Shut Up And Kiss Me

I just got done wasting 3 hours of my life watching The Bachelorette. I had read tons of spoilers on the show and kept hoping they were wrong. Sadly they were all correct.

I hate being a girl sometimes, at least the emotional parts that come with it.

I'm sick of being single. Yet, I know what I want and what I don't want and am NOT going to settle, just to not be single. I miss having someone to cuddle with, to talk to for hours on end about everything and nothing, not holding back, having someone to spend time with doing everything and nothing, to be loved, to be able to love. Blah blah blah.

I'm so whiny and crappy. PMS, Manic Depressant, and the flu. If I make it through the week without being REALLY sick, I'll be so happy!! Oh wait, I can NOT be sick on Saturday. Its bowling for work!

I'm thinking about not going to work tomorrow, kinda mental health day, kinda want to fight this flu before it does me in, kinda don't want to drive in 6-8 inches of snow. We shall see.

T out.

Running On Empty

I can tell I'm starting to go down hill mentally. Ah well. I knew it was coming, I know it won't last forever. In the mean time, I'm just going to sleep as much as possible and avoid people. That's the safest way for everyone.

I know when I'm in one of my moods, I take everything more personal.

I've decided that I need to go back to keeping more inside and on this blog, instead of thinking I have friends I can vent to. Apparently the ones that I thought were there for me, really don't like listening to me.

Okay, I'm taking a nap NOW.

T out.

Places I've Never Been

I admit that I'm spoiled, think I'm a little princess, and basically believe the world should revolve around me. I like things to go my way. I didn't say I'm proud of those qualities, just saying I have them. From the time I was born, most people have given me my way with little fighting. (My parents, my grandparents, ST) My way usually is logical, best, at least, I think it is. Sometimes people (my Grandparents!) give me my way so they don't have to deal with the monster I become if things don't go how I see hit. The first few times that ST and I fought I took it REALLY hard, because I'm not used to getting my boat rocked. Call me a brat, I'm used to it.

Tonight, Yahoo Euchre won't work! I'm NOT happy. I want to play euchre right now. Not in 2 hours, not tomorow, NOW! I need my brain to shut down and that's a very effective way. ERRRRRRRRR!

Peace, love, and snottiness to all.

Chrome

Nothing really to report.

I went back to sleep about 6am and slept until after noon! Yay! Spent the rest of the afternoon running around the house like a mad woman! Cooking and doing laundry. How come my chicken bacon never turns out as well as my Gma W's?

My mom's best friend came over to visit today. She's so cool...in a weird/churchy way. One of Jo's best buds came over to visit today. He's moving about 500 miles away on Friday. I'm very sad to see him go. He's so cool!!!!!

Mom has a CRAZY week of doctors appointments/tests ahead of her. I pray that she makes it thru it okay but sadly I'm not hopeful. All the sitting she'll have to do (in the car, at the offices) alone is enough to do her in right now. I just give it to God, don't worry, and know things will turn out his way, on his time.

Jo, her bud, and I went to Church tonight. We were watching a film called "The Jesus Film." Highly recommended! We even got to have punch and popcorn in the sanctuary!

I keep having crazy dreams about my car. I turn it in in about 3.5 weeks. I'm SO worried something is going to happen to it. I've had a few dreams about getting in accidents, never my fault, of course. Then last night I had a dream I was at my old church (about 1/2 a mile from where I bowl, where a friend's car got stolen a month ago) for Sunday morning service and my car got stolen. Paranoid, I know.

My plan is to work 8-4 all week. I doubt it will happen like that.

That's all she wrote.

She Thinks My Tractor Is Sexy

So, I spent from 9:30am until 5:30pm at a wrestling tourney. Fun stuff. All the kids we went to watch took 1st or 2nd. 2 of them had to wrestle each other in finals, which kinda sucked. You could tell they weren't wrestling their hardest. I was 100% exhausted. I don't function well on 3 hours sleep!

I called my BIL to see where the boys were wrestling tomorrow. They QUIT! I'm shocked! I could see TOY quitting, but JM was SO into it. Basically, they were sick of waking up at 6am every Sunday and John was sick of fighting about it with them. They claim they are going to play basketball not wrestle now. We shall see. I'm a tad disappointed because I like wrestling so much. I'll get over it quick, especially when I don't have to wake up so early on Sundays!

I came home and passed out for 8 hours. No hanging out with Clown tonight.

T out.

Drugs or Jesus

Yes, I'm still awake.

I forgot the update on my always lovely Mom. She's doing okay right now. She had a bad few days, doesn't remember most of the past week. Blah blah blah, we go down that road often. She falls ALL the time. Seriously, at least 5 times a week, she falls out of bed, down the back steps, etc. We are so used to it, that we basically just pick her up, brush her off, and try not to laugh. Last Thursday, she fell 2 times (that we know of). She was REALLY whiny that her back hurt. Her back hurts ALL the time, that's what happens when you have spinobifidia and tumors where you have no bones. Well, her & Jo had appointments with their orthopedic surgeon about 18 hours ago.

Turns out that Mom fractured her sacrum. There isn't anything that can be done for it, just some high quality drugs and rest. I feel a little bad for not giving her sympathy, but she's cried wolf a ton! I picked up the Oxycodene from the pharmacy on my way home from work. I keep telling her that they aren't for her, that Dad & I are selling them on the street and taking a vacation, but she doesn't think I'm funny. Good thing, Dad & I think I'm funny.

That's all she wrote.

Zoot Suit Riot

My brain is like kasjdf;lka8dsvKLjLlj KJSAFlk8adsf8sadf kjas;lk*Dskhads;alksjflakd jv;la 8asfd; at the moment. Grand!

My new word is Grant. No more joy. Everything is grand.

At about 8pm, I went to bed. I was out for the night or so I thought. Then at about 11:30pm, Jo & Dad saw the need to make all kinds of noise, go up & down the stairs 100 times, yell from the living room to the computer room to each other, etc. So, now its after 2am, I'm wide awake & I have to be ready to leave my house at 8:25am. Grand.

Remember yesterday, I was loving my co-workers. Today, I'm about ready to throw them through a window. I'm becoming good friends with one of the guys in my department. I stopped at Tim Hortons this morning for myself & decided to grab him a donut too. I'm just nice like that sometimes. I'm going to (probably) hang out with him tomorrow. (He needs a name...Clown, that's it) A few people over heard us making plans, him thanking me for the donut, just us talking in general. Now, EVERYONE is blowing it way out of proportion. Grace spent her entire day making kissing noises at me. Seriously, its NOT like that. Clown got a call from our HR department. He's got an interview with our real company (we are contract) for an IT position on Tuesday. I would LOVE for him to get it, for his benefit but I'd hate him leaving my department, especially if he works at the other building! He seriously has me laughing all day long.

I bought a new CD case tonight. I was having to put 2 CDs in 1 spot, and had 3 different cases. Now, I still have 3 cases (and 1 totally empty one). I bought a new 96 cd case, its full. Then my cool yellow case is about 1/2 full, then my small old case has all my Christmas music in it. I couldn't believe I have like 150 CD's! I would probably have a few more if ST & I would have ever seperated out our CD's. I know he has some of mine and I noticed at least 2 of his that I have. Oh well.

Speaking of ST. I mentioned to Shell last night, before (say mid December) ST had some stuff of mine. Stuff I wanted but when we exchanged stuff, I forgot. Early January, when ST & I were back to getting along, I thought about taking that stuff but didn't, because we were getting along. Now, I could careless about that stuff. Stuff is basically 2 fancy glasses. Its not worth the headache.

So, I'm supposed to be in the truck, ready to go, at 8:25am, spend 50 minutes in the car, go to a wrestling tourney all day, spend another 50 minutes in the car, take a nap, drive 75 miles to hang out with Clown, drive another 75 miles home. Sunday, I'm out the door at 8:30am for another wrestling tourney...JM & TOY this time. I am going to kill that alarm clock one day soon. Then come Monday, the 6am grind stone will be back. Grand.

Oh yeah, back to work. Clown, myself, & Kris were getting excited about our bowling thing next weekend. Well, the new girl that asked to bowl with us, I'm ready to kill her! One of those most annoying things to me is know it alls. Yeah, she's one. I even pulled Grace into the hallway today to talk about it, because I didn't know how to really (nicely) deal with it. I so wish I could kick this new girl off the team. Guess Clown, Kris, & I will have to hit the bar early & often. The annoying girl is the only person that is under age & the only good bowler (so she claims).

T out.

My Give A Damn Is Busted

Have I mentioned how cool all the people I work with are? Seriously, if I didn't have them to put a smile on my face all the time, I would only like my job sometimes. I love my job most of the time and that's so cool! Now, if only the pay was better.

I'm done lusting over the guy in the break room. Blondie created a small scene and introduced us the other day. He's not that cute now that I got a good look. He's OVERLY nerdy. (Example: He graduated from a large/good University in 3 years with a degree in Economics.) Plus, Blondie has informed me that he has a huge bubble butt. I don't know for sure, since I only ever see him seated in the break room.

I'm determined I'm going to be single forever. Its not a happy subject right now, and since over all I'm in a decent mood, I'll just save that bitch for when I'm in a pissy mood.

Shell & I were going to hang out with my work friends tonight...but NO! My work friends had to mess everything up. So, Shell & I did what we do best. No, not the bar scene. Dinner & Shopping! We did damn good to leave the big mall spending less then $20 between us! I did see a cute t-shirt that I need! "Everyone loves a Country Girl!" Yep, that's me. I also saw some cute bar shirts. Once I get my new car next month, I'm going shopping!

Its been a long day...I'm spent.

I think I'm chilling like a villian all weekend. Yay!!!!!!!!

T out.

Chain of Love

I'm alive. Been busy. Unless they open up OT at work, I'll only be working my set 6 hours the rest of the week.

I think Shell & I are getting together tomorrow.

Blondie created a scene at work today.

I'm off to MHSAA Wrestling Regionals shortly.

Blah blah blah, lots to say, no time.

T out.

Disarm

Yay! Yay! Yay!

1) Mom knows what is going on today.

2) My car is driveable & pretty.

3) It didn't cost me anything to get the stupid lugnut lock taken off!

Work sucked today. I was there at 7:04am. Obviously the roads weren't that bad. Until about 10am, yeah, I just wanted to scream. Some guy swore at me because I asked for his area code and he gave me his zip code 5 times. I'm updating my resume. I don't know why really, but there might be a need for it. Shit is starting to go down there and I'm just not liking how things are being handled.

I'm really entertained that my work friends think I'm quiet! At work, I'm very serious, do my work, socialize later...but I can't believe they think I'm quiet! I was explaining to 2 of them today, that I might be social phobic (like I just won't plop myself down at Jason's lunch table and strike up a conversation like Blondie is trying to force me to do) but when I know the people I'm not quiet. I'm usually pretty opposite of quiet.

Decisions, decisions...American Idol or 7th Heaven?!

T out!

"Thank You For Spitting On Me"

I'm going to give myself about 3.5 hours to make it to work. If I'm still late, yeah, they can screw off.

I slept for shit. Worried about the drive today, plus I have to step outside of my comfort level today. I have to call the car dealership and get some info about my wheel lock. Joy. I hate being so damn social phobic sometimes.

I guess social phobicness of mine is similar to my friends' smoking habit. Interesting. Gives me something to ponder today.

T out.

I'm Already There

I hate when others waste my time. Its one of the worst things a person can do to me.

I just wasted 31 minutes of my life talking to (actually listening) to JJ. She called, Jo saw it was her, sets the phone down, she didn't want to answer it. I take it and say "Jo, be nice." Yeah, right. All she did was bitch for 31 minutes. She's always right, never wrong. She complained about our parents, her job, Jo, her children, her roommate. You name it. Everyone needs a place to vent, I know that. Its just hard listening to her vent since 1) she has this "I'm Perfect" attitude. 2) I don't like her. I wish I could like her, but I just don't.

I haven't napped yet. Load #3 is in the washer. 3 more loads sitting on the floor still to go in. The weather sucks, I should go to Gma's now and stay there but I don't want to be there all alone all evening. Blah blah blah. I'm whiny.

Nothing To Lose

So, my exhausted butt didn't make it to Church. Its snowing pretty good here, so I doubt my butt will be going to evening service. Ah well, I'll live to talk about it and if I don't live to talk about it, I'll die and still be living to talk about it, just ya'll won't be around to hear it (yet, hopefully). Now, who is all confused with that sentance?

I haven't been down stairs yet. I can hear Gma talking and I just don't want to deal with her yet. I realllllllllllllllllllly need to do laundry, so I guess I'll have to venture downstairs at some point today. If I don't get at least 1 load of laundry done, I won't be going to work tomorrow.

I'm feeling a little bit guilty about this work bowling shin dig. When I first asked some people if they wanted to bowl, one of the guys was like "You can join my cousin's team with me." Well, blah blah blah, I ended up not going on that team and started my own. It turns out that Robert's cousin didn't get their team registered in time (the posters are really confusing about signing up, if you are a newbie). I didn't even start forming a team until 2 weeks after that 1st team, yet I'm bowling and they aren't.

I think its nap time.

Peace, love, and naps to all.

Gods Will

I've been exhausted the past few days. I am just getting home at 5am. SMART. I never claimed to be the sharpest crayon in the box. When my alarm goes off at 9:45am tomorrow, I'm going to be such a gem to deal with.

Bowling was better then most bowling nights as of recent. My ability to bowl wasn't that grand. My "team" (ha...that's a joke) lost all 7 points. Since Shell's team was right next to mine, I spent most of my time over there. Shell's ex continued to prove he's an ass. I really liked him when they were together, heck, I even liked him when they first broke up (the final time). The boy has done nothing but be an immature, drunk, dick to her and anyone that she associates with lately.

I made the sexually frusterated mistake of calling ST tonight. I'm glad he's still just dumping my calls to voice mail.

I was about 15 miles into my drive home, chatting with a friend. Decided to turn around and go out. Some food, drinks, fooseball, and more drinks. I decided that it probably was a good idea to not drive right away, so we chatted & chilled. Good time was had by all. I feel a little bad, cause I told Shell I was going home but yeah, plans change and she'll live.

Yes, I'm still sexually frusterated.

T out.

Devil Without A Cause

Go Little Cow, Go Little Cow, Go Little Cow GO!!!!!!!!!!!

When one goes to a rodeo, if you want to live, don't yell the above statement during the calf roping event! Okay, so the people let me live, but they surely did look at me funny. The rodeo was SO much fun. I'm marrying a cowboy. I'm buying a farm. I want horses. I want a cowboy hat. I want to save a horse (and ride a cowboy). Hehehe. I was so excited about the rodeo that I was crying!

I'm still tired. Actually, tired is an understatement. I've got a busy weekend so who knows when I'll catch up on sleep.

Sunday, I might go to Church with my friend from work. He attends a church that speaks latin and I think the experience would be neat. That would be the same friend that's being a butthead cause I missed his hockey game. Oh well, he'll get over it or we will meet at the flagpole. He's so annoyed that there are "secrets" in our office. Boys. They just don't understand.

Blondie talked to the boy in the break room today. She learned his name, age, where he graduated from, when he started with our company, and what department he works in. Of course, she forgot his department by the time she talked to me. He's a baby! He's only 21. I would have NEVER guessed he was that young.

I ordered a movie last weekend, that I had REALLY been wanting. It arrived today. Yay! To tired to watch it tonight. I've got some research I've got to do online for my Dad still, before I can call it a night.

That's all she wrote.

Meet In The Middle

I'm alive. I'm tired. That's probably an understatement.

Been busy at work, at home. Good thing I don't have much of a social life sometimes.

I think I am going to the rodeo tomorrow night. Coolio!

T out.

Lonely

Jess & I decided we are going to be single forever. We are both picky and know what we want and definitly what we don't want. I'd rather be single then settle. One of the ladies got tons of flowers today (it was her 25th wedding anniversary). I want flowers sent to my work. Guess I better call a florist and send myself some.

So, I packed a lunch today. I took lunch about 30 minutes earlier, when the cute random guy was in the break room. Grace & Blondie were wanting to create a scene, but thankfuly they were to busy. I need someone to break the ice, cause we all know I'm anti-social but I don't need a scene created.

I talked with the lady in charge of the entire bowling event again today. She's going to send me some forms thru company mail, that we have to fill out and send back. I'm glad she's so friendly and helpful. I've probably asked her 100 stupid questions by now. Gotta love newbies.

Speaking of bowling. I was chatting with Shell earlier. Our regular bowling league bowls on Saturday. Joy. We agree that it sucks that we dislike bowling so much. All week long, I'm like "Yay, another wasted Saturday night."

Jo & I are going to Church tonight. I really don't want to go, but that means I really should go.

Mom isn't having a good day. She tried so hard to make dinner. She wanted to make a roast, with carrots, celery, and potatoes along with some corn bread. Well, she put onion soup mix in with the corn bread mix and then forgot the carrots and potatoes. She's finally sleeping. Yay! She's home alone tomorrow, until I get home then I get to Mom sit until I go to work on Friday, when she'll be home alone again. I hate her being home alone, it stresses me out like no other! Remember is quality over quantity.

Peace, love, and hunger to all.

Wild Angel

Boy, I surely don't spell good or proof read well either!

I was going back looking for the post were I mentioned Shell going to Vegas, in the process of looking for it I found 4 errors. Two, I took the time to correct, the other 2...yeah, whatever. I get the basics of what I am trying to say. One day in my dream world, I'll have a fast computer with a high speed internet connection and I could actually spell check things. Well, a girl can dream.

That's all she wrote.

My Valentine

I'm so irritated right now. I feel like I start so many post irritated and or annoyed.

Most people I know 1) Don't leave their phones on while in school and 2) Don't reply to text messages while in school.

I had a small melt down regarding my blog (because I was having a huge blonde moment) so I called SML. I left him a snotty message telling him to call me as soon as he could. He replied to a text message I sent him less then 20 minutes earlier, didn't think he was still at school, especially since his phone rang thru to voicemail. He called me back about 5 minutes later 100 times snottier then I was and basically yelled at me for calling him while he was at school and then hung up on me. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Shell mentioned today that she was reading here. I basically got busted about 1 of my reasons for not wanting to go to Vegas. Oh well. She decided I need a boy. No shit, Sherlock!

I showed Grace & Jess the guy at work that I think is really cute. Neither of them no who he is but now Grace is on a mission. Great. Disaster waiting to happen.

SML just called and I had to dump him to VM. I'm just not in the mood to deal with him. The message he left me was like nothing was wrong. Hello, you were just all snotty with ME and hung up on ME.

Okay, I'm going to sleep NOW. I didn't nap today and its getting obvious.

T out.

Who's Cheating Who?

This has been the most laid back uneventful Valentine's Day that I remember having since I was about 16. It was SO nice! I didn't even have to drop a dime on a card or anything! Its not that I mind spending money, I mind spending money when prices are jacked up because Hallmark or whoever tells us we need to buy cards.

Jo & I were watching 7th Heaven. They were ALL making a HUGE deal out of Valentine's Day. Jo & I realized we are odd or something. Valentine's Day just isn't a big deal to us, it never has been to my parents, so I guess that's where we get it from.

After work, I had to stop at Meijer for cat food. Joy. I was entertained by the 20 guys scrabbling in the card aisle, grabbing flower, balloons, and candy too. Seriously, if you are going to celebrate Valentine's Day, be a little creative.

I got a Valentine's Card in the mail from my Grandparents in FL. They are SO cool! They are some of my FAVORITE people in the world! No matter how old I am, I still get cards for all the silly holidays. Its great! For those that think my Grandparents spoil me rotten, there was NOTHING (no cash, no check, no gas/food/phone card) in the card. Just a sweet card to know they were thinking about me. Made me smile! I also got a cool email from one of my girlfriends last night. Its so nice to know that my friends & family love me!

I don't dislike Valentine's Day...I just really could care less. Now, all the lovey dovey crap that's been on the radio and TV today has NOT helped my huge desire to be cuddled.

AOL recently has switched their message boards over to a new format. I hate it for many reasons, but since the changes really went into affect, I haven't been able to get to the boards 50% of the time. ANNOYING.

Growing up I never had a bed time. From as long as I can remember (about age 4, when I started school), I went to bed when I was tired. My family uses the eat & sleep when you are hungry & tired gig. I have NEVER had to finish all my food either. Well, except when I had a mean babysitter, but that's a different story. Its what works for us. Tonight, at about 10:10pm, I am channel surfing on the living room couch. Dad comes out of his bedroom to get Mom something to drink and says "T, you should go to bed soon. You need your sleep." LMAO! I could count on 1 hand how many times I've been asleep for the night at 10pm in the past year. About 10 minutes later he came out again and was like "Didn't you hear me? I said you need sleep." Since I avoid as much conflict with my family as possible, I just came upstairs. I'm so lucky that I have a bathroom, bedroom, computer/scrapbooking/work out room all on the 2nd floor. If I only had a fridge/freezer, I'd be all set.

I worked 8.25 hours today. I left my office at 4pm, basically because I was DEAD tired and getting no where. Jess asked how late I was staying and I said "Until my work is done." She looked at me and said "T, it will all be there for you in the morning, get out of here." I think we both knew 1) I was tired and dragging 2) I had SO much to do, I could have easily been there until 6pm. You don't have to tell me twice! As I was trying to wrap things up so I could leave, she tells me that there is a meeting with Phil in the morning. GREAT. We knew it was a matter of time before shit hit the fan about how things went down while he was on vacation. Add on, that we got 4 new people today too...4 people that we don't have desks for. It was a CRAZY Monday to say the least.

The bowling event was all taken care of. I faxed the sheet to the lady in charge. All I had to do was collect everyone's money and sent it over to her with tomorrow's company mail. As I was going around reminding everyone that I needed the $ tomorrow the LAST person on my team decided he can't bowl. Of course, this was after I faxed the sheet, and it wasn't until I approached him about it. Why didn't he tell me this earlier? Annoyed...yep. So I found someone to replace him, but I haven't gotten it okay with the lady in charge. I'm not even going to call her about it until I get all the money and have that ready to send over. My team did get the last team slot. Yay! 50 teams, I don't know if they all are full 6 people teams or what. I want the silly paper work part done, I just want to bowl, drink, have fun, do a dance, sing a song.

Okay...I'm tired.

T out.

Autobiography

I was screaming bloody murder about blogger for the past 24 hours. It wouldn't let me log in. I reset my password. I had SML try to log in from his house, for me. Nothing! Since I couldn't blog in the middle of my sleepless night, I headed over to Yahoo to play some euchre. It won't let me long in. Hmmm. Someone (Dad) switched some settings on the computer to reject all cookies! Changed that around and bingo bango, I can play euchre & blog. Yay!

JM & TOY didn't wrestle. John was sick and God-forbid if JJ had to act like a parent and pay for an event ONE time. At least JJ did remember to call & tell me they weren't going! Miracles happen once in awhile.

So, Jo & I went to Church. It was PACKED! It was baptism Sunday. The children were in the sanctuary, plus those getting baptised had guests, but it was still cool to see it so packed! I was baptised as a baby in a Methodist Church. If I remember (from reading my baby book) correctly, I was about 3 months old. Within the Nazarene Church (the denomination that I have attended/been a memeber of since I was about 12) babies are dedicated. Baptism is something that a person does when they are old enough to make that decision to give themself to Christ. Its a choice you make yourself, not one your parents make for me. We had 11 people get baptismed on Sunday. They ranged in age from 6-probably 40. It was such a cool cool thing! When Jo got baptised (in the Nazarene Church, she was 9) we did it at our Church Campgrounds, in the lake. They have a huge bathtub type thing built in our Church for baptisms. Like I said, it was just great! After service I wanted to go talk to the man that did our service last Wednesday night (Pastor was busy with the Baptism group) but I couldn't make my way up front easily and he was busy playing with his camcorder anyways.

At evening service (I'll say it for you, SML...thump thump thump), it was really waying on my heart that I had to talk to Troy, to let him know that his message meant alot to me, really finally made something hit home! Tonights service was about missions. It was good. I am 100% determined to go on a Work & Witness trip ASAP. I'm really going to get on Mrs. R & Pastor about it. Work & Witness is like a mission trip basically. I feel like its something that God is calling me to do. I'm almost ready to switch my membership to this Church too. There is an Church Election coming up & I won't be able to vote. I just don't want to have to stand up in front of the Church & do the song & dance gig to become a member. I think since I'm just "transferring" I won't have to, but I don't know. I wouldn't have a huge issue with the classes if I had to do that again, I just don't want the song and dance infront of 100+ people on any given Sunday. After Church, Troy was in the back near the coat rack. I shook his hand and let him know his message on Wednesday meant alot to me, I tried to explain myself a little bit, but it didn't come out as well as I wanted it to, but I go the important part out.

I grew up in a Church of 50 people on a good day. I mean, everyone knew everyone's everything. The pastor spoon feed me everything. He's one of the biggest reasons I'm who I am today. Pastor would stop by my house weekly to check on us just because. We saw him AT LEAST 2 days a week...usually 4. From the oldest person to the tiniest baby, we were a family. A Church family not binded by our blood but the blood of Christ. We were an EXTREMELY poor (finanically) Church but we had so much love for Christ and each other that it didn't matter.

I have been struggling greatly with the size of this new Church. From the 1st day I stepped foot in there (back in the Fall of 1999), I was overwhelmed by the size. It averages about 100 people, probably has about 300 members. Its definitly not the tight knit type that I was used to. This Church is in the process of building a new Church. Part of Troy's message was how we should want to build 2 new Churches in our city if need be, that we should want everyone in God's house with us. HELLO T. That's the answer! You want these people to be finding the Lord!

My God is an awesome God! My bible is still MIA and its really starting to bother me. My bible was a gift for my 18th birthday from the Pastor of my tiny Church and is very special to me. I could get another bible but that's not the whole point! A new bible study starts on 4/4, so I better find it well before then!

The weather is sucking right now! Its icing. I'm leaving for work at about 6am. Joy. If I allow 3 hours and I'm still late, they can kiss my butt!

SML has been such a great friend lately. I know he's bothered by all my thump thump thumping, but that's okay. I'll pray for him. I am really lucky to have him as my friend. I don't think I've ever had a FRIEND like him before. Someone that 1) tells me like it is! 2) is there for me when/why/how/where ever 3) cares about me no matter how much mud we have dragged each other thru. He agreed to marry me if we are both single when I turn 35. So, a little less then 9 years & 9 months. All he'll have to do is quit smoking and turn his life over to Christ. Yay! He'd even let me homebirth my future babies without much of an arguement.

Today is Valentine's Day. For the majority, I think Valentine's Day is a Hallmark Holiday. Doesn't mean I won't except candy, cards, flowers, jewelry, etc. My issue with the holiday is, I would rather my (non-existant) significant other acknowledge that they care about me on any random day (when prices aren't jacked up!) then some day that Hallmark has basically glorified.

I'm dying to be cuddled with right now. WTF is wrong with me? I'm the girl that doesn't like to be touch 98% of the time. Why am I going thru cuddling fits?

Oh yeah, there was another red-head boy at Church this morning. Never seen him before, but yeah...easy on the eyes!

That's all she wrote...

Miss Being Mrs

Annoyed. Yep, that's the best word for how I feel at the moment.

I was really hyper. Crazy hyper. Literally bonusing off walls. Which really means I'm SUPER tired. So, I tell Jo, I'm going to take a nap that if/when they figured out what was going on to wake me up and then wake me up again and again until I got up to do whatever with them. She didn't budge me once and now they aren't home.

On top of that...there is a freshly printed piece of paper in the printer tray. Its a registration form for AmericanSingles.com. It has my Dad's email address and date of birth on it, says Man seeking Woman.

Dad's running around like a big jerk right now because he lost a piece of paper he needs for his taxes. He was running around like a big jerk early because he lost one of my Mom's meds.

My nap (that Jo should have already woken me up from) was going well until the moron kid across the street got his dirt bike out. Listen here Shawn...you almost died on that thing at least once, seriously! You spent a long time in the hospital, lost some of your organs, had to switch to the alternative school, will walk with a limp forever...give it up already. Or at least go ride the thing on the north east side of your million acres. Even better...go play at a friend's house. If you must play at home, your golf cart seems much safer (quieter!) to me!

Mom is laying in bed, cause she doesn't feel well. I don't believe her. I feel bad that I don't believe her that she doesn't feel well. She is just pissed because Dad made her go to the dentist today, Dad's making her go to the special dentist and keep all her upcoming appointments. She thinks we LIKE taking her to 100 appointments a day. I know that her health sucks, but geeeez...by now, get off your pitty pot. That's what you have been dealt...deal with it. I understand that she's going to be pissy and depressed about how her life is turning out but seriously...to be depressed over it and bitchy daily is getting OLD.

I think I need OUT right now. I think I'm going to call my locals.

That's all she wrote.

Toy Solider

I found a notebook in my backpack. It had some things written in it from 2/14, 2/16, 2/19 of 2004. Very often most of what I write is sad stuff, trying to sort thru my head. I usually love reading stuff I wrote later, to see where I am at now & how I dug myself out of that hole. The stuff I just read (which I tossed out because I don't want to go back to that point again) was some of the deepest, most depressing time in my life. 02/19/04 I hit my low of lows. I wrote a letter and started to attempt suicide. My mom found me about 10-20 pills into my crazy stupid attempt. ST was so angry with me. My mom was just scared. I was just a mess. I was taking anything and everything I could find. I was sick for most of the next 2 days.

The other 2 notes in that book were letters to ST. I often write letters to people but don't give them out. Apparently we were fighting, he wasn't listening to me, I was being unappericative, etc. I so often made the mistake of taking ST for granted.

I'm so glad that mentally I am at the place I am today. The other day, I was getting off the Interstate, and was getting angry about something. I said (outloud, to myself) "Calm down T, God won't give you anything you can't handle. It will work out how God wants." Then last night, while playing online (shopping really), I found myself scribblng I heart God, he's so cool. I had prayed SO much about my current financial situation. Let me just say...

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I don't have to pay my $500 deductable!! Yipppppppeeeee! You have NO idea how much easier this makes things. Heck, I can eat next week.

Got stuff to do...

T out.

Jesus Is The River Of Love

Here I sit in tears. Sometimes I really just DISLIKE my family. Oh happy Friday night. Oh happy birthday party to TOY. I came upstairs to get away from my Dad & JJ because they pissed me off. I just walked away, they weren't even in the same room as me when I came upstairs. Then about 3 minutes later Dad came up to get me, to come downstairs. I tell him (while looking straight ahead at the monitor still) that they pissed me off and I am cool up here. He then says "I don't give a fuck asshole." Nice.

I was in such a great mood too. Singing and dancing around at the joys of life, full of energy. Now, I just sit and cry because they pissed me off. I seriously went into seeing JJ with a good attitude today. She's been here less than 45 minutes and I'm ready for her to go. I just can't stand being around her. I can't stand the way she has raised my nephews. TOY is 7 now and still doesn't know how to say Thank You. I'm just annoyed so easily right now. I wish they (namely Dad & JJ) would just kiss my butt.

I had good happy things to write, but forget it. I'm to pissed right now.

T out.

My Internet Girl

Now that I'm caught up with the stuff I wrote out...

I'm Mom-sitting tonight. She was a PITA for awhile when I 1st got home. I got her to take about a 30 minute nap and things were MUCH better. We even went to the Dollar Tree to pick up some stuff for tomorrow. We made signs and decorated for tomorrow. We're having a small Birthday Party for TOY tomorrow.

I actually talked to Mom some on the drive home from the store. I doubt she'll remember it, but I felt good to clear the air some. I told her what my real issue with her is. I explained that I can handle her health issues. I understand (more then ANYONE in this house!) her mental problems but I can't handle her mental instability. I also let it be known that ST & I aren't on speaking terms. That I'm done with the situation. I explained to her that, in general, I'm content with my life.

Work has been really cool lately, on a social level! We have our annual social/charity bowling event coming up. A few days ago, I was asked people if they wanted to do it. I was getting annoyed with the process & basically gave up. Yesterday one of the guys in my department approached me and asked if I wanted to bowl with him and his cousin (she works nights in our dept). I told him no, cause I wasn't going to have the money in time. So, he went about his business & filled his team. Then today, it was brought to my attention that the $ shouldn't be an issue. Within 4 hours I had a team full of great people! 2 guys, 4 girls. We are going to have so much fun!!!! I'm really excited! Its cool cause I actually see myself becoming friends with these people outside of work. I'm expanding my social circle. Yay. I'm having to take charge of my team & make sure it gets registered and stuff. Stepping outside of my social phobic box.

My plans for the weekend include partying with my nephews tomorrow. Then some cleaning, sleeping, and scrapbooking for the rest of the weekend. Yay!

T out.

Life's A Dance

Well, I'm alive. I'm hanging in there. The computer has been out of order for about a week. I actually did some writing on paper to keep my brain straight. Now, I'm going to actually type them here. I'm so silly.

YMCA
02/06/05 19:02

Happy 7th Birthday TOY!

Super Bowl XXIX. I'm really impartial about who wins. If I win $, its all good. Super Bowl 40 (XL, LX?!) is in Detroit! Yay!!!! What I wouldn't give to be there! I'm sure I'll be sick of all the hype by then.

Our lovely computer has biten the buttet again. So, I'm writing this out, the old fasion pen & paper way with the idea I might type this out later, but more so, to just get my thoughts and happenings out on paper.

Smile Bitch! We bowled last night. I bowled well, if I do say so myself. I carry a 123 average this season. The past 2 years I averaged 122. I'm pretty consistant obviously. I can't take bowling very seriously unlike Jo & Dad. Well last night I bowled 149, 162, and 148. Go me! Joe didn't grace us with his presence. So, our team was just P & I. Joy. She was being snoty before we were even in the door. I heart my girl Shell! For the 1st game she came down every time she wasn't bowling. J got there, so then she stayed by her lanes more. J cracks me up. Rumor has it someone is getting laid, yet she's still bitchy & can't smile. J wanted to take her notebook & write "Smile Bitch!" I was literally laughing so loud I was snorting. After bowlling Shell, J, Jo & I were going to eat but J was getting crabby & decided it was going to be to late, he wasn't hungry any more, blah blah blah.

Joe Joe
02/06/05 21:14

I'm 7 pts away from $250. Boy oh boy would that make life easier. McCarthy put on a kick ass 1/2 time show! Dad was singing & dancing & playing his air guitar. Jo and I got yelled at for laughing. My two favorite commericals so for were for Mustang & Amheiser Busch.

I got a call from John at 6:54 today. He called to let me know JM & TOY were sick and not wrestling. I'm so glad he called. I would of been PISSED if I drove 70 miles one way for them to not be there. JJ called later today, the boys aren't sick she claims, they just didn't want to go. She also claims they are coming out next weekend. Don't watch me hold my breathe.

Darn it! 14-14 end of the 3rd. No $ for me. So far only 2nd quarter has been $ for any one in my dept.

In The Navy
02/06/05 21:35

For the 1st time in a couple of weeks ST is on my mind, making my heart & eyes heavy. No tears, just the same hurt & anger. I'm missing my friend. Last year we had a big Super Bowl bash at his new apartment. It was a lot of fun. His toliet backed up & with like 13 seconds left in a 3 point game I was yelling at hime to fix it! Silly me. Part of me wants to break down & call him after the game but the bitch in me won't. I'll call SML. He'll tell me how it is. Knock sense back into my head & I'll call it a night. Plus ST has probably been drinking which means Jeckell/Hyde.

I just thumbed thru the notebook I'm writing this in. I have notes in it from 2002 when ST was trying to teach me some simple computer stuff.

Wham! That is me hitting myself upside the head. ST does not deserve a phone call from me. He doesn't deserve a friend in me. He ended things in an email, avoided my calls and still hasn't had the balls to call me. ERRRRRRRRR! I wish I didn't miss my friend.

I was telling a friend last weekend, for the 1st time in a LONG time, I'm emotionally single, emotionally ST-less. Its so odd to me. I'm loving just being ME! I hate feeling like I'm going to be single forever though. I don't know how to date, I'm anti-social, I'm so complicated. My family is crazy. No one is ever going to want to deal with me. Okay, I know that's not true...but still!

During the sumer of 2002 I made a list of things I wanted to do by age 30. I don't have that exact list anymore, but I know most of the things on it. Back to working on that list...

• Be bad debt free
• Get a tatoo
• Go skydiving
• Live on my own for at least 6 months
• Go on a hot air balloon ride
• Go on a real vacation

Getting my tongue pierced was on that list, but I changed my adult mind.

I don't have an ideal partner but in fantasy land my perfect partner would:

• Be trustworthy
• Funny
• Fun
• Quick-whitted
• Smart
• Educated
• Family oriented
• Christian
• Caring
• Willing to think outside the box
• Like/understand sports
• Athletic
• Non-Smoker
• Tall (say at least 6 feet)
• Like my family & friends
• Appreciate me for who/what I am
• Romantic
• Spontaneous
• Adventurous

That's enough, I think.

New England is up by 10 with about 2 minutes to go. Darn, no $ for me.

T out!

Heaven

02/08/05 00:24

Dad & I are driving to work together in the morning. My day is gonna suck. Car pooling with him isn't my idea of fun. No good music, no playing alphabet games, no stopping for soda, no going out for lunch, no leaving when I choose. This better only happen once.

I made the stupid mistake of calling ST after the Super Bowl. I think it rang once, then dump to voice mail. I didn't even listen to his greeting, I just hung up. Its really his loss, I know that but it still sucks. I'm going to de-ST my room some this week while cleaning.

When Matt & I broke up I tossed out all but 1 picture (from his prom), when Jimmy & I broke up, I think my friend litterally shredded the majority of anything that reminded me of him.

I still can't part with anything ST, related but out of sight, out of mind. Heck, the wall right in front of me as I'm writing this has 7 (out of 19) pictures of him.

Peace, love, & reruns to all.

Thriller

02/08/05 23:55

Car pooling with Dad wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. It did suck because I didn't plan ahead and bring a lunch but I'll live to talk about it.

I got a full blown puking, light sensitive, shaking, goosebump, can't talk migraine on the way home. I was 50% better 20 minutes after walking in the door. Good drugs and food. The rest was done away with a bath & nap.

My sleep is so jacked up! I've been taking 4 hour naps and then can't sleep at night, so then I need a 4 hour nap again the next day.

I'm watcing "Friday Night Lights" as I write this. It just started but I really don't like Tim McGraw as an actor. Good thing he keeps saying (and says in the special features, yes, I watched all the special features before the movie) he's not quitting his day job.

We are still computer-less. It was supposed to be ready today. We stopped and it wasn't. ERRRRRR! 1) I need to do my taxes ASAP 2) Not having a computer throws my system off. Anal retentive, yes.

That's all she wrote.

I Just Wanna Dance With You

How many days can T go with 2 hour stretches of cat naps? Today marks day #5. I just want to sleep. I just need to sleep. 2 days of good sleep and I know I would be as good as new!

I putzed around in my bedroom for about an hour tonight. Its such a disaster, and I'm such a perfectioness (when I do something). I would put 1 thing away and then look at piles for 10 seconds. Joy. There are so many things that my gut says TOSS, but then I know some day, I'll get my own place and NEED them. Plus, we had no garbage cans/bags today, so I couldn't go toss happy. I seriously need a MUCH bigger bedroom, more storage/display spaces. I'm going to work on that. If I work in my room an hour tomorrow and an hour on Sunday, I might get somewhere that I can be okay with.

Dad needs the computer from 10pm-10:30pm. WHY? His "bedtime" is 8pm. I need to relax dammit.

It was funny. I was going thru Farmville USA's itty bitty paper today. There was a realor with my Dad's name! His first name is common, but our last name isn't that common.

Still no word on the car. I just need to know, free or $500. It would really make my life easier right now.

Peace, love, and crabbiness to all.

My Maria

AHHHHHHHHH! Panic attacking in the middle of the night again.

I'm super stressed about money right now. I know its not going to get much better any time soon, but yeah, I'm STRESSED. It would help so much if they say this car thing is *free*.

I'm stressed because I called in sick to work. Attendance nazi, ya know. Probably the one thing I hate the most about being contract is that the people with the control know nothing about me and how (well) I do my job, how I bust my ass compared to most people there.

I can't breathe out of my nose. Joy. I keep looking at the clock noting the (small) amount of time I have left to sleep.

Ah, well, that's life.

T out.

Roxanne

I'm going crazy! I miss hockey so much! Real hockey, NHL hockey, specifically The Detroit Red Wings! Back in May when I switched to the day shift (after 2.5 years of afternoons/nights as the same company) I was so thrilled that I would now be able to watch hockey games & not just listen to them on the radio! Now, what I would give to be able to hear real hockey on the radio!

My car is going in tomorrow (or so Dad claims...its my Dad, I know to not hold my breathe) so I decided that I should get the majority of the stuff out of it. Seriously, I live out of my car! I keep most things I would need at any given minute in there. When you live 75 miles from where you work/hang out, its just what you do. Plus, I had ALL the stuff that I kept at ST's house (in garbage bags) still in my car. Yes, the stuff that ST packed up back in October was still in my car. Now, its still in garbage bags, just on my bedroom floor.

I need to rest so much right now and there just isn't time for it! Tomorrow is work, then to the bank to figure some stuff out. Then Saturday night is bowling, then Sunday is wrestling (and TOY's birthday!) and the Super Bowl. Add in that I MUST do about 6 loads of laundry, my taxes, and clean my room some. The new additions of stuff in my bedroom is just overwhelming to me.

A few weeks ago, Jo & I bought my Mom some cheap water paints, brushes, and paper. I was bored tonight and The Apprentice just wasn't grabbing my attention. So, I painted. Of course my pictures look like something a 5 year old did, but I enjoyed myself! 1 picture has a sun, a tree with fall colored leaves, a cloud, some grass and flowers. The other picture has a sun, some rain drops, a rainbow with a pot of gold. I'm sure both will be hanging on my Mom's bedroom wall tomorrow.

I really hope I hit the lotto tomorrow night. Wait, that involves me having money to buy a ticket. Okay, then...winning some $$$ from Super Bowl squares would be nice. I could so use $125 right now! Heck, if I won every quarter of the 2 different sheets I'm on...that would be $1500. Now, THAT would be nice! The more I try to get out of debt and on the right financial track, the more I screw myself. The more I work, the less money I have too!

My Super Bowl perdiction...I really could careless about who wins (and for the sake of some friends, I hope the Eagles win or lose by less than 7)...but my guess is NE by 14.

Speaking of hockey, wrestling & the Super Bowl, I have decided that most women annoy me! I can't believe how many women in my office didn't know what Super Bowl squares were. Do they live in a CAVE? The radio was going on and on about women's shoe & purse fetishes the other day. Now, I do have more shoes then the average guy but give me jeans, a tshirt, a pair of Nike, and my old knit purse any day! At the bar the other night, I was drinking plain ole' beer & my girlfriends looked at me like I had a 5th head.

Peace, love, and painting to all.

Jail House Rock

Bang bang bang. That's my head against the wall. I'm still in the kind of mood where I want to hide from myself.

I'm starving but nothing sounds good, at least nothing in this house/nothing I can afford. Today I have ate 1/2 an apple & 1/2 a bean burrito. Yesterday I had a salad, 1/2 a steak, and a baked potato.

My Dad had Turbo Tax sitting on the counter. So, I figured I would get my taxes done and out of the way (especially when I'm in my great mood!). Went to load the CD's and he has 2 copies of the State Tax, but no Federal. No dice.

Dad called the insurance co about my car today. Its either going to be FREE of $500. I'm praying for the free! I'm not hopeful but I can pray. If its free, I'll get a rental car & all. The joys of being 25 now, I can have my own rental car!

I've been having some terrible thoughts/wishes lately. I think its because I haven't been to Church in 1.5 weeks and I know I won't be there this Sunday at all. I'm hoping that once I'm feeling better, everything will fall back into place. Money, work, Church, etc.

Off to find something to eat.

Peace, love, and boring IM's to all.

I Want To Hold Your Hand

Well, I had to bite the bullet & call into work today. I'm feeling about the same as I have the past 2 days and I didn't sleep more then 30 minutes straight. I was "resting" most of the night (5-7pm, 10pm-2am, 3:30am-6am) but just couldn't SLEEP. Tuesday, I went to work and was driving home crying. I didn't need another day like that.

I decided I don't know the difference between a good voice & a bad voice. Watching American Idol the past few nights, someone that I think is TERRIBLE they send thru to Hollywood. Then again, I'm about as tone deaf as they come.

My goal for today is to SLEEP, and then SLEEP, and then maybe eat a little something, then SLEEP. I would be content to go back to sleep and not wake up until my alarm goes off at 6:30am tomorrow.

T out.

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem

Yeah, so I have strep throat & feel like shit. I'm such a whiny bitch when sick. I know I am, that's why I do my best to stick to myself. Now, I'm PMSing too! GREAT! I'm SUCH a pleasure to deal with right now. I wish I could run & hide from myself.

Work wasn't as bad today as I feared! Jess deligated out 2 of her biggest jobs, so I didn't have to do them! I just had my crazy busy afternoon to handle plus all the questions/complaints that Jess usually gets. Phil is on vacation until 2/10. Yipppeee! No one breathing down anyones throats. Grace returns tomorrow. Yippeee! I missed her. We decided to get Grace & her hubby a gift card to their favorite resturant instead of flowers. Someone had to get all snotty about it. ERRRRRRR. If you don't want to contribute, done.

I'm annoyed with my house. (See above about my bitchiness) I ruined my ice cream, with to much chocolate syrup. ERRRRRRRRR. All cause we didn't have the right type of can opener.

American Idol is on. T out!

Just Another Day In Paradise

AHHHHHHHHHHH! I have strep throat! I literally, do NOT have time for this! I've been dreading work tomorrow since last Thursday. Now, there is NO way I can't go in. I have to at least put in 6 hours! With Jess & Grace both gone tomorrow & a promotion knocking at my door, I can't call in!

Yep, I'm thisclose to getting a promotion! I got my current position when a new "job" was created. Well my days as "Assistant Facilitator" are numbered! Phil emailed Jess today about a new "job" that is being created. He's looking to have it filled with 1.5 weeks. Jess recommended me & Phil agreed I would be great for it! Quality Assurance Specialist here I come! I knew my anal retentiveness was good for something! I'll be handling the Quality Assurance for the entire Contact Center (all 4 departments that they are trying to make one) My only issue is, I hate the thought of someone taking over my current job, because they probably won't do it as anal retentive as me! Oh well. Big & better things are calling my name.

I'm watching far to much TV lately & loving every moment of it! Real World should be shown all day for like 2 days, nothing like making me wait a week. I hate hate hate that!

Sunday is TOY's birthday. My baby will be 7! Where has the time gone? I don't have a clue what to get him. When I mentioned it to him this past weekend he said with all sensarity "Aunt T, I will be happy with whatever I am given." Awwww. I'm praying Mom is doing good on Sunday, so her & Jo can go with me to JM & TOY's tournament.

Peace, love, & sore burning throats to all.