Of course, I went back and told him bye.  Things are just SO different.  I'm really not affected by him leaving this year. 

Had a run in with long lost CJ today.  DEFINITELY NOT what I needed!!!  I thought I was SOOOOO over him.  I thought WRONG.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Realizing I'm hung up on him is leading to lots of questions within my head, especially regarding #4. 

Other life issues...I can only control MY actions!  I cannot be responsible for the thoughts and actions of others.  Which also means that OTHERS can't control my thoughts and actions.  I'm at my whit's end.  I've cried, I'm yelled, I've talked, I'm done.  The best road isn't always the easy road.

I'm missing ST a lot right now.  I have NO idea how the kid manages to understand me, deal with me, and tough love me.  I would do just about anything to be able to go to Cinci right now.  I just need a hug from him.  Silly I know. It would, at least for that 30 seconds, make everything in my world seem better.

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

The next few days shall be interesting... ;-)

God is love!

Love In An Elevator

To say I'm annoyed & irritated is a HUGE understatement.  Tack on stressed & depressed and I'm a gem to deal with.  Through no fault of my own (or no choice of mine either!), I'll be living at my Gma's for a while, could be a few days...could be months.  This certainly will NOT help the depression.  Add on that I'll be sleeping to much (that's all there is to do there) and not eating...and everything is certain to not improve within my head.  I've got to find the positive in this mess.

I'll be going straight there after David's Friends tonight...so I have NO idea when I'll return.  I'm PRAYING Friday after work!

God is love!

Make It

The post I made Monday morning had a bible verse in it...the verse contained the word "grace".  I don't like the word grace.  Actually its the name Grace, I don't like.  ;-) 

Then again, I used to say "All Scott's are jerks" and I know that's not the case.

Going to dream about palm trees & #4.  LOL at myself.

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Breathless

About 2 months ago (it was the end of June, while at the Detroit Fireworks) my friend Butt said something that actually made sense.  To know Butt is to know, she's not serious very often.  Usually conversations with her involve sex or sports...nothing that deep or that important.  Its just how she is.  Well, that night she said something along the lines of "There comes a point when you have to go after what you want in life.  You don't have a lot to lose by going after it."  I think I'm getting that way with #4.  I want him, I don't have anything to lose.

My Chicago pictures are now scanned & all that good junk...now just to find time to upload them.  Like I told my Dad tonight...probably Saturday, I'll get caught up on computer junk.  I'm a nerd, I know.

Go Tigers!

God is love!

Ugly

It can't rain ALL the time!

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.  Romans 5:1-3 (NIV)

Happy Monday!

God is love!

Go Easy On Her

To say I'm stressed, depressed, and anxiety filled right now is an understatement!  I can't sleep, I can't function, I feel like I'm going to vomit, I feel like my heart is caving in, my head is pounding, I can't see straight, I can't stop crying, I'm shaking like a leaf (God only knows how I'm managing to type this).

I've got to make a phone call today & I'm TOTALLY 100% dreading it, but I know it will make things a little better regarding my stress level.  I just HATE dealing with the world.  If the situation only regarded me, I'd avoid it...but it involves another that doesn't need added stress at all!

I feel like one of my best friends & I are really growing apart or something.  Its crushing me lately.  Its my friend that has been there for me thru thick & thin over the past few years.  Its my friend that I always felt like I could count on.  Now, I feel like I'm just a pest to this friend.  The more I try to talk to this friend about it, the bigger attitude I feel like I'm getting from my friend.  Part of me, wishes I could walk away and not care...but the realistic part of me knows that feeling like I'm losing this friend is killing me.

I'm debating whether I'm going to work or not today.  If I knew I could stay home, get myself together mentally (as much as possible), I would do it in a heartbeat...but I don't think staying home will help at all.  I really miss the days where I could go into work whenever & leave whenever!  But, if I stay home I could get things accomplished that my parents have been bitching about.  I could get this feeling like I'm having a heart attack to go away.  I just don't know what to do anymore, ever.

All of this is just killing me.  I'm dying slowly & painfully.  It just sucks!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

One Way Street

I'm finding it VERY difficult to keep up my end of the contract.  Every part of life sucks so much out of me!  Right now, I know if I ate, I'd start doing SO much better...yet I'm going crazy instead.  If it was only that easy to "just eat".  Obviously, there is MUCH more to it then that!  To know me, is to know I LIKE to eat! 

God is love!

Sistine Chapel Ceiling

I got my pictures from Chicago back! Now to get time to scan & upload them. Soon enough...like before my birthday. ;-)

Woodward Dream Cruise was cool. Pics of that to come too. I had about a 30 second "I miss ST" moment yesterday. I had about a 30 second meltdown regarding traffic/finding a parking place. I got to spend lots of time with Favorite Uncle which was cool! Got to see lots of my family. All in all, it was a good time like always!

I love my family. They have been taking EVERY ounce of patiences that I don't have lately! Surprisingly Jo & Dad aren't the ones annoying me.

#4 is dreamy. ;-)

God is love!

Run To Me

I feel like I'm going to vomit, seriously.  Not cool!

TGIF!!

God is love!

Cabaret

David's Friends was cool tonight.  I didn't get a lot out of the message, but that's okay.  The message had to do with stubborn vs persistent.  I'm a stubborn brat sometimes, I know that.  I had a good time with my Churchy friends.  The plan is underway to get things progressing with #4 & I.  LMAO!  I'm not holding my breath, but whatever happens...happens.  Everyone has this idea that I need to be hush hush about it in the presence of Red, but I don't think I need to.  1) I waited long enough for Red. 2) Red isn't willing to take a change.  3) I made things VERY clear to Red a couple of months ago that I was DONE!  Now, I'm NOT out to hurt Red or anything...but dude, you did this to yourself.  David's Friends is going to be starting an hour later in the winter.  That means I'll be getting home at 21:30-22:00.  That bites...but I'll do the best I can.

My "diet" is back on...FULL FORCE!  More full force than ever before.  I'm sick of this 10-20 lbs that just won't BUDGE!  I will weigh 130lbs dammit!  I will be in BETTER shape.  I CAN do this!  I dropped 20lbs with little effort, 6lbs with a little more effort.  I will do this even if it kills me!  At least I'll be a skinny dead person.  ;-)

I thought I would have my pictures from Chi-town back today...but the store is STUPID!  Don't get me started again! 

I get to drive myself to/from work tomorrow.  YAY!  I'm running some errands after work, hitting the gym, doing laundry, & cleaning my room.  Its a national holiday weekend, at least it is in my family.  Weeeeeeee!  Busy busy buuuussssy!  Remember T, you like BUSY!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

If You Ever Stop Loving Me

Palm Trees!  LMAO!  I called home from work today, to simple tell Jo "Palm Trees" so we both could laugh.  Now Mom is annoying me because she wants to know what its about & who all knows about it. 

To busy to write.  I'll write more in about 6 weeks, at least that's how it seems.

#4 makes my teeth sweat.  ;-)

God is love!

Contented Eye

I just need a day OFF!  A day to catch up on my sleep & clean my room & just get stuff DONE!  Well, a girl can dream.

God is love!

Touch

My sleep is all jacked up.  I should have taken Monday off work.  What was I thinking?!  I just don't want to, can't sleep right now.  The cycle will be broken VERY SOON!  I will get my sleep back on track!  Next time I take a vacation, remind me that I need the day after I return home off work!  I've got stuff going on within my head that emotionally isn't letting me get the sleep mess fixed too.  Just a bad cycle right now.

I've been a selfish person for the majority of my life.  Yet, when ANYONE in my family or friends needs something I've always dropped whatever I had going on to be there for them.  Gma needs some help this week and I just don't want to help.  That's a TERRIBLE attitude on my part.  I'll get over it & go help, I'm sure.  I just don't like feeling like I don't want to help.  I should want to HELP!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is love!

This House Is Rotten

I promise I'll write about my trip when I have time and/or energy.  I've only got 10 minutes right now...and that's not enough time.  I should maybe hopefully have my pictures on Wednesday, so then I can post w/ the pictures.  I'll be getting more pictures from Cris & Shell at some point.

Today was HUGE!  Mom did well yesterday and today.  All day today, she kept saying she wanted to go to the women's Bible Study.  I wasn't up to taking her.  She called a handful of ladies for rides.  No luck.  Well, Dad decided he would drop her off & pick her up since she was doing so well.  Mom ended up getting a ride home from one of the ladies, which was cool.  Mom went out without one of us!!!!!!!!!  She did well!   We were standing in the driveway waiting for her.  I'm SO proud of her.  Seriously, mushy T, is ready to cry over this.  There are VERY VERY VERY few places/people we let Mom go/deal with alone.  She did GREAT and it was outside all of our boxes some.  "God is healing her at this very moment." 

#4 is adorable.  Nothing more, nothing less.

God is love!

A To Fade In

I'm alive.  I don't feel like getting ready for work.  I'm moving at a snails pace.  I had a great time in Chicago.  Much more about my trip, and pictures to come soon.

God is love!

Sunshine Smile

Its FRIDAY!!  Fridays are usually good, but today is SUPER!  I'm off work.  I'm heading on the jet plane to CHICAGO!  Its only a short trip...but out of state AND a plane makes it a VACATION for me!

I actually managed to sleep well.  I busted butt all night, so I just passed out at about 22:30.  Slept pretty solid until 07:00.  I was very panic filled all day at work about this flying gig, but it went away for the majority when I left work.  Now, today, first thing when I got out of bed...PANIC filled!  I'm shaking as I type this.  Its not a full fledge panic attack (which I did have at work yesterday...NOT cool!), but I can see where its headed.  Thank God for good drugs.

Pictures & Chicago story will be coming soon enough.

CHICAGO here I come!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Road Movie

I was already REALLY paranoid & anxious about this flying gig.  The airport, security, flying, the FLOW process just creeps me out.  Well, now TODAY...the day before I'm going to fly this goes down!  I'm trying to remain calm.  I know its probably a safer time to fly really...but doesn't mean it doesn't creep me out more!  To add to my strange freak out, we now have to check our luggage...which means I'm worried my luggage will get lost.  It will all work out, I'm sure...but yeah. 

I'm almost ready to go...just waiting on laundry.  Then I'll actually get my stuff in the suitcase tomorrow.  2 nights, 3 days...and I look like I'm going for a year!  That's me.  I'd rather be prepared for anything, then not have enough stuff.

God is love!

Kangaroo Court

Something that gets on my nerves (yes, I'm guilty of getting on my own nerves, but I'm NOT referring to myself this time.)...people who don't THINK!  God gave you a brain for a reason.  USE IT!  Nothing more, nothing less.

TOMORROW...as in 1 day, I will be in CHICAGO!  Excited, anxious, & stressed!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

Cool Front 23-6

Just got done with the Tigers game, so I have 10 minutes to be online.  Joy.  The Tigers just lost 2 in a row.  We better get our acts back together NOW!

I keep saying I have SO much to do before my trip and I do!  Tomorrow will be busy for sure.  I am the master of procrastination, like always.

#4's Grandfather likes me!  Dancy dancy dance!  He was talking to his other grandson & his niece about me.  Now, this is important for reasons related to #4 and other reasons that he likes me.  This man is an important man in our Church & our district.  To know he thinks highly of me is cool!  Not lick fingers, run over eyebrows cool...but cool.  #4's Grandfather was saying I need to hook up with Mell.  When he was informed that I was after #4, he said "that's just as good.  Probably better!"  Hehehe.  Now if #4 would realize I'm alive, really alive.  ;-)

Bed time...

God is love!

Seasick Martyr

My faith is in you Lord.  My hope is in your Lord.  Yep...that's from a song, but its my montage for today.

I don't feel well (anxiety I'm pretty sure).  Happy Wednesday.

God is love!

Have You Seen The Light

I feel like I have SOOOOO much to do before I go to Chicago.  3 days!  Wahooo!  Right now, I'm just to tired to do anything.  Plus, most things I need to get done/do...can't really be done until Thursday night.

I haven't talked to my friend Ingrid in a couple of months.  We just kind of drifted apart because 1) we didn't work together anymore 2) the situation between CJ & I  3) her new relationship.  I've been meaning to call her, but I always make excuses.  Well, today I called her.  I knew she'd still be at work, but I had to call when I had the time & was thinking about it.  She did call me back when she got off work, but I wasn't near my phone.  Things are just different.    We shall see.  I've got to be in a good happy strong mental state when I call her back...and I'm to tired for that right now.

When Jo & I went shopping, there was a shirt that I wanted, but wouldn't spend the money on.  Last night, I went and bought it!  Then today, I went and returned it.  Time waster!  At least, I was only wasting my time!

I love my TiVo!  We haven't started the Tigers' game yet.  We should be able to be caught up by the end of the game if we start soon.  If we don't start soon, I might not watch the entire game.  See my previous lines about being tired, having stuff to do!

Tomorrow is David's Friends.  It will be interesting to see if Little Troy, Red, and/or #4 show up.

God is love!

Complicated

Gma is doing much better. She looks & sounds MUCH better. She says she feels much better. She'll be in the hospital until AT LEAST Friday, because they don't know the source/cause of her blood infection. I had to deal with Gpaw at the hospital for about 30 minutes today & I survived. I just don't like him!

4 days until CHICAGO!!

With a little toughening up on my end, and some help from my friends and family...I'm NOT going to have to let anyone down, it appears. YAY! I'm still DEAD tired though. :-/ I'm debating if I want to see if I can get Monday (after my trip) off too. I think I'll need a day to recover!

I'm going with Shell to one of her dress fittings tonight, to learn how to bussel her dress. Exciting! I'm getting excited for their wedding, yet panic stricken (outside my box anxiety garbage!).


God is love!

Dinosaur #3

My five hours of anxiety filled laying in bed SUCKED! I can't even begin to call it sleep. Mentally, even though I'm anxiety filled, I'm doing better than I was last night.

Remember, things can almost always get worse! Happy Monday!

God is love!

The Floating Game

My ability to keep it together, my ability to keep up on end of the "contract" are slipping. I'm TRYING. I'm fighthing as hard as I know to fight, yet I'm dying.

I hate when there are problems which I see NO workable solution to.

Gma is getting worse, not better. Gpaw is a flaming jerkball.

I've got to let all kinds of people down today, and in the next few days. I hate it. I hate everyone, everything!

My ulcer is hurting terribly. I can't eat, I can't sleep. All I can do is cry. I'm misreable! I'd like to remember that it will all work out...God's time, God's plan...but yeah. I'm doing my best to hang on.

God is love!

Radio Days

Dad & I were joking around. I was pretending to lock him out of the house. I looked the doorwall, and Jo ran & locked the door that leads from the house to the garage. We very rarely lock that door. Well, now we know why! It won't unlock! Dad's going to have to bust out his magic box o' tools to get it undone. Oooops! He isn't even mad about it!

Children's Church was good. Regular Church took FOREVER so, keep the kids for so long was trying & tiring! Red got in trouble when we were tearing down. (We currently meet in a school, so every week we have to tear down) He was holding David, looking out the window and said "David, look at that ugly green car." Now, I'm SO used to everyone, especially him, making fun of my car. Red's Mom was PISSED! Red's Mom said "RED, that's it! I've had enough of you insulting T. KNOCK IT OFF. When will you grow up and learn to show her you care nicely instead of acting like a JERK?!" WHOOOAAA! Don't mess with the Mom's of the world! Red leaves in about 2-3 weeks to go back to school. I'm not even bothered by it this year. Its funny how things, people change.

#4's parents, neighbors/cousins weren't in Church today. How is this ever going to work out? LMAO! I wonder what #4 thinks of Palm Trees! Jo, you know that makes you laugh!

I heart The Tigers!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is love!

Feed Me

My family annoys me!  I'm going on my trip to CHICAGO on Friday, that's 6 days!  I need every ounce of money possible!!!!  Well, Jo & I were going shopping (for clothes for the trip mainly) and Mom says "If Jo wants something, buy it and we will pay you when you get home."  Well, Jo spent $51.91 and Mom is now saying we will pay you in 2 weeks!  That doesn't work dammit!  Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Now...onto my shopping adventure!  I'm cheap & PROUD of it!

$39.99 on new sneakers (I was allowing myself up to $50)
$6.98 new shirt (which can also be worn to work)
$4.99 cute bar strapless shirt (ITS SOOOOO CUTE! Looks nothing like I would ever wear!)
$14.99 bra (on clearance...go me)
$19.99 jeans (long enough!!  another clearance find)
$30.00 for a cardigan sweater (normally $44.00)
----
116.94 (and I had a total budget of $150)

Of course, I need another top or 2...but if I don't find anything cute and cheap, I've got some I could come up with.

Red's Oldest Sister rules, so does his entire family.  Red's Oldest Sister called to check on my Gma, see how we were doing.  She wanted to make sure that we knew her entire family would be there in a second if we needed ANYTHING!  I love them! 

Tiger time...

God is love!

Man In A Suitcase

They have actually used the words Congestive Heart Failure on Gma now.  Its scary, very scary...she's so strong & tough and is the person that just keeps on GOING!  She went into the hospital for a totally different issue, and now she is found to have CHF.  Its all in God's hands...His plan.  Its really difficult for me to continue to go about my life, knowing Gma isn't doing well.

God is love!

Lie To Me

I'm getting together with some chicks for my Church in a few minutes. I was excited about it all week, but it was supposed to happen on Thursday night, but life happens and we had to re-schedule. I don't want to deal with it today. I will, and I'm sure I'll enjoy myself but that's not the point. Its early for me (on a Saturday) and I don't want to deal with Mr. Hicks! We are getting together at his house, and I'm sure he'll be there to annoy me! Guess I better get my attitude in gear so I can fight back! Its all done with love though, I swear. ;-)

I'm going shopping afterwards to buy some cute new clothes/shoes for Chicago! 6 days!!!! Wahooooo! Plus, I just need clothes that fit, BADLY! The jeans I bought in Dec-Feb are to big. Plus, my sneakers need to go too!

2 of my and Jo's FAVORITE Christian music acts are coming to the Detroit area in October. We will find a way to go...especially because the 1 group is retiring. MercyMe & Audio Adrenaline rock!!! Out of the Christian music industry, they both are in my and Jo's top 5! Heck, they are both probably in our Top 10 of all music! It will be cool!

God is love!

Sacrifice Theory

Pictures from Shell & J's wedding shower last Saturday! Here is the happy couple, Shell & J.


The picture above is of the bridal party. Starting on the left...that's Anna, me, Steph, Shell (THE BRIDE!), Cris, & Butt.

Above we have...me, Shell, & Roe. (I'm SO sad that Roe won't be able to make the wedding! She will be on vacation celebrating her first wedding anniversary!)

Shell & Roe...also known as "The Shells"

Looking cute, like always...Cris & Roe

Last but not least...Butt & I.

I had another picture of Roe & I, but I messed it up and I'm to tired to re-add it. I'm sure this isn't going to format how I'd like...but good enough.

7 days until CHICAGO!

God is love!

Kangaroo Court

TGIF!!!

I'm so tired this morning. I feel like I'm moving backwards!

I don't want to go to the hospital again today. Selfish, I know.

God is love!

Squealer

The past few days its been freaking HOT! Like 100 degrees without the heat index H-O-T! No matter what, A/C, cold showers, swimming pool, I could NOT cool down. Today it got to about 80 degrees. Everyone is trying to freeze me to death! A/C is still on & kicking in this house. I've got more clothes on then I wore all winter! Flannel pants, socks, t-shirt, and fleece! Brrrrr!

God is love!

Sunshine Smile

Gma is in the hospital. She's been there for a few days now. She'll be there for a few more, it appears. She was dehydrated, has a blood infection, and a few other things. Remember, she just had surgery a couple of weeks ago. :-( Its been keeping me busy.

I was telling a friend this on the phone earlier today...but its worth repeating! I hate making mature, responsible adult decisions. Every ounce of me is telling me that I'm not making the funnest choice, but its definitly the most responsible choice. I would much rather (and for the majority, always have) taken the fun routine, let my hair blow in the wind and call it a day type person. LOTTERY, I need to win you!

8 days to Chicago! C-H-I-C-A-G-O here I come!! Can you handle me?!?!

Go Tigers!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I'll Be Your Saint

Well, I just sent an email to my missing cousin. Whether he reads it, replies, etc. is in God's hands. I kept it short & sweet. I don't want him to feel guilty about anything, I just want him to know that he is loved and missed. It was a difficult email to write, to say the least.

David's Friends was good tonight. The message was about fears. My anxiety is a bunch of fears when you think about it. The part that I'm trying to take with me is "God is greater than any of our fears." Little Troy will be home from the USMC on Friday! WAHOOOO! (At least, for us selfish people...he's not happy. Medical discharge.)

I've been meaning to post about my beloved Red Wings & Tigers, but I haven't had time. Maybe this weekend, I'll get around to it...maybe.

God is love!

If You Ask

INTERESTING! The posts I made weeks ago are now showing up. I deleted 2 of them that were repeats. (Thanks ST for pointing them out!) (Yet, I tried to post this via email and it bounced back)

My emotions are in a state of unknown. My oldest cousin has been missing for about 6 years (and we presumed dead). Well, there is a big mess going on...and he might be alive. In jail, but alive, is the rumor/assumtion. I should be sleeping but every ounce of me wants answers TONIGHT. Answers that I'll probably never get really!

I did go to the gym today! YAY! I actually think I'll be able to get in 4 days with NO problem...hopefully more.

I hate when people tell me not to worry. I worry because I care plus, I've always been a worrier...and probably always will be. I hate feeling helpless. Have faith T!

Opppssss...its past my bedtime!

God is love!