Tonight (well, Thursday night) I babysat for my Favorite little cousins. I felt bad because I had to give a bad report to their parents, but I am NOT going to be let these kids, who are normally angels for me, think they can start getting away with stuff. None of me wanted to babysit, but I know there are so few people that Favorite Aunt and Favorite Uncle have to watch the boys. Favorite Aunt and I talked on the phone today for nearly 30 minutes and for about 40 minutes tonight before I came home. I feel like she gets me more then most...not that she remotely knows about some of my issues, but she just gets me, loves me, and doesn't judge me.

I talked to Pastor's daughter a few times today (well, again...Thursday night). The event that I was on the fence about going to, I will be going to on Saturday. They need another adult that can drive, plus someone that has already been thru the background check junk.

Way to go Red Wings! The defending Stanley Cup Champions have swept the Blue Jackets in the first round of the playoffs. :-) Osgood didn't have a good game, but his first three games were great.

God is love.

I feel a little bad that my blog gets neglected lately, but that's just how every aspect of my life is...neglected.

I really wish people understood and/or respected my mental health issues.

There is an event (mainly for the teens) at Church Friday/Saturday. Every ounce of me wants to go, but every ounce of me can't mentally pull it together to go. There are just to many unknowns (while most others will know whats going on). I do know that when I set outside my social phobic box, I usually do okay and enjoy myself, but the thought of it right now, with all of lifes other issues...I just don't think I can handle it. But, Friday and/or Saturday is a few days away and maybe things will change.

Mom and I went out to dinner today. I dislike the place we went but my parents love it. After today, seriously...do NOT like it. Will never go there again...even for free food. It was SOOOOOO smokey (even in non-smoking!), the food was barely okay, service was okay, Mom's plate and cup were cracked. Just yeah...nasty.

My parents are semi-aware that I am mentally not the best (but not the worst). I think I said 5 words at dinner. I did make myself shower today, go to Meijer alone...thinking it might help my mental health...nope. Dinner with Mom didn't help. Church and seeing some of my Church friends didn't help.

This depression and social phobic BS drive me nuts, yet its SO paralyzing. Its not as easy as "snap out of it" like most people think. I know some things I can do to improve it usually, but lately...I just don't care. I'd rather lay in bed and hate my life.

As I said, I went to Church tonight. I miss my David's Friends group SO much. I sat there for an hour and don't think I've ever been so lost in Church. My notebook has the bible passage we were reading, Obadiah 1:8-21 , the prayer list, 2 or 3 random thoughts, and about a dozen doodles!

I don't feel like writing anymore cause nothing is positive in my head right now.

God is love.

I've talked a lot about my issues with being single lately.

Someone on TV just said...

"I get excited when he walks in the room. I miss him when he walks out."

I want that!!!!!

I feel like I have that, but not really. I wish things weren't so complicated but yet they really aren't.

God is love.

So, I'm slightly panicky tonight. I hate it.

It started last night because I was overwhelmed by sports. Michigan State was playing in the NCAA (Basketball) National Championship game. Red Wings had a game, with the playoffs just a week away. Plus it was the Tigers season opener. I know it sounds silly, but I was overwhelmed.

Then...while watching the Tigers game. UGH. I/Dad didn't record it "properly" and I missed the end of the 8th inning, and the 9th. UGH!!!!!!!!!! Then my panic really started getting worse.

The Tigers lost. :-(

Michigan State was playing UNC, which is my 2nd favorite basketball team...so normally, I wouldn't care that much but I had the potential to WIN lots if MSU won (my bracket was sitting VERY well in a HUGE NATIONAL bracket) plus Michigan as a state sucks lately...and we need goodness. Plus, Ford Field in Detroit (which is 92 miles from MSU's home court) was hosting the Final 4. Well, State lost. :-(

Then my panicky got worse when I for some reason, got annoyed about being single again.

I haven't watched the Red Wings game yet. Its recorded in Mom's bedroom. I'll watch it tomorrow. Hopefully, one of my teams won.

Gma called while I was sports watching. I didn't even get the message until like an hour later. She said she wanted to talk to see how I was. Gma is the BIGGEST basketball fan I know (and from NC) so I don't know why she wanted to talk then. Ugh. Hope all is well.

Add in that, the Youth Group from Church will be coming over on Wednesday to earn money for something they have going on. http://www.30hourfamine.org/ I am nervous about having the kids here, about how Mom will be with them here.

Hopefully this panicky feeling goes away soon.

We are heading up north on Friday Morning. I will get to golf 9 holes Friday afternoon and Saturday morning. YAY! Sunday, we will do Church and Easter lunch with my cool Grandparents before heading home. Monday morning, I'll be heading to Shell & J's pretty early as I am house/dog-sitting for the week while they take their first vacation as a family of three. I'll be there all week. I'm trying to look forward to this coming weekend and next week. At J & Shell's I will get to visit Roomie, plus play wii alot...and probably spend time with my friend.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I thought I blogged about this a few weeks ago, but I just looked back and didn't see it.

I'm struggling with being single, worse then I can remember in a long time! There was a specific event that occured a few weeks ago that set it off...and it hasn't stopped.

I'm lonely. Just lonely.

With Spring here (hahaha...we got like 10 inches of snow yesterday/today) and Summer quickly approaching, I don't want to be single anymore. I want someone to go camping with, I want someone to watch fireworks with, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I have GREAT family and friends (at least, 99% of the time they are great!) but its just not the same.

God is love.

Dude. I want to smack people! SERIOUSLY. SMACK PEOPLE.

99% of my issues with my family lately involve my little sister and her living situation. Dude...everyone just shut up. My parents are so in denial and just annoy me. SCREAM.

They wonder why I seriously stay in my room non-stop.

God is love.