I know I barely blog anymore, but whatever.  Its my blog, always has been.  I'll blog what I feel like, when I feel like.

My mental health has been HORRIBLE lately.  HORRIBLE.  People tell me they are scared for me...hell.  I am scared for myself.  Tonight, because I was such a wreck, I didn't want to stay home alone but I am managing.

Today marks the 15th Anniversary of my cousin ET's death.  I miss him like crazy (but really this has nothing to do with my horrible anxiety / depression).  Like I was telling Jo today, besides being my cousin that was closest to me in age...we were a lot alike.  Goofy, random, diverse, goody goody, and Jesus Freaks!  I day dream about how life would be different if ET wouldn't have died.  Would his brother not have ran away and gotten in all types of criminal trouble?  Would his sister not have gotten hooked on drugs & overdosed/committed suicide?  What would his kids look like?  Would he like his new step-dad/brother?  I know, the What ifs don't do any good, but for me, it helps keep his memory alive.

God is love!