Glad To Be Alone

Work SUCKED today! I say that often lately, I know. I'm at my witts end. Jess is at her witts end. EVERYTHING we do is wrong, yet others can do NO wrong. TGIF!! Through my crappy day at work, I'm still in a GOOD mood!

Is trust something that one must earn? Or is trust something that you give to someone until they break it? Is it fair to not trust someone based on others actions? That's just me thinking outloud.

I've got the house to myself for a little while right now. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love love love love having the house to myself.

While at Meijer, I ran into a very close friend that I haven't seen in nearly 2 years (haven't talked to her at all since last summer). It was so nice to see her. I think we are going to get together soon. Yay!

I think a weekend of nothing really to do, is just what my body needs to be all better come Monday morning. Yay!

Why am I in sure a good mood? I can't really put my finger on it, but I'll run with it!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

The Way That You Love Me

I'm trying my best to put all my faith & fears in the hands of God.

The message of tonight (emphasis mine) is:

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. James 4:13-17 (NIV)

In hockey news, in case you need to know...a "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" is defined as a goal, an assist, and a fight all in the same game. ;-) Useless bit of knowledge for tonight.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Lady Of The Darkest Night

About my weekend...yep, I have no plans. Nothing set in stone, that's for sure. RELAXING!

This dating gig sucks, for sure! I just spent 73 minutes on the phone with CJ. We hashed out a lot of issues about our stress levels (his divorce mess is getting bloodier by the minute!), about our expectations from each other, etc. At the end of the converstation, he was like "We could have been done with this converstation in 5 seconds!" Seriously though, for me to remain as calm and rational as I did, in my opinion, is nothing short of amazing. I did sign myself up for a HUGE lesson in patience, being flexible, and learning the world doesn't revolve around me. As difficult (nearing impossible!) as those tasks will be for me, I really feel like God knows what He is doing, even when I don't! Don't call CJ a "people pleaser", that REALLY sets him off! So, now that I think that, I'll just keep that info to myself.

What shall I do with my relaxing weekend? Scrapbooking sounds good if the weather sucks. If its nice out, I'm going to be outdoors as much as the allergies/cold/snot-nose will allow!

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Rock House

This dating thing sucks! Now, hear me out. I'm 100% happy with CJ, with how things are progressing, etc. Its just, he doesn't KNOW me inside & out, frontwards & backwards yet, and vice versa. I find myself stressing that he's mad at me, over whatever. I find myself being insecure over stuff he'll tell me to not worry about. The fact that we don't have as much time to spend together as we'd like isn't helping. The fact that we both have other stresses going on doesn't help. So, dating sucks! BUT...with all that said, its worth it. ;-)

I'm still feeling like junk. My family is fighting. I'm hiding upstairs. Only venturing downstairs to switch laundry. I'm washing ALL of my bedding and stuff. Before the weekend is over, I'm going to DUST and VACUUM my bedroom. Miracle. Seriously, its been probably a year since I dusted last. I'm bad bad bad!

Tomorrow is Friday. As far as I know, I have no plans (besides dusting & vacuuming my room, and Church on Sunday) for the entire weekend. :-/

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Lady Lou

I'm still whiny (whinier than my normal whininess!) & still feel like junk. 2 more days! Its really rough to make it through a work day, where I talk ALL day, when my throat hurts like hell, I'm all snotty, and blah blah blah.

In other words...I don't want to go to work.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Only Human

This sore throat has turned into a full blown sinus infection, and its kicking my butt. I didn't work out or go to Church tonight. I napped for 3 hours, only waking up cause CJ called. I feel so crappy, I talked to him for less than 6 minutes. I think the new-ness is wearing off. 2 days in a row, I've barely talked to him. We are starting to figure out how this relationship is really going to work, in the real world. I hate missing him. I'm taking an educated, leap of faith, guess that I'll see him at some point this weekend. Right now, that seems SO far away. Yes, I'm crazy.

Time for drugs and bed.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Waterloo

I feel like SH*T! My throat started bothering me about an hour before work was done yesterday. It bothered me all night, getting worse, not better. Here I am awake at 02:00 because my throat is hurting SO bad. I can't afford to be sick right now, not financially, not work wise! Its the end of the month, the busiest time at work, there is no way to NOT talk at work. God will find a way.

I talked to CJ. He's not mad at all. He thinks I'm silly for thinking he was remotely mad. I felt bad because normally I talk to him for hours on end at night, but I talked to him less than 20 minutes last night. I just was tired, with a very sore throat that didn't feel much like talking. He understands, I'm sure. In case I haven't mentioned it lately, he's hot & I'm smitten. ;-) I don't like the fact that life must be so busy all the time, that the only time we have for each other really, right now, is on weekends.

Mom annoyed me yesterday afternoon. I know her memory (especially short term) is going, its not her fault, its not something she can control. It just sucks! I was on the phone with her (while I was at work, I was stressed...I called home probably 10 times!) and telling her about some of the crap CJ had to deal with Monday night. She tells me that I didn't tell her he was in the middle of a bloody divorce. HMMMMMMMM. Yes, I did. Jo, CJ, & I all heard that part of the converstation. Oh well.

SML is on my sh*t list. ;-) He met Kris Draper today. Did he take a picture or call me or anything for me? NO! Jerkball! Love you SML! ;-)

David's Friends is back together tonight. It will take awhile for things to be the same, hopefully they can be. We are meeting at someone's house (its actually Pastor D's next door neighbors, they go to our Church), the group has changed. Little Troy won't be there for sure. He's off in boot camp for the USMC.

I'm going to try to get 2 more hours of sleep. Wish me luck.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Me And Bobby And Bobby's Brother

Stress is the understatement of the day! Work SUCKED! We were pretty slammed from 12:00 until 15:45.

Bad news...the Church building project has just turned into a mess! Who knows where or when we were be building. The good news...God knows what He is doing.

Bad news...about 200 people (out of 3,000) in my Dad's building got the ax today. Good news...Dad wasn't one of them. We are going out to dinner to celebrate that Dad still has a job.

Bad news...my throat is burning bad. Good news...I won't see CJ for a few days (hopefully, cause I really don't know when I'll see him, I'm taking an educated guess that I'll see him sometime on the weekend.) so I won't have to avoid kissing him and hopefully my throat will be all better by then. ;-)

Speaking of CJ, I think he's mad at me. Everyone is assuring me, he's not...but we shall see. I was TRYING to be nice, but it backfired, I think. I don't know.

Dinner NOW. Dad won't tell us where we are going, just "its better than Taco Bell". There aren't to many places in Farmville USA to choose from, so it shall be interesting. After dinner, I was going to go to the gym, but I think I'm going to bed. Signed, the girl that is always tired (especially since she didn't get her Sunday afternoon nap 2 weeks in a row!)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Peace On Earth

I woke up 45 minutes BEFORE my alarm! WHY????? I'm tired, I should sleep! Stress is a bloody thing. I wish I could fast foward through today for my Dad's sake. I wish I could fast foward through about 6 months for CJ's sake.

When we got this new computer last week, things got moved around near the computer desk. The old computer didn't have a working sound card, but this one does. YAY! So, Dad moved the subwoofer thingy. You better believe I kick the thing EVERY time I sit down! Its getting to the point that I think I'll be loosing the little toe on my left foot soon enough.

Since I've got actual real goals in mind regarding my weight loss, I've decided to make them public knowledge. My goal for May 22, 2006 is 140lbs, which would be the week before Memorial Day. My long term final goal is 130lbs by Sept 11, 2006, which would be the week before Shell & J's wedding. Yesterday, I weighted in at 149lbs. Sometimes I think I can't do this anymore...but to know where I started last May (at 172lbs) and to know where I'm at is encouraging. I'm not super focused on the weight, because as I get in better shape (which has always been the GOAL!) I know muscle weighs more then fat. BUT...I can & WILL do this! ;-)

I love work. Yep, I love work. Actually, I'm going to just be grateful I have a j-o-b to go to.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Inside

I survived another Monday. Yay!

I took pictures of CJ into work today. Everyone is like "He's so cute. He's so hot." Yep, and he's mine. ;-) I'm learning lots of lessons in patiences and all that fun stuff. He has his son tonight, so I don't get to talk to him. This is going to help A LOT with me learning the world definitly doesn't revolve around ME.

In other news, my household is under A LOT of stress. There is a good chance my Dad could be losing his job tomorrow. Dad has 29 years and 7 months in with GM as a design engineer. Yeah, its not a pretty situation...BUT God is faithful! God provides. If the ax does fall on Dad tomorrow, I'm prepared for Mom to start doing bad rather quickly. Stress makes Mom's health bad REAL quick.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

The Day Before You

Its Monday. I hate Mondays! I really hate Mondays when I don't get my Sunday nap, but I'm trying to get over it. This weekend, total, Sleep Princess got maybe 15 hours of sleep over 3 nights. AHHHHHHHHH! I need a day off!

I talked with ST briefly last night. With all the stuff going on in our lives lately, it was good to hear his voice. I felt bad because we played phone tag all weekend, then he finally gets ahold of me Sunday night and I'm sleeping.

I hate not being able to be there for people the way I want to, the way I feel they need me.

Its Monday. Its going to be a good day! Yep, oh yes, its Monday & it will be a good day. Crap. That positive thinking gig just isn't cutting it. Its Monday and I want to go back to bed!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Danger Zone

Church was GREAT today! A little sad, super exciting, and just fantastic!!!!! It was PACKED. The luncheon went good too. Got to see & talk with Chelle alot, which I haven't done in months! Starting next Sunday we will be meeting in a former junior high school, for the next year or so, while our new Church is being built!

Now, onto the important news of my day. CJ. :-) CJ came to just hang out with me here today. Of course, this involved him meeting Jo, Mom, & Dad. Dad even made dinner for us all, which was nice. During dinner, some how, Mom was talking about everyone makes mistakes. Well, that was a wide open door for me to tell them about CJ going thru a divorce and having a son. Well, just like I thought it would be, it was a non-issue. YAY! Its on the table, not a problem and I feel a lot better!!!!!!!!!!! I think everyone likes him...but I've been wrong before. Other than that, we had a great time, just laughing, talking, relaxing, and chilling. We had a little bit of a disagreement or something like that towards the end of the night, but all is basically well. Our ability to communicate amazes me. We both have some insecurities to work through, that's all. I've got 100% faith & trust in God, that with Him as our foundation, these small issues coming up now, won't be a problem down the road.

I'm to tired to think anymore tonight. I'm happy and I wish others could be happy for me...but whatever. I can't control the actions of others, as hard as I might try!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Concrete & Ice

I need to be out the door for Church in 20 minutes and still haven't showered. Yes, Church is early today (and will be for the next year or so). Its only 45 minutes earlier..but YUCK!

I've been spending as much time as possible with CJ this weekend. There is nothing I can find to not like about him. I'm sure there is something, but I haven't found it yet. He got to meet Shell & Cris last night (and a few others). I thought he was going to get to meet J & Butt too, but they didn't show up. I believe CJ is coming out here to hang out today, which means, he'll have to meet my parents. He's so calm about it. I'm a tad nervous but excited!

Okay, I'm getting ready for Church now.................

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Head Over Heels

So, I've decided I'm in love...

with...

Rascall Flatts!!!

They have a new CD coming out next month. YAY!!!!!!!! I'm borrowing Jo's copy of "Feels Like Today" at the moment. Its great. New computer needs me to install the software so I can get songs moved to my mp3 player. ASAP...but not tonight.

Its been a rough, emotionally draining night, yet I'm still in a great mood! I wish I could put into words for myself, for the world, whats going on right now, but I can't so, I'll just Thank God!

Its going to be a busy weekend. Something super exciting could, might, maybe, hopefully will be happening on Sunday. I'm trying to not get my hopes up that much...but yeah. Life is good.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Don't Rain On My Parade

WOW! I just talked to ST. I haven't talked to him since his birthday (03/04/06). I'm glad I heard from him. He's had a rough few weeks. I feel a little bad that he had to learn of him on here, but that's life, I guess.

BTW...he has a name. We shall call him...CJ. ;-) WEEEEEEEE. I get to see him in less than 24 hours. Not getting to spend as much time with him as I want, really has been a lesson in communication.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Hands Off The Merchandise

I'm trying VERY hard to trust in God to NOT lead me down the wrong path. Why is this such a challenge for me?

I made GREAT progress today. I got rid of just about nearly everything that has anything to do with ST. I saved most pictures (cause I LOVE pictures...and because I do not regret anything, he was my best friend, my love for way to long), and a few bigger things, but other than that...its all GONE. To know me, this is a HUGE deal. I have cards, flowers, poems, etc from the very beginning. Thru the good times, the bad, the on and off I never got rid of anything...and now, I'm finally at the point where its just stuff taking up space.

Off to continue to clean my room, do laundry, gain some patience.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

How To Be A Millionaire

This new computer is SUPER cool, except the keyboard sucks! WHY did we have to switch keyboards? Seriously, this one is making me type much slower with tons of errors. ERRRRRRRR. Its tiny, its not spilt, etc.

Other than that...1) I'm in a GREAT mood. 2) I don't want to go to work.

Can it be Friday YET? PLEASE? ;-)

I don't like when people make commets without signing their name. Hmmm. I might have to change that setting...but its not like I get that many comments anyway. Then again, sticks & stones. Yesterday as I was blogging, I almost changed some of the things I wanted to say, because I know who my audience is, but that would also defeat the point in this blog for me!

I got a few emails from Pastor D. Our Church website is up & almost running. I'm SO excited about this moving/building/moving situation!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Ladies In The House

Life is good! :-) I could complain about somethings, but I'm looking for the good in everything!

My computer died. Daddy bought me a new one the next day! (okay, so its not mine...but I'll take it!)

Things with him are just going great. He makes me laugh & smile, which I haven't been able to do in awhile. I think (hope) we are going to be able to get together Friday night. While I can go on & on about him & how great I think he is, the parts that just amazes me is his ability to deal/accept/understand my insecurites (and he tries his best to put them to rest) and the way we are on very similiar pages religiously & on our walk with Christ.

Since Blogger died on me, then my computer, I lost all my links/favorite places. I'm not happy. I'll get over it. Might never get things fixed...but in the grand scheme of life, who cares!

I have learned a lot of life's lessons the hard way. He isn't something I'm going to take for granted, so I'm done here for tonight. I've got a much more important phone call to make, then wasting time posting here. Yep, I'm smitten.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Suzy-Hang-Around

To say I feel good right now, would be a LIE! I've got killer cramps. Oh lovely day. They will go away, but not soon enough.

Sleep Princess (that's ME!) who didn't get her Sunday nap KNOWS that her intire week will be jacked up when she doesn't get that Sunday nap! The entire week turns into a bloody cycle of needing to nap every day, then not sleeping at night right. It was after 22:30 by the time I after dinner (BAD BAD BAD, even worse then normal BAD...I'll explain), and after 01:00 when I went to bed. YUCK!!!!!!

Now, the BAD BAD BAD, even worse then normal BAD about eating dinner SO late...2 reasons! 1, I'm standing up in Shell's wedding & I don't want to be fat. 2, He is a boater, he spends every weekend all summer long on a boat, which potentionally means I'll need to spend lots of time in a swimsuit this summer. I'm NOT ready to put on a swimsuit in front of the general public. So, the weight loss needs have kicked into HIGH gear. So, the goal is another 10lbs by May 15th. Another 10 by Shell's wedding in September. That would put me at my overall goal! See, the first 15 lbs I lost FELL off with VERY little effort, the next 10 have taken alot of work, and I know there next 20 will be a real bit*h, but I can do it.

I don't want to go to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to move from this house today.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

King Without A Crown

AHHHHHHHHHHH! I have NO idea what happened to my Blog, but the only way I knew how to fix it was to basically start over! As you can see my links & cool stuff on the side is gone, and God only knows if/when I'll get around to fixing it again. Its just not that big on my priority list! As long as I can type & that is showing up!

I am paranoid. I did go thru most of my important things and change lots of passwords today, in case that was part of the problem. I doubt it, but it won't hurt. Now, when I can't log in tomorrow...we know why! I won't remember my password.

So, I told Jo about some issues regarding him (he'll get a name, I swear). I'm totally trusting in her to NOT tell my parents right now. I'll tell them soon enough, but when I feel the time is right. I know my parents & it won't be a big deal, I'm sure I'm making it to be a bigger deal within my head, then it is. So, the issues you ask...well, he's in the process of a divorce & has a son. It was something I knew going in, something I can totally deal with (hopefully it will help me continue to work on my being less selfish & self-centered!). This entire situation is so outside of my box, its scary. I talk to him for hours on end, I'm comfortable, I trust him to be honest always, I see myself taking down the wall slowly, and it all feels so right. Like I said, its scary. I feel very vulnerable, I hate feeling this way, yet I'll take it, believing something good is coming from it. I love the fact that I can go on & on knowing he doesn't read here (yet), but knowing there isn't anything I've said here, regarding him that I haven't said TO HIM. Yes, I told him I hate feeling vulnerable, yes, I told him I think he's out of my league. ;-)

The next few verses have gotten me thru a lot of rough times in the past year or so & really did a great job of calming me down on Saturday...

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Its only Monday night & I'm excited for/dreading the weekend! At this exact moment, I believe Friday night I'm free. Saturday, I've got some shopping to do with Shell during the afternoon, then Saturday night my parents, Jo, & I are going to Stars on Ice, thanks to the free tickets I won! We would never PAY to go to this, but for free...SURE! Sunday, is Church followed by a big banquet thingy, because its our last Sunday at our Church! How exciting/sad! We will have Good Friday at our Church, but that's the end of the road. I can't wait until we are in the NEW Church building! Sometime, before the banquety thing I've got to find time to make a dessert. Yay! I like to bake! Plus, I bake for this gig and someone else will have to clean up!!

Its after midnight, I took a nap today, plus I'm on cloud 27 about this entire dating situation, so yeah...I can't sleep. ;-) Its all good in the hood.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

How Deep

Somewhere, yesterday I started a post on pen & paper to transfer to this lovely thing...but I don't feel like looking for it. Plus, I don't feel like typing alot. I'm T-I-R-E-D!

The important happenings in my life...my date. It went GREAT!!!!! Seriously, about 10 times better than I could have ever imagined! Yes, I'm a big dork. Now, I think this guy is totally out of my league, but he assures me I'm crazy. I can't even begin to explain how COMFORTABLE I was! Yes, I spent maybe the first hour being nervous/excited...but after that it was just fun, comfortable, and great. He ended up stopping by Sunday afternoon without warning, I was in my pajamas, it was lovely. We just chilled & talked for hours. He's just great, hot, adorable, hot, funny, hot, sweet, etc. I'll stop now. (for now) :-) Wait...did I mention I think he's hot? I'm very impatiently waiting for him to call right now. We shall see, but I think good is going to come out of it...or so I pray!

More later...

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Undo Me

Thursday night Blogger decided it hated me or something! I could create posts but it wouldn't publish them. If I tried to view my blog I was getting some crazy Forbidden message. LOVELY. It appears all is well in the land of Blogger again.

I'm posting this from my favorite library. The keyboard I'm using sucks right now. The space bar likes to stick.

So, today is my date. I'm NOT calling it a date...cause its NOT...but everyone else seems to think it is. ;-) It shall be fun & interesting.

God's really been speaking to me lately. The message of today is stay true to myself & never quit being ME. I'll spare you all the details, but I'll just say God is amazing! I still don't know where I'm going to Church at tomorrow. I'll go somewhere, I'm sure!

SML & I had a decent fight last night. At one point, I locked myself in the bathroom cause I just didn't know what to say anymore. He has his points, I have mine. I don't think there is a right or wrong. After I came out of the bathroom, I started getting ready & some how it came up that I was going to either lock myself in the bathroom again, kick him out, or punch him. So, he said "PUNCH ME" so then I said, "Can I kick you?" He said "Sure." So, I kicked him, 2 times. Gotta kick with each leg! ;-) That made me feel alot better! Things still aren't right between us, but they are better than they were at 19:00 last night, in my opinion anyways.

SML & I ended up heading to our friends Jim & Steph's place. They were having a few people over for a St Patrick's Day party. I haven't seen them (well Steph for sure, I might have seen Jim, he's around more) since before their wedding, last July! It was good to see them. They got a cute new puppy. A tiny purse type dog. CUTE. I actually had a really good time, just hanging out over there...even with people I barely know. As we were leaving, an OLD friend (Trav) was pulling in! SML wouldn't stay! Darn. ;-)

Off to hit up Bath & Body Works, grab some grub, maybe work out, vacuum, nap, & get ready for whatever I want to call this going out tonight, that I don't view as a date!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Crazy In Love

I can't believe I forgot to post this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is much more imporant & much more exciting than my date!

Shell & J got engaged (finally!) today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO happy for them!

What Was I Thinkin'

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm excited & nervous at the same time, it makes me want to vomit. The song title is actually semi-relivant for once! WHAT WAS (AM!) I THINKING? Plus, hehehehe. I'm such a goof.

So...the big (not that big & exciting...I'm just crazy) thing that I had to tell Jo the other day and she wasn't here, that I wouldn't post about...IS...

I HAVE A DATE ON SATURDAY! Yes, you read that right, I (as in Princess T) have a date! Miracle, I know. I hate the date word and I really didn't want to call it that, but since he did, I guess that's probably what it is.

At the moment, he probably thinks I'm some rude crazy not nice person, because Mom (who isn't doing well at the moment) woke up and I had to tend to her and blah blah blah, we had to get off the phone quickly & not on the nicest note tonight. Something else for me to stress myself out about! He knows a little quick bit about Mom's health, so he just better get used to the idea of her having to be so important, RIGHT?

I could go on and on...but I won't bore ya'll to death...yet. I'll post details probably Monday night...details, but not that many. ;-) Now, I'm off to make a post to save as a draft about all the things I want to say, but won't say yet.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Another Town, Another Train

I sit here waiting impatiently to wash my hair! Yep, I'm coloring my hair again. I had roots! It had to get done! Who knows what color it will turn out. In theory it will be reddish. We shall see.

I worked out HARD at the gym today.

Jo has a big mouth! I'm done telling her things for awhile, at least, things I don't want my parents to KNOW. Not that I was HIDING things, just didn't see a need for them to KNOW. I'm not mad at her or anything. Just ERRRRRRRR. That gives me the issue...she reads here, so then I can't post about things either. Hmmmm. Blah blah blah.

Jo & I went to Church tonight. It was VERY good. The message was about praying and stuff. My brain is to tired to go into the details. There was a cool article in the County paper today, a nice long article (with a few factual errors) with pictures about our new Church building project! YAY!!!!!!!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

That Was Then But This Is Now

I hate sleep, yet, I love sleep!

I think I'm running away to Gma's again tonight. We shall see.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Here Is Your Brother

This is SO stupid of me...I miss Jo! I'm bouncing off the walls right now and she's not here for me to bug! She's only been gone a day, but that's not the issue.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Rock Me

What am I doing? Learning to socialize will be the death of me yet.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Mamma Mia

After waking up at 04:40 (when the alarm was set for 06:30!), stupid storms, now after 21:30, I'm getting to sit down and RELAX finally. Its very windy right now. I'm sure I'll get another great night of sleep.

For having Friday off work (and my great help, Robert called in!), I'm almost caught up! YAY!!!! Work wasn't that bad today. A new policy regarding break times came out today. It only changed if you are a 6 or 7 hour shift (shortening them, of course), but its just another slap in the face to everyone, showing us how little they care. The more we do, the more they want, the more they take away.

I had a better work out at the gym today then yesterday, but still not what I wanted. My trip to the gym today was just ERRRRRRRRR. I forgot my ipod device in the car, which I didn't realize until I was in the locker room & I wasn't going up stairs & back outside for it (especially since I had a book to read while on the bike). Then I start changing and see I don't have socks! So, I have to keep on my sweaty, dressy socks that I had on all day. YUCK! I'm having a hard time with my weight/size lately, so I'm going to have to work harder at it. Remember, its about ME being happy with ME!

Dani is letting me borrow a book, called The Maker's Diet. The only things I know so far, (from Dani telling me) is it says you can't eat shrimp (which I had last night) and pork (which I had tonight). I think it will be intresting & educational, if nothing else.

Speaking of Dani, she invited me to go to her Church this coming Sunday. As of right now, I think I'm going to! Outside my box, again! I'm making such progress.

In theory, lots of events in the next coming days will be outside of my box! Go me! Details to come.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I Am Just A Girl

I got the privledge of seeing my buddy Red at Church today. He was waiting for me on the landing, before I walked outside/him downstairs. The converstation went something like this "Hi T, How are you stranger? Why do I actually miss you?" "Hi Red, how's it going?" a few other comments then it was "Red, you are such a smart aleck" followed by him telling me I'm "mean." We both agreed those are things we've known for long time. As we hugged, he whispered in my ear "less than 2 months". No wonder this boy confuses me so much. I can't wait for him to be home though, to have someone within the same town as me, that I'm COMFORTABLE with, that I TRUST.

David's Friends is on a break until 3/29, then we are meeting on Wednesday again, at Pastor D's house. We are VERY close to being Church-building-less. YAY!!!!

Taking a (shorter then I'd like) nap, then I'm outtie.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Poison Arrow

My Dad just told me "You are 26, going on 5" and I take that as a compliment. Taking it as a compliment did nothing more than piss Dad off more. :-)

Off to Church very shortly, followed by the GYM! YAY!!!!!!! I get to work out today, after my 5 days off per (stupid) doctors orders. Then, I'm taking Jo to JJ's house and I'm going to Gma's. I'm sure I'll have to do house work before we go to JJ's/Gma's. Joy.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Crawl

I took my allergy meds about an hour or 2 ago...so I'm out of it...but if I don't blog about last night soon, I might never get around to it.

So far, today hasn't went as planned at all and that's okay. David's Friends didn't meet today and I still have no clue why. I didn't go out with my work friends, cause I didn't feel like it.

Now, yesterday Jo & I went to Winter Jam. It was at a place I've never been to, heck it was in a city I've only driven through. As we were fighting traffic around the Dow Event Center, I started to have a panic attack, over traffic, over not knowing where to go, etc. It ended once we were out of the car. Then, we start walking to the building. HUGE HUGE lines. Lines I didn't anticipate at all! At some point as we are walking, some girls start yelling at us. DOH! There was a hole in my fleece & my car keys fell out! Major thanks to those young girls!!!! Between the lines & me almost losing my keys, that sent me into another panic attack. We get in and (barely!) get seats! Krystal Meyers was just starting. I didn't get to see her really, because I had to find a bathroom and get a snack! Stupid consession worker gave me diet soda! Waste of $2.50. The entire place was SO crowded! Beyond crowded. Fire hazard waiting to happen. Let me just say, I was NOT impressed with the staff/security in & around this place. I got back just in time for NewSong to start. They were pretty good. Then came either ZOEgirl or Hawk Nelson, I don't remember the exact order. Not knowing any matrial by Hawk Nelson, I'd have to say they were good. Entertaining performers for sure. ZOEgirl did a much better job then I thought that would. The pastor, David Nasser did a short, but good sermon, about the way he, than his family found Jesus Christ. Intermission was a disaster! I was literally the 3rd person in line at the bathroom. I'm quick like that. Then, it took me about 2 minutes to get a soda for Jo. Then it took me about 14 minutes to make it about 20 feet to the stairs to our section, because it was so crowded. It was NUTS! People were pushing and screaming. It was like a hugh scary mosh pit! After intermission it was time for tobyMac! Let me just say...he rocked! They rocked! tobyMac, his dancers/back-up singers were GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been to PLENTY of concerts in my life and I would put them up in the top 5 for sure!!!!!!!! Probably top 3 (Garth Brooks & Tim McGraw will be real hard to ever beat out). I could go on & on about how much I love tobyMac! Actually, I heard on the radio today that tobyMac and my 1st love of Christian music, mercy me, will be in the general area together this summer! I'm THERE!!!!!!! Then there was the Sphere of Fear (motorcycle stunt show) which we had great seats to see. It was cool, but nothing I hadn't seen before at the circus. Then came Newsboys. I thought they were good too! I was VERY VERY VERY disappointed with their performance of "Shine" so, that's probably why I'll only say there were good. The lead singer did a preaching type thing towards the very end & it was top notch. Then we made our way back to my car with very little trouble. I've never been so glad I drive a TINY car. Everyone was blocked in...everyone but me! It took me probably about a 10-point turn, but I got out! YAY!

Overall, the enter concert & experience was GREAT!

More about why I think tobyMac rules...to know me, is to know when I get bored/overtired/giggly I dance around my house like a fool. I make up all kinds of crazy dances for everything. Of course, I ONLY do this in my house or car, or other places of EXTREME comfort. I don't dance at the bar or anything, I don't like to dance. tobyMac and his dancers were just full of energy and dancing like crazy. It was FUN! I did lots of dancing around my house today, showing my parents what they were like & stuff.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Come On

The more I sleep, the more I want. Its all a stupid cycle. Get to much, don't get enough. Blah blah blah.

Running late for David's Friends.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Obsolete

After a few panic attacks, I managed to have a GREAT time tonight. More later, when its not after 02:00.

I doubt I'll be going down to the city to go out with my work friends tomorrow. Its not really in the budget, plus then I'll have to drive a ton, which I'm sick of doing lately...or miss (my) Church again. Of course, its me...and nothing is ever set in stone. I do believe, unless something changes...I will be making it to David's Friends tomorrow afternoon. Yay! Some Red-headed boy shall be there. Double Yay! :-)

I'm tired, overtired. I'm in one of those moods where I won't let my brain shut off to go to sleep. I think I'm going to turn on some silly re-runs of Full House or Who's The Boss or whatever is on...and just try and relax. Yes, I must put an effort into relaxing.

Way to go MSU men's basketball! :-)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Soul In Motion

My head is POUNDING! So much so, that I broke down and took my last migraine pill! I need to sleep I think, but whatever. No time for that.

Yesterday at work, this idea was talked/joked about in great depth, and now I'm going to put it into action. PRAYING FOR EVERYTHING! When someone angers me, stresses me out, etc...I'm just going to stop and pray! Even if its 10 seconds, God will know & understand. Right now, I'm in a situation where I am annoyed and have nothing nice to say about some people...so therefore, I'll just pray. Its such a simple solution, yet I find myself not praying enough.

More on prayer. I told Jo about this shortly after it happened last night. I spent A LONG (probably the longest time in a couple of months) in prayer last night. As we all know, this being single gig is just wearing on me. I was in the process of telling God that I want an unconditional reciprocated love, like I had with ST. God was so quick to show/explain to me that I already have that. I have that love with my Savior! :-)

Time to do chores & get ready.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Can't Stand The Heat

I have SO much I want to do! Do I scrapbook, print pictures, add songs to my ipod device, nap, etc.?

So far, I've got a load of laundry (the last load!) in the dryer. I also managed to wash a new shirt by hand! Yes, for the first time in my LIFE, I washed a shirt by hand. I think its washed at least. I didn't really know what I was doing. Some water, some woolite, swish swoosh, rinse, done. Right? Good enough for me, it doens't stink like smoke anymore.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I love days off!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Baby Go Round

I'm VERY not happy about some stuff that went down at work today. I got my quality review. I got docked 5% in one catagory for being "to upbeat" with customers on the phone. I'm trying to blow it off...but it still pisses me off. Would you rather I be a b*tch like some people in our lovely room? I also got a note about one stat being at 17% when they want it at 8%. Well, I'm an anal little witch. I did the math. Their math is WRONG! For a part timer working 4 hours a day, they are correct...but they didn't adjust it for any other hours! Well, when the math was re-done for me...it should be at 16%. Well :-P I was 1% over for the entire month, and so far this month .2%. So...kiss it! Yes, I'm VERY annoyed! There are some parts of my job I take VERY seriously. Don't make it look like I do nothing! Of course, my overall review was "exceeds expectations" but that's NOT the point. I didn't get 100% in everything, not good enough for me. Thankfully, I have tomorrow off!

Jo & I will be going here tomorrow night. Should be fun, hopefully. Then Saturday night, I think I'm going to the bar with some of the people from work. Slowly, I'm stepping out of my social-phobic box. WEEEEEEEEEE.

Red Wings, American Idol, and laundry. What an exciting life I live! :-) Actually, all things considered lately, the depression is calming down & I'm doing a million times better. Slowly, but surely.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Raggedy Jane

I don't understand why some people can function on 4-5 hours of sleep on a very regular basis. This chick, Princess T, can't! The past few days I've gotten roughly 6 hours and that just doesn't cut it!

Another day, another dollar. Today is Thursday, unlike yesterday when I thought it was Thursday. Payday! YAY! Good thing about today, I can wear jeans to work! Best thing about today...its my Friday! YAY! I have Friday O-F-F!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Ocean Blue

I stare at the computer screen, not sure what I really want to blog about tonight.

For starters, I must say SML is truly one of the best people (at least, one of the best people TO ME!) in the world. What that boy wouldn't do for me, I don't know. (Oh wait, he won't buy me a laptop, a house, and more Tim & Faith tickets) His never-ending love and support continues to surprise me all the time. When I feel like everyone/thing hates me and this world is out to get me...there he is, doing his best to make me smile. I swear, I'd be in some BIG trouble without him.

We got a new computer monitor, at home. I don't like it really...plus it didn't fix what we thought was wrong with our old monitor. ERRRRRRR. Dad also got surround sound and a DVD player for the living room. Gotta love tax returns.

I've got lots of stressing happening within my family. I can't get into the details (waving: Hi Jo!), but let me just say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! At least, through this (new) stress, I knew right away I couldn't solve/fix things on my own...and I turned to God in prayer.

I know that I must take my vitamins daily or else I end up really sick. This has been a problem since I was 17. I hate taking my vitamins. So, every so often I think I'm all better and don't need them. Well, yeah. Guess who is fighting like hell to get well right now? That would be ME! (Especially the part about poor absorption) I left work early yesterday. I felt like I was going to pass out, my head was throbbing, my entire body was aching. I just couldn't function. I knew what the problem was, but of course, the fancy dancy doctor has to take way to much blood to tell me what I know! At work today, Dani asked if I learned my lesson yet. The sad/stupid thing is probably not. I feel A LOT better than yesterday, but still not good by any means.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Nina

Pictures from the work bowling gig! :-)

So, I don't know how this is going to format! The first picture is Amanda & L-I-Z. The 2nd picture is Robert & Grace (doing a shot of beer/tequilla, which just sound gross!), and then that's me & Blondie.

Much thanks to Blondie for the pictures!

Gma is out of town, so I probably will be MIA for awhile...then again, there is always the library. Speaking of the library. They emailed me today. I have a book overdue. I have NO idea where this book is. I'm NOT happy.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Shed

I didn't get to the gym or Church like I wanted to this morning. I didn't know Dad was going to Autorama at the butt crack of dawn, so I had to stay with Mom.

Went to Bean's shower. Mom did decent, but it seemed everything Jo or I said or did made her upset. We left well before she had all the gifts open, but overall I had a decent time. Yes, a decent time at the shower. Maybe because I know her entire family, like I know my own. ;-) I miss her though, I miss the friendship we used to have.

Its Sunday. I must nap or my entire week will go to hell before it even starts. Signed, the girl that doesn't have OCD!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Deceiver

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		7
Words of Affirmation:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Waterfall

My day was long and fun. Not as SUPER fun as I hyped it up in my head to be, but all in all, I had an enjoyable day. The work bowling gig was a blast, like always. The bar after was alright. Then hanging with my friends Shell & Cris was pretty cool. I haven't spent time with them in forever!

I've got so much going on within my head. My depression, my lack of self-esteem, my anxiety, all has me beating myself up emotionally lately...which isn't making anything better. Its all a nasty cycle within my head.

This being single gig is really getting old. Yet, I know until I begin to love myself again, I can't dare love anyone else. Just BLAH. I just know I want to be HAPPY again. Not saying that being in a relationship is the route to my happiness by any means. I just want to be a HAPPY person, which I haven't been since around my birthday, in November. :-
Just BLAH about everything. I think I'm going to drive to Church in the next town over in the AM. I need to go to Church! I do not want to go to Bean's baby shower tomorrow. BLAH!

Red is home this week. I miss him SO much! I need to find time for us to hang out. That will at least, make me smile, for a short while.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Mascara

Its now after midnight...so

Happy Quarter of a Century Birthday ST!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope your 25th birthday (and year!) is great! I know, I know, I'll always be older (and wiser, and I'll be cashing in on my AARP discount before you).

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

I Saw It In The Mirror

Well well well...I'm dead tired, but must clear my head some. I'll spare ya'll the boring details.

My family has really lived by the motto "Quality over quantity" since Mom's health started declining.

Earlier today, I was on the phone with ST. I was complaining about my Mom wanting to go shopping because I had other stuff I'd rather do. ST gently reminded me that I need to cherish time with Mom.

I got home from work, & Mom was very clingy. She wasn't doing that good (but not that bad either). I told her if she rested she could go shopping. Well, she rested. So, off to Target to get Bean's baby shower gift we go...just Mom & I.

We are looking around the baby department, looking at the registry. Blah blah blah. Mom stops responding to me. I see her start to seem like she's sleeping standing up. Grab her, and lay her down on the ground. SEIZURE. Yeah, in the middle of Target, full blown seizure. Target staff was GREAT, the people that stopped to offer help were GREAT (1 special ed teacher, 1 nurses aide, 1 paramedic). 911 was called by the Target staff before anyone even asked me what was going on. I guess, I would have probably done the same thing in their position. She had 2 "grand mal" seizures & a lot of little seizures while waiting for the Ambulance. I stayed VERY calm and was in EMT mode, not daughter mode. ;-) When I first laid her on the ground, I called Dad to give him the heads up. Dad & Jo started on their way to the store. Because Mom was SO disorientated (which is normal after a seizure) she didn't have the ability to refuse transport to the hospital. So, off to the ER we go (Mom & I in the ambulance), Dad & Jo following behind us. Once there, Dad had the power (and also, at this point, Mom was a lot less disorientated) to refuse hospital treatment. So, we left. An adventure to say the least. To my knowledge, this is the first time Mom has had a FULL BLOWN seizure in public. She had a few small ones in Church the time she fell, but that isn't public like Target is.

Now, don't think we are being neglectful or something of Mom because we refused hospital treatment. We know her condition, the hospital ER wasn't going to tell us anything we don't already know. She has epilepsy, she has seizures often. Its (sadly) part of life.

My adreneline rush has died off and I'm ready to pass out. Tomorrow is going to be a long, hopefully FUN & relaxing day. Tomorrow is my work bowling outing, and then a girls night out with Shell & Cris. At least, that's the plan for now!

Yesterday when I posted about Jo having an anger management issue, that was because I was sitting here typing, yet ducking cause she was running around screaming and punching everything in sight, including the wall RIGHT behind me, the door RIGHT next to me. Silly girl! Where I need Pat's prayer...she needs Goofy Tom/Big Troy's prayer.

SML RULES!!!!!!!!! He got me Tim & Faith tickets!!!!!!!!! YAY! YAY! YAY!!!!!! May 5th can't get here soon enough! :-) BTW, for those that don't know...I TOUCHED TIM! ;-)

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is GOOD!!

King Kong Song

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sister has an anger management issue. I can't even think to post more than that right now.

People Need Love

Since I've got a load of laundry that just went into the dryer, I've got time to blog before bed.

This shall be random...but that's me.

American Idol. I still like about 50% of the people left. My favorites are (male) Chris Daughtry & (female) Katharine McPhee. I have the ones I do not like also...Bucky, Brena, Elliott, Sway.

As we all know, my depression has been giving me a real run for the money the past few months. Today was no different. I'm mentally beating myself up over all kinds of things, big & small.

Today was a TERRIBLE day, from the minute I woke up. I rolled over to check the clock, thinking I was getting a lot of sleep. Well, yeah. It was 06:49. My alarm goes off at 05:16. Not a good start. So, I was 1.5 hours late for work. I have NO idea what happened. I wake up at the drop of a pin, I don't hit the snooze really (I do, to shut the alarm up, cause I hate noise...but not to sleep). I tested the alarm tonight and it worked fine. I know the alarm was set, I check it about ten times at night. It only has a low/high volume thing, so its not that the volume was off. ERRRRRRRRRRR! Then, on the way into work...I tried to call Jess to tell her I was going to be LATE and I can't call out! WTF! I haven't sorted matters out with Nextel yet...but I'm not happy. STRESS. I can get calls, I can get & send text messages but I can't make calls. So, I text people and tell them to call me. Whatever. Work sucked...but it always does lately. I'm so lucky I love 95% of the people I work with. There are these reports I send out every day...normally by about 11:00, sometimes later...but always by the time I leave. Yeah, the report that should have went out on Tuesday still isn't done. Today's wasn't started. Audits..yeah right. Haven't touched one of those all week.

Went to the gym after work, came home to get hounded on by my Dad about what was going on with Nextel, about money I owe GMAC (which comes directly out of my checking account the 15th of every month), about household chores, about Mom's medication. ERRRRRRRRRRR. Stress is an understatement.

Out of no where, last night...I realized that my self esteem has gone to hell lately, and it seems to be getting worse instead of better. My self-esteem is something I've always prided myself on. I've had great amounts of self-esteem at times when most chicks don't. Yet, lately...its in the gutter. I can see a handful of things that have probably compounded to make my self-esteem drop, but like I said...I've been through rougher times.

I haven't talked to ST since I left his place early Monday morning. I've left him 2 messages (one Monday when I got home & one tonight) and I haven't heard from him. I know I shouldn't get myself to concerned...because we operate on a relaxed, talk when we talk, level...but just. :-\ See the part about being stressed, anxiety ridden, depressed, etc lately.

Here is a tad bit of a re-cap of my trip...

Thursday: Left straight from work for Cinci. Stop #1, some gas station/subway/taco bell joint off of I-75 about 2 hours into my drive. Well, see...I should always listen to Lerch. She told me before the best gas station/food place to stop...but it was like another 20 miles and I needed to stop NOW. This gas station was also the freaking Greyhound bus station. It was super crowded and full of strange people. It took forever to pee & get nasty Taco Bell. There was some guy yelling at the Taco Bell order taker because Taco Bell didn't have french fries. Stop #2 was much better. It was a rest area, just to pee (yes, we know...I pee OFTEN!). Strange thing, a rest area after dark, all alone...I felt safer then I did at the gas station earlier. Got to ST's & basically went to sleep.

Friday: ST had to work, so I had the day to myself. I was out the door by 10:10. I was going grocery shopping and just out & about. My first stop after grocery shopping was for lunch. I've read Martini & Sarah's blogs, both talk about Chipotle. I knew it was across from the grocery store, next to the mall I wanted to check out. So, I gave it a try. It was TOP NOTCH! YAY!!! After my filling lunch, I went to Cincinnati Mills (a mall, but it was DEAD!) to see if I could find any cute cheap handbags. No luck. BUT...the mall did have a nice scrapbooking store! YAY!!!! I bought some VBS stickers. I wanted to buy LOTS more...but I held back. Then, I got my hair cut at the cheap place by the mall. The chick did a good job! Yes, I get my hair cut at the cheap places. The cheapest is the best. Its only hair, it will grow back. After making a few wrong turns, I finally got back to ST's place. I baked some brownies & started getting dinner prepped. I thought once the brownies were out, I'd have 1.5-2 hours to nap before ST got home. Well, he called as I was getting ready to lay down. No OT today. He was on his way home. CRAP. I had to make the bed & get out of pajamas in like 2 minutes. He only works like 3 miles down the road. Friday night, I made dinner & we played games...rummy, trival puesuit (which, I won! Okay...I was winning but we quit before we finished).

Saturday...ST slept in. ST made us breakfast. He almost burned down the place. ;-) He used a new pan and it made the place get all stinky and smoky. We did a little bit of running around. He taught me (a little bit) of how to play different poker games. We went out for dinner/drinks. I enjoyed myself a lot at dinner, got some not that important, but important to me, things off my chest. That night was ended by me loosing $$$. I thought I was talented enough to play poker for $. I can't hide anything from anyone. Poker isn't my game.

Sunday...I went to Church. Took my Sunday afternoon nap, without having to fight with ST to much! Then ST watched some movies that were on tv and I played online. Later, ST made us a nice dinner, then we rented a movie with the cool on demand thing. The movie wasn't that good. Then I got all emotional and we went to bed.

I enjoyed myself so much. To get away from here, to spend quality time with someone that knows/understands me. I can't help but laugh at some things we do, because we are just so relaxed around each other.

Laundry should be dry. I should get some sleep. Tomorrow, I think I'm going to work, to the gym, home, taking Mom shopping (for a shower gift, for a shower, that I don't know for sure if/how she is going), doing housework. Weeeeee...my brain is in OVERLOAD.

SML is getting sick. :-( I hope he's feeling better soon. He can't be sick. He's been my rock so much lately. I hate feeling like I can't be there for him, the way he is for me!

Oh yeah...someone else won MY mega millions jackpot. Jerkball.

T out.