I haven't blogged at all in 3.5 months. I think the slacking in blogging is in part because Facebook takes away the need somewhat, plus I realize how PUBLIC the internet is. I don't "hide" my blog but I don't want some reading it.
With recent events going on, I just feel the need to come here and vent. This is my blog, I'll own anything I write here, but its slightly my safe haven.
Early in the week, I was told via text message that my Jerkball Gpaw has skin cancer. I've said it time and time again, my life will be easier when this man dies. I love him but do NOT like him. I wish and hope and pray that he finds Christ. I know Gpaw often feels alone on this planet but really, he did this to himself. You can't verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abuse your children & grandchildren and expect them to want to have a relationship with you. I have to protect myself so I keep myself away from him as often as possible. Today, I thought I was going to have to be at an event where he was today. I was sick all night last night and all morning today, thinking about having to deal with him. My Mom had two seizures last night because she was worked up about seeing him. My husband prayed with me and for me a few different times to help me with the situation. I had another friend praying for me too. At the event, I was early...Gpaw was on his way. My Dad became my rock then. We were in the craft room, I just started balling (cause it was just Dad & me) and screaming "I DON'T LIKE HIM!" over and over. Dad just hugged me tight. I know Dad said a few things too regarding how to deal with Gpaw that day (its Mom's father) but I don't have a clue about what he said...because then he had to drop the bomb that Gpaw's skin cancer is VERY serious, they've already removed part of his jaw. Wow. Wasn't expecting that. Makes me sad in some ways. I just want him to find Christ and forgiveness in Christ. About 30 minutes after my complete breakdown on Dad, we got a call that Gpaw wasn't coming because the weather was to bad. Again, I know lots of things I say regarding Gpaw sound harsh, but to me, him not being able to come was an answered prayer.
Now, this EVENT. It was SQUISHY's first birthday party! (Since I last blogged Jo & Squishy are living with Mom & Dad). It was about 50 people in Mom & Dad's house. They have a decent size house, but not that decent sized. Sardines in a can! I can't believe Squishy is one! (Not yet, but he'll be with his Dad on his birthday). Everything went well minus Mom having a small seizure. Mom, Dad, Jo, my husband and I did a lot to make this party come together. My lovely older sister JJ is so fake, two faced, and a liar, I can't handle it much longer. Today, when she thought I was out of earshot...she was bad mouthing me to Jo & my husband. IDIOT. Jo stuck up for me before Hubby had to. She has NO idea what happened as to why I dislike Gpaw so much yet she was like "Gpaw yelled at me once, I just yelled back." She was so rude and mean to Dad today. I could go on and on about her but I'll stop.
In 2 weeks, My Dad, His brother, their wives and all their kids / grandkids will be going up north to celebrate my Gpa's 80th birthday. Its a surprise. I'm excited. We are meeting in a parking lot a mile from the house then all just showing up for the weekend! (Grandma knows we are coming) There should be 18 of us...plus Gpa & Gma. Thankfully they have a pretty huge house (5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms)
My mental health has been okay in the last bit. I mean, I still have crazy mood swings and struggle to put one foot in front of the other...but its not suicidal crazy thoughts.
Snow sucks...winter sucks. 2 weeks and 2 days and I'm going to FL. 3 weeks and 5 days and I'm going to NV. Yes, Hubby & I are gone 3/19-3/20...then 3/21-3/25 then 3/31-4/5. Busy times. We were going to go away for Easter, to KY...but I am in the Church Easter play. After these trips we will probably be near home til Time Share Time in September but that's still just a 5 hour car ride.
God is love!
