I Think Were Alone Now

So, here's the story of a lovely lady...name Mom.

Okay, not really a story today. I don't feel much like writing, cause I'm not awake. I'll just say...Mom isn't doing good today. Full blown seizure day. No one can imagine how her seizures where us (Dad, Jo, Gma, and I) out. I'm very thankful my Dad & I were home!

Jo & I are going to Church shortly. I need to go, even though I'm out of it!

Heard a joke today...from Jess' 5 year old son.

What did the number zero say to the number eight? ...

Nice belt.

That's all she wrote.

Homewrecker

So, Blogger & I have been fighting tons lately. I'm totally addicted to blogging, so I'm not giving up just yet. I might start typing my posts in Word & then C/P them to lovely blogger, so I don't have to retype something say 4 times!

I've got my head above water. Seeing my Mom be so depressed, I just *snap* out of mine, usually. Things are getting so much closer to better in my crazy life. To not have a life, my life is crazy lately.

SML, the sweetheart that he can be, brought me lunch today! Score! Yay! Oh happy day! Panara Bread for me!! So much for that weight I was going to start loosing yesterday. Stress & depression really put a damper on my weight loss abilities!

I had to run to the store about an hour ago, on the way back, out of no where, I started thinking about my friendship with ST. I wish I could remember/figure out what triggered this thinking. For him, he's putting a decent effort forward to us being on speaking terms. I need to put a better effort forward. With time & prayer...

That's my answer for everything lately...time & prayer. Eeeek. That doesn't answer the "Whats for lunch tomorrow?" question!

I actually voted for American Idol people tonight. 2 people actually, Anthony & Carrie. Took me about 45 minutes before I got through at all. Now I know why I normally don't vote!

T out.

Best Of My Love

I give up with this stupid blog for tonight. Blogger.com I hate you sometimes.

You're No Good

To answer Aaron's question...

I like Michigan State, because I'm a 100% born & raise Michigan girl. Basically my entire family are HUGE U of M fans, so I had to be different. Plus, my favorite Aunt is a MSU alumni, and green has always been my favorite color.

The reason I like UNC (and NC STate & Duke) is because if I could ever attempt to call another state home, NC would be the place. All of my Mom's family is from there, I've spent many many many summers down there.

****

Dad & I are off to get this car situation figured out shortly. I spent so much time in prayer over this issue in the past few weeks. I feel like such a selfish person for praying for a materialistic item.

My outside the box social phobia was tested Friday, yesterday, and now today. I will get through this. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

That's all she wrote.

Come Away With Me

I forgot something quiet important in my last post...

GO SPARTANS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the beginning, I picked my beloved MSU Spartans to win the Big Dance! Only 2 more wins needed! Having them go up against UNC in the Final Four stinks! As I mentioned the other day, UNC is my 3rd favorite (Div I) college! It was an awesome 2 OT win today against KY!

For my work pool, I have 3 of the final four! I know no one has all 4 teams! I don't think a soul has Louisville.

Just to make sure I'm clear...I love my aircast! 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. I hate doctors, I hate hate hate hate hate the Orthopedic Surgeon (okay, I love him as a person, hate the idea of him being a surgeon!). Just say no to scopes. Oh yeah, my 9 year old nephew JM has an appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon this week, I'll have to get ahold of his Dad to get details, I just know he blew his knee out on his trampoline. Add on my littlest/best bud cousin Kaleb is having throat surgery this week. What a healthy family!

The Time Of My Life

As Easter is drawing to a close, I'm bored. My family is so boring. We finally ate at about 15:30, by 17:20 everyone was gone. With my little cousins and nephews being here I didn't get to visit with my cool Grandparents at all! Once the car situation resolves itself, I'm going to plan a trip up to visit them.

Somehow, I blew out my knee today. I don't recall my knee hurting this bad in a LONG LONG time! Aircast, you are my best friend.

My cool Grandma got me a cool fuzzy/funky green scarp & a new (well, used but new to me) cookbook! I am going to have to clear a new shelf for cookbooks! When I finally have my own kitchen (again), I'm going to have so much fun!

Dealing with roughly 25 memebers of my family, only 2 of them had to ask me about ST. I didn't cry, but I kept the conversations extremely short. It all just breaks my heart still. This just isn't how it was supposed to work out!

At Sunrise Service this morning, lots of people spent time testifying. My Mom's best friend was talking about how back many years ago (she's been married 27 years) she was praying for a husband, car, and job...my Dad couldn't help but poke me and say..."Hey, sounds like a pray you need." I know he said it in jest, but since I'm not heartbroken over this ST situation, it really just hit a soft spot.

No one understands the pain I'm in. I find myself questioning everything that ever happened within my & ST's relationship. I know I shouldn't...but as a human I do. Things ended over 5 months ago now (that little get together in early Jan doesn't count really) and I sometimes feel more heartbroken currently then I did in the beginning. Maybe because he's moved on. I know for fact, I've cried way more in the past 2 weeks then I did in the previous 2 months (over him). I honestly and truly believed he was the one I was going to marry, spend forever with. I honestly and truly believed he was my gift from God. Especially after I ended things, for us to get back together and work through so much, I thought that was God's way of kicking me in the butt, telling us, this was what God wanted for us. I wrote ST 2 little notes very early in our relationship, one said "I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, but we are perfect for each other." That one I know is a direct quote, because its something we said to each other often. I can't remember the other one, but it was something about God intending for us to be together. As I've said, I know ST & I aren't going to work out, as a couple, any time soon...but its just so hard for me, as my walk with God gets stronger, to stop believing the things I thought I knew, just confusing me more then ever. It doesn't confuse my walk with God, it just confused my heart.

With time & God's love, I learn to love again, trust again.

Not having a car SUCKS! It would be *so* awesome if this mess works itself all out tomorrow...otherwise this carpooling with Dad thing is gonna SUCK! Yeah yeah yeah, be grateful.

Emotional T out.

Emotional Girl

Happy Easter ya'll!!!!!!

Jo's being a PITA already. Grand!

T out.

Like A Virgin

Round 2!

I hate blogger sometimes! I typed up a decently long post, about the past few days, up coming days, etc. Of course, the website wasn't responding and it got ate by the lovely WWW.

It was brought to my attention earlier this week, that a friend (I call him a friend, for lack of better other word, and at one point, he was my friend) is running his mouth that SML & I are sleeping together. That couldn't be farther from the truth! I know I should just concider the source and call it a day...but I can't. SML & I are friends, just friends, good friends.

Tomorrow is Easter. 2 Church services to start the morning, then 29 members of my beloved family will be here for dinner at 15:00.

Good Friday, community Church service was AWESOME. More on that another time, if I ever feel like re-typing it.

I've decided I'm going to include more of Mom's funny stories in here...some day when she's gone, I'll want to look back & remember the funny/happy times.

T out.

Feels So Right

I'm ANNOYED! ANNOYED might be an understatement, but its the polietest word I can find to express my feelings at the moment.

My Dad said, first thing this morning, when we started working..."Don't worry about what is on your sister's list. You both are just going to keep working until the work is done." Well, yeah...I sat down at the computer for 10 minutes and blogged...and yeah, Jo...well she sat on the couch for 2 hours watching some college hockey game, with 1 college we NEVER heard of! Life isn't fair...I know that, doesn't mean I'm not annoyed. Lying is one thing that just grates my skin, majorly, and as I see it, my Dad LIED to me.

Next thing adding to my mood...I've been busting my ass since 11:00. Well, I'm roasting. So, I put on shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. While I was cleaning the bathroom, I got a (hopefully) good wake up call, that I'm beyond chubby now...I'm fat. I reminded myself of ST's lovely roommate JV...that used to run around the apartment with all her fat hanging out cause her clothes were from when she was 50 lbs skinner. So, then I go downstairs to switch laundry around and my Dad had to make a comment about my clothes. ERRRRRRRR. Doesn't he know by now, being married for 26+ years, having 3 daughters, that you do NOT say something to a chick about her clothes/size, unless it's nice.

So, now this wake up call of mine...happens to fall on a holiday weekend. I did just clean the exercise thing, guess I should use it as more then a clothes rack. While, I know I'm fat, I hate the idea of not eating what I want, when I want, and I hate exercising. BUT I will have clothes to wear and look decent come June!

Crabby T out.

If I Could Making A Living

Its Spring Cleaning Day at the W household. Grand. Dad actually let me sleep until about 10:45 before it was time to get moving. I'm sneaking this post right now, since the next bunch of chores I have to do are all upstairs.

So far I have:

• Put the flag up
• Swept & mopped (on my hands & knees) the kitchen/dining room floor.
• Washed the door wall.
• Vaccuumed 4 rugs.
• Washed the dining room lamp thingy.
• Unloaded the dishwasher.
• Folded 1 load of everyone but T's laundry.
• Seperated all my laundry.

I still have to:

• Wash all my laundry (probably 5 loads).
• Clean my bathroom.
• Clean 1/2 of this lovely room.
• And a million more crazy things that my lovely Dad will come up with.

As long as he doesn't get the brilliant idea for me to clean my bedroom, I'll live through the day.

When I say clean/wash stuff...Mom & Dad are busting out the white gloves today. No 1/2 ass jobs.

Funny story from yesterday...

Dad, Mom, and I went shopping. We had to go to 5 different stores, we were gone about 2.5 hours. That's really pushing it with my Mom. About 2 hours is as long as you can keep her out. Well, while Dad was in store #5, Mom & I were sitting in the car. She has her window down. She starts yelling..."T, do you see them?, Aren't they cute?" "Mom, what are you talking about?" "T, don't be silly. The little guys on the hill." "Mom, what hill? what little guys?" Dad gets back in the car, I'm dying laughing. Mom is then screaming at Dad to make me stop laughing, to show me the little guys. Dad starts driving away, and he's laughing at her. Dad says, "What little guys?" Mom then says, "The little guys, like midgets, on the hill. Didn't you see them in their monkey hats?" So, now Dad & I are going to pee our pants laughing. Mom is being as serious as can be. She makes Dad turn around, she's going to SHOW us these men. So, we get back near the store, she says the guys are hiding across the street in the cemetary. So, we drive through the cemetary. She has her window down, telling my Dad to drive slow, be quiet. This goes on for about 10 minutes. She's getting SO angry that my Dad & I are laughing. We come home, not seeing any midget men with monkey hats.

Fast forward 2 hours, after Mom napped. I ask her about the midgets. She gets mad at me because Dad & I are making stories up. She has NO idea what I'm talking about.

Gotta laugh or we'll cry.

Back to work.

Peace, love, and housecleaning to all.

Bugs

I get a line...you get a pole...something something...crawdad hole.

I Will Wait

In my last post I said...I'm jealous I'm alone. Now, that doesn't make sense. Let me rephrase that line...I'm jealous of those in happy loving relationships. I'm sad I'm alone.

I've been really down & out lately, I know it happens & most of the time, I know it will go away. I'm doing SO much better today. Its an uphill battle, I'll be fighting for my entire life.

Happy Good Friday everyone! Remember this upcoming Easter holiday isn't about bunnies and candy, its about the resurrection of Christ. The chocolate is just an added benefit.

I have to leave for Church in about 30 minutes, I guess I should shower. I don't want to go really, because I don't want to deal with anyone asking where I was on Wednesday & because my Mom is throwing a fit and making us wear jeans. Oh well.

My beloved MSU Spartans take on The Duke Blue Devils later tonight. Of course, I want MSU to win...but Duke is my 4th favorite (Div I) college team, so its all okay. (MSU, NC State, UNC, Duke)

Peace, love, and family fun to all.

Spin

So, where was I went I last wrote to this lovely blog of mine.

Let's see...Wednesday was a day from hell! I had a mental break down, a pretty bad one. I knew it was coming, but there's not a lot I can do to stop it. I was laying in my bed, sobbing uncontrollably. I decided I wasn't going make things any better being in my room...so I packed a days worth of clothes, got in my car, and left. I didn't know where I was going, what I was doing really, but I was leaving. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, I just left. About 10 minutes after I left, I called home to tell my mom I was okay, but just had to leave. So then, my family flooded my cell phone with calls. I didn't answer. I needed to be left alone. No one could fix the pain I was in. I'd rather not re-hash the issues that caused my break down. After a few million hugs, sobbing on my friend's shoulder, some dinner, and a little sleep, I'm doing much better...not good, but better.

During my break down ST called. Odd timing. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him. I was SO used to turning to him in my times of crisis, and I was finding a way out of this crisis without him! I thought my family might have called him to have him check on me, but after talking with him today, he says that isn't the case. As I said recently, I have no reason to not trust him...but lately, something in my gut (maybe my heartbreak) is telling me to not trust him as much as I used to.

So, yeah...ST. I hadn't talked to him since last Thursday, I think. I really have to leave our friendship in his hands, for the time being. He called yesterday, I quickly got off the phone, cause it was just piss poor timing. I called him back at 21:00, ring ring...dump to VM. He called back at 23:45, yeah right. I didn't feel like answering my phone. He left me a semi-snotty VM. Oh well. So, today, I'm on my way home from work. I thought I would give ST a call at about 17:15, he'd be on his way home from work & I'd be done running around. Well, he called me at about 16:00, while at work of course. I feel like I'm a big hidden secret from Ann. Yes, she has a name. She's not the one I thought, but I was right, she's one of JV's friends. ST talking about stuff they were doing, just hit a REALLY soft spot. I got off the phone QUICK! Hello T. You dated him for basically 6 years, he was your best friend. He knows you better then anyone in the world. Like he didn't realize why you got off the phone so damn quick. I want to be his friend dammit. I know we aren't going to work as a couple any time soon. I just wish I could deal with him being happy better then I am. With time, I guess. I did talk to him a little bit later, needed to make sure we were on the same page about my feelings and stuff.

I'm such a jealous person. Its one of the things I dislike about myself. I'm jealous of a lot of the current ST/Ann happenings (I'm not getting into stuff going on within their relationship), I'm jealous I'm alone, I'm jealous Shell/J & Cris/Rich are going to Vegas on Sunday, I'm jealous of everyone that doesn't have a social phobia, I'm jealous of all the mentally stable people, I'm jealous of the rich, I'm jealous that K is going to Hawaii.

I'm car-less. It SUCKS! It doesn't suck that bad yet, but its not going to get better any time soon. Ideally mid next week, it could get better. Ahh, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

This post has taken me over an hour to type, I just can't process/gather thoughts well tonight. Everything happens for a reason.

T out.

The Woman With You

Lots going on. I'm exhausted, physcially & mentally. I'm Mom-sitting tonight. She's NOT cooperating. Its going to be a long 4 day weekend.

More later.

T out.

Working For The Weekend

I can't sleep, I'm trying to kill even more brain cells. I have to do anything & everything I can to keep my mind of the major issue at hand...

Thanks to Jo for this lovely mind-numming survey.

*******

Last Person who...

Called you? SML
Slept in your bed? me
Saw you cry? I've done pretty good at not letting people see me cry. I cried at Church on Sunday night, so Jo might have seen it.
Made you cry? myself
You shared a drink with? I don't share well.
You went to the Movies with? Jo & Mom! NEVER AGAIN!
Yelled at you? I think it was my Mom, because she was butting in a converstation and ASSumed what was being discussed!
Sent you an email? Besides spam, SML.

Have you ever...

Taken a pic of yourself with a milk mustache and sent it to the Milk people? No, that would involve me drinking milk.
Said "I Love you" and meant it? Every time I say I love you, I mean it. So, probably to Jo, since I tell her ALL the time!
Gotten into a fight with your dog/cat? Buddie likes to try to attack me when Jo & I are messing around.
Been to NY? No
Been to Florida? Yes, July 1998.
Been to California? No, I don't plan on it either. Its going to fall off into the ocean soon!
Been to Hawaii? No
Been to Mexico? No
Been to China? No
Been to Canada? Yes, plenty of times. Most recently Jan 2005. Jo, I'll take you there as soon as the details of my live smooth themselves out a tad.
Danced naked? Yes, in the bathroom mirror. I'm weird. Its not secret.
Had a dream about something really crazy, then have it happen the next day? Not that I can recall.
Stalked someone? Again, not that I can recall. I was P's accomplice on a few BAB's stalking events.
Had a mud bath? No.
Wished you were the opposite sex? Yes.
Had an imaginary friend? I don't remember. I know my Dad thought, for the longest time, that Bean was imaginary!
What time is it now? 03:55

This Or That...

Apples or Bananas? Both
Blue or red? Red
Bsb or nsync? NSYNC
Wal mart or target? I like Target better, but Wal-Mart is cheaper & much closer to home...for now.
Spring or fall? Fall
Santa or Rudolph? Santa

What are you going to do after you finish this? hopefully, get an hour or 2 of sleep!
What was the last meal you ate? Venison stew
How many of your buddies are online? 12, but I think everyone has away messages up.
Last movie you saw? Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Last noise you heard? Jo's fan
Last smell you sniffed? I honestly, don't remember.

Favorites...

Shampoo: Suave (I'm cheap, dude)
Soap: I don't know the name, but whatever my Gma has!
Colors? Green!
Day or Night? Night
Summer or Winter? Winter!
Lace or Satin? Satin
Cartoon Character? Sponge Bob Square Pants! ::Sponge Bob to the RESSSSCCCUUUEEE::

In the last two weeks, have you...

Cried? Yes
Cut your hair? No
Worn a skirt? No
Been Sarcastic? I've been pretty stressed & uptight, I don't think I've been overly sarcastic lately.
Talked to Someone you have a crush on? No
Hugged someone? Yes, My family, tons of people at Church, SML
Fought with your parents? Not really...ask me that again in 18 hours.
Wished upon a star? No
Laughed until you cried? No
Played truth or dare? No
Watched a Sunrise/Sunset? Not really, the sun is usually rising on my way to work, but I'm not really watching it.
Went to the Beach at night? No
Spent quality time alone? Not the good, relaxing kind.
Ate a meal? Yes, I have been forcing myself to choke down at least a meal a day, stress & all.
Are you lonely? Yes
Are you happy? All things concidered right now, I'm content.

Firsts...

First car: 1991 (red) Chevy S-10 (Jo, how can you list a car that is still your Gpaw's?)
First real kiss: depends on the definition of real, going by my "definition" my answer is 11th Grade. So, that is 1995-1996.
First breakup: Again, 11th grade. May 1996.
First screen name: It is one I still use for AIM from time to time, so I'm not posting it here!
First self-purchased album: I think New Kids on the Block!
First pets: We have had a million pets my entire life, like I have any clue what was around when I was born.
First piercing/tattoo: My ears, I first got done when I was about 12, then got them re-done when I was about 18.
First credit card: BAD BAD BAD TERRIBLE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!! I'll leave it at that for now.
First enemy: I don't recall really having enemies, until I was 18...These 2 girls (one was a form GOOD friend!) came over, and punched out my bedroom window.
First music you remember hearing in your house: I have NO clue!

Lasts...

Last cigarette: Sometime during late 1997, early 1998.
Last car ride: about 10 hours ago, I had to run all around town.
Last good cry: I fight crying, but last Tuesday, I cried A LOT!
Last library book checked out: Populatin: 485 (checked out on Jo's card, cause I refused to admit I live in this town)
Last movie seen: I think I already answered this, but its Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Last beverage drank: (flat!) Sprite
Last food consumed: What's up with the duplicate questions? Venison stew
Last phone call: SML
Last time showered: 06:50 yesterday morning
Last shoes worn: brown clogs
Last cd played: Darryl Worley's "I Miss My Friend"
Last item bought: Probably soda or something like that.
Last annoyance: Jo! Its no fault of hers, I'm just stressed, annoyed with everything, very quickly!
Last disappointment: Having my Mom not do *so* good these past 2.5 days, when I really felt like I NEEDED her.
Last time scolded: My Dad finds pleasure in yelling at Jo & I all the time...usually for laughing.
Last word you said: computer
Last song you sang: Redneck Woman

Future...

Where do you want to go to college?: In total, T fantasy land (shhhh!) Univ of Michigan (they have a CNM masters degree program)
What is your career going to be?: I'll figure that out...sooner...or LATER.
Where are you going to live?: I say I'm living here (with my parents) until I'm 80...but that all remains to be seen, heck, it could change tomorrow for all I know.
How many kids do you want?: 6, the more the merrier. As close in age as possible too. Heck, if I'm putting in a request, I'd like 4 girls and 2 boys.
Do you want pets?: NO!

Currents...

Current mood: content
Current music: none
Current taste: dry mouth
Current hair: up in a pony tail/bun thing, with tons of hair dangling down.
Current clothes: U of M T-shirt, flannel dalmatian spotted pj pants
Current annoyance: My inability to sleep
Current longing: To get a good phone call tomorrow morning.
Current favorite artist: Tim McGraw
Current book: None, I really don't enjoy reading.
Current color of toenails: None
Current hate: ST & I not being friends.

Whats...

What is in your cd player?: Darryl Worley's "I Miss My Friend"
What color socks are you wearing?: None
What Color of underwear are you wearing: None
What's under your bed? 2 rubbermaid type totes, full of just about everything you could think of!
What time did you wake up today?: Depends on which time you are talking about...yesterday morning I woke up at about 06:45, then my nap, I woke up from that at about 21:00.

Fifteen Years ago, I...

1. was 10 years old.
2. lived in Center Line, MI.
3. played softball.
4. was best friends with Bean.
5. lived across the street from a park.

Ten years ago, I...

1. was 15 years old.
2. played softball.
3. lived in Center Line, MI
4. was best friends with P & Bean.
5. lived across the street from a park.

Five years ago, I...

1. was in love with ST.
2. worked at Meijer.
3. was 20 years old.
4. lived across the street from a corn field.
5. was no on speaking terms with Bean AT ALL.

One year ago, I...

1. was 24 years old.
2. in love with ST.
3. was working the midnight shift.
4. not attending Church regularly.
5. going to therapy at least 2 times a month.

Yesterday, I...

1. went to work.
2. took a nap.
3. bicked with Clown, at work, about my life/stress.
4. slacked off at work.
5. didn't eat lunch.

Today, I...

1. haven't slept.
2. played Yahoo Euchre!
3. laid in my bed for a good 80 minutes TRYING to sleep.
4. took a bath.
5. drank some flat Sprite.

Tomorrow, I will...

I'll worry about tomorrow, when I make it through today.

Closing In On The Fire

So, my brain is fried. So, I'm going to be up all night. So, is another day in the crazy bipolar life of T.

Really, to be medication & therapy free, I know I'm doing damn good! (I've been med free since Aug 2004, therapy free since Dec 2004) I'm so proud of myself & the mental strides I've made. Of course, its basically a daily battle, but its a battle that (even as I'm freaking out today) I know I can win!

After work today, I had some running around to do. Got that done and napped/passed out from about 18:30 until 21:00. When I'm depressed, I know my body just wants to sleep!

I woke up, stumbled my way to my Mom's room to watch American Idol with her. Crap! It was on at 20:00. I hate hate hate hate that TV shows aren't on the same day/time each week. Good thing MTV doesn't screw around with my 10 spot TV shows.

Seems as if everyone has something to say about this Terry Schiavo thing. I just can't fathom being in either of those families shoes. Now, I'd like to think I would know what to do for most of my family. Its all about respecting the wishes of the ill person but at the same time, human emotion gets involved and its all a different story. My family is VERY aware of my personal preferences regarding issues of this nature, and even has it all on paper. I might only be 25 and shouldn't be concerned with DNR's, health care proxies, organ dontation, etc...but accidents happen. If an accident were to happen, I pray my family would respect my wishes, if not, I'll haunt them forever.

Out of borem, I'm going to take a typing test...with sore hands right now. (My cuticles are HURTING on 3 fingers, the rest are just bugging me) 68 WMP the 1st time. I'm sure I'll do it a few (million) more times.

Love sucks! Don't get me wrong, love is a great, awesome thing. One of the best feelings I've ever had was reciprocal love. Having been in love and not being loved in return, I was blown away by how azaming reciprocal love is. My problem with love is, I just hate loving people on different levels then they love me.

Alright...gotta post this, so I can mess up my blog format (so lovely SML can fix it).

T out.

Chicks Dig It

The current happenings in my life are such a test of my faith, my personal strength, and my sanity.

Things aren't going well at all. I'm doing my best to just keep myself alive. I am proud of me, in the aspect of, things aren't good right now and I don't have a way to fix them (yet) and I am still basically sane. Now, hopefully I stay that way over the next few days.

By nature, I'm a control freak. I hate, with a passion, when things in MY life are in the hands of others. I know what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. I will come out of this mess stronger.

I hate that my Mom is 1/2 in this world. Not having her to turn to, in this current battle of my life, sucks so badly! I miss my Mom dammit. I mean, I'm very grateful that I still have her. I'm very grateful for the days she knows what's going on...but seeing my Mom, at the age of 50, slip away so quick, is just heartbreaking and not fair. I know life's not fair...but I'm also allowed to be sad & angry.

Its hard not to miss ST during these times, too. He always had the kindest way of making me be stronger & supporting me.

Okay, I'm getting away to emotional typing this post. I think I'll take my stressed out, worried, panic ridden, crabby, depressed, sad, and angry butt back to bed.

You're So Vain

Today has been an adventure, an outside of my box adventure. I've had to push myself thru so many social phobic issues today. I'm almost done! Hopefully! I have to make a ton of phone calls about car insurance, but I'll be hiding behind a phone.

I decided I am NEVER buying a house! This car buying thing is way to difficult, I could never imagine making it through buying a house.

Today, I took my car to the dealership, got the 3 lugnut locks off. Only cost me $12. Then, I stopped at the auto parts store, picked up my brakes. That was less then $20 (front brakes & a bottle of windshield washer gunk). Then Dad & I replaced the brakes on my car. I really hate that Dad makes me do stuff. Just do it for me! It would take him 1/4 the time, I'm sure! After my car was all done, we went to the dealership.

My Dad is really working on making me do things myself...I know its because he loves me, knows I'm capable, and wants me to beat this stupid social phobia! We looked at the car we thought I was interested in. Out of the 2 things I feel I NEED, it only had 1. Out of the things I want, it didn't have any! So, we looked at a few more. For $36 more a month, I can get both things I NEED, and one of the things I really want! So, now I just wait and pray for the next 12 hours or so. I'm not very hopeful. I'm trying to think of a backup plan, in case this doesn't go through. I think backup plan consist of help from Gpaw, the man I dislike with a passion!

Just got an email from my cool Gma. My Gpa is having major trouble with his eyes. He's had problems for as long as I can remember but it appears to be getting very serious very quickly. I pray that this problem works itself out (quickly!). If it does, they will be able to join us for Easter! I want to see them so badly!!!!! I miss them so much! They are, by far, my most favorite (older) people in the world! If they can't come down, then I'm figuring out when I can get up there ASAP.

One of my TV shows comes on in a little bit. Since I slept all day, I'll actually be awake to watch it...hopefully Gma will go to bed, so she doesn't talk the entire time!

God doesn't give me more then I can handle. I put my faith in him and he'll get me through everything!

T out.

Mean Woman Blues

I tried to post this morning, and it didn't work. Of course, I didn't copy & paste that post to Word, so I lost it.

The only thing I have to do today before 15:00 is go to the car dealership and have my lugnut locks taken off. Oh wait, now Gma wants me to go to the Dollar Store for her. DUH! She doesn't get it. I shouldn't be driving ANYWHERE!

I'm so proud of me, I managed to copy & paste some code into my blog & it look how I want it to, all on my own! Go me!

I guess I should go to town sooner rather then later. I can just tell I'm going to be aniexty ridden the next few days.

T out.

Don't Break My Heart Again

You Are 40% Normal(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...Other things you do are downright strangeYou've got a little of your freak going onBut you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Hurt

I tried to email this here 2 times, but it won't work!

A - Age you act: I'd like to think I act close to my age, at least, most of the time. Thanks to my Pastor for pointing out yesterday, that I'm 1/4 of a century!

B - Born on what day of the week: Monday. I was messing up my Dad & Doctor's plans. I was born at 20:47, I cut that pretty close, the game started at 21:00.

C - Chore you hate: I am an equal opportunity hater! I hate all chores!

D - Dad's name: William Joseph

E- Essential makeup item: Me, makeup, that's funny.

F - Favorite actor/actress: Robin Williams/Kirstie Alley

G - Gold or silver: Both, I'm not picky.

H - Hometown: Center Line, MI

I - Instruments you play: ha! Does my CD player count?

J - Job title: Jess' bitch

K - Kids: none, yet. None anytime soon.

L - Living arrangements: In a house, with my parents and little sister. It works.

M - Mom's name: Wanda Jean

N - Number of siblings: 2 (one lovely sister 6 years old then me and one pretty cool kid sis 6 years younger then me)

O - Overnight hospital stays: None that I can remember in a LONG time. Now, does sitting there with my Mom count? If so, that's A LOT!

P - Phobia: Basically people, I'm a tad social phobic. I like to hide behind emails and telephones if at all possible.

Q - Quote you like: I'll go with an oldie but a goodie! "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NIV

R - Ride you have: For another 1.5 weeks, a 2003 Pontiac Grand Am GT, then it just might be the shoe leather express.

S - Show(s) you like: I watch WAY to much TV these days. Real World, American Idol, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Trading Spaces, While You Were Out, and The Apprentice, to name a few. Of course, I'm not totally devoted to all of those.

T - Time you wake up: Work days, usually about 06:00 but by 07:30 at the VERY latest, Saturdays whenever I get up, Sundays usually by 10:00.

U - Unique talent: For me to know, you to wonder.

V - Vegetable that you won't eat: Asparagus!

W - Worst habit: Pulling my hair out!

X - X-rays you've had: My chest, my head, my knees and my ankle about a million times!

Y - Yummy food: Cheesecake! I want Cheesecake NOW!

Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Give Me A Reason

The only thing I have to do today before 3pm, is take my car to the dealership to get the other 3 lugnut locks taken off. Oh joy.

Why, on God's green earth, was I awake for good, at 07:30?

I'm in small panic attack mode. Oh joyous day.

That's all she wrote.

Only We Know

I feel the need to clarify somethings.

I have nothing bad to say about ST. ST is a good person, he was a great boyfriend, and an awesome friend. In all we have been through in the past 6+ years, he's never been anything but loving, caring, understanding, respectful, and supportive.

All the negative things that I could find to say about him, in the grand scheme of things, are so small and minor. Anything negative I could find to say about him, would be out of the hurt, sadness, and anger I'm still working on dealing with. As much as I know ST & I aren't going to work out as a couple, I'm still having to work through a lot of issues.

So, to make a long story short...ST is a good guy!

T out.

If You Were My Girl

A few random thumps...

~God is good, all the time.
~God strengthens those that put their faith in him.
~"God is our refuge & strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

My Mom did actually go to morning Church with us today. It was the 1st time since early January that she stepped foot in a Church. Starting 4/4, Jo & I are joining a weekly bible study. Yay! Then starting 4/8, I'm going to attend a once a month Churchy event with a co-worker. God is awesome.

I'll be calling into work in the morning. The lovely brakes on my car are GONE...just 100% dead. I'm so not thrilled. If I make it until Easter, I'll be okay...if I make it 2 weeks after Easter, maybe I'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

SML seemed so sad & down & out tonight. Breaks my heart. I wish I could just cheer him up, make everything better for him, the way he tried to do for me.

Jo thinks Clown will call me tomorrow to see why I wasn't at work & stuff...I'm not holding my breathe. I hope he doesn't call. He calls, then I let him rent room in my head.

Yesterday, I was asked by 2 seperate people how ST was. First was my Aunt, my very favorite Aunt, the Aunt I'm closest to, the Aunt that knows more about the ST situation then most. We were around other people so I didn't go into much detail at all, I just said I talked to him a few times recently, he's doing well, etc. I did very well to 1) not cry 2) not say a bad thing about ST. Then later, I ran into a good family friend, and she asked "How are you and ST?" Again, I didn't cry, but I wasn't as nice. I wasn't mean really, just truthful really. I miss my best friend! At some point, I pray, I'll have my best friend back or peace, comfort, and contentment in kowing that I gave my all to make the friendship work.

Fly Like An Eagle

I had a decent time tonight. Not the great fun that I got myself all excited for. My special friend wasn't there! That sucked! Oh well. One of the guys is an ass! He MIGHT weight 125lbs. He tried to pick my fat ass up! Well, lets just say, I'm in A LOT of pain!

I'm having a rough "I hate being single" day. I want to be in love, loved, and happy again. I am IN NO WAY saying that love is what makes me happy, I can be plenty happy without being in love, because I love myself. I just want to have someone that loves me, that I love, to spend time with, to cuddle with, to talk with. Blah blah blah. Oh well, anti social T will be single for a long long time.

Mom has said all week she is going to Church in the morning. I'm not holding my breathe.

T out.

My Happy Ending

I really don't enjoy basketball that much, but its a sport and I love sports. My 1st round picks of the NCAA Men's basketball tournament, I was 20-12. If my beloved Michigan State Spartans win the tourney...I could win some money, if they don't I think my chances of winning money are out the window already. One of my final 4 teams just went out! (Gonzaga)

I feel bad! I cancelled plans with Shell & Cris for tonight, back on Thursday. Well, now Cris just cancelled on Shell, because her son is sick. Poor Shell has to go to bowling alone now, and then has nothing to do. If only I didn't live to so damn far away...then I could do everything and save the day.

Jo & I went shopping. I got a belt. I hope I look cute tonight...oh wait, I'm always cute.

T out.

She Used To Say That To Me

I slept SO well last night. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, that's an understatement about how happy I am about my great night sleep! I slept from about 00:00 til 08:00 with ZERO interruptions! No text messages, no phone calls, no drunk dials, no panic attacks, no bathroom breaks! Awesome!!!!! Then from about 08:00 until 12:30, I basically cat napped. I would have probably slept longer, but my Dad needed my help.

Dad needed my help to finally 100% fix my bathroom sink. Yay! Its all done, no leaks, no drips. Now, I just have to clean the bathroom and put it all back together. It only took 1 week for it to get done properly. That is GREAT for my Dad!

I'm trying to talk Jo into going shopping. I need a belt to wear tonight. I have my outfit all planned, but it needs a belt! Yes, I always get dolled up (as much as T ever gets "dolled up") for these gatherings. This group of friends that I am spending time with tonight, I just tend to have an "I'm better then you attitude" with some of them...wait, the ones that I have that attitude with aren't my friends, and I KNOW I'm better then them. Mean, yep.

During my great night of sleep, I had some freaky dreams.

Dream 1) P, some other friends, & I were on vacation. Some, crazy exotic vacation. We were spear fishing in a river with some guy that had piercing all over him. At some point, we were at a house owned by my Gpaw, he had a lap top and I was trying to upload my pictures onto it because I needed to clear my camera's memory.

--Now, let's see, that dream is SO unrealistic! 1) P & I on vacation together. 2) Spear fishing. 3) Hanging out at my Gpaw's house 4) My Gpaw owning a laptop.

Dream 2) Some friends & I were going to a hockey game. Its not clear if its ice or roller hockey. Its somewhere I've never been before. I have no idea who we are there to see play, if its pro or recreational type hockey. Anyways...my friends and I are standing in this lobby type area, but the glass of the rink is in sight, waiting for I don't know what...when I see ST & her. She's not someone I have seen before (and since I think I at least, have seen her before, in real life, this is interesting). They are hugging all over each other. Their PDA's make JV & M look like nothing. She is a dirty blonde, with this really odd/funky hair style, its long and short in all different places. She's much skinnier then I pictured. (In my dream I thought I knew what she looked like and in my dream she looked different still) She had on a white 1/2 shirt. Weird...its cold, she's showing 1/2 her stomach...whatever. Then she turns and I see she's pregnant. One of those, I swallowed a basketball type pregnant.

--Now, that dream is just weird. There wasn't alot more to the dream, then me seeing her. No converstations with ST, no nothing. In both dreams, the friends I am with are never clear either.

I don't remember my dreams often & to have 2 in the same night is almost scary.

I'm SO excited about tonight! I just hope I have a good time and don't have my hopes up & then the night suck. I better find batteries, and make sure my camera is clear! Hehehehe!

Peace, love, and cute military boys to all.

Me & Charlie Talking

I was full of energy on my drive home from Shell's house...sat down at this computer and I'm exhausted! Good thing I didn't try to go out with anyone for a late night gig.

Shell & I grabbed dinner tonight. I'm sure she wanted to tell me to shut up, cause I did my fair share of talking about my feelings about ST and Clown. Oh well, its her job...she's my friend. I'm glad she understands why I cancelled plans with her tomorrow, unlike the snotty member of my bowling team.

It appears like I might be BUYING a brand new car, not leasing one. That would be exciting. I'm talking the cheapest car on the market (with GREAT gas mileage), nothing fancy AT ALL...but it would be new, MINE, and not the stupid black Grand Am I currently have!

Oh yeah, it was brought to my attention that in one of my recent posts, I said something about "3rd time is the charm"...don't read to much into it! I'm just totally single, he's single still (I think)...that's all I was saying.

I think I'm going to call it a night. I've got a busy day tomorrow. FUN FUN FUN!

That's all she wrote.

The Song That Never Ends

Yes, it goes on and on, my friends.

I woke up with that song in my head & it will NOT go away! EEEEEEEKKK!

I slept thru the night, basically. Yay! 00:00 until 05:50! Straight! Yay!

Another day, another dollar. Its Friday! Nothing happening tonight...I don't think. We shall see.

T out.

Break This Chain

I got flowers at work today! Actually, they came yesterday but I was already gone for the day. Everyone kept commenting on how pretty they were & who are they from. I was Ms Popularity today...especially since you can't walk into our room without seeing my little hole. Clown is/was determined they were from ST. He couldn't have been more wrong. The card simply read..."Just to make you smile. --SML" Awwww. (Yes it really said SML, not his name) I've gotten flowers lots, but never delivered to my work before. Totally made my day! The fact that when I opened them, I spilled water all over my chair (which Jess told me to trade with Clown's chair) was all the better!

Work was okay. I'm basically over the Clown thing. Mad a bit, but done. I'm annoyed by his & the married lady's giggling, talking, whispering, etc...but whatever. At about 14:45, we were hit with a bomb. As of June 1, 2005 we will have to pay 100% of our benefits. Currently, I pay 25%. I'm actually impressed that they gave us so much warning.

I made the choice to cancel plans with Shell & Cris on Saturday, which also means I won't be bowling. I didn't want to cancel plans with the girls, but a rare/important event came up. I got a snotty email back from P when I told her a I couldn't bowl. I resisted the temptation to sink to her level. Only 4 more times! P just IMed me about bowling. BE NICE BE NICE BE NICE T!

Basically, for the first time since I was a junior in HS (so...that's 1995-1996) I am physically & emotionally single. It has its advantanges, but it definitly has its disadvantages. Maybe a certain friend of mine will be at Saturdays event...and maybe the timing will be right finally. Isn't there some saying like "3rd times the charm?"

ST called me today, to apologize for missing an IM I sent him on Tuesday night (but he had already emailed me an apology). ST & I talked VERY cordially (actually, it was pretty friendly) today for about 30 minutes. I only cried while on the phone with him for about 30 seconds. He's so understanding. He knows this is really hard on me. He's been there, done that. He told me to ask him anything I wanted, but I only asked 1 question that was bugging me. He promises me that this girl wasn't in the picture in early January. I believe him. I have NO reason to not believe him. He is the one person that I TOTALLY trust in this world...with every single aspect of my life. We talked about his HS closing. We talked about Church (he's going to Church again...with her). We talked a little about her, Clown, our jobs, ST's hockey, Mom, a little about everything. We got off the phone because I was walking into Wal-Mart and was going to lose my signal soon. I see us turning the corner, where we might be able to be friends, at least over the phone/online. At the same time, I do NOT want to interfere with his relationship or start any issues with her. We shall see. I miss my best friend. When I got out of Wal-Mart, I did cry on and off for the next hour. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

KC better work her magic, that I know she's capable of...or I'm going to be a tad disappointed it was could be a GREAT weekend.

Tomorrow is Friday...WAHOOOOOOOOOO!

T out.

A Little Less Converstation

Its all over the TV & newspapers that the Catholic HS near where I used to live (my HOME!) is closing. ST, my little "brothers", and many of my friends went to school there. I'm quiet sad about it. As many times as ST & I argued about public/private schools, I'm just sad to see this school go. This school was a very big part of that tiny city! According to the news reports the grade school will be staying open. Really, it was only a matter of time before it closed. I wonder what ST's feelings on the matter are.

Yesterday was my Dad's 49th birthday! He's such an easy man to please. I made him a card, Mom & Jo made him his favorite dinner, and my Grandma made/bought him an apple pie. We let him nap in peace & quiet. JJ even called (well after Dad was in bed for the night) to tell him Happy Birthday. Miracles do happen now & then.

Today is St Patrick's Day! I really don't get into the partying aspects of it like some people do. One year, I'm going to go to the bar just to see all the hype about green beer and all that jazz.

My favorite message board is quickly becoming a sad, univiting place to hang out. There is so much bickering and "I'm better then you" attitudes that its just getting old. The place has always been very "clickey" but seriously, this one group might finally be getting their way as they seem to be pushing all the nice people out.

T out.

City Lights

I'm doing so much better today then I was yesterday.

I'm still not calm about this car buying gig...but it will work itself out within the next week. I can NOT wait to get rid of my stupid car. I hate the car I have with a passion. The brakes are going to go...SOON...hopefully not until next Friday.

Clown can go fly a kite. Work was much better today, now that I was back to just being cordial with him...not even friendly.

The ST thing is just going to take time to deal with. I miss my best friend. He does deserve the best, and I'm glad he's happy!

The thing I emailed to this lovely blog didn't show up and it didn't bounce back either. Interesting.

AI time.

T out.

If I Could Turn Back Time

I emailed something to this lovely blog of mine again, and again its still not here. I sent it at 18:44. I wish it would show up already, I need to edit some stuff out! I'm a moron sometimes, but we all know that.

I am so blessed! I have the greatest friends a girl could ever wish for! K, Shell, and SML...you are my strength when I am weak. They have dealt with *so* much whining from me the entire time they have known me, but lately, they've been pulling some OT.

To keep things short, and to keep myself as emotionless as I can...here is the SHORT version of why I'm so pissy.

Clown is 1/2 truthing me. I'm not dumb, deaf, or blind. He's playing games with a lady (that we work with) 13 years older then him (who is married with a child!) and while, he is 100% free to do what he pleases, don't LIE to me! Now, this mess could very well smooth itself out...I'm not hopeful right now. I've let my emotions get to tied up into something that I said I wouldn't let them get involved in. Works been great the past 2 days...yeah, and my older sister isn't a slut.

Crying over ST...someday, I won't do that anymore. Seriously, since mid-January, I could count on 1 hand how many days I've cried...until today. I've spent so much of my day drying my eyes, hiding my tears, holding them in, sobbing. ST did a very respectable thing today, he called me and told me personally, so I didn't have to hear it thru the grapevine (or an email) that he is dating someone new and very happy. As I told him & everyone that had to hear me sob today, that I am VERY happy for him, I truly want nothing but the best for him. He's a great catch, she's a lucky girl. She better not hurt him or I'll hurt her! As much as I knew ST & I weren't going to work out as a couple, doesn't mean it wasn't like putting salt on an open wound. I have so many thoughts and questions running thru my head regarding this, its really dangerous. I really hope he's happy, I really hope his Mom likes her!

I think I've used my backspace key more in this one post then in the past 10 posts combined. I will not say mean things out of hurt, anger, or sadness.

Things I have to work on:
~my jealousy issues
~my great ability to procrastinate
~my getting fatter by the day

I should be able to go to sleep, I'm tired and drained mentally...but at the same time, my little hampster won't get off the damn wheel.

Peace, love, and tears to all.

Where The Green Grass Grows

Well, so much for making this thing nifty...now its all messed up. SML, FIX IT!

I'm alive. That's good for now. I have lots going thru my mind, but I'm going to just keep things there for now, because I might snap and say something not nice and regret it later.

For now, I'll leave you with these...I hate boys & I'm going to go single forever. Good thing I love myself.

T out.

God's Green Earth

My God is an awesome God. He doesn't give me any more then I can handle! I need to put my trust, hope, and faith in him and know that things will work themselves out. Things will happen God's way, on God's time.

I'm so glad K is up and IMing with me right now. I love that girl, I miss her! I'm so glad she understands me. I can just tell her exactly what is going on, without sugar coating it, without explaining myself. She's so cool! Why does she have to live where its nice and warm?

T out.

Learning Curve

There are lots of things that I learned tonight, thanks SML!  I can't fix the stupid mistakes at the moment...but I will.  My blog is almost where I want it, where I said I was going to get it 5 months ago.  Better late then never!

~Another email post.  Go me!

Blue Clear Sky

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay! I added something fancy to my blog...with a little bite of help from SML, because I can't copy & paste.

Promise Land

Everyone can pick on my thumping all they want, I seriously wish I could go to Church more then 3 times a week. I'm be cool with going daily. Of course, in this crazy world, time doesn't allow for that. The mood that Church service puts me in is so awesome, I just pray that God will find a way to fill me with that spirit all the time.

On the way home from picking up my Dad this afternoon, he started with this "God is so good" speech. It wasn't indepth or anything, but it was just so random & cool. God is good, all the time.

ST returned my calls last weekend, and I wasn't in a place to call him back yet...well, tonight I was, so I called, and got the voicemail. I want to be his friend, but 1) it will work how God wants it to...and 2) as much as it pains me to NOT be his friend, its his loss. (Much easy for me to say then believe).

Shell, Cris, and I are going on next Saturday night after bowling. Ya'll are invited. All my imaginary friends. The more the merrier. If I counted correctly, only 5 more times of bowling! YAY! The end is in sight! If my pocket book and liver could handle it, I would start partying at noon like I did last bowling day.

I have this new mask for my face, and it bugs me. It makes me feel like how I imagine old wrinkly dry skin will feel. I think that means its time to peel/wash it off.

Tomorrow is another day, another dollar. Haven't talked to Clown all weekend, which I'm sure will add some drama to my uneventful work day. My idea work week is going to be...M 8:00-15:00, T 8:00-18:00, W 8:00-15:00, R 8:00-18:00, F 9:00-15:00. Of course, my nice 30 hour flexible, its all subject to change.

T out.

You Just Know

I am a creature of habit. I like things to go the way they are supposed to go. Yes, I have a "system" for just about everything I do. Today's system has been ALL jacked up! I'm not a happy camper because of it.

Starting with waking up at 10:19 when I leave at 10:20-10:30 for Church. I set my alarm for PM my mistake. I was out the door by 10:35, wet hair of course.

Then, my nap after Church, was cut short by my Dad needing a ride home from auto body shop. ERRRRRRRRR.

How does my family NOT know? DO NOT MESS WITH MY SLEEP!

I'm off to a different Church tonight for a concert. Yay. Thump thump thump (that's for you, SML).

That's all she wrote.

Test (again!)

This is a test, this is only a test.

Please work this time!  I'm trying to post via email again.  Computers hate me!

Wave On Wave

Computers hate me. I tried to email a post (2nd attempt), and still NOTHING. I know what I did wrong with the 1st one now (I did @blogspot.com, not blogger.com) but now I'm just clueless.

Mom & I were going out at 12:30, she still doing whatever. Anytime I say I want kids, especially 6 of them very close in age, smack me. I can't handle the pace she moves at, how things have to get put on hold, etc. The system is getting MESSED UP!

I'm moving to NV or AZ SOON! I woke up this morning to 4 (new!) inches of snow! WTF. Where did that come from? I didn't hear anything about snow, especially not 4 inches!

T out.

Good Clean Fun

I want to go to sleep dammit...but I'm waiting (impatiently) for my anti-virus program to update (so I can start it running & go to bed).

I went to take my night time bath, I grabbed a towel & it was soaking wet. I grab the next towel, its wet too. I was about 4 towels into the stack, when I could see the pipes spraying water all over! Lovely! So, now, my bathroom is out of order basically. Wonder how long before Dad fixes it. Thankfully there are 2 other bathrooms in this house, but because there are 2 other bathrooms, Dad will procrastinate fixing the problem. I don't want to have to go downstairs to use the bathroom! How did I ever live at my old house, with 1 bathroom, that wasn't on the same floor I was on?

This list came from my 02/06/05 post...I'm just doing some thinking out loud...

I don't have an ideal partner but in fantasy land my perfect partner would:

Be trustworthy --getting there (I don't trust anyone very easily!)
Funny --very
Fun --very
Quick-whitted --yep
Smart --yep
Educated --getting there
Family oriented --TBD
Christian --that's a problem! He's very open minded, willing to learn.
Caring --basically, but its still TBD kinda.
Willing to think outside the box --sometimes, he's more outside the box then I'd like
Like/understand sports --enough
Athletic --not majorly, but enough
Non-Smoker --basically (he's a bar smoker, I can almost deal with that)
Tall (say at least 6 feet) --nope. He's not much taller then me! Actually, I think with most of my shoes, I'm taller then him.
Like my family & friends --TBD
Appreciate me for who/what I am --totally!
Romantic --TBD
Spontaneous --very
Adventurous --basically

Interesting findings...the 3 things that are the most important to me on that list, he doesn't have the answers I'm totally looking for, but its nothing I can't work with. (Okay, so he'll always be about the same height as me, but in the grand scheme of life, it doesn't really matter)

SML annoyed me Thursday, because he feels like Clown is a ST replacement, which for those that know them both, couldn't be farther from the truth. The only things that would be similiar is ST & Clown are computer nerds that play hockey.

I talked with Grace, Friday, about this Clown situation. Until I talk to Clown again, its really going to bother me. I have a gut feeling, that converstation with her, is going to bite me in the ass. I'm just feeling like I shouldn't have trusted her, like rumors will be flying come Monday afternoon. I just wish that when the rumors start, they stay pretty true...we are just friends. We aren't saying there is nothing there, but the timing just isn't right, so, we are going to continue to be just friends for now, and see where it goes!

Why did ST have to be SO damn perfect, in my eyes? At some point, when I'm like 50, maybe I won't compare EVERY male to him.

I had two 10 second meltdowns earlier. I'm in a lovey dovey, need to be cuddled mood & since that isn't happening any time soon, it makes me just...blah.

Jo is talking in her sleep. She's not saying anything interesting, just mumbling. LMAO!

T out.

Days Go By

I tried something new. I tried to email a post, but 1.5 hours later, its still not showing up. Computers aren't my friends.

Someone tell my Mom to go to bed now. If she doesn't sleep, she doesn't do well, no matter what.

Today is 2 of the world's good guys birthdays. Its sometimes hard for me to rememeber there are good guys out there. Happy Birthday KMW & John!

T out.

Who Are They

I'm alive, always a good thing.

Day 1 of Mom-sitting went well. We got to take a nap! Yay! Its always nice to nap! I did leave her alone for 31 minutes. I busted ass and ran to town! For me to make it to Meijer, buy 8 items, and get home in 31 minutes is pretty darn quick!!!

Tomorrow, if Mom is doing well, she wants to go to the pottery place. Yay. I love crafts!! I pray that tomorrow goes as well as today. In the grand scheme of Mom-sitting, today was managable.

I've got a lot of deep confusion running in my head about this Clown situation. More on that, when I feel like talking about it.

I decided on my way home from work today, I miss my dog. Cuddles was the best wonder mutt ever!!!!!!!!!!! I want another Cuddles. I don't want a dog really, not any ole' dog will do...I want Cuddles! That dog loved me! I know I will probably never have my own dog again. I say that because once I get my own place (in maybe 10 years), I know I don't want any pets. For now, I've got Bad. Bad is my cat. She's pretty cool, as far as cats go. Mom thinks Kita (the youngest of our 7 cats) is pregnant. Yay! Kittens! Farm life, gotta love it.

Yesterday, I went to dinner with SML. It was nice, just to chill & chit chat about every little thing. We sat around for probably an hour after we got done eating, just chatting. We would have been there much longer probably, but I had to run. Went to Clown's hockey game. I was SO stressed about it. His parents weren't there. I had myself all mentally ready to deal with it, and then it didn't happen. I did enjoy myself though. We hung out with his friends at the bar after the game. His team won 4-3. Clown spent 1/2 the game in the penalty box, so it seemed...it was really only 4 minutes.

I've just spent an hour now, discussing the Clown situation with SML. I'm not feeling any better. I'm going to try to not let this situation rent room in my head this weekend, as long as he doesn't call, it might be do-able. Okay...probably not, cause 1) he'll call 2) me, block stuff out...ha!

That's all she wrote.

Because He Lives

Sigh.

Tonight's message at Church was 100% directed at me, or so it seemed to me. I worry all the time, about everything, I "what if" the "what ifs". Its one of my 2 least favorite things about me. The sermon was titled "Do Not Worry." I'm working on it! Baby steps.

I did a MUCH better job today of relaxing at work, not getting worked up/stressed out, and my biggest challenge...DELIGATING! One girl I really used to like, has an attitude that needs to get smacked lately. Heaven forbid, I make her WORK while at work and not play Freecell.

Seemed everyone was in a mood to joke around with Clown today. Poor kid. That's what he gets for being a smart ass, joker all the time! Started with me yelling at him about him calling my cell phone at work. I had him believing that I got in trouble from Phil until Jess started laughing. Then he was telling me how to not let his Dad know he called in sick. So, later Jess was like "By the way, some guy called for you yesterday. I think it was your Dad. I told him you weren't here and he was pissed!" Then, Clown left work and didn't log off his phone totally or his computer! So, another girl proceeds to call him at home (I don't know where she got that number from!) and told him that Phil was PISSED that he didn't log off the phone, how Phil told Grace he was going to call HR and tell them he's not responsible.

Clown has me annoyed at the moment. Confused. That might be a better word. He's been on my case to go to one of his hockey games for weeks now. The one night I was supposed to go, I had plans with Jo that lasted longer then I thought. The next time when Shell & I were going to go, he ended up having a bye. So, last Friday, he put his game tomorrow night, on my calander. We have talked about it everyday since last week, how I'm going to his game, meeting his friends, etc. Today, when we are talking about this game for the 3rd time today, he says "Oh yeah, my Dad, and I think, my Mom are going. So, you don't have to go. Its gonna be so cool." Okay, wait a minute. Do you want me to go or NOT? Then, he says "You can meet my parents. They'll love you. Just don't tell my Dad I called in on Tuesday." Gag. I hate parents. Okay, I don't hate them, they just usually hate me. I'm already nervous about stepping out of my box to go to this game, where I know NO ONE and now, I have to go and meet his parents...but wait...does he want me there or not? Just tell me what you want!

Its 22:00 and I have laundry in the washer. Do laundry or wear a skirt tomorrow. I went for the laundry.

After Church Jo, her friend, & I went to Kmart and Meijer looking for a fan for my desk at work. No luck. My office is SO hot. Maybe I will be wearing a skirt tomorrow after all. Then at Meijer, the soda fountain wasn't working correctly, after I already bought my cup. Slight meltdown.

SML & I are meeting up for dinner tomorrow. Think we can make it thru a meal without fighting? Actually, we don't fight face to face. We only argue online or once in awhile on the phone. I have been looking forward to this meal for 1.5 weeks now, steak, mushrooms, and potatoe with good company. I think religion or politics are good topics of converstation. Oh wait, I said no fighting.

Dad told me tonight that I have to Mom-sit Friday night (I have to leave work right at 3pm!) and all day Saturday. Grand. Happy weekend to me. She is doing better now then earlier. Lets just keep hope she improves, other wise I'll be in sad sad shape come Saturday night.

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

T out.

When You Love Me

DO.NOT.MESS.WITH.MY.SLEEP!

I was laying in bed at 9pm, fighting to stay awake to watch the season finale of Real World. I was tired! I gave up the fight and went to sleep. I'll catch the show on a rerun over the weekend. I have enough trouble sleeping thru the night, I don't need people to mess with it. In general, its a good rule to just NOT MESS WITH MY SLEEP! You would think those that have known me 25+ years and 19+ years would know that by now.

That's all she wrote.

Classical Gas

Another day, another dollar. Work was much better then yesterday but still not great. I know that we have some things that will just require a learning curve. I mean, the new assistant is doing great 2 days into it...we just have to learn how the other is going to function, think, etc. I didn't always like the way the previous lady did things, but I knew how she did them. Clown called in sick today. He called my cell phone to call in sick, when just last week we got bitched out about cell phones being used in the office. DORK! I was going to stay late, since I would have someone to socialize with, as I worked but...I just couldn't do it. 8.5 hours and I called it a day.

I was nice & called and checked on Clown. He's seriously sick, he doesn't miss work! Hopefully he'll be back soon & 100%. I did let Kris in on things a little bit. Much better when I have 1 good confidont to talk to about things, someone that knows us both well.

Mom isn't doing well, she's in a bad spell...I can handle these, I can't handle her depression. She had day 3 of her brain-mental (neuro-physocological or something like that) testing today. The lady stopped about 30 minutes into it, yelling at my mom & dad that my mom is on drugs blab blah blah. No! That's not the problem. This is how she gets about 1-2 times a month for 2-5 days at a time. No one gets it!

ST was online for a few minutes last night, when I first signed on. I didn't IM him, I haven't returned his message (which was him responding to me calling, but not leaving a message the night before) from Sunday. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

T out.

Busy Man

Work SUCKED today! For starters, I only got there 15 minutes early. I really have been trying to get there an hour early, since 800 is our worst hour. Oh well. Then, I had to train the new assistant. OMG! Everything that could go wrong did. Her computer wouldn't print correctly. I had to get Clown to help 2 times. He is so much quicker & friendlier then our "help desk". Thankfully about an hour into noticing the problem the issue was 100% fixed!!!!!! Yay! Reason #10,287 Clown should be promoted! We were SLAMMED until about 1:15pm, then things calmed down and became managable. I wasn't at my desk until after Clown left, so our talks were very limited.

About 14:00 my head started pounding. It wasn't getting any better. I left work on time, at 15:00. I had to stop 2 times on the way home to vomit. Joy! I called Dad when I was about 10 minutes from home and told him to make me an ice pack. I walked in the door, grabbed the ice pack, took a bath (with my ice pack) in the dark, then went to sleep with my ice pack, in the dark silence. I slept at good 2.5 hours. Woke up, feeling better, ate, felt much better!

As I was trying to leave work, I was talking to one of my friends. She was asking about Clown's promotion. I made the stupid mistake of saying "Things would be alot easier if he'd get that damn promotion already." I know she's doing the whispering gig, but basically, she only talks to those that I talk to. Seriously though, his real interview was last Tuesday...get him out of my room now!

The new Real World/Road Rules challenge starts in just moments! Yay! Yay! Yay!

T out.

If Its Gonna Rain

I'm so stressed & confused.

There is a lot going on right now, like always, that is causing me a great deal of stress. Between Mom having 4 days worth of major testing/doctor appointments (within a 8 day period), the whole car thing, and other family issues, if I make it to Easter, I'll be cool...until then. EEEEK.

Confusing...Right now, I am feeling VERY weak & vulnerable. Definitely a time I don't have the ability to deal with ST popping back into the picture. I want to be strong and tell him all kinds of terrible things but its just not doable. He knows & understands me better then anyone, I wish he was still my friend cause things would be easier right now...its all a mess within my head. This being single, playing the field, dating thing is a freaking mess! Being single is okay, and I will NOT settle. Like I said, I'm just weak & vulnerable at the moment.

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger!

T out.

Take It Back

I caught a duplicate title! Its probably not the 1st one, but I used Nothing To Lose 2 times! Bad bad bad!

That long post I made at about 4am today, I took down for a few hours, but have since put it back. I was worried about stepping on toes and such, and ya'll know that's not my style. I'm not going to stop saying my peace anytime soon.

Jo & I went to Church this evening. The service was basically discussing the new Church, looking at the plans, etc. I am VERY excited for this new Church building, but I just don't see it happening that soon.

I almost died during Morning Church. I had to step WAY outside of my comfort zone! Today the new members had to do their little song & dance up front. Since I did that before, I thought I was just going to sit there...but NO! After their little song & dance, Pastor calls me up front, I then have to stand with the other (about 8) new members, and shake EVERYONES hand. All 100+ people file pass us, shake our hands, give us hugs, etc. Its probably a good thing I had no warning that this was going to take place, because I would have been puking! The total (on paper) memebership is 123! I would say 95% of those memebers are VERY active members...not just on paper.

I bored, I'm hungry. I think I should go to bed.

That's all she wrote.

Nothing To Lose

Its about 10am, so I slept just under 5 hours. For as much as I drank yesterday, I'm feeling MUCH better then I thought I would be. My throat is really sore (being in really smoking areas ALL day! yuck!).

It appears that Jo, Dad, and I are all going to Church.

Mom is in such a bitchy mood. I really am going to avoid her today, she's just BITCHY. I can't handle her today. Really, they need to put her & her ragingly out of control bipolar depressed ass on some medication!

Its gonna be a long day, I can just tell.

That's all she wrote.

Real Good Man

Boy oh boy...does this girl have LOTS to say.

I forgot to mention ST called me back Friday evening. He thanked me for the birthday wishes, we talked for about 3 minutes about his up coming work schedule & his plans for his birthday. It was cordial, almost friendly.

I can't gather my thoughts dammit. They are ALL over the place!

The work bowling gig was a GREAT time! We bowled like shit, drank like fish, and had a ball! Grace wasn't bowling, just hanging out. She was SOOOOO trashed! I couldn't tell you the last time I saw a person that trashed! I bowled a 99, 76, & 124. I was about ready to smack someone from my old department. She was SO rude to me. Kiss my ass, you are jealous that I make more then you, have more authority then you, & have a much more important job! At one point, Clown took my phone & called Shell to tell her I wasn't going to real bowling.

After the bowling gig probably 1/3 of the bowling people went to a little bar a few miles away. I only had about an hour there to hang out. Clown & I almost faught, he was being such a butthead about me leaving & he didn't want to go "sit at a gay ass bowling alley for 4 hours". Ah well, I had to get going to real bowling.

Get to real bowling at the last minute, am super scatter brain & can't remember simple things like put my ball on the ball holder thingy...but I remembered to hit the bar! I bowled awesome!! 146, 191, & 132! Go me! I call Clown as I'm finishing up bowling. No answer. Annoyed? Yep.

Somewhere during bowling/the way to the bar, I piss SML off. We mentioned grabbing food together & hanging out if nothing else was going on. Note the if nothing else is going on part. I hate making him mad at me, but I guess that's life. He knows this is me...take it or leave it.

So after bowling, Shell & some other buddies (one that I hadn't seen in about 2.5 years now) head up to a new bar. It was an interesting (but CROWDED!) place. Clown calls back. Yay. He's going to come up there & hang out with us. I'm not holding my breathe. I hit the dance floor a few times. Can surely tell I've been drinking all day!!! About an hour later, I get a voicemail from Clown. He's being so sweet! He calls back again...he says the line is 60-75 minutes to get in and he's not waiting. I understand, but I'm not happy. Well about 30 minutes later, Clown is there, beer in hand with me. Yay!! Shell just didn't seem herself tonight, she didn't want to dance (& I did...weird!). We leave the bar & are heading to grab some food. Clown isn't going with us, he wants White Castle. I proceed to call him not nice names across the parking lot. He needs to learn its all about ME!

On the way to get food, it hits me. Ding ding ding! I'm annoyed with Clown, I'm getting emotional. If I wanted to be just friends with him, I wouldn't get emotional over something so trival. Poor K, she surely got an ear full from me as soon as I got home about the situation. I don't know what I want, I don't know where things are going...I guess I'll just have fun with it and see where it leads for now. I just wish I knew if Clown & I are on the same page. I mean, I think we are...but thinking is dangerous. All of this would be *so* much easier if he'd get out of my department!

On my way home, I called SML. Got his voicemail. He must be pissed or maybe just sleeping. Then I was going to call ST, but said outloud to my phone "NO"...then about 10 minutes later, I called. 2 rings, voicemail. It was about 2am. He could have been sleeping, but I'm betting he just didn't want to talk to me. Its cool.

Sunday is going to be sleep, Church, sleep, laundry, Church, sleep. Maybe a phone call to Clown tossed in for fun too.

T out.

Beauty School Drop Out

Today is a day filled with bowling. Yay. I like to bowl! I'm nervous about the work thing, cause its outside the box of my comfort level but with Kris & Clown at my side, I'll live to talk about it. Yesterday at work Clown was going on & on about he was buying Grace & I tons of drinks. We'll be funny drunks. Grand. Grace says to him "No, you just want in T's pants." Grand. Doesn't matter...he can want to be there all he wants.

Since I've whined everyday lately, better keep it up. My freaking ovaries & uterus are having a fist fight inside me. Tell them to quit NOW!

T out!

Going Thru The Big D

Today is Friday. One Fridays I can wear jeans to work. Jeans also means tennis shoes. My Nikes are pretty new, I love them. They are so comfortable! I had my shoes on for about 11.5 hours, wasn't on my feet a ton at work today...and as soon as I took off my shoes and socks...my feet HURT!

I called ST. It went like this: Ring, Ring, dump to voicemail. My message was simple. "ST, its T. I was just calling to wish you a happy birthday. I hope you have fun tonight & all that jazz. Bye" I didn't even say talk to you soon or give me a call when you feel like it...cause I know its a waste of my breathe and even if he was to call, I have to be a wall.

I don't know what I'm doing tonight. Lots of ideas but nothing worked out yet. Jo is in the shower, so I can't talk to her about tonight yet. If she can find her birth certificate maybe we'll go to Canada.

T out.

Get Right

I decided in my last post, that since I use military time for most things, I'm just going to use times within my posts that way too. If ya'll need a military time telling lesson, just ask. It only took me about 23 years to figure it out.

I was in bed by 20:30, probably asleep by 20:40, which for me, especially with a cold is good. At 21:00, I'm woke up by the dog barking like crazy, followed by the door bell ringing, etc. Jo handled the situation at the door, I handled my Mom who was woke up too. So, I get my Mom some food, and get her back in bed. I ask Jo to stay with Mom...I needed to go back to sleep. I have to go thru my entire get ready for bed ritual again. Quality night time sleep doesn't come easy for me...I'm a much better napper then night time sleeper! I'm back in bed and asleep by 21:30. I got 1 or 2 text messages from SML during the next hour or so...but since I was asleep, I couldn't figure out how to deal with the phone...so it kept buzzing and driving me crazy. (He's a pretty smart kid sometimes, I didn't reply to his messages so he figured I was sleeping and already sent me an email apologizing for disturbing my sleep!) Dad got home at about 23:00, woke me up again. Then at about 23:30, I hear puking coming from below. Grand. I fly downstairs (I'm so used to flying downstairs sound asleep for every little peep my Mom makes and being able to 100% function by the time I hit the hallwaythat leads to her room) to hear Jo dying laughing and yelling at my Dad..."Ahhhh, you woke T up" Turns out Dad was laughing/choking on his food and Mom is sleeping still! Yay! I can go back to sleep. Oh wait, my sleep has been disturbed 1 to many times now, and I'm awake. GRAND! I'm going to take a sleeping pill soon and try this sleeping gig again.

TGIF!!!!!!! We have a party at work today. It's one of the ladies last day. She graduated in December and got a "real" job now. I'm happy for her! I was happy she was leaving because I would get to handle all her stuff and since I'm a control freak, the more I handle the better. Jess decided that we are going to have someone replace the lady leaving. I didn't like the idea of training someone new, but whatever. Then Jess told me who and I really didn't like the idea. We all should know you don't assume anything. There are 2 ladies with the same first name, I just assumed it would be a certain one, turns out its not...I'm THRILLED with Jess' choice! I am really looking forward to training this lady on Monday. She's SO nice, polite, smart, learns quick, knows our company well, asks questions, etc! Out of the 75 people in our department now, I don't think a better choice could have been made! All part of the reason Jess makes the big bucks.

Jo & I backed apple crisp for the work party earlier. Its a new receipe. Mom liked it. We shall see, I don't think I'll like it as much as the other one I make. Jo & I are getting along well, she hasn't fought with me at all lately when I ask for help. Its cause I love her.

My mom has to drive with me to the city tomorrow, so I can drop her off at Gma's house. Grand. I don't want her in the car with me for that long right now. Be grateful T.

Its now after midnight...making the date 03/04/05. Since I have reason to believe he reads here still...Happy 24th Birthday ST! I wish you a happy & safe birthday!

T out.

One More Day

Yes, I'm whining like always. I have a freaking head cold! Runny snotty nose, sneezing like mad, and watery ichy eyes. Its GREAT!

So, yesterday was the day from hell.

It was about 13:30, I checked my cell phone and had a missed call from ST's cell phone. He called when I was on my lunch and had my phone on vibrate, in my purse. Check my voicemail and call him back (only to get his voicemail...but he didn't dump me to it, he just didn't answer), I leave a message saying I'll call him when I leave work. My stomach was in a HUGE knot, I just wanted to puke. I left work about 15:30, I didn't call him right away. I needed to pray, think, and rationalize with myself before I called him. I call, he answers. It was a short & polite converstation that lasted probably 2 minutes. He found some stuff of mine (maybe he's reading here and saw me comment on it not that long ago?!) and wanted to know if I wanted it. I said I didn't need it and basically left it at that. I was VERY proud of me, I wasn't nice, I wasn't mean. It was like a business deal type conversation. I was the wall I had to be. Shortly after ward, I was on the phone with a friend, talking about calling ST and I almost cried for about 5 seconds. Today, I was asked if I called ST again last night...nope. Idea didn't cross my mind. I do wish I would have thought to wish him a Happy Birthday when I had him on the phone. Oh well, I'll figure that out tomorrow depending on how I feel.

I got off the phone with ST, to have Jo & my VERY upset Mom call me. My Dad had a huge financial mess on his hands and Mom was FREAKING OUT! Thankfully, (so my dad claims) the situation is being worked out. It was a rough few hours on everyone here though. Its another "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" thing. I was about 5 miles from home when Dad called me yesterday to tell me he was home, things were basically worked out, etc.

I'm pulling up the (way to long!) driveway. I see my dad run outside, jumpping around like a moron, trying to tell me where to park. Mind you, we got 8 inches of snow the day before and we live on a farm where the snow blows and drifts TERRIBLY. So, in the process of getting scream at, I get my car stuck in the snow. I get out, it doesn't look that bad, I've gotten myself out of worse this winter! Dad is just screaming. He wants to "help" which is really making things worse, cause I'm flipping out. So after about 10 minutes of us pushing, digging, and me getting screamed at, Dad decides to get behind the wheel...he gets it out right away. LMAO. If he would have done that to start with...that or left me alone, I could have done it too. I don't function (AT ALL!) when getting screamed at...veins popping and all.

Jo & I went to Church last night. WAHOOOOOOO! I've got a Church! I'm *SO* happy. I never thought I would call this Church my Church! Pastor Drew called down to my old Church and had my membership transferred without a problem. Yay! I have a real Church again. Technically I have a Church and Jo doesn't! Many years ago, when I became a member at the old Church, Jo wasn't old enough. Jo talked with Pastor Drew about becoming a member a few weeks ago (when I asked about transferring) but she wasn't able to go to the class. Just because she isn't a member doesn't mean is not her Church, I'm just being goofy...since I'm so happy! I think I'm going to write Pastor Mike a thank you letter, for getting my memebership transfer so easily and for all he has done for me. He rocks!

I better end now...I was getting offline 13 minutes ago!

T out.

I Love Music

I'm alive. I'm still whiny. I just do NOT feel like getting ready for work. If I could teleport myself to my work desk, while still in my pajamas, I would be fine.

Tonight I get the joy of baking something for work tomorrow.

Yesterday was eventful: Work, talked with ST, had a huge (not medically related!) family crisis, got stuck in the freaking driveway, went to Church, watched AI (where Ryan did NOT say "Seacrest out" and I almost cried!), and went to bed.

Peace, love, and runny snotty noses to all!

One Road Man

I can't sleep. Most would think its because I slept so much the day before, but I know that's not the case.

I've got some major issues to deal with in the coming weeks. Most of it is stuff that the normal person would find trival, but for me, its 100% deathly terrifiying. If I make it to Easter, I'm in the clear, in the mean time, I'm going to be a panic stricken wreck.

Also, the exhausted, feel like crap, run a fever flu can leave me any time it pleases. Let me puke, and be done or something.

ST's birthday is quickly approaching. Its Friday. He hates his birthday. He hates having attention drawn to him. I've been thinking about how to "deal" with his birthday. It will probably depend on my mood come Friday. I'm guessing, I'll give him a call, get dumped to voicemail and leave him an overly sweet message. It sucks that the one that I thought would be my friend eternally has NO communication with me. Someone give me the "its his loss" kick in the ass please.

T out.

Lady

I think once a month, everyone should get a mental health day! That would be SO beneficial for everyone involved. I 100% enjoyed my day of playing yahoo euchre, sleeping, reading, tv watching, and scrapbooking. I got 4 pages for Mom's album done. Only 11 more (at least!) to go.

Real World & Nashville Star come on at the same time. I hate hate hate liking so many TV shows. When I worked nights, I didn't watch, care, or no anything about TV...now, yeah...it sucks me in like the best Kirby vaccuum.

When I'm bitching the next few days because I need to work 12 hour days, remind me that I loved my mental health day.

That's all she wrote.

I'll Think Of A Reason Later

Jo & I did some running around town. The roads were TERRIBLE, still! I thought by noon, the main roads would be at least, slushy. No, still snow covered and crappy. Getting in and out of the driveway was an adventure in deep breathing for me.

We went to the library, got some taxes forms and a BOOK! Yes, I got a book. Its called Population: 485 by Michael Perry. I have until 03/22/05 to finish 234 pages. Wish me luck. Of course, I didn't get a library card, just used Jo's. Its all part of the not wanting to realize I live where I live.

From there, we went to the Scrapbook store. I didn't buy any paper! I figure the 500 sheets I have now (give or take a few hundred) should be enough for a while. I did find a cool wrestling thing, they had 2 in stock, bought them both. I also got some cool Christmas stickers and some mother stickers. I have 5 pages done for my mom's album. I better get cracking. I want at least 20 pages (by Mother's Day). I only spend $13.02 not bad.

Then we went to the grocery stores. Nothing exciting to report from there.

I think I'm going to take a bath and read, then I'm going to curl up in my warm bed and take another nap. Yay. Some real R & R. Wake up and do some scrapping. Ahhh. What a great day.

That's all she wrote.

Designated Drinker

So I decided to not go to work. I was laying in bed (in between snoozes) thinking about going to work or not. Mom called crying that the roads were TERRIBLE (she was with dad, she goes to Gma's house, dad goes to work, so he can take 1/2 day and take her to the Dr). That made up my mind. Screw work today.

Mental health day for me! So far, I've played euchre online, slept and slept some more. Jo & I are going to attempt venturing to town (if we make it out of the driveway) and run some errunds. I have a feeling (or at least hope!) that once we get out of the driveway it won't be that bad and then the main roads will be wet but managable. Now if I didn't have to drive 5 miles to get to the main roads. Okay, so I could drive 1 mile and get to a main road, but its just not the best way.

After we return, I think I'm going to do some scrapbooking or something peaceful.

T out.