Decisions decisions!

For starters, I am perfectly aware that my days and nights are CONFUSED!  This issue has been getting worse and worse for a few weeks, but last weekend being in the hospital totally messed me up.

My & Jo's friend, ARuss is home from the Army for a few weeks.  He'll be at my parents house at 15:00 today and is staying there for a few days.  So, I'm trying to figure out when to go out and visit.  I thought I had it figured out, but then Jo told me that our friend McSmile was coming over Monday night.  I don't know what I'll do.  We shall see.  I'd love to see them both.  If my parents pool was open and/or they had high speed internet, I'd just go this afternoon and stay until tomorrow night. 

My parents leave in a few hours for their vacation.  They are going camping at a state park that is about 1.5 hours from their house.  Jo and I have expressed to Dad how nervous we are about it so hopefully he'll pay attention to Mom, like Jo & I do.  The park they are going to is very nice.  ST & I camped there a few years ago.  Dad used to camp there every summer as a kid.  I'm excited for my parents to be getting away.  Camping to our family is a vacation.  A nice, fun, relaxing vacation.  And we aren't talking a camper or anything.  Give us a tent and some firewood.  The last vacation Mom took was 2 years ago w/ her family and it wasn't as nice as it should have been.  My parents haven't gotten to go anywhere in years because of Mom's health.  Heck...the one vacation they took in the past 5 years was to Mayo Clinic.

With Independance Day this coming week, I'm trying to figure out if I am going up north with Roe for a few days.  I believe we'd be leaving Wednesday night returning Sunday.  Obviously, my health is part of the reason I don't want to go.  Also, with Shell's baby due in 8 days...part of me doesn't want to go away.  I also get a little concerned with being bored up there.  I've been to Roe's cabin before, many years ago.  That trip was just for about 36 hours and there were a bunch of us there, that I knew.  I am sure I'd have a good time, but Roe is more of a let's sit on the beach and tan type person and I'm a let's go exploring type person.  Just something else to decide!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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Let's WIN!

http://www.luckysearch.com/p/TaraTheSpaz

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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I've been home from the hospital for a few days now.  I feel okay except I pulled muscles in my neck sleeping a few nights ago and its KILLING me, to the point, I can't drive cause of the limited range of motion.

I was having some out patient tests/surgery done tomorrow but that has been postponed due to insurance companies being nothing but a headache and my lack of thousands and thousands of dollars.

I don't know where I'd be without my friend, my parents, and Jo.  They ROCK! 

I did force myself to get out on Tuesday night, mainly for my mental health.  My friend and I went to a small car show (like 20 cars) and then to play putt-putt.  He cheated though, cause he brought his own putter. 

God is love!

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I 100% feel like I am dying.  I am in the hospital.  Have been here over 24 hours now and looking at least another 36.  I am in such pain and if I had to hear one more time, here is some tylenol i might kill someone.  Tylenol isn't doing SHIT for this migraine idiots!!!!!!!

I just begin to put into words how misreable I am.  I am typing this w/ my eyes closed so it could come out all wrong and not say anything in english.

The migraine isn't what bought e to the ER but I would say right now, its 80 percent of my discomfort.  I swear, am going to have the first person I know ocming to visit me tomorrow stop and get me some fucking excedrin since I know those work better for me then tylenol....and a sprite.

I also need more pony tail holers, the ones I had just walked away or something.  Just UGHHH.  I'd rather die then deal with this everyday, for sure!!

I only have internet unil noon for free.  Wonder how much i costs after that.God is REALLY testing me right now.

God is love!

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Word of advice to the WORLD.   Always keep an updated resume!  Now, I'm struggling to make one because dates in my head are hoggy.  YUCK.  On a happy note, I have a few decent job leads.  Plus, I'm putting thought into joining the Navy.

Back to getting the resume DONE! 

God is love!

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LOTS on my mind...

For starters, since Wednesday afternoon...I've felt terrible.  Today has been BAD.  Definitly the worse 55 hours combined yet.  Just YUCK.  If I could explain the pain.  If I could explain how I go from fine to bad in 3 minutes.

So, I was laid off on Tuesday.  Don't know if I wrote about that or not yet...but really I'm okay with it.  Money will BE rough, to say the least for the next month...but I'll figure it out.

I was just watching this week's episode of Real World Hollywood and it was so emotional for me.  Feb of 1993, my Mom entered rehab.  I remember that time period like it was tomorrow.  During her 30 day in-patient program, as a family we had to go to countless family sessions.  Mike (the teacher guy) said something to 2 things that to this day, I have never forgotten.  The first is "I want what I want when I want it and I want it right now!"  That's how an addicts brain functions.  The next thing is "Death, jail, or institution"...meaning that addicts either end up dead, in jail, or rehab.  My Mom has basically been cool since her stint in rehab, don't get me wrong, I think some of her health problems are rooted in the YEARS of wild drug use.  My frisin Trin that died in Sept of 06 died of an overdose.  She had done countless trips to rehab and a trip or 2 (probably more) to jail.  Sadly, her life ended in death.  I just wish the world would know how BAD drugs are.  None of this only one time junk, or if God grows it stuff.  It just breaks my heart.

Next emotional point in my life right now...its very know that I'm extremely close to my family.  My dad's parents are my FAVORITE adults in the world, hands down.  Well, today, while very ill (like hadn't left the bathroom in hours, literally)...I got a phone call telling me that my Gpa has cancer.  Skin cancer.  He had surgery today and should be fine.  Still, that CANCER word is scary.  I was just at the Detroit Tigers game with him on Monday.  Part of me now feels bad for not giving him the foul ball I caught...but not really, cause he knows that's not me...its ME to rub it in his face.

My roomie has been going on and on about engagement rings lately and I've loved helping her look at them.  I adore her boyfriend and know he's great for her.  I'm just getting yuckier about being single.  Today it hit me HARD, I just want to be loved again.  Don't get me wrong...I know my friends and family love me.  I just want to be in a loving relationship again.  Just BLAH.

Its after 02:00 and I think I might go get food.  Yes, I'm crazy.

God is love!

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Ugh.  Just one big fat UGH.

For starters, I lost my job today.  I was given a severance package, but nothing great...but in Michigan's economy its better then nothing.  After I got over the shock, I'm really viewing it as a blessing in disguse.  I was SO unhappy there that this hopefully will get my life in a better direction.  Of course, I'm BROKE and will continue to be that way for sure until the unemployment and severance pkg start rolling in.  I've already got 2 decent leads from friends, so that's cool.  I told my Dad that I wasn't going to make any crazy decisions this week.  I'm going to concern myself with my health, getting my paperwork for unemployment and the severance taken care of, and look into the health insurance situation, for now.

Next, a friend of mine who I only really communicate via myspace with (there is a LONG LONG LONG history there!) asked me for my email address today that she needs to send me something.  My crazy brain keeps thinking of the million things it could be.  I hope its something good/nice because I want things how they were back in like 1997!  I can't imagine it being anything bad at this point, but I just want to know what it is.  Hopefully it pulls us closer!

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good!

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I don't have a lot to say, just realized I haven't blogged in a bit.  I just don't feel like it.  Nothing that new and exciting going on.  Still fighting my medical issues, still MAJORLY financially struggling (which happens when you don't work for 6 weeks basically).

I am VERY proud of my Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings.

I'll be going to the Detroit Tigers game tomorrow with my parents, Jo, and cool grandparents. 

Roomie is in the hospital.  She'll be there for a few days.  Poor thing!

God is love!

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