(no subject)
I'm about as mentally unglued as I come. I couldn't tell you the last time I was this unglued. I'm just freaking out about everything and nothing. At least, (at this point) I'm not suicidally freaking out...but if I start freaking out like that, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm just OVERWHELMED with life. I'd like to think once this move is done, I'll be able to start dealing with the smaller things, but yeah. I just need this week over. One day at a time I guess. Really, I'm back to gotta make it thru this minute.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I've been working on this cleaning, packing, organizing gig since 10:45am. It looks like I have NOTHING done. I'm exhausted, physically & mentally. I keep telling myself to work until 17:30 then call it a day and work a little during the week and marathon it on Friday night. We will see.
I need someone to answer their damn phone...and they aren't! ERRRRRRRRR.
God is love
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(no subject)
Today has been a VERY rough emotional day for me. I've been doing the best I can with the break up between my friend & I. Some days are better then others and since we are getting along SO well as friends...its been better lately. Well, today is hell.
Every year there is this Halloween party. It was last year, the night of the Halloween party that my friend & I realized there was something really there. WELL...tonight is that Halloween party. Of course, the fact that I helped him come up with a costume last night & helped him get ready today wasn't helping. We did LOTS of talking, crying, and almost a bit of yelling today.
So...he gave me 3 reasons (LAME ASS ONES IF YOU ASK ME!) why we didn't work. 1) The shift I worked. 2) I did to much for my family. 3) He didn't think we'd be good parents together.
I was also all bent out of shape that he's looking to date (which cracks me up cause I still don't think he's over his ex-wife!)...yet he says he misses me. BLAH.
I know it all sounds like a big mess...and its really not. I'm just pissy today. Emotional, stressed, tired, pissy!
My Dad is on my case that I don't need to buy a laptop. It would be 1/2 price to just buy a regular PC. Kiss my butt, its my money...and I won't have room & I want to be able to take it with me to Panera Bread dammit.
I dislike this world sometimes. BLAH!
God is love!
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(no subject)
I'm feeling panicky tonight. I think its partially related to some stuff going on with my friend. BLAH!!! I don't want to have a panic attack...I need SLEEP!
God is love!
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(no subject)
People...families, I am NOT even related to are pissing me off. I hate my friends being upset. AND, it sucks because I can't vent to anyone but this lovely blog about the issues, but even out of respect for the upset friend and the family that is pissing me off...I won't go into ANY detail on here. People need to learn what respect is & how to treat people as humans! That's all.
This being single gig has me down right now. I want to be in a healthy happy relationship again. Obviously, I will NOT settle for anyone other then my knight in shining armor type. My fear is I'm going to be crappy single for a long time again. I would much rather be single then with someone other then my perfect person...but yeah. I just want that happy relationship feeling again. Someone to talk to about every little thing, someone to hold me, someone to laugh with, someone to go bowling with, someone to sit thru Mom's surgery with me (or at least someone to call when its over), someone to visit Mom in the hospital with me, someone to play dominos with, someone to go on walks with, someone to play with my hair when I rest on the sofa, someone to bake cookies for, someone to tickle, etc.
My mood sucks. I just want to CRY!
I move SOON! YAY! Jo was asking me when I'm going to pack. Duh. I'm working on it. Can't you tell?
God is love!
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(no subject)
Keep on, keeping on! I can do this, whatever THIS is.
God is love!
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(no subject)
The job is getting better, still high stress which isn't good when you are a naturally HIGH stress person like me...but its going well enough. My boss is great, my coworkers rock, and my confidence (at least, work wise) is improving.
10 days until the move. I can't wait!
Sleep needed BAD.
I miss not being able to blog all the time, about whatever, whenever. When I move and before I get a laptop, I won't be online at all. I think I might die. BUT...my goal was to move out by March 1st and to have a laptop by Christmas. I'm WAY AHEAD on the moving out gig...and hopefully I'll get the laptop ahead of my goal too.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
The more you get in life...the more you want. I need more of just about everything...okay not stress or responsibility. If my next life, I'm going to not be so high stress. HA.
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!
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(no subject)
How does one go about finding/interviewing for a job when you work 10 hours a day? I have no time off available either. Hmmmmm. Yes, I dislike my new job THAT much already.
God is love.
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(no subject)
I'd rather kill myself then deal with life lately. I'd much rather kill myself then attempt to clean, pack, organize. The issue is that for the next 2 weeks...I still have to live between 2 houses and my car, so I can't pack a lot of stuff. I just need 3 days off to pack/move and be done with it.
Seriously, does anyone have a clue how much I'd rather be dead then deal with the issues of life? No one gets it.
God is love.
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(no subject)
These 2 weeks can't go by fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, extra punctuation needed.
Jo's fuc*ing friend is puking in MY bathroom. Note, since I moved back here I've had to take a different bathroom...which is a totally different issue.
Now, don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of drinking and puking...but I don't think I've EVER puked in a toilet that wasn't mine (and those in public places which tons of people have puked in)
I'm beyond fuc&ing annoyed, beyond fuc^ing pissed.
God is love.
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(no subject)
2 weeks!!!!!!! 2 weeks from TODAY! In 2 short weeks, I will be moving into my condo!
Of course, I have a TON to do between now and then. Of course, I have nothing done. Of course, I have very little time to get things done.
I can't wait to not live out of 2 houses, my car, and bags. I can't wait for many things.
I wish some people would butt out of my life. I wish some people would deal with issues going on in their life. I wish I had a million dollars.
I got my first paycheck from new job yesterday and it wasn't as huge of a motivater as I was needing it to be. Yes, its more...but I really do NOT like what I'm doing. Thankfully my boss & co-workers are awesome.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I'm in a really REALLY REALLY crappy mood & this is my big complaint so feel free to ignore it.
And I am 110% aware that other people have more stuff going on then I do...but yeah.
I left my house at roughly 06:15, worked 10 hours (see below) and finally got home at about 19:45. I'm just burnt, spent, exhausted, depressed, stressed...and its only Monday.
Today was my worst day at the new job...by far. I'm feeling completely frustrated, defeated, angry, annoyed, & pissed off.
On the weekends, I only want to sleep cause I'm exhausted, but I want to spend time with my friends cause they are cool & I like them...but really I need to get cracking at this cleaning/packing gig. 19 days!
In 19 days, I feel like I will have control over my life. I might not be totally happy (enough point) but things will be better.
Do you know how BADLY it SUCKS to have exciting stuff going on in your life and no one to really share it with? It sucks FUC&ING bad!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how BADLY it SUCKS to have a TERRIBLE day and not have someone to vent to? It sucks REALLY FU(KING bad!!!!!! I've been missing my friend a lot lately. We are good friends...but its different. Today was by one of the worst days as far as missing HIM and what we had goes. I left work and got in my car and cried cause my day was so terrible. Then I remember I was going to spend 90 minutes driving to go to a lonely house.
I know I am stronger then this. I know we all have bad days. Today sucked.
19 days can't come soon enough! Just to not be so exhausted, to not be living out of a car, some garbage bags, and 2 houses...will be SO nice. Even if I only eat ramon noodles!
God is love!
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(no subject)
Jo's pet shark died and she's flipping out. I can't help but laugh. I know its not funny to lose something/someone you care about but her reaction is just funny. If she would have listened, things might have been different...but could of, should of, would of, doesn't get you anywhere.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Yesterday me & 9 of my friends went to America's Rockin' Roller Coast. Also known as Cedar Point. We had a good time, everyone got along. It was VERY crowded so it wasn't as much fun as it could have been.
So much to do, so little time.
20 days until I move!
God is love!
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(no subject)
Since my computer is taking FOREVER to load one of the 2 websites I NEED to go to tonight...I'll type here a little.
I am SO exhausted & panic/anxiety filled tonight, I literally feel like I am having a heart attack, yet am going to pass out at any minute. Did I mention I have a kill headache and am very shaky? There isn't time to feel this way. There isn't time to deal with feeling this way.
22 days until I move. 24 days until I really MOVE IN. I can't begin to explain how EXCITED I am. I know its going to be stressful, exciting, and nervous at first, but the exhaustion I am going thru right now should be cut down a TON! Between the stress of moving, packing, a new job with longer hours, 3 hours in the car a day at least, living out of 2 houses & a car and tons of bags, I will be SO relieved to just be in a place to call MINE! So its Mine & Roommates...but close enough. AND I will spend an hour a day in the car TOTAL!
The job is going okay. I don't have a real opinion of it yet. More hours, more responsibility, more headaches, more money! And people that CARE about the job I do! My job means something to higher ups, they don't view me as easily replaceable which is nice.
God is love!
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(no subject)
I'm alive. EXHAUSTED!!! I'm so tired at the moment, I feel like I'm going to literally pass out soon. BLAH.
God is love!
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(no subject)
Detroit Red Wing Hockey started the regular season tonight...with a shoot out WIN! YAY!!
Life is going good! Tired & have NO TIME to do anything. The dress code SUCKS at the new job. All in all, things are falling into place...with the exception of that love thing, but whatever.
God is love!
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