Shotgun Rider

I've been a worrier my entire life. I'm not proud of it, I don't like it...but its how I am!

I feel so bad for some of the stress friends of mine are going thru right now. Everything in my gut says things will work out for the best, but in the mean time, I know it SUCKS for them. It has them stressed & upset, and has me feeling the same way for them. At the same time, I want to shake these friends and remind them that they are alive & so is their families and that's the REALLY important thing!

My Dad did a good job of getting me all concerned about stuff going on in my little sister's life right now. Yet, he gave me NO details, so all I can do is worry. Great. My gut says no news isn't good news right now.

If its not one thing, its another lately. I guess that's life but I'm just at one of those points where SO much negative stuff is happening lately.

I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. Baking, cooking, cleaning and then game playing. I'm so silly but having people, my friends, here, is scary. I wish I could explain it more, but yeah. My friend and I haven't had people over to hang out or anything since we've been together, and i'm nervous. Everything needs to be just right. Yet, these are my best friends so who cares really. They love me anyway. Right!?

I need sleep, but I want to know what's going on with my sister. I need sleep, but I can't sleep at night time with my friend being home.

God is love!

Wasted

What a difference a day makes!

I'm still heartbroken & devistated about little Baby O, but I'm trying to deal with that.

I spent a good deal of time texting with friends last night. Time after time, they are the rocks that keep me together. When I think they are all gone, they're not. I need to remember that. I hate that I see a need to remind myself who my real friends are!!! I HATE that people let relationships get in the way of friendships...especially when the friend is in need of a FRIEND. I wish I could just let go of this friend, but I can't. I also hate that some of my friends live SO far away. Kings Island opens when again?

Then last night, I exploded on my friend. Its been a long time coming. I tried to talk about small things at least 2 different times and got no where. So, last night I was at my limit with everything in life. It was a HUGE crying session from me, and then us talking. We did a good job of each talking/listening, never interupting or yelling. I hate that I feel like I have to make a huge spectacle out of things to get his attention. Hopefully, the problems are behind us.

I won tickets to the theatre today. I'm not sure how many, what date exactly, or what the show is exactly...but a free show downtown is cool!

I know life isn't always going to be roses, but its starting to look better...for now. I hope. I'm just SAD about Little Baby O and I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to hurt for my friends. Its so hard to be joyful for Baby V while grieving over Baby O. 3.5 weeks isn't long enough. There should be like a 40 year minimum to get out of this world.

God is love!

Wasted

What a difference a day makes!

I'm still heartbroken & devistated about little Baby O, but I'm trying to deal with that.

I spent a good deal of time texting with friends last night. Time after time, they are the rocks that keep me together. When I think they are all gone, I'm not. I need to remember that. I hate that I see a need to remind myself who my real friends are!!! I HATE that people let relationships get in the way of friendships...especially when the friend is in need of a FRIEND. I wish I could just let go of this friend, but I can't. I also hate that some of my friends live SO far away. Kings Island opens when again?

Then last night, I exploded on my friend. Its been a long time coming. I tried to talk about small things at least 2 different times and got no where. So, last night I was at my limit with everything in life. It was a HUGE crying session from me, and then us talking. We did a good job of each talking/listening, never interupting or yelling. I hate that I feel like I have to make a huge spectacle out of things to get his attention. Hopefully, the problems are behind us.

I won tickets to the theatre today. I'm not sure how many, what date exactly, or what the show is exactly...but a free show downtown is cool!

I know life isn't always going to be roses, but its starting to look better...for now. I hope. I'm just

Remind Me

I've been depressed, stressed, and mentally struggling for a bit now. To make matters worse...MUCH worse...

A trusted friend's 3.5 week old daughter passed away. Little Baby O was a twin. Its just a sad situation. I'm heartbroken & devistated. I can't even be there for the family the way I'd like to be, because I'm not doing so hot on my own.

I just want make the pain end! I just want to cry! I just want to be held! I just want to sleep! I just want to be left alone! I just want to scream!

Its so difficult these past few days to figure out how God thinks we can handle all this!!!!

God is love!

Tick

I'm watching Dancing with the Stars this season...or at least trying to. I just can't sit in front of the TV that long. It doesn't keep my attention. Neither does American Idol. I do have to say Ian (Steve on 90210) is a lot cuter these days!

STRESS should be my middle name. The really crappy thing is there is NO ONE that I can go to with whats going on. I've prayed and prayed, now I've got to wait & wait. Right now, the not knowing is whats eating at me. I can barely function. I'm in a continous fog lately. Its bad.

Since Friday, I've been organizing my scrapbooking stuff! It makes me smile. One of the few things that makes me smile lately. Well, today (as the stress is getting worse & more complicated) I decide I'm going to work on it some more (while watching Dancing with the Stars) and I start to melt down. I really wanted to just make a big mess & ruin everything. I didn't though, I just put it down (in not as neat of a pile as it was in) and walked away. But seriously, I just want to destroy it all for some terrible reason.

My friend isn't home. God only knows when he'll be home. He's at his parents' house working on important stuff. Last week for work, I think he worked like 80 hours. I just need to spend QUALITY time with him. I think in 3 weekends I might get that. (This weekend we are having a bunch of people over here, so we have to clean, have people over, and clean again. Next weekend is Good Friday/Easter, and THEN the weekend after that maybe/hopefully I can spend TIME with my friend.)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Must Be Nice

I'm very BLAH. I'm trying my best to not get depressed, but I know its a cycle that's my life.

My friend is trying to push me into going out with my friends tonight (he has to work, plus he thinks I need it) yet every ounce of me just wants to curl up and cry. Plus, the friends I would be going out with are a couple. I hate being a 3rd wheel. This couple though, thru and thru has NEVER made me feel that way (even when I was single for what seemed like forever).

I went shopping to 2 local scrapbook stores. One is going out of business so everything was 40% off! Spent under $10. Didn't buy anything at the 2nd one, but learned that its owned by former teachers/softball coach of mine. That will make me feel better about spending all my time there. Then I came home and spent $26 online ordering scrapbooking stuff. I've got all my stuff sitting on the living floor waiting for me to start organizing it. :-) I'm trying to give myself something FUN and RELAXING I like to do, but its not working well. I've got my friend Shell almost talked into starting to scrapbook! :-) That will be SO fun especially since we live SO close! YAY!! Like I said...I'm trying to not be depressed.

God is love!

Wild Is The Wind

Shell & J have a puppy. Comet is a 6 month old black lab. J is currently out of town. Shell had class tonight. So, I'm going to stop by after work & let Comet out for a bit. They keep her blocked in the kitchen area during the day, I thought. (Normally J leaves for work at like 10:00 & Shell's home at 16:00. Today, Shell left for work at 07:00 & I got there about 15:30). I let myself in & Comet's not in the kitchen. She's sleeping in front of the TV! I call Shell and ask "What room do you keep Comet in?" "THE KITCHEN. WHY?" Well, Comet showed me how she can hurrdle the baby gate (but not totally clearing it). Better Shell then me. Thankfully, it doesn't look like Comet made a mess of anything though. I changed my mind on wanting a pet anything soon!

I've found my long lost friend (Bean) via myspace. She was MY BEST FRIEND from the time I was 4 til I was 18. Then things got ugly. We've had small bits of contact for about 6 years now (a bbq, her wedding shower, her wedding, my sister's grad party, her grandfather's funeral, her baby shower). Its so nice messaging with her on myspace, yet for some reason stresses me out and makes me nervous. I want things how they were in Dec 1997, but I know they will NEVER be that way again. She's difinitly someone I want to be friends with & I want in my life...its just hard to trying to put it all together. We aren't the same people we were at 18.

I'm watching Dancing with the Stars this season. I've never watched it before, not even 5 minutes. So, my favorites yesterday were Shandi (for a girl) & Joey (for a guy). I think not having a big fan base to start with might hurt Shandi though. I do like the Cha-cha better then the foxtrot.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

The Difference

I'm struggling. I'm struggling with life. Just blah. I'd like to blame 99% of my mental struggles right now on PMS...but I don't know.

I haven't been to Church in about a month (once cause of vacation, once because of weather, and then just laziness) and I don't want to go today. I KNOW that means I need to go...but I don't want to.

I've got a busy day. Lots of time in a car, which is dangerous because it gives me time to think & let things spew and get crazy within my brain. I've got Church from 11:45 til about 13:00, then I have to go to Gma's and go shopping (while doing Gma's shopping, get Dad a birthday present for a birthday that was 2 days ago), head out to my parents house to go out to dinner for Dad's birthday. Then I don't know what I'm doing. I've got options at that point. In theory, I'm packing up lots of my scrapbooking stuff to bring here & maybe more clothes. Then driving back. My other option is to just stay the night at my parents and drive my 60 miles to work in the morning. That's the best thing about not being at my parents...THE DRIVES!

I have to rememeber relationships can't be roses ALL the time. In my opinion, anyone who says they can be...is LYING! Things aren't bad by any means, just a learning, trusting, and growing process. There are a few issues going on. The number one issue is...Shhhhh! Don't tell. I'm commitment-phobic. Wait...that probably wasn't a big secret.

God is love!

White Lines And Red

About my stress yesterday. When I was talking with my trust friend, they gave me a solid piece of advice that somehow I was skipping over. PRAY ABOUT IT! I wasn't dealing with the issue alone, God's ALWAYS on my side! After praying for a long while, things are much better, much clearer then they were before. Things are perfect, but they are SO much better!

My friend and I went shopping Sunday afternoon. Macy's carries Kate Spade handbags. BUT...they didn't have the one I wanted (that the Kate Spade shop in Las Vegas didi)...but I did get a very cute new Fossil handbag. VERY CUTE...and its GREEN!

I'm starting to wonder what happened to me. I'm all girly lately. I want fancy stuff and yeah. Must have something to do with my boyfriend. ;-) Have I mentioned lately, he's super.

Dinner should be done soon. I get to eat alone. My friend messed up the time of his Dr. appt this afternoon. Got there for a 16:45 appt to find out its at 17:45. I'm not waiting until 19:30 to eat dinner! But eating alone is blah.

The weather was FABULOUS yesterday (think 70 and sunny) so that screamed SPRING! Today I was FORCED to get a pedicure, since its now SPRING! ;-) My toes look so cute. It wasn't as relaxing as normal though.

After my nail appt I went shopping. I was going for 1 thing. With the coupon I had it should have been $30+tax. Well, somehow they claim I couldn't use my coupon...plus then I saw something else I just had to have and $90-something dollars later...but its scrapbooking stuff...needed scrapbooking stuff. In the next little bit I'm heading to my parents to get my scrapping stuff, cause not having it here SUCKS! I got $90-something worth of scrapping stuff. YAY! Happy dance. (Note: One item was on sale 50% off, one item was on sale for 40% off)

Off to play with my new scrapbooking toys, eat dinner alone, and watch the Red Wings win again!

God is love!

Pain

I have a bad headache right now. Approaching migraine level quickly. I have done everything but nap to try to get it to go away. That might be coming soon. Between vacation and the springing ahead gig my sleep is MORE messed up then normal. I'm pretty sure this is a stress headache.

Stress...I don't want to disclose whats going on...because after talking with 2 coworkers that I trust, and one of my very best friends, this is something only I can figure out. Only I can solve this one. I'd like to get another one or 2 of my best friends thoughts, but 1 is to close to the issue and another one just is to busy or whatever.

Things at work have settle down, at least regarding layoffs...for now.

I know I still need to finish recapping my Vegas Vacation.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

In Your Eyes

That's the watch that I want BAD!! Its Movado Modo (ladies with the silver dial). If anyone wants to donate to the Princess T NEEDS this watch...let her know. November is a LONG time off. I'll get it then for sure, if no one wants to help a girl in need. This picture doesn't do it that much justice...but its SWEET!

I also fell in love with a Kate Spade handbag while in Vegas too (that happens Saturday afternoon). I want it with the white not gold though. Its so cute! CUTE! Almost worth the $325 CUTE!

What's happening to me? AHHHHHHHH! I'm turning high maintance and girly.

God is love!

Two Way Monologue

Vegas part I (sorry for the crappy grammar & spelling and lack of links)

So, I'm going to do my best to recall my trip to Vegas. (Note: I'm also going to use this to help me journal for my scrapbook later, so if some details seem goofy...that's me & they probably have pictures to match)

Thursday (03/01/07)...
My friend worked from home. I took a vacation day. Good thing I did because my friend had SO much to do (but he's working so that means I needed to get things done!) I spent the day doing laundry, packing, and all the little house things that need to be done before going on a trip (things my mom always did...like put lights on a timer, set the thermostat, etc) I planned on lounging all day, so I was annoyed that I had to get all of my friend's stuff done. It wasn't MY laundry or packing that took like 5 hours!

I started to FLIP OUT about flying and all the airport stuff at about 15:15. FLIP OUT!!!!!!

Shell & J are picking us up at 15:30 so we can be at Shell's brother's house by 16:00. Giving us plenty of time for traffic, since we need to be at the airport at 17:30 (to be there 2 hours early). Well, we didn't leave here til 16:00, didn't get to Shell's brothers until about 16:45...and TRAFFIC was a bit*h. We got to the airport a little after 18:00. No lines though really, so everything was fine. Except me...flipping out a bit still.

While waiting in the airport, a girl that used to work with me (Maggie), got off the plane we were about to get on.

Get on the plane, all is well. (Is it plane, plain? Signed the girl that can't spell or think or just doesn't care really) We are all buckled in. Starting to wonder why we aren't moving away from the gate. Pilot JJ comes on & says "A light has came on the cockpit. We are waiting for maintenace. We are going to be delayed." SO...we sit on the plane, at the gate for an extra 45 minutes! GAG!! PANIC! Everyone did a good job of dealing with me and keeping me from getting off the plane. My friend held my hand, while J & Shell's brother just kept making me laugh. Once in the air, for the first hour or so, we were on a shaky turbulant flight so the fight attendants couldn't pass out drinks and we couldn't get up to go pee or anything. Landing was fine. It was cool to see the strip all lit up as we were landing. Getting luggage was quick. Its now about 01:00 (Michigan time). The plan is to check in & then EAT!

We took a limo from the airport to the hotel. It was a nice pretty limo with a pretty cool driver. Checking in seemed to take longer then we thought it would.
My friend's Dad made the reservations, so getting them spilt into each persons name took a bit. Check in, rooms are nice. Wash up a bit & meet back with the 6 of us for dinner. We are tired & HUNGRY. Its now 23:00 (Vegas time. All times will now be in Vegas time until I get back to MI) Just hit the 24 hour place (The Coffee House) within Treasue Island. After eating (which took forever & wasn't that good) we walk around the casino a bit. Group kinda breaks up because I'm slow and wanting to see more then most. I hadn't been to Vegas since 1995. The rest of them had been there between Aug 04 & Feb 06. It was about 03:00 when my friend & I got back to our hotel room.

Friday (03/02/07)

My friend's home phone forwards to his cell phone when he's not home. So, at LOVELY 7:00 we are woke up to someone asking about fertiziling the grass. It was okay though, cause we did want to hit Belligo's breakfast buffet. (Its $10 cheaper per person to go on M-F vs Sat/Sun) Get all cleaned up and head down to Belligo. Breakfast was GREAT. Some little lady slipped and fell (and was hurt a bit) while we were in line. It was funny but not funny. I was disappointed with how slowling the staff/emergency team responded. Back to the food...I ate french toast, mushroom & cheese omlet (made right in front of me) fresh fruit, beef tenderloin (and more and more. I wanted my $ worth dammit). Then we decided were going to gamble a little bit while there (since they are part of the MGM/Mirage group, it will all be points on our players club card). I find table games VERY intimidating. I have the concept of most normal games down though.

So I figure I can handle video poker/blackjack. I put in my players club card. Put in my $20. My friend explains (and I watched him play last night) to hit the "bet one" button (so I'll bet $.25) and then deal. Okay..."bet one" and...FU*K! The "MAX BET" button is next to the "deal" button. Woooosh...there goes my $20. Cards deal...and I get a BLACKJACK! Wahooo! I'm ready to be DONE gambling. We were laughing so hard at my silliness. So we play for a bit more & we leave there with my friend down some $ and me up. Beginners luck, I'm told.

We walk along the strip (with the final destination being CVS), looking at things and just having fun. We go into Monte Carlo (also part of our MGM/Mirage gig) so while my friend goes to the bathroom, I'm going to play $.25 slots with the $ I'm ahead. Before he's even AT the bathroom I'm broke. (Back to just the $20 I started with). Hit CVS for much needed things...deoderant, hand sanitizer, and benedryl. Walk back on the other side of the street.

Its an odd concept to me to see all these people walking about with drinks and beers...ON THE STREET. My friend is hungry for a snack...so we head into McDonald's. The girl in front of us has a mixed drink in her hand. Everyone knows the big long glasses of frozen things are DRINKS. Well, my friend gets kicked out of McDonald's for having a beer in his hand. He's so annoyed...yet proud of himself for getting kicked out of McDonald's. On the walk back, I get my picture taken with not 1 but 2 Elvis' (at the same time!) in front of the Harley Davidson Cafe. TOLD YOU, Elvis is ALIVE! We watch the Belligio water show from in front of Paris. Very pretty. Get back to our hotel in time to get cleaned up and meet up at 18:00 with the BIG group for dinner. (6 of us flew together, 12 more flew in on Friday morning)

So, we walk to Margerittaville for dinner. Steph's Mom leads the way...chanting "Viva Las Vegas" every so often. Its going to be 2.5 HOURS for all 18 of us to eat together. We break into 6 groups of 3 and are told 45 minutes. We head to the outdoor top level bar to wait. We find out we can eat out there at whatever tables we can grab. So, Shell & J, Shell's bro & his wife get a table...then Steph & her hubby, my friend & I get a table. It was such a nice night to eat outside...at least, compared to MI. A few people waited for "real" tables inside. After dinner, the 8 of us hit the gift shot & then the little casino next door...O'Sheas. Its a smaller older casino, so it was quite smokey. My friend got snotty about the smoke quickly plus there is a place inside there where you can see people getting tattoos thru a huge store front glass window, which got him all upset (for his own personal reasons). I didn't stay with the group that long. I didn't like him outside alone just standing around. The girls talk about going clubbing later, when Steph gets out of her show. So, just the 2 of us take off for the Ventian. We checked out the Gonadala's, the casino, shops, etc. We had a good time. I found a watch I want. I'll get it soon. Its nice having a connection in the watch business. Makes you kinda snotty about watches though. After that, we head to our hotel room to rest while waiting for the girls to call to go clubbing and the guys go gambling. That was about 23:00. At about 02:00 my friend gets up and turns off the light. We fell asleep in our regular clothes with the lights on. Tired, I guess.

This is getting long...I'll be back with more soon enough. I'm going to try and find a picture of the watch I want. Its SWEET!

God is love!

Stupid Boy

Ahhhhhhhh! Vegas Baby! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! Okay, not really, but I don't have time or energy to write about it.

I will just say I'm the ONLY one of the group that came out ahead on the gambling front...not far, but its better then LOSING $.

God is love!